8. Lunchtime Theories
I wanted to hit my head against a wall.
What was I thinking? I should have just told him no – I should have made him think that I didn't want to be his friend. Instead I made him think I was interested. It was true though, I was falling for him – I just didn't want to. I had made a promise to myself – a promise my heart was about to break.
After this, behave. Keep it light. He's probably just doing it to make up to the evil stares. Do you really want to break your heart again, when you find out that he doesn't like you that way? My mind asked me. And I knew it was right, I had to build up a shield – to make him see that he had to back up. To make him see, or at least think, that I wasn't interested in his friendship.
I walked towards English and didn't even notice that the lesson had already begun.
"How nice of you to join us Miss Fairytale," Mr. Mason wasn't happy with interruption in his classes. I blushed and sat down next to Nicole – the seat next to her was empty today.
"Where were you?" she whispered to me. Mr. Mason didn't look at us.
"I dropped my phone and got talking with Edward Cullen?" it sounded more like a question than a statement.
Nicole looked wondering at me but didn't start asking a thousand questions, like I knew Jessica would have done. But I knew she was going to ask me about this when we were alone; she had had that knowing smirk on her face, which told me that she was going to ask about later.
The hour went slower than normally, and so did the other classes I had. When it was finally lunchtime, I couldn't help but to shortly glance at the Cullen-table.
Edward wasn't even there.
I felt how my mood turned to the worse, which was extremely stupid. Why oh why did my heart have to be so open? Why did it have to be the most vulnerable part of me that was the most openhearted part? My curiosity was the second thing that made me hold on to him. Even though Edward couldn't be trusted – boys at all couldn't be trusted – but his extreme beauty and his way of behaving made him interesting. More interesting than he should be to me.
As soon as his mystery is solved he's not going to be that interesting anymore, I thought, knowing that it probably wouldn't be the case. Still, I hoped.
"What's wrong?" I heard Mike ask me. Why did that guy have to notice me so much?
"Nothing," I answered, wondering if my voice concealed my sadness. "I'm just not feeling that well. I think I'll just have some water today." Mike looked worried and I assured him that it wasn't anything serious.
We sat down at the usual table, and I glanced one more time at the Cullen-table. My heart longed to see him sit with his family. Suddenly the blond guy, Jasper, looked at me. He looked almost...curious. Just like his girlfriend Alice had done before him some time ago.
I blushed, looked away and opened my water to drink something.
"Edward Cullen is staring at you," I immediately looked at Jessica who was giggling. But her eyes showed me her annoyance with Edward's attention towards me. Well, she still had Mike.
She was looking at an empty table by the wall, to the right of our table. Only, the table wasn't empty. Edward Cullen was sitting there, smiling at me. He then started to wave, and I felt how my mouth fell open in amazement.
"Is he waving at you?" Nicole whispered in my ear.
Edward then raised his right hand and motioned with his index finger for me to come and sit with him. I could only look back at him in astonishment. Why was he suddenly being like this?
"I wonder why he's sitting alone today," Jessica wondered out loud. The question is: What caused him to want me to join him today?
I didn't know what to do. I hated to disappoint people, yet I knew that I should keep my distance to Edward. My heart told me to go over to him, while my brain kept telling me to be rational – to think about how I would be hurting again if I didn't keep away. I shortly looked at Edward's family. Jasper was still looking at me, he was still curious but then he suddenly turned away. I noticed that he had looked in Edward's direction before looking away.
That distracted my mind enough to let my heart win this time. "Maybe he needs some help with his Biology homework. I better go check it out." I felt the others stare at my neck as I went to Edward's table.
I reached him, and he was still smiling at me. "Why don't you come sit with me today?" he asked. And I couldn't help but to still feel a little amazed. As I sat down, I noticed that he was actually waiting for an answer.
"Okay," Since when did he suddenly want to sit with me? I thought he didn't like me. What the heck happened? Did I get sucked into a parallel universe? Am I dreaming?
He was still smiling, but it was his perfect crooked smile. It felt like I was really dreaming and could wake up every moment. He was too perfect to be real.
Snap out of it Michelle.
"Why the sudden change?" I curiously asked amazement still clear in my voice.
He hesitated a moment before the words came so fast out of his mouth that I almost didn't get it all. "I thought that as long as I'm going to hell I might as well do it thoroughly."
