91. Stop with the SPIDERSSSS! I said I'm sorry!

Sophie had been ambushed by an army of fake spiders as she was writing the rule. Parker had found her form of revenge for the kidnapping of Quack and she was determined to make the grifter pay in the worst way possible. Little plastic spiders and some rather large, furry but fake spiders. They had been found in the shower, Sophie's bed, the biscuit tin (which had scared the hell out of Hardison), on the couch, in Sophie's books, on the floor and in many different other places as well.

Sophie was absolutely petrified of spiders and screamed and squealed whenever she saw one, real or fake. Parker was sure it was worth several missed nights of sleep, other angry teammates who had had their sleep disturbed and the extra miles she crawled in the vents just to get her revenge.

Sophie was in a constant state of hyperawareness and was constantly checking the area around her, although what she was expecting to find, no one knew. Parker wasn't exactly subtle about her attacks.

Addition to Rule 91. That wasn't me!

Nature also seemed to be getting its own revenge! The team had assembled for a briefing and, thanks to several relatively peaceful days, Sophie was much less on edge and was sipping quietly on a cup of tea. All of a sudden, the peace was disrupted by one small spider. It had been happily living on its web on the ceiling, largely undisrupted in general, until a rather large gust of wind through an open window caused it to fall towards a watery grave. Its thread caused it to stop just above the raised mug, right in front of Sophie's face. There was a second's pause and then the brunette let out an almighty squeal and the mug of tea went flying. The scalding liquid came down rapidly, splashing an irate hitter and an indignant hacker, but missing the petrified grifter as she jumped around, violently swatting at where she assumed the spider to be. The nimble thief had leapt out of the way and was now vehemently denying that this was any of her doing.

Nate had been out of the danger zone and was just calmly watching the scene unfold before his eyes and the poor spider was just dangling there wondering what she had done to deserve this. So maybe she ate one too many flies yesterday but she wasn't that bloated, she was just having on off day! That was why getting back up to her web was seeming lot harder than normal!

92. When asked what we do for a living, the correct answer is NOT, and I quote, "We're big damn heroes, sir!" We were very lucky that the officer had a sense of humour and a great love of Firefly.

Sophie was despairing. Nate was just as bad as the other three and was chancing their luck a little thin with that statement. The team had managed to agree on a programme to watch together and it seemed that Firefly had been a hit with everyone on the team, maybe too much of one for some of them! The officer had found the quote very amusing and appreciated being called sir, even if Nate hadn't quite aimed it at him like that. Sophie had quickly covered by saying that they worked for a charity and explained that they were on a job and mentioned something about orphans and the elderly. The officer had let them go straight away, that comment always worked a treat when they needed to get out of a tricky situation with someone who didn't know who they were. As much as Sophie loved Firefly, it had to be put on hold for a bit until Nate could be trusted not to do anything stupid again. The other three were very disappointed by this and Sophie and Nate were on the receiving end of many glares.

93. NO MORE HALLOWEEN COSTUMES!

How Parker had managed it was anyone's guess but Nate and Sophie suspected that bribery had been involved. The three 'kids' were all lined up in front of their adoptive parents, Eliot and Hardison angry and Parker still very chipper and cheerful. It appeared that she had, somehow, coerced the other two into dressing up with her for Halloween. It also appeared that she had chosen their outfits if the looks on their faces and what they were wearing were anything to go by.

Parker was dressed in something like one of her black catsuits but under the arms there was stretchy black material and she had drawn on a black nose in what Sophie and Nate assumed was an attempt to replicate the face of a bat if the rest of her outfit was anything to go by. She actually looked quite good and very cute indeed with messy, tousled blond hair and rosy pink cheeks, presumably from excitement and avoiding getting attacked by the angry boys.

Next in the line of three, much to Hardison's annoyance, was Eliot whose outfit nearly had the two adults bursting into laughter. He had been forced; they knew Eliot too well to think he would have ever put that on willingly, into a rather snug cowboy outfit that may have been one or two sizes too small for him. He had a skin tight black shirt on that may have been lycra, very tight black pants, cowboy boots and hat and a lasso attached to the waist band of the pants. Parker just smirked at the questioning look and called Eliot 'Captain Tight Pants' which only served to worsen his mood and severely anger the hacker whose eyes were shining with poorly hidden jealousy.

Speaking of Hardison, his outfit was a mite baffling but no one knew what went on in that crazy mind of Parker's so it was left well alone. Upon his head was a pointy witches hat and he was dressed in a floor length, lacy witches dress complete with a rather ratty broomstick and a stuffed cat. This was all topped off by a knotted lopsided wig that appeared to half staying on, half falling off of his head. That did it for Nate and Sophie who burst into uncontrollable laughter while Hardison stalked off to sulk. Parker, meanwhile, had migrated to the vents as usual and was hanging upside down from them with her arms spread looking very much like a bat if it wasn't for her long blonde hair trailing below her. Nate and Sophie were surprised she hadn't gone for a cat but there was always next year...

94. Banana skins are damn dangerous, stop leaving them around on the floor!

Nate wasn't sure where they were all coming from but he'd lost count of the number of times he had trodden on one of those damn things and gone flying, skidding around the apartment, looking like a madman as he frantically tried to regain balance. He had tried to watch for the culprit, hiding behind the couch and peering over the edge occasionally before ducking back down suddenly. Parker and Eliot watched him from the doorway in confusion before coming to the conclusion that he had finally cracked and went to find Sophie. She marched down the stair and demanded that Nate get up and stop being so ridiculous. He had only taken three steps before he went flying again. As he flapped his arms hopelessly, Nate caught sight of that duck sat on its duck bed (it was really a cat bed but Parker insisted that it was a duck bed so the others went along with it) looking very pleased with itself and eating the remains of a rather mangled banana. Nate glared at it for a brief moment before he went crashing head first into the wall. That duck was a menace.

