THE PRESENT
"Don't make me go back there," Emma whispered as they walked back to the car.
"Where am I supposed to-"
"Anywhere. I don't care. A shelter. Anywhere."
"A shelter? Emma, I would never."
"Where else do you suggest?"
"You can't run away."
"Yes, I can."
"You have to graduate," Regina said. "You're so close. You can't give up now!"
Emma sighed and looked away.
"I know," she replied. "Just don't make me go back there. At least not tonight."
The sudden realization passed through Regina's mind as she finally understood.
"I can't bring you home with me. It's completely-"
"Why are you fighting this so hard? I know it's what you want."
"You are what I want."
"Then take me home."
Regina sighed too.
"Okay. Come home with me."
As they pulled out of the parking lot, Emma hid a smile.
When they arrived at Regina's apartment - an elegant space in an elegant building - Emma followed her up the stairs, suddenly feeling nervous. Regina sat down in the living room and watched with a smile as Emma awkwardly stood in the doorway.
"Lock the door behind you, please," Regina requested, "then come sit with me."
Emma sat down, feeling nervousness she hadn't before, and looked over at her new lover.
"I'm sorry," the doctor said softly, reaching over and tucking some of Emma's hair behind her ear. As she dropped her hand, she stroked Emma's cheek. "I'm really sorry. I should have listened to you. I'm just trying to do the right thing."
"Maybe this is the right thing."
Regina nodded.
"I think it might be."
"Either way, you have to commit to something. You have to decide. Don't play with me."
"You," Regina said, this time without hesitation. "I choose you."
"What changed your mind?"
"My heart. It hurts when I think of letting you go."
Eyes softening, the blonde leaned in and kissed the woman's lips, softly and slowly. While the kiss deepened, Regina found her hands moving up and down Emma's sides.
"I can't believe you're actually here. That I can call you my sweetheart."
Emma rested her forehead against her lover's and smiled.
"Your sweetheart?" Emma giggled. "That's cute."
"I want to be with you."
"Then be with me."
They shared another passionate kiss before Emma pulled away.
"I want you to show me you love me."
Looking confused and surprised, Regina asked, "How?"
"Make love to me."
"What?" she gasped, leaning back and pulling away from her grip.
"Make love to me."
"I..."
Regina's heart raced, but she leaned back in. Thinking herself a coward, she kissed the girl's lips. Her shaking hands moved south towards the hem of Emma's shirt, and she lifted it over her head, staring at the bare skin she saw there.
"Are you scared?" Emma whispered, moving her hands up and down Regina's arms.
The brunette nodded to confirm what Emma could already see, but she didn't move away. Instead, she removed her own shirt - slowly, in an attempt to be seductive - and watched Emma's expression as she undressed. When she unhooked her bra, she had to draw a quick breath to keep her hands from shaking as she dropped the garment to the floor beside the couch. As she leaned over Emma, she could feel the palpitations making her shiver.
"I want you," Regina whispered back, reaching down to undo the button of Emma's jeans.
"Take me, then."
Feeling her panties dampen, she sped up her pace, tugging Emma's jeans and underwear down past her ankles. Emma reached up to undo Regina's jeans, too, performing the same service of removing them quickly and tossing them to the floor. As Regina's fingers slowly slipped inside, Emma moaned, and the noises grew louder with each stroke and thrust, until she came, whimpering Regina's name.
The two fell asleep on the couch, arms around each other, whispering in each other's ears.
Emma cried out in her sleep.
"Don't... No... Don't!"
Regina woke with a start, immediately pulling her lover closer.
"Emma?"
Emma's eyes shot open and her eyes filled with tears.
"What's the matter, baby girl?" Regina asked softly, stroking her hair.
"Dreams... Dreams..."
Regina looked confused, but she didn't pull away. Instead, she kissed the girl's forehead and held her close.
"I'm here, honey. I'm here. Do you want to tell me what happened?"
Emma shook her head, burying her face in the brunette's neck. As she did, it seemed as though she was burying the world, blocking out her troubles and replacing them with warm, pulsing love.
"Don't let me go, okay?"
"Of course I won't," Regina promised. "And it's okay if you ever want to talk about it."
"I don't want to talk about it. I want to cut."
"Emma, baby... Please. Just let me hold you."
