The fight with Curd is finished, and the gang is once again separated from their beloved hero...now what happens?!
"So...you're crazy now?" Masato asked Aku after cleaning him up. In the background, Longhorn Oizawa and Kouzan were poking Curd's unconscious face with sticks and giggling to themselves.
Eating a big oatmeal cookie, Aku replied, "Not exactly crazy. I'm just more gag-material now. It's a sad fate, but someone's gotta do it!"
"I see what you mean..." Masato said, nodding.
Standing up, Aku stretched for a moment. "Anyway, this means I can help you guys now...isn't that great?!"
"Yeah...that's...uh, great..."
'GOD, I WISH I HADN'T DROPPED OUT OF CROMARTIE HIGH(1)...'
Once they were all done, the group left the giant Pachinko building to find the next of the 'Five Masters' and, hopefully, Chagecha...
"LOOK, LET US GO AND KILL SOME PEOPLE! WHOOOOOOOO!" Aku exclaimed, driving through the air on a bike with E.T. in the basket. However, he soon realized E.T. was with him, and he quickly tossed the buggish alien into a passing jet.
"HA HA HAH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! THAT'LL TEACH YA...BITCH!" Aku cackled.
"This guy's insane." Masato said with a forced grin.
"Look who's talking..." Himawari remarked.
"Huh? But...I'm not crazy at all."
"Exactly."
"...?!"
Reading chapter 6 of Chagecha, Kouzan gasped. 'I...I CAN FINALLY FIGHT NOW!! BUT...DO I USE BAMBOO STICKS OR SOMETHING? I CAN'T READ JAPANESE...'
"Oddly enough, I still haven't done a thing..." Kotarou remarked, reading from over Kouzan's shoulder.
'Still...the actual manga is so much cooler than this fic...DAMMIT IT ALL!'
Also, just so you all know, poor Tiger Mask was once again left behind, still clinging to his broken microphone...
'Hmm hmm hmm...gonna find some plot points...' Chagecha hummed in his head as he walked through the city streets of Shinu-Tokyo.
Turning the corner, Chagecha found that various little shops and vendors had opened up and were busy trying to sell their wares to passing costumers. As he glanced around at everything, Chagecha came across a fruit stand.
"Ooi...wanna have some dumplin's?" demanded the old, blind hag working behind the counter.
"Uh...these are fruits. And...I don't have any money. But I do have a cucumber in my bellybutton..." Chagecha replied.
The old hag stood still for a few moments before falling onto her side and rolling off down the sidewalk, screaming for some guy named "Maurice". Then, several men in army uniforms came running out of a porta-potty and chased after her with butterfly nets.
Sighing, Chagecha was about to leave when a familiar voice exclaimed: "What? Don't you even want some nice fresh eggplant? It's yummmmmmmmy..."
Turning around, Chagecha saw Doraji now sitting on top of a pile of lettuce, wearing an eggplant suit and smoking a cigar with a cocky grin on his freakishly big face.
"HOW DARE YOU SMOKE AT YOUR AGE?!" Chagecha snapped, snatched the cigar from Doraji and throwing it into an oil truck, causing a massive explosion to erupt from behind him.
"WAAAH! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!" Doraji bawled, holding onto Chagecha's leg as if for dear life.
Chagecha grabbed Doraji by the face, pulled him out of the eggplant suit, and said, "It's okay..."
"REALLY?!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Roaring like a mad beast, Chagecha flipped backwards and tossed Doraji high into the air. Then, dressed as a soccer player, he leaped up and kicked Doraji off far into the distance to another part of town.
A little girl glanced out the window and thought, 'OOH...SANTA CLAUS, GIVE ME A PENNY WHEN I GROW OLDER...PLEASE...'
"LET'S GOOOOOOO!" Chagecha shouted, running after Doraji. He even pushed over an old man riding a shopping cart just to get his way.
When he finally found him again, though, Doraji was now sitting at a diner...
...and dressed like a politician while drinking tea. "Oh, you must be that good chap Chagecha-san, correct?" Doraji asked with a small smile. For some reason, the yanki aura he once possessed was now completely gone.
Gasping, Chagecha cried, "OMG! DORAJI-KUN...WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOUUUUUU?!"
Doraji took a sip of the tea and remarked, "Hmm...this white-leaf tea is jolly good! You should order a cup, my good man, and take a seat...it be bloody crass, I dare say! OI OI!"
"...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU."
Suddenly, a man stepped out of the shadows nearby. He had swirly blond hair and a tight, frilly pink-and-blue suit. His eyes were like slits and a wide grin was spread out on his face. Bowing to Chagecha, he said, "Hello there, good sir. My name is Steven...the next member of the 'Five Masters'."
Letting out a low whistle, Chagecha grinned and exclaimed, "What? Really? I get to fight another one of you low-life bastards...ALREADY?!"
