19. On The Way

The engine of the jeep was louder than the Volvo, and when I was close enough to the house for Bella to hear me, she and her heart jumped. Her father's thoughts where full of anxiety, I felt a little guilty about taking her to play ball with seven vampires.

I turned off the engine, got out of the car and rang the door bell in one fluent movement. I heard both Bella's and Charlie's footsteps coming towards the door; she was a few steps behind him. "Come on in, Edward." Bella sighed in relief; I didn't understand that as his thoughts were unsurprisingly disapproving. Unlike Bella herself even her father like every other human noticed the danger I was.

Well I'll try and make the best impression to delete his suspension and disapproval, "Thanks, Chief Swan," I said in a very respectful voice. Politeness and courtesy usually do the job well enough, or confuse people enough. "Go ahead and call me Charlie. Here, I'll take your jacket." He replayed, a little bit more at ease now. "Thanks, sir." I said keep my façade perfectly. "Have a seat there, Edward." Charlie said and Bella grimaced. Why? So far it's going well enough. I sat down on the chair, the only chair and Charlie sat with unhappy Bella on the sofa. Bella shoot me a dirty look, this meeting was something she didn't planed on for a long time I guessed. I winked at her behind his back. Surly she knew by now how old fashioned I was, about this things.

"So I hear you're getting my girl to watch baseball." Charlie said. There was no surprise that she told him the truth on what we were doing, she was a horrible actress. "Yes, sir, that's the plan." I answered him, I thought that his thoughts were more ease as he realized Bella will be only watching, and not playing. "Well, more power to you I guess." Charlie said and then laughed; I joined in quickly remembering Bella trying to play any kind of sports. "Okay," Bella stood up and looked every irritated, "Enough humor at my expense. Let's go." She walked to the hall and took her jacket, Charlie and I both fallowed her. "Not too late, Bell." Charlie said worried again. "Don't worry Charlie, I'll have her home early," I promised him, trying to sooth him, but it did very little to his worries. "You take care of my girl, all right?" Charlie said, worryingly, Bella groaned, but we both ignored her. "She'll be safe with me, I promise, sir." I emphasized every word, willing it to be true, and hating myself knowing that it wasn't completely true. Bella stalked out angrily, and both I and Charlie laughed.

After only a few steps out the porch Bella stopped and stared at Emmet's jeep. Charlie let out a low whistle, worryingly and appraisingly, "Wear your seat belt," he barley chocked out from anxiety. After Bella recovered herself she went to the passenger door and I went with her and opened it for her. She looked speculatively at the seat and the second Charlie looked away, with a sigh I pushed her up and in with one hand. Charlie got to the window and tried to get a glance at us, but the rain was too heavy for human eyes. I walked to the driver's seat in a human pace just in case. "What's all of this?" She asked me as I got in, trying to find which buckle goes where. "It's an off-roading harness," I explained her. "Uh-oh," her voice was ominous, and I suppressed a chuckle. After a few moments impatience got the best of me and with a sigh I helped her, but as my fingers got close to her skin I couldn't help but linger on her skin. Heat flushed under my fingers, blood rushing. I took a deep breath and let her scent ripple through me, she smelled so good and sweet in the rain, it was an odd combination, and a painful one. I ignored the fiery thirst and pushed it to the back on my mind, and drove off.

"This is a… um… big jeep you have." Bella said in a strained voice after a few minutes of silence. "It's Emmet's. I didn't think you'd want to run the whole way." I explained her, still remembering her last reaction to my running. "Where do you keep this thing?" She asked. Well I didn't show her our garage. "We remodeled one of the outbuildings into a garage." We had a few more cars that she didn't know about; maybe I should show her my Vanquish, take her on a long ride, a speed limited ride? Well maybe not.

"Aren't you going to put on your seat belt?" she asked in confusion. I just gave her a disbelieving look. I guess she didn't know exactly how hard I was; well I guess she'll get a little demonstration tonight. After a few minutes of silence fear came to her eyes and I automatically panicked. "Run the whole way? As in, we're still going to run part of the way?" Her voice was raised in a few octaves from fear. I couldn't help but grin, "You're not going to run." I can't even count in my mind how many times she would fall on the way to the clearing, walking, running would be worse. "I'm going to be sick." It made me sad that that was even a possibility for her. "Keep your eyes closed, you'll be fine." I said, remembering her advice from last time.

