Bridezilla

By: Jupitrie

A/N: Just came back from a mini-vacation! It was awesome!

Anyway, back to work. Lol.


"What in the good name of Einstein happened here?" Professor demanded loudly.

All four mouths were about to open but Professor held up a hand immediately to shut them up.

"Bubbles." Professor decided to choose. She was the least vulgar out of all four of them. Bubbles held up her head proudly as she explained.

"Blossom's getting married to Action Tony instead of the villainous ex-boyfriend, Brick. And these other villains here want to stop their wedding AGAIN, even though Blossom told Brick to get lost."

"Why are you suddenly taking Blossom's side? She's crazy!" Boomer cried out.

"She's my sister! I'll support her no matter what!" Bubbles screamed back.

"Yeah!" Buttercup agreed.

Professor looked at the sleeping ruff, and felt tingles up his spine. "Ex...boyfriend?"

"Oh, and he totally knocked her up." Butch added, crossing his arms and shrugging.

"Knocked her...WHAT?" Professor screeched. He looked at his remaining daughters and they saw how crushed he looked and immediately felt a strange twinge of guilt. "Did you know about this?"

"No!" Bubbles and Buttercup cried in unison. "Oh Professor!" they both rushed to his side and started to fan him as he went cross-eyed and weak in the knees.

"HA!" Professor suddenly shouted.

"Wha..?" Buttercup and Bubbles jerked away as Professor pumped a fist in the air, and jumped back onto his feet.

"Blossom made a mistake! Which means that she doesn't deserve a selfless father that gives her up at her wedding, so GUESS WHAT? I'M GOING TO BE SELFISH AND SAY–SHE CAN'T MARRY ANYBODY ANYMORE! She can't! I won't allow it! I won't be giving her any blessings!"

"Professor, they've already gone to city hall." Buttercup deadpanned.

"Well that can be delayed." Professor chuckled darkly and clapped his hands loudly. "MAYOR!"

Something suddenly jumped out of the small garden pond. It shook itself like a dog and then rushed over to Professor's side. The girls turned their eyes embarrassed, a little ashamed for a split second that they actually voted for the small man that was now wagging his rear as he panted up at the Professor. Even the Rowdyruff boys courteously turned their eyes away as the Professor pulled a pickle out of his vest pocket and handed it to the man that was barking, "gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme!"

"Delay that wedding at City Hall." Professor commanded, and pointed toward the city of Townsville. Mayor saluted in response.

"Yes, sir! Mister Professor, sir!" shouted the Mayor eagerly and then quickly shook out his sopping wet 90's model cell phone from behind his back. He pulled out the antenae and dialed the numbers very slowly. "Um, let's see... one...four...four..." the crowd awkwardly waited until the Mayor jumped up in glee as he finished pressing all of the numbers. He pressed the phone to his hears, "Ms. Bellum? Ms. Bellum? God darn it! Why won't she pick up her phone?" he asked into his obviously broken phone.

"I'm right here, Mayor." Ms. Bellum suddenly emerged from behind a very short tree. The branches of said tree doing an abnormally good job of covering her face. "I'm calling the City Hall now. The wedding will be delayed."

"You girls, follow me." Professor demanded.

"Yes, Professor." Bubbles and Buttercup automatically agreed.

"And you two!" Professor addressed the two conscious Rowdyruffs, "Get him into my car." Professor pointed toward the unconscious Rowdyruff.

"Wait, what?" Buttercup cried. "What are we doing, Professor?"

"No more out of you. You got drunk before your sister's wedding. You're not allowed to get married either." Professor scolded.

"Pfft. Like I care." Buttercup said the same time Butch cried, "WHAT?"

"You're off the hook, because quite frankly I thought Boomer made a very charming Granny Texas." Professor shrugged toward Bubbles, who sighed in relief. Boomer wooted, and then stopped to think what he was wooting for.


Blossom and Antonio were shocked to see the line of married couples that had suddenly flocked toward the judge's desk the moment they arrived. Oddly enough, every couple was dressed very business-like, with matching brief cases to boot. They awkwardly held hands and arms as they stiffly asked for a marriage license. Blossom noticed few of them were talking on their cellphones and still trying to get work done by fiddling on their smart phones.

"This is weird." Antonio was the first to comment. "Why do all of these couples look like they're not in love?"

Blossom snapped toward him with a frown, "What did you say?"

"These people who are getting married in front of us! They... they are more interested in their work than in each other! In Brazil, this would never be so!"

Blossom frowned. "We... we really aren't in love, either, Antonio."

"Ah, yes, but some arranged marriages are very successful. We will grow to love each other." Antonio reassured, patting her arm.