Walking over to Doraji, Steven placed a hand on the boy's head and proclaimed, "Indeed you do, Sir Chagecha. However...do you think you can beat my almighty abilities?"
"Oh? What do these 'almighty abilities' of yours happen to be?" Chagecha asked, cocking an eyebrow.
Smirking, Steven pulled out a small knife with jewels embedded into it...and thrust the tip straight into Doraji's face.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH?!"
Instead of dying, Doraji stood up and his eyes started to glow bright red. Then, he got into a fighting stance and sneered, "I SHALL KILL YOU...GOOD CHAP."
'OH MY! ISN'T HE A LITTLE BRAT?!' Chagecha thought with a gasp.
"You see, Sir Chagecha," Steven explained, "I can transform any bad boy, gangster, punk or yankee...into a well-natured super-polite KILLING MACHINE! I am skilled in the art...of yanki manipulation! Also known as 'ヤンキー 制御'(2)!"
"Hmm...this might be trouble..." Chagecha grunted. However, before Chagecha could even get into a cool fighting pose, Doraji flew over and began pummeling on him. Blood burst out of Chagecha's mouth as the mind-controlled little punk started smashing his fists into his stomach.
Smiling as he watched this bloody battle unfold, Steven remarked, "Sorry, Sir Chagecha...but I won't take any chances in giving you even a single moment of time to prepare yourself. The sooner I kill you...the better."
'Damn...shoulda seen that coming. And why does he always take pauses in nearly every line of dialogue?!' Chagecha thought as he collapsed backwards onto the floor.
Doraji then stood on top of Chagecha and prepared to land the final blow by smashing the fedora-wearing man's face. However...tears suddenly started to pour out of Doraji's eyes. He shook for a moment before bringing his arms back to his sides, unable to attack any longer.
"I...I...I CAN'T...KILL HIM...HE'S MY FRIEND...EVEN THOUGH HE ATE MY SUSHI LAST NIGHT..."
'This is really gay...' Chagecha thought, rolling his eyes.
"WHATTTTTT?! THIS...THIS ISN'T SOME STUPID SOAP OPERA DRAMA SHIT! YOU'RE SUPPOSED...TO KILL HIM!" Steven barked. Focusing his energy, he forced more 'Control' aura into Doraji's body, and once again the kid raised his fists to destroy Chagecha.
"NOW...KILL HIM!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
Fortunately, just before Doraji could attack, despite his own protests, a bowling ball attached to a chain flew in and smacked him in the face. Spitting up blood, Doraji was sent flying backwards. He skidded to a stop next to Steven, and flipped up back to his feet.
"Sorry...but I think it's our turn to show off our moves!" exclaimed Himawari as she, Kouzan, Masato, Longhorn Onizawa, Kotarou and Aku stepped up from wherever they were up until now.
Trying to stand up, Chagecha grunted, "Ahh...I guess you guys ain't useless after all..."
"LIKE HELL WE AIN'T! DIDN'T YOU SEE CHAPTER 6?!" Himawari and Kouzan both snapped in response.
Steven's epression remained joyful as he said, "Oh! You've brought your friends along, as well! That's good! Now I can try out my other servants as well! To make things...more fair."
"Other...servants?"
Suddenly, three figures leaped off of the diner's roof and landed in front of Steven. It was the Five Yangokī Siblings, Queen Charlotte (still inside her metallic walking box) and Timmy, all of them having been mentioned back in chapter 2 of the fic!
"Oh crap. This ain't good at all." Masato remarked.
"Since there isn't enough room to fight here for several battles at once," Steven said, smirking at Masato's words, "You shall...fight everywhere! NOW...GO!"
Without another word, Himawari and Queen Charlotte jumped back up onto the roof, Kouzan and Timmy went speeding off down the road to who-knows-where, and Chagecha and Aku were to face off against the Five Yangokī Siblings!
Grabbing Doraji by the head, Steven dragged him into the diner, saying, "Come...I have something for you to prepare yourself for when it is your turn to kill Chagecha once and for all."
'Ugh...I guess we gotta win this first...' Chagecha figured, getting into a fighting pose. Standing beside him, Aku pulled out his long black sword and snapped, "We can win this...easy!"
"I SURE HOPE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
'We can't be useful AT ALL.' Masato and Longhorn Onizawa thought, sighing.
'...I want bacon...' Kotarou thought to himself.
And now...the ultimate tri-battle marathon begins!
THE REFERENCE INDEX:
(1) - 'Cromartie High School' is a hilarious gag manga series where the dub is actually really good. It even has do to with yankees and such, so it's kind of like Chagecha without fighting and less visual gags.
(2) - Translated as 'Yanki Control', basically just the Japanese writing of 'yanki manipulation'.