She bit her lip and that was a very distracting sight, I wanted to put my lips on her again, but now was not the time. I should test myself first, I leaned in and kissed the top of her head, and I couldn't suppressed the groan that escaped through my lips, as her scent burned sweeter than ever and with the heat of her body so close, it burned me more painfully then before. I had to remind myself that gripping the steering wheel stronger would break it, it was already protesting weakly too weakly for Bella to hear against my grip. She looked at me in a puzzled look. "You smell so good in the rain," I explained to her, taking a deep breath of flames and trying to push the thirst to the back of my mind again. "In a good way, or in a bad way?" She asked cautiously. I signed, "Both, always both." I deserved the pain for putting her in danger, but if the pain of the burn was the only price then I'll take it, gladly.

But with Bella on my side and the road speeding under my tires it was hard to feel gloomy for long. I didn't drive too fast because Bella jumped up and down her seat, despite the seatbelt and she didn't look happy about it, but it couldn't help but smile. After a while we reached the end of the driving road. "Sorry, Bella, we have to go on foot from here." I tried to comfort her. "You know what? I'll just wait here." She sounded scared, another wrong thing to be afraid of. "What happened to all your courage? You were extraordinary this morning." Too extraordinary, it should bother me how comfortable she was with my family, my vampire family, but it was hard when she was standing beautifully breath taking near me. "I haven't forgotten the last time yet." It was odd that it was just yesterday, it seemed so long ago, since everything changed so completely in such a short time. I got out of the car and went to her side and unbuckled her. "I'll get those, you go on ahead," She protested weakly. "Hmmm…." Well what I am going to do now? Well maybe I should try and dazzle her again, going blank seems like a good reaction now. "It seems I'm going to have to tamper with your memory." Before she could react I took her out of the car and got her feet to the ground, and held her to stable her first weak step.

"Temper with my memory?" She asked in a nervous voice. Very slowly I placed both of my hands on the jeep from both of her sides trapping her in, I leaned forward, and she leaned back pressing herself to the door. I leaned my face even closer, until our faces were just inches from each over. I pulled her scent in, getting used to the extra sweet scent the rain brought and heat of her body, before I would kiss her.

"Now, what exactly are you worried about?" It seemed that even my scent confused her. "Well, um, hitting a tree, and dying and then getting sick." She gulped in the middle, making her talking sound like stuttering. I pushed my lips into a hard line in order not to smile from pleasure, at the havoc that even my mere proximity cased her. I bent forward and with a touch of a feather I put my lips lightly on the hollow of beneath her throat. The blood rush under my lips and her heartbeat quickened.

"Are you still worried now?" I only murmured against her skin; enjoy her soft and warm skin. "Yes." She managed to chock out, "About hitting trees and getting sick." Her response was again a stutter, even more mumbled now. She was having difficulty with coherent thinking already, excellent. I took the tip of my nose and drew a line until I reached her chin. "And now?" I whispered my lips on her jaw, her breathing and her heart stuttered in response. "Trees," she gasped, "Motion sickness." She was still a little panicked, but very distracted indeed.

I lifted my lips and kissed her eye leads."Bella, you don't really think I would hit a tree, do you?" I asked her in disbelieve, staring in to her deep into her eyes "No, but I might." Yes, but luckily she wasn't running. Her voice was weak and unsure. I kissed her down her check and stopped at the corner of her mouth, saving the best for last. "Would I let a tree hurt you?" I touched her lower lips with my lip, in a faintest touch then a feather caress. "No," she breathed, and I won this argument. "You see," I said as I gently brushed my lips on hers once with the lightest of touches, "There's nothing to be afraid of, is there?" I said moving my lips with her very very gently. "No," She sighed in defeat, and her breath carried her scent that hit the back of my throat. It burned; it staggered me a little bit.

The touch of my hands was more rough than usual, my lips a little harsher, yet even so it was not more than the gentleness caress to me. After a few seconds her reaction changed and startled me, she threw her arms around my neck pressing her body to me as closely as she can. The heat of her body pressed on me; it was pleasurable and painful at the same time. She sign and her lips parted sending a concentrated wave of her scent straight to my throat, setting it on fire. Too much. I staggered back, breaking her hold effortlessly. "Damn it, Bella." I couldn't even finish a sentence I had to breathe, "You'll be the death of me. I swear you will." I wasn't the only one off balance; Bella leaned over, bracing her hands against her knees for support. "You're indestructible," she mumbled, still trying to organize her breathing and her heart beat. Maybe I was indestructible physically, but hurting her would destroy me. "I might have believed that before I met you. Now let's get out of here before I do something really stupid," I growled, thinking about what I wanted to do most right now. With the thirst at easing I wanted to pull her even closer, her strongest grip was not tight enough for me. I took three more deep breaths to organize my passion and my thirst. Better. I came to her and threw her gently across my back, really concentrating on doing it gently. She locked her hands and legs around me, I trusted her enough for it to be securely, it didn't feel strong to me. "Don't forget to close your eyes," I warned her. She tucked her face in my shoulder. I gave her a few moments and started running towards the familiar clearing.