Blossom felt oddly relieved that he thought along her same lines. "Y-yes, you're right." She looked up toward the long line of business couples and an intelligent thought crossed her mind. "I swear all of these workers look familiar. Its almost seems like... someone's trying to distract our wedding by ordering all of the workers in City Hall to block our path to the Judge."

The room got oddly quiet after hearing Blossom's hypothesis.

Blossom narrowed her eyes.

"Oh." She hit the bulls eye. The business workers finally were looking back at her, with guilty looks on their faces.

"Well! Clear the way!" Blossom ordered. "Or lets see you get married."

The judge finally cleared his throat. "Lunch break."

"Oh come on!" Blossom shouted as everyone all started to pull lunch sacks from their little brief cases. None of them got out of line.


"You know," Butch started, "It's not like I want to get married...but after today, seeing how crazy bitches get during these things, I just want to see you get as crazy as that prim and proper pinky got when she was getting married. It will be fucking hilarious."

"Oh shut the fuck up!" Buttercup snapped back. "That's no reason to get married!"

"Buttercup! Watch your mouth, young lady." Professor warned. Buttercup immediately wilted.

"He started it." She pouted.

"I did." Butch snorted. "But, Buttercup...look at it this way. We can have a wedding, where we force everyone that we don't give a shit about to watch us tongue each other for an hour or so, eat a shit-load of really expensive cake, get a pile of wedding presents, and then...we can get a divorce."

Buttercup rolled her eyes. "Nobody wants a divorce, Butch." She grit out.

"Think about it, Buttercup." Butch whispered, in an intoxicating way. "Divorces can get really...really...messy."

Buttercup raised an eyebrow.

"And not to mention...dirty." Butch was practically shivering. "Think of all of the fun we could have with that."

Buttercup bit her lip and was starting to think about it herself.

"That's it." Professor shouted, and slammed on the breaks. "Bubbles, switch seats with your sister!"

"But I called shotgun!" Bubbles whined childishly. Still, she slid out of her seat and floated out the window.

"Where exactly are we going?" Boomer piped up. "And why the hell can't we fly?" the green puff that sat next to him also floated out the window.

"So I can keep an eye on you two to make sure there won't be any funny business, and also to make sure if Brick wakes up–you can effectively stop him along with the girls. Besides, we don't need to appear at the City Hall right away. I want Blossom to really think about this marriage business before we make it over there. She might stop herself before it's too late. Giving her time is necessary." Professor explained. Buttercup buckled herself into the seat next to her father. Bubbles sadly crossed her arms in the back seat with the boys.

"So why can't we just...wait for a while before flying there?" Butch snorted.

"Because I need to talk to her too. Might as well go as a unit." Professor snapped impatiently.

"I guess that's a good plan." Bubbles shifted. "But what if Blossom gets married before we get there?"

"Ms. Bellum is keeping us updated on what is happening at City Hall." Professor informed.

"So what is happening at City Hall, then?" Buttercup asked.

"Oh, I don't know." Professor snorted. "I don't check my phone while I'm driving Buttercup. That's illegal."

Buttercup rolled her eyes before diving into Professor's front pocket and pulling out his ProfDaddy phone. She flipped it open and saw the text messages that Ms. Bellum had left him.

"Blossom suspects that her wedding is deliberately getting held back." Buttercup announced to her conspirators.

"She's too smart for her own good." Bubbles sighed. "Which is another reason why I'm so surprised she's the first one to get engaged! I mean...it obviously should have been me!" Bubbles sighed.

"What are you saying?" Boomer finally asked her. "You want to get married?"

"I am the only one who has permission from the Professor to get hitched... Maybe I can finally drop the 'Cute' puff title and go for the more daring 'irrational' one by getting married today too!" Bubbles squealed.

"Please, please, tell us you're joking." Buttercup whispered.

"Somebody might as well put that cake into good use!" Bubbles snapped.

"Bubbles, learn from your sister's mistake. Don't get married if you're not in love." Professor said in a bored tone.

"I am in love." Bubbles declared.

"To who?" Boomer asked.

"I'm in love with the idea of getting married! Just like Blossom. I mean, I know I called her crazy earlier, but you have to admit... weddings are so fun!"

"'Weddings are fun', is another bad reason to get married." Buttercup deadpanned. "What is with everyone here? Blossom's getting married because she's pregnant. You-" Buttercup pointed at Butch, "Want to get married for sick perverted divorce reasons." She then turned to Bubbles, "You, want to get married for 'fun', and you-" she finally turned toward Professor, "are the real person to blame for all of this!"

Professor gaped, "What? Me?" he shouted toward his daughter.

