Whatever Everything Is
I watched as the drops of water beat against the clear windows of my car. The weather reflected my mood. I wrapped the blue shawl closer around myself and held myself. How could this happen? How could I let things get this messy...
Everything was planned. I went to art school like I promised myself. I was about to make my first trip to Japan and then I received a letter: an invitation from the production team of Total Drama. We were due for a 'where are they now'/ 'ten year reunion' compiled into one big TV special. It was guaranteed to be a disaster.
Other cars drove past and I watched them all in a hurry heading for a special direction all needed for something or someone. I felt wet salty water drop down my cheeks and dribble down my chin; I felt incredibly alone and unwanted. I gasped and bit on my lips as I tried to smother any other possible noise I could make, not wanting to attract any more unwanted attention. Life was so simple, so smooth and it took one night to ruin everything.
We were told it was to be formal, so I decided to by some material and make my outfit. Midnight black dress with lace star patterns to look like the night sky, and to finish it of, a beautiful layered trail midnight black mixed with navy. I had a bit of left over money to splurge on a nice dark blue shawl. My hard work had been for nothing.
Oh sure, I got plenty of complements when I entered, even Chris had something nice to say. I felt good and we reminisced on the so called 'good times'. And then they entered.
He looked completely different almost unrecognisable, but his smile and wink in my direction still managed to cause the same intense mixed feelings within. She hung of his arm proud, actually I was surprised they were still together, but they still seemed to be strong. Watching her with him, seeing the two happy together, made me feel ugly, vulnerable, and very alone.
I swallowed deeply and sighed heavily. Why am I still sitting here anyway, what am I waiting for?
I watched as she pranced around telling everyone, how successful she was, how perfect things were, how easy life was and how she did it on her own without any help. I watched as he hung back and followed her command, looking every bit uncomfortable, his spark almost gone, yet still willing to stick by her.
I couldn't help myself, after exchanging a 'few words' and a few insults about my petty life I slapped the girl- for myself or him I can-not say- but the next thing I knew my dress was ruined and he was looking at me shock written all over his face.
Chris, on the other hand, was standing by the side lines grinning his too white teeth showing, thinking about the ratings.
In that moment may brain froze, no rational thought entered my mind- I just wanted everything and every-one to disappear, so I left. All I could think about was how I probably just ruined everything, whatever 'everything' is.
So here I am sitting in my car too numb to even consider driving away somewhere, even if I could drive, I wouldn't know where to go- the last place would be my lonely apartment. It is just so hard to understand as to why it hurt so much, I thought I'd let it go - it had been ten years and even so, back then they never talked about what they had, what 'it' was…How can I be so upset over something, when I don't even know what I am missing?
Suddenly a knock was heard on the window of the passenger door, startled me, I looked over to see him there. I signalled to let him know he could come in and looked down, I felt heat rise to my cheeks embarrassed of him seeing me like this.
We waited in silence, no one speaking and I wished I could sink into a black hole. Finally he spoke, his voice soft 'We broke up'. I looked up shocked 'It wasn't my fault was it?', because as much as I didn't like that girl I didn't want to be why they broke up. He shook his head, amusement shone in his eyes 'Nah, it was about time, it was long overdue'. I blinked slowly, trying to take in that information that was really unexpected.
I shifted feeling very uncomfortable.
"So Sunshine" I looked up at him again at the sound of his voice ' I was wondering, if you'd like to see that new 'Slasher' film and perhaps we could catch up afterwards' he looked nervous. I smiled a small at that and nodded my head 'Yeah that sounds nice'. He grinned, his green eyes sparkling 'Good, because she drove, so I'd need a lift home' I shook my head and laughed, feeling lighter than before, much lighter. I started the engine and drove off to the theatre. "So," I questioned him "what happened to your Mohawk?" he just laughed.
Everything slowly seemed to be coming into place and back together just like that, they had it again, whatever 'it' is.
…
GwendolynD