I patiently waited for an explanation to this, but he didn't say anymore. What did he do since he's going to hell? I wondered, and Edward's facial expression changed for a second. But it happened so fast, that I thought I might have made it up. "You know that didn't make any sense to me, right?"
He smiled again. "I'm counting on that," He then looked over my shoulder and started to snicker.
"What?" I was about to turn around and see what was so funny, but Edward's voice nailed me to the spot.
"Your friends don't seem too happy about me stealing you."
"They'll survive," I felt their stares boring into my back.
"I might not give you back again, though," he smiled crookedly, and for a moment I actually forgot where I was.
Then the situation hit me – Jessica was surely going to bombard me with questions tomorrow – and Nicole would surely do that later today.
"You look worried," his mood was still ecstatic, but his eyes seemed...torn.
Torn?
"No actually not," No need to tell him about my questionings later. "I'm just surprised. Why so friendly all of a sudden?" I looked at the water bottle and took a swig.
"I already told you. I'm tired of keeping away from you – So I give up," his pale hands flew up, as if he surrendered. He was still smiling but his eyes were very serious. His expression didn't really fit a teenager.
How old was Edward actually?
I thoughtfully moved my head to one side, closed my eyes and sighed. Then I opened my eyes again and saw that Edward looked curious. "You give up? Is it really that hard keeping away from me?" I couldn't stop myself from teasing him a little. While I had a hard time trying to keep away from him, he had a hard time keeping away from me. How comically absurd.
"Yes," his expression changed from teasing to serious and back again in a second.
How does he do that?
"I've given up trying to be good. From now on I'll do as I want and let destiny choose as it may," his voice had a hard edge at the end.
I lightly shook my head. "You know, you shouldn't believe in destiny that way," I told him.
He looked curiously at me. "Why not?" he sounded incredibly interested.
I shortly laughed, halfheartedly. "What if destiny isn't tied up in one string? What if every decision we make changes our destiny?" I asked him. "You could walk away from me right now – change the decision you just made. And you could choose to stay away from me again," I took a breath before continuing, "That would be a different future, than the one you're creating right now."
He looked at me in amazement.
I looked down at my bottle and shyly managed to say, "Well... at least that's how I look at destiny."
"That is quite a fascinating way to look at it," he stated, and made me look at him again.
We sat a bit in silence, and I looked down at my water bottle again. I didn't want to let him know just how interested I really was in him. It was better for me to try to keep it light. Remember, you promised, the voice in my head told me. I know, I answered it. I know...
I didn't know if there was any way back from now. If I got hurt again, I wouldn't know how to move on. That was why I had to build up a shield. I would try to avoid my future as much as I could – My choices could change the future. I just didn't know if the future could be changed anymore. Normally I put up a shield around buys because of my shyness towards them – yet I was almost relaxed, when I was with Edward. I was being me. Almost.
I sighed before getting back to our last discussion. "You do know that I actually didn't really understand what you said before, right?"
"I know," Edward's breathtaking crooked smile was back. "But I always say too much when I'm around you. That's one of the problems." He thought he said too much when he was with me? He was being cryptic and that was what was so damn fascinating! I didn't know anything about him – which actually wasn't true. I had noticed a lot about him in the last months, he just didn't give me any answers – and he thought he said too much?
Snort!
"You can count on that I don't get a word of it," I sounded annoyed, even though I hadn't planned on it. But I'll find out eventually.
"I'm counting on that," he was still smiling crookedly.
Would I ever get used to that smile? Probably not. I still couldn't get used to the fact that Edward actually existed. It was like dreaming, and then suddenly you would wake up and find out it was all a dream.
I couldn't think of anything to say, even though I wanted to. Another thing I shouldn't be feeling. The minutes ticked by, and while I looked at my bottle I thought of what I could possibly still say. I wasn't great at small talk – that, I knew. I finally got the courage to say something, and looked up, to see him starring curiously at me.
"So, since you've started talking to me again, and can't stay away from me," I almost laughed at the absurdness in that, "does that mean we're friends?" I asked as nonchalant as possible. But I felt how my stomach started to shake.
Stupid butterflies... I heard the voice in my head mumble.
Edward's facial expression changed so fast, that I almost didn't notice. "Friends..." he mused, his voice seeming dubious. There was something about friends that he didn't quite like.
