Welcome back to another installment of With You, I Know Not Fear! Or as I refer to it, WYIKNF (kind of hard to say, but easier to type). I'll keep this part brief, as my dear mother (cough cough) is shrieking at me to get off the computer or else I'll get fat.
Thanks to metsfan101 for reviewing last chapter! It's always nice to hear from a reader. And it would be even nicer if more people would review, because I know that you're out there. I think that over 600 hits deserves more than just 10 reviews, but I won't complain too much. I'm just kind of hurt that my story isn't even worth you people giving me feedback.
Enough angst, on to the good stuff!
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. I am, however, the proud owner of an orchid. Too bad it died recently...
It was too much. It was way too much.
Everything that Rin was hearing from this strange man, Shuhei Hisagi, was overwhelming. It was destroying everything she thought she knew.
To find out that the world is not what you believed it to be can either be exciting, or it can be terrifying. Rin was experiencing a little of both, but she knew that those feelings would intensify as she learned more about "shinigami" and "Soul Society." Those words tugged on her mind, as if she had once knew them, and knew them well.
She fell back, collapsing to the ground. "I think I believe you, Shuhei Hisagi." She looked up at him, to that scarred face which had recently held rage but now held annoyance. "I'm just not sure I trust you."
Shuhei's face didn't change, as she could already tell that he didn't express his emotions much. But when he asked, "Is there a difference?" she could see a bit of hurt in his eyes.
"Of course there is," she replied crabbily.
"Does this mean you don't want to learn anything more? We've barely scratched the surface."
She looked away quickly, embarrassed and annoyed by this guy's obviously superior maturity. "I suppose," she said, trying to sound detached and calm. "Tell me about you… I mean, us shinigami." She had to start considering herself a shinigami, whether she wanted to or not.
Shuhei sat back down on the floor and put his forearms on the table. "The Soul Society consists of two main areas, the Rukongai, or Rukon District, where most souls live, and the Seireitei, the capital of the Soul Society where the shinigami, or soul reapers, dwell."
Rin scooted up onto the zabuton cushion across from Shuhei and leaned forward, her curiosity overcoming her fear. "Tell me more about the Seireitei," she ordered.
The scarred young man scowled. "First of all, you can't order me around. I'm a lieutenant, and you're not even a seated officer. There are thirteen squads of soul reapers, each led by a captain, who is the most powerful member of the division and is in charge of how the division is run."
"So, you're a lieutenant? Is that the second seat? Do the other seats have special names?"
"Yes, yes, and no. The rest are just referred to by number, like Third Seat and Fourth Seat. I'm in Squad Nine."
"Oh, really? What happens when a captain or other officer dies?"
"The spot is left open until someone of the proper strength earns it through testing. Three of the spots are open right now." Shuhei's voice sounded a bit more strained now, as if he was talking of something unpleasant.
"So, did they die?"
He looked away briefly. "The positions were empty because they were traitors," he said emotionlessly. "They betrayed the Soul Society and joined forces with the hollows."
"What were their names?"
"Sōsuke Aizen, Gin Ichimaru, and Kaname Tōsen. Aizen was their leader, and he used something called hōgyoku to make himself immortal and to turn hollows into humanoid beings called arrancar, with both hollow and shinigami-like abilities."
Those names sent a flicker of unease through Rin's thoughts. They sounded almost familiar. Her head spun as she saw dark, fuzzy images of three men, each wearing a black kimono and hakama like Shuhei, but with a white haori. Their faces were blurred.
The images made Rin's head hurt. "So," she said, "were they evil or what?"
"Aizen is," Shuhei said distastefully, "But not Ichimaru or Captain Tōsen. Ichimaru was actually on our side the whole time. He tried to kill Aizen, but lost his own life instead. As for Tōsen…"
Shuhei's eyes grew sorrowful, and Rin resisted the urge to reach out to him. "What about him?" she asked softly.
"He believed that joining Aizen would lead to the least bloodshed. That was his creed." Shuhei's voice became more irritated with each word. "Not to be loyal or do what was right, not to follow orders or help his friends. Just to avoid violence. He thought that Aizen would take over the Soul Society, and he decided that he would join the winning side." Shuhei's hand curled into a fist. "But he was wrong. Aizen was defeated, and so was Captain Tōsen. The difference between the two is that Aizen can't die, the bastard."
"Do you feel the same way as Tōsen did?" Rin asked abruptly.
Shuhei stared at her in alarm. "Did I give any indication that I did?" he replied.
"I don't know," she began, biting her lip. "It's just a vibe I'm picking up. You seem like the kind of guy who uses violence as a last resort." She smiled self-mockingly. "Unlike me. According to my friends, I'm a bit hotheaded."
Shuhei, now distracted, gave her a once-over. "By that, you mean that you hit people a lot," he deadpanned.