The sound Emma made was somewhere between a sigh and a groan of agony.
"Just make them stop."
"What?"
Regina looked confused as she gazed into Emma's eyes, searching for the answer. What Emma searched for in return was understanding.
"The dreams. Make the dreams stop."
"How often do they happen?"
"Almost every night."
Regina nodded and started to sit up, but Emma held her close.
"Don't."
"Okay, baby. Okay." Gently, Regina touched their foreheads together and kissed her nose, saying, "I'm not going to leave you. You're not alone in this."
"I feel alone," Emma confessed sadly, looking away from her new lover.
"You don't have to feel like that anymore. I won't leave."
"Everyone leaves."
With a sigh, the brunette shook her head, causing her bangs to drop in front of her eyes.
"You will," Emma insisted.
"Emma, stop it. You can't know that. You have to trust me."
"I don't have to."
"But you do. I know you do. Keep trusting me."
With reluctance, Emma agreed and kissed Regina slowly, making the moment last.
"Let's go back to sleep," Regina whispered, kissing her lover's cheek.
"I can't."
"Shh. Emma, it's okay. I'm gonna be here if it happens again."
"It will."
"Don't be stubborn, baby," Emma's lover said softly, trying to suppress a smile. "Just relax. Take deep breaths, and think about something you love."
"I..."
Regina placed a finger over Emma's lips.
"Just think."
Reluctantly, the blonde shut her tired eyes and thought of the most important thing in her life, the only thing she seemed to be living for.
"I thought you were going to hate me when I told you," Emma said quietly, still closing her eyes and keeping her thoughts on what she loved.
"I could never hate you."
"You don't know that. Anyway, what if someone else told you the same thing?"
"Then I'd tell them exactly what I told you, at first. That it's okay to feel that way, but it's just transference. It's natural to have those feelings for your therapist."
"You wouldn't get pissed?"
"Of course not. They're just feelings. It's perfectly normal."
"But you wouldn't... I mean..."
"You're the first person I've ever felt like this for, Emma."
The darkness pulled them closer together as they both realized how cold it was in the room.
"Jesus," Regina said. "It's freezing. Why don't we get in bed where it's warm?"
"I'm fine on the couch. I'm used to it."
"Come on, kiddo."
With a grin, Regina scooped Emma into her arms and carried her into the bedroom, which was significantly warmer, and put her under the blankets.
"Holy shit," Emma breathed, looking around. "First of all, this is a beautiful room, and second of all, this is the most comfortable bed I've ever been in. I wish..."
"Not yet, Emma."
She stroked the girl's blonde locks of hair and kissed her forehead, laying down beside her, both of them still mostly undressed. Emma pouted, trying to roll over onto the side to face the wall, but Regina held her against her chest and kissed her forehead and cheeks, again and again, until the young woman was giggling and playfully trying to push her away.
"I've never been this happy. I don't want to go back."
"It's going to be okay. You're almost done with school. In a few months we'll be able to... to..."
"What?"
"To really be together."
"What if people find out?"
"The only people who would know are your foster parents, and we both know they don't care enough to keep tabs on you after you leave. Foster parents aren't all bad, but the way it usually works out, kids don't see them again once they leave. Sometimes it's different, but in this case... I think we're safe."
"What if they did find out? What if they reported you?"
"Well, at this point, I've terminated our professional relationship. So technically, you're not my patient, but because you were... I could lose my license to practice..."
As Regina trailed off and thought about this, she felt her heart grow heavy.
"I don't want that to happen to you."
"I don't either. This job means the world to me. I don't know if I could really do anything else. It's the most fulfilling thing in my life. Everything else is empty. Even being with my family leaves me feeling empty. The only thing that's ever lit up my life like that is being with you."
"Well, that's certainly a self-esteem boost," Emma laughed, trying to brush off the suddenly emotional moment.
"Emma... I don't want to lose you, either."
Emma laid back against the pillows and sighed.
"So you've got to stop cutting. If you slipped... If you cut too deep... I could lose you. Forever."
"I know. I just don't care that much."
"Please, Emma."
"I'm not making any promises."
"I'm not asking you to promise. Just try for me."
"I'll try not to, but I'm not promising."
"I wish you cared."
"Well, I don't."
"Don't you have anything you want to live for? Isn't there anything?"
"You."