"Or… maybe not," I blushed and looked down at my bottle again. This was extremely embarrassing, but I didn't want to let Edward know. I wanted him to at least try to stay away from me again. But the more I thought about him ignoring me, the more it hurt in my heart – and I knew that if he wasn't going to ignore me sooner or later, I had to be the responsible one.
"We can try," he told me. "But I warn you, I'm not a good friend for you." behind his smile the warning was real. Yet it didn't scare me. And the way he had said "Try" almost made me shiver. It was almost like the perfect word in the world, coming out of Edward's mouth…
Snap out of it Michelle! I had been very close to slapping myself in front of him.
"I think you've mentioned that before."
He halfheartedly laughed. "And you're not listening to me. Believe me, if you're smart you'll keep away from me," his expression seemed amused. He probably thought me stupider that I was.
"I think you've made your opinion on my missing intellect clear too," I was offended. He had insulted my pride – I knew I was smart, but my curiosity kept me with him. Actually, I didn't want to sit here, I knew I shouldn't. At least I knew my reason behind it.
He apologetically smiled, and I forgave him. As long as he didn't call me stupid, I was fine with it.
"So...as long as I'm being not smart," my face turned into a grimace. I didn't like to call myself stupid, "does that mean we're friends?"
He looked thoughtful before saying, "That sounds about right." his crooked smile was back. I looked down at the table, without really looking at it, and took another swig of the water.
"What are you thinking?" I immediately looked up at him again. His voice had been extremely curious, as if he had waited centuries to ask that question. Edward Cullen was the strangest person I had ever met.
Without thinking I blurted out the truth. His intense ocher eyes made me. It was so wrong, and yet so right at the same time. I almost sighed before I answered him, "I'm trying to find out the mystery about you." It sounded a bit strange to me, but it made Edward's eyes turn defensive, careful, while he with some effort kept his smile in place.
"Are you having any luck with that?" he asked me in an offhand tone.
"Nope. You're a real mystery," I sighed.
He laughed. "Have you thought of any theories yet?"
I looked at my bottle again. Actually I hadn't really thought about what could be the answer to Edward's strange behavior. I remembered the tale of Achilles – his weak point had been his ankle. Maybe Edward had a weak point too? Just not his shoulder. I almost laughed out loud at that.
"Nancy Drew is still working on the case," I joked, and he laughed. It made me look up at him again.
"Are those any theories I might hear?" he almost seemed like he wanted to hear them, but on the other side he seemed like he didn't want to. What was it with this guy?
I blushed a little and looked down at my bottle again. He would probably laugh at my ideas. Hercules, Achilles – strong Gods.
"Won't you tell me?" he sounded disappointed, since I didn't answer him. "That's really frustrating you know."
It was frustrating that I didn't tell him what I was thinking? "Frustrating?" I asked him. "I don't think so. It cannot be frustrating not to know what people think. And it's not at all frustrating when someone treats you friendly and then suddenly ignores you from one day to another!"
Edward grimaced.
My voice got angrier the more I said. I finally wanted some answers. "And it's not frustrating either if you strangely got saved from a bizarre accident, without being told how! Not to mention, that you are given little cryptic notes to keep you awake at night, trying to figure out what could possibly be meant with them. That is not frustrating at all!" I felt how my breathing quickened. That always happened when I got angry.
"You've got quite a temper, don't you?"
"Only if forced to the surface." I felt how I slowly cooled down again. I had finally managed to say what had been on my mind for a very long time. "I don't like double standards."
We stared at each other unsmiling. He was the first who had ever seen me regularly angry. I rarely was, but Edward Cullen somehow managed to get my blood boiling in seconds. He was so...frustrating!
Suddenly he looked over my shoulder and started to snicker.
I sighed, and almost groaned, "What?"
"Your boyfriend thinks I'm being unpleasant to you. He's debating about whether or not to come break up our fight," he snickered again.
For a moment I thought my ex-boyfriend was in the cafeteria, but then remembered that I wasn't at my school in Denmark right now. "I don't know who you're talking about, but I'm sure you're wrong." I haven't got a boyfriend! I had the urge to mumble "Idiot", but held it back. If Edward heard half as well as me – which I was sure he did – then he would probably hear it.