Rin blushed and leaned forward, smacking him on the top of his head. "Don't speak so bluntly," she complained.
"Well, it seems to be an accurate description."
"I don't like fighting," she said suddenly.
Shuhei frowned. "What do you mean? You just said otherwise."
Rin put her head in her hands. "Not the same thing. The kind of stuff I do is playful, like a friendly punch on the shoulder, you know? Not like serious fighting." She shivered. "I feel like if I fight someone for real, I might lose myself. I'm afraid of becoming a monster."
Shuhei's gaze softened, and he ruffled her black hair. "Fear is a good thing," he said gently. "Any shinigami who fights without fear of his sword is not a real fighter at all. Fear keeps our minds sharp, and it keeps us respectful and cautious." He leaned back. "At the same time, I don't support cowards. I think I was one once, but I think I've learned much since then." He met her eyes, a serious look on his face. "You have to know the difference between the two, or else you cannot fight. Those are my beliefs."
"Who taught you that?" Rin asked, slightly unnerved by his informal actions.
"My captain. Though now, it seems, he didn't really interpret it the way I did," Shuhei said bitterly.
"Really? That's too bad. So who's your captain?"
Shuhei's eyes hardened and the comfortable atmosphere between the two collapsed. He looked away, unable to make eye contact with Rin. She could tell that he at least had mixed feelings about his captain. From the tense way he held his body, she could see that something big had happened between the two for the worse. It was all visible in his clenched fists, his stiff posture, the taut muscles of his bare arms and neck, and the look of distress in his eyes wonderfully masked behind a pretense of indifference.
"Wait," Rin began, the realization dawning on her. "You said he 'didn't.' Did he…" Rin shook her head, not thinking it possible. Desperate for another solution, she asked, "Does that mean he changed his mind?" She winced at the obviousness of her doubt.
"My captain," Shuhei said coldly, "was Kaname Tōsen. One of the traitors."
Realizing she had crossed a forbidden boundary, Rin automatically reached out to take hold of his hand across to table, but hesitated when her fingers neared his. His expression was one she recognized, as she herself wore that face whenever her headaches plagued her. That being so, it was only natural for her to try to make a connection, though as her hand neared his, she remembered that this was someone else who obviously had gone through something more complicated and haunting than a migraine. She drew her hand back a bit at first, but with a sudden wave of determination, she grabbed his wrist, forcing him out of that curious state of inner torment.
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
Shuhei jerked his head back and looked at Rei Kaneko, startled out of the feigned detachment. As he met her intense gaze, the coldness melted right out of his heart. Here he was, caught in a web of confusion, betrayal and fear, and this girl had been able to see through it.
"What do you mean, you're sorry?" he asked curtly. There was no way he would show Rei– he meant the rogue, or at least Kaneko– that she had figured him out. Even so, he didn't think to remove his hand from hers.
She looked at him intently. "I mean that I'm sorry you trusted Tōsen and looked up to him. It seems like he was lying to you for the whole time you were his subordinate."
Shuhei recoiled slightly, taken aback by her frankness. "That's not a good way to comfort someone," he whined.
Kaneko laughed awkwardly, releasing some of the tension that had been building up. "It just seems like he really hurt you," she reasoned.
"You don't even know," he replied. "Not to mention the fact that I'm now stuck with all of his duties in addition to my own. The Ninth Division is not only the squad in charge of protecting the Seireitei, we also publish the Seireitei Bulletin."
Kaneko laughed again, more relaxed and genuinely this time. "Is that the shinigami's newspaper or something?"
"More like a magazine," Shuhei corrected. "I'm now the editor." He looked away. "It kind of sucks to be stuck with all the responsibility," he said meekly, "but everyone seems to think that I'm the one best for everything, that I'm reliable." He grew more annoyed, thinking about all the times he got stuck doing other's work, especially Matsumoto's. "Sometimes I just can't say no."
Kaneko smiled. "Well, then being here is kind of like being on vacation then!"
Shuhei returned her smile, then thought about the importance of what the female shinigami had just said. "Yeah," he said tentatively, "except for the fact that I'm on a mission, remember?"
The girl's smile was replaced by a confused frown. "Um… no."
Shuhei sighed and drew his hand away from hers, silently wondering why the hell they had been acting so intimate with each other. It was too easy to forget his job around her. "I came here to arrest you for treason," he said tiredly.
"Oh, right," she said absently, not really hearing what the lieutenant was saying. Then he saw her freeze.
"...Dammit."
A/N: Once again, I end with my OC cursing. I just find it a good place to cut the story off.
Well, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! It focused more on the progress of Shuhei and Rin/Rei's friendship.
I kind of enjoyed writing the lecture Hisagi gave about the Soul Society.
Hey, I just thought of something! When (if, considering my ratio of reviews to hits) you review, include which squad you think Rin would belong to! I'm curious to know what your opinions are of her!
See you next week!
~Paradox