"Yeah, you!" Buttercup hissed. "Look at you, playing the 'high and mighty' father figure when YOU have had 'almost-marriages' at least twice in your life! As well as try to get with every other female role model we had growing up! I mean first it was Ms. Keane, then it was Ms. Bellum-you even got involved with Sedusa! You're the reason why the girls and I have the most confusing love lives EVER!" Buttercup blamed.

"Now, Buttercup." Professor coughed into his hand, embarrassed, "You must understand that I-"

"NO! I know the reason why you wanted to get married! You wanted to give your daughters a mom...well that is yet another bad reason to get married! You know why? Getting married all together is a bad idea! And let me tell you why..." Buttercup started her list, "Everyone is pressured to have a perfect relationship these days, people are ostracized for making even the most minor mistakes, and people are realizing that kids with divorced parents don't always turn out to be mass murderers. What I'm saying is people are realizing after marriage that they don't need to get married! The meaning of marriage is LOST to our generation right now. You don't NEED to get married! You can still have a family without getting married! Why do people think that family isn't as important as making sure everything looks perfect in their family? Because when that falls to shit, they throw their hands up and try blaming one another, creating enemies with someone you used to care for!"

"Buttercup..." Bubbles started, but now Buttercup was on a role.

"But look at us! Look at our family! Blossom, Bubbles and I were raised by a single father and though we have our crazy moments, that doesn't stop us from saving the world every god damn day!" Buttercup ranted, "Sure Professor was sometimes a lousy dad with his laps of selfishness he'd get with his car, and golfclubs, and Powerprof, and teaching Bubbles the F-word and-"

"A-hem." Professor coughed, getting slightly annoyed.

"But being imperfect is part of being a human being! Blossom needs to fucking realize that! Or she'll be like every other 'unhappy' soul in this country who thinks they wasted their life away because they couldn't have a TV-family lifestyle! When in reality, their family's probably fine! A little broken, but you can most likely mend that with love and support and respect! Not by putting a ring on a finger!"

"A-men." Boomer agreed. "Mojo raised us using love, support, and the occasional threats of putting us in cages and selling us to the Townsville zoo and we turned out just fine."

"And Him would flat out threaten us with our eternal souls burning in the pits of hell if we didn't put any effort to try to destroy the Powerpuff girls at least once a week. Good times." Butch grinned. Boomer and Butch high five'd each other.

"That...is not what I... whatever, fuck it." Buttercup muttered darkly.

Bubbles patted Buttercup on the back. "That was quite a speech. I guess you can be President after all!"

"President?" Buttercup snorted. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Oh dear." Professor whispered, turning everyone's attention toward the road. The car in front of them slowed down significantly, and the car before that was already at a dead halt. Something was amiss.

"What?" Bubbles looked toward the road and her figure wilted as well. "Aw man..."

Next to the sign that held how many miles it would take to get into the City of Townsville was a neon traffic indication board that blinked on with a new message: Monster Attack. Expect Delays.

It wasn't long until both Powerpuff girl's cell phone went off.

"Nuh-Uh! I am not going to fight wearing this dress!" Buttercup shouted.

"Hello? Bubbles speaking." Bubbles greeted as she pressed her phone to her ear. "The Monster is down 55th and Lover's Lane, got it!"

"Wait, isn't that... few blocks from the City Hall?" Buttercup asked.

Bubbles and Buttercup looked at each other, and in a flash of blue and green, they were gone.

Butch, Boomer, and the Professor were left in the car.

"Good thing that that monster came to take the girls away." Professor said in an oddly calm voice. "Let's talk." He pulled up his emergency break and turned around. "About your relationship with my daughter." He said looking right at Butch.

Butch looked at the Professor, then at the dust that was rising from the city that was obviously caused by the monster attack, and quickly made a choice.

Professor wasn't shocked to see a forest-green streak taking off after the blue and green one, but was surprised that the dark blue ruff stayed put.

"I'm not involved with any of your daughters." Boomer said in a very pleased tone. "So ha."

"Bubbles is off limits." Professor said darkly.

"Uh-hello? She was totally making the moves on me! She hugged me twice today!"

"She thought you were her grandmother!" Professor hissed.

"So what?" Boomer pouted back. "I was obviously a damn sexy grandmother. She couldn't keep her hands off me!"

"I'm hoping Bubbles is smart enough to realize that you're too..." the Professor couldn't find another word better fitting than, "Dumb..."

"I'm perfectly dumb for her." Boomer muttered petulantly. "er...I mean-!"

Professor rubbed his eyes and groaned, while another groan was heard in the back trunk.


To be continued...

A/N: Geez, this fanfiction is getting crazy. If it's hard to keep up with, I don't blame you. I'm re-reading my own words and I'm just like...scratching my head every other sentence.