As I run I tried to clear my mind and my body, from the thirst, the desire, and most of all of the self-loathing for letting Bella put herself in such danger. I stopped when we reach the far end of the clearing, a few feet of trees separating us. She didn't respond so I reached back and touched her hair. "It's over, Bella." It was clearly better than last time. She opened her eyes and they were surprised. She unlocked her arms from me, but not her legs, and she fell, landing on her back. "Oh!" she huffed when she landed. I looked at her incredulously, how did she manage to do that? Legs first arms later, too complicated for her I guess? Or did running with her eye closed still manage to get her dizzy? Her expression turned wildered, and I couldn't help it, I just burst into laughter. She got up on her own and cleaned the back of her jacket. She looked so angry and betrayed that it made me laugh even harder. She only looked more annoyed; she began to stalk into the forest, in the wrong direction.

I came to her and put my arms around her waist. "Where are you going, Bella?" I asked her, still chuckling. "To watch a baseball game. You don't seem to be interested in playing anymore, but I'm sure the others will have fun without you." She was still angry, and it still made me want to laugh. "You're going the wrong way." I told her my voice full of amusement. She tried to stalk off in the opposite direction, which was still not the right one. I caught her again. "Don't be mad, I couldn't help myself. You should have seen your face." Another chuckle slide out at the memory of her face. "Oh, you're the only one who's allowed to get mad?" She challenged me raising her eyebrows. No double standards, right. "I wasn't mad at you." I corrected her, how can I be mad at her? "Bella, you'll be the death of me?" She quoted me, and sounded sour. But it was very true. "That was simply a statement of fact." A very painful fact. She tried to turn away from me with anger, but I held her back, close to me. "You were mad," Her chin jerked up stubbornly. "Yes." "But you just said –", I stopped her mid sentence, and continued from where she stopped. "That I wasn't mad at you. Can't you see that, Bella? Don't you understand?" I said it with far too much intensity, it startled her. "See what?" She demanded confused. I guess that through the filter of her love she didn't see how bad it was for her that I stayed with her. How selfish I really am. "I'm never angry with you – how could I be? Brave, trusting… warm as you are." I told her, my voice full of sadness at any thought of a future without her. "Then why?" She asked, distracted. Her eyes seemed to drift away, maybe she was remembering other times when I tried to say goodbye, and couldn't do it.

I took my hands and slowly and very gently put them on both side of her face, her angel face, and explained to her in a gentle voice, "I infuriate with myself. The way I can't seem to keep from putting you in danger. My very existence puts you at risk. Sometimes I truly hate myself. I should be stronger, I should be able to –" She placed her hand on my mouth to stop me from continuing. "Don't," She ordered me in a soft voice, it pained me to see the pain in her eyes at the thought of separation. What have I done? Now there is truly nothing I can do right by her. I took her hand off my lips, away from my teeth and placed it on my check instead. The warmth of her hand, the love in her eyes, those are the thing I could never let go of.

"I love you. It's a poor excuse for what I'm doing, but it's still true." I can't imagine loving her more, but maybe if I will love her even more, I will find the strength in that love to leave. I looked at her beautiful face, lingering on her chocolate brown eyes filled with love, trace her nose, and moved to her full lips. "Now, please try to behave yourself," I warned her. Again with a feather touch I put my lips on hers, how much I wish I was a human so I could kiss her, without the need for delicacy, the other choice I did not allow myself to think of. This time Bella managed to restrain herself. She signed and I pulled back, with a suppressed sigh of my own.

"You promised Chief Swan that you would have me home early, remember? We'd better get going." She always tried to distract me when this topic came up. "Yes, ma'am," I answered as cheerfully as I could managed. I looked at her and smiled wistfully as I let go of her and took only her hand. I led her way through the thin forest at this point, until we got to the field.


A/N: This was a funny chapter to write so enjoy it and leave responses please.