95. I have had enough! It is aluminium foil not aluminum foil, it is spelt colour not color, those are sofa's not couches, they are called trousers not pants unless you are only wearing your underwear to go out today and that is not football goddamn it. The clue is in the name! Foot. Ball. You use your feet not your hands!

Sophie had finally snapped. She wasn't that precious about British traditions, she had been living in America for years now, and, even though she enjoyed a cup of tea now and then, she kept very little else up but this got on her last nerve. Her rant had been very impressive, delivered suddenly in the middle of a briefing had caught Nate completely off guard, so much so that he ended up just stood there with his jaw hanging down as he stared at her. Sophie huffed at the shocked expressions and stormed off.

96. FIREWORKS DON'T GO INDOORS! STOP! Uh oh! EVERYONE TAKE COVER!

The fireworks had come out of nowhere but Parker seemed delighted with them and hurried off, muttering plans under her breath. That should have been the first warning but the others were too busy to take notice. They finally took notice when the fireworks were all lined up indoors and set ready to go off. There were many flashbacks to the blowtorch incident as they all tried to stop Parker from setting them alight. They were torn between rushing over and stopping her and taking cover somewhere and waiting it out. Nate, Sophie and Hardison decided to be brave and push Eliot forwards towards Parker.

Parker paused at the shouts but Quack made up their minds. How a duck managed to strike a match, set the fireworks alight and drag itself and Parker behind the couches to safety was anyone's guess but Eliot was too busy attempting to stamp out the fire. He was a bit too late though as the fireworks started. Most were Catherine Wheels and static fireworks which limited the damage but poor Eliot ended up getting chased around the room by a rouge rocket. When it was all over, Parker and Quack were nowhere to be seen but the others weren't so worried, Nate had to explain to the neighbours and the cops that it was just a small mishap whilst Eliot stomped around cursing the thief and the duck under his breath with scorched trousers still on.

97. A broken little finger is very lucky compared to what she could have done to you. When are you going to learn?

Hardison had been hitting on Parker again but with a lot less subtlety than usual. The others were convinced he had some kind of death with and surreptitiously removed all of the cutlery from the vicinity to stop the murder of the hacker. It was only when they got a little closer that they realised that the hacker was slightly tipsy which accounted for his bravery. The next thing they knew, there was a girly squeal from the hacker which, on second thoughts sounded more like a trapped pig, and Parker was stalking off in the direction of the gym.

After some not so subtle prodding (he didn't have a death wish), Eliot followed after her while Nate and Sophie dealt with Hardsion who had sobered up some thanks to the pain he now appeared to be in. Sophie attempted to be sympathetic but Nate was much more realistic as told Hardison that he brought these things upon himself.

The next day, with his finger strapped up, Hardison was looking very sorry for himself but was told that he could still work and to get back to it!

98. New rule. Shoes are to be taken off at the door. I will not have any more mud trekked through here.

Sophie was living up to her reputation of the mother of the group again and she was keeping a tight ship. Nate had resisted at first. It was his apartment, who was she to tell him what to do in his own space. The others just looked at him like he had grown another head and snuck off to hide from the inevitable storm when Sophie found out that someone wasn't keeping to her rules. The next day Nate was found sat on the couch pouting, feet bare apart from a pair of neon coloured striped socks. Snickers erupted as they all shuffled off to get breakfast.

99. Be careful what you wish for...

They had wished for a day of peace and quiet and they had gotten it. Hardison had gone to a convention somewhere, Eliot was sat quietly in his office reading a book that had to be over 2000 pages long and Sophie and Nate were relaxing in the living area, revelling in the peace that was surrounding them. For some reason no one wondered where the blonde thief and her feathered companion where.

It was evening by the time they started to wonder and by 10pm they were very worried and had called Hardison back to track her whereabouts. Five minutes later, however, a wet, muddy, dirty and very angry thief stormed into the apartment (without taking her shoes off as well!) followed by a indistinguishable lump of mud with two beady eyes. Four pairs of eyes stared at them in shock before Nate got the courage to ask what had happened.

Parker's response was not at all what they had expected. She and Quack had stumbled across a mob meeting in a warehouse near her own and had been kidnapped and questioned relentlessly all day until they escaped and had to crawl though sewers and woods to escape their pursuers before Parker took them out and left them tied to trees on the outskirts of the woods. None of the others believed her but if that wasn't mud then it would certainly explain the stench.

Parker was furious that no one believed her and stormed off to clean herself and Quack up and then hid in the vents for the rest of the night, the smell still emanating off of her so spreading throughout the apartment and causing the others to gag but they were too scared of her to say anything. She was still in the vents the next morning when the others turned the television on over breakfast. To say they were shocked with what they saw would be an understatement. The scenes that Parker described were playing out in front of them on the screen, down to the details of what they were wearing and the questionable marks on the mob goons' ankles that looked suspiciously like duck bites.

Parker stalked through with an air of I told you so and disappeared with a flick of a blonde ponytail whilst Quack waddled after her, hissing at their ankles threateningly as they passed them. They all agreed that they never wanted that to happen again and that maybe they should trust Parker a bit more...


Congrats to gshattuck for being the first person to get the right answer from the last chapter. As many of you got right, it was indeed Neal Caffrey from White Collar and Jem, I want to write other stories about Parker and Neal when I get rid of my writer's block and have some time! Tacodestroyeravenger, I would love the idea of Parker knowing mozzy and I must add a rule about that. Thank you all so much for the lovely reviews. You are all keeping me going! Next up is 100!