He shook his head. "I already told you, most people are easy to read."
"Except for me, of course."
"Yes. Except for you," he suddenly looked deep in thought. "With exceptions," he then silently mumbled, which made me doubt that I should have heard it. "I wonder why?" he wondered out loud. I looked down at the table again – I couldn't make myself look into his intense, golden eyes again. "Aren't you hungry?" he suddenly asked me, while I turned around the bottle in my hands.
"No actually not," he didn't have to know that I couldn't eat anything because of my shaking stomach. My voice was almost influenced by this. "Aren't you hungry?" I asked him, just to distract myself.
"No. I'm not hungry," he looked like someone who had just heard some kind of private joke. I couldn't understand why. But then it hit me: the table in front of him was empty. When he was sitting with his siblings there was always food in front of him, but he never touched it. Did his siblings do the same?
Edward's expression changed again, but it happened so fast that I thought I had made it up again. It suddenly made me think of something.
"Could you do me a favor?" I tried to sound friendly instead of demanding, but I wasn't sure if I succeeded.
His expression changed again. "That depends on the favor."
"I just wanted to know if you could warn me before you decide to ignore me for my own good again?"
He smiled. "That sounds fair."
I looked down and the bottle again, and started tracing my index finger along the lid of it. I didn't really know what else I could say. And I didn't dare to look at him again – I was afraid to blush again, because of his intense golden eyes.
"Can I have an answer in return?" he asked in a very persuasive tone, and I allowed myself to look at him again. It was rude not to look at people when you talked to them. But I shouldn't have done that. I couldn't help but to give him what he wanted. His eyes were so intense.
"One," I answered him, before I had time to think.
"Won't you tell me one theory?"
Not that! "Rather not," I felt how I bit my lower lip. Something I hadn't done for years now.
"You didn't qualify, you just promised one answer," he reminded me, his eyes starring deep into mine.
"And you haven't cheated yourself," I gave him back. He sighed.
"Be nice. Just tell me one little theory," he pleadingly looked at me. I got befuddled and blushed. "I won't laugh," he told me.
But I knew he would.
He looked down at the table, but then glanced up at me through his long black lashes – his golden eyes almost seemed liquid as they intensely stared into mine. "Please?" he breathed, leaning towards me.
Right then my mind turned blank. God, was he a hypnotist or what? How did he do that? "I'm sorry, what?" my voice sounded distant and dazed. Ha, he could dazzle people too. I noted another mystical quality to my list. Not many people could dazzle others like that. I was absolutely certain that nobody could actually do that. Well, nobody except Edward.
"Please tell me one little theory," how could he look so irresistible? Ugh! It was worse than puppy dog eyes.
I blinked, my mind still being confused, before I answered, "Um, dipped into a lake like Achilles?" I bashfully looked down at the table. My theory was really embarrassing, since I knew it couldn't be true. And I didn't really believe in comics – like Superman or Spiderman.
"Very imaginative," he teased.
"I haven't really got anything else. Or..." I bit my lower lip again, and looked down at the table.
"What?" he asked with interest. His voice sounded torn again, but I kept my eyes on the table.
"Hercules descendant?" I blushed even more. My theories were ridiculous. Maybe I should have just kept to the comic books.
I heard Edward laugh.
"I thought you promised not to laugh, remember?" I glared at him, but I couldn't stop my cheeks from turning red.
Edward struggled to compose his face. "You're not even close," he told me.
"Hmm..." I couldn't help but to speculate again. Maybe he was bitten by a spider. But he didn't actually crawl around on the walls. "Then I guess you can take kryptonite?" I teased. A little amount of Superman he was – he could lift cars.
"It doesn't bother me," he played along, and smiled his perfect crooked smile.
I couldn't help but to sigh. "I'm going to find out eventually, you know."
He didn't look to happy about my statement. "I wish you wouldn't try," he was serious again.
"Because...?" finally I had the chance to find out more about him. Solve more of the puzzle – get more clues.
"What if I'm not one of the good guys? What if I'm the bad guy?" his eyes were very serious, but he tried to hide this by smiling playfully.
"Oh," I felt how the bits and pieces started falling into place. He had tried to tell me this all along, and really it was quite obvious. "I think I understand."
"You do?" Edward looked horrified for a moment, like he feared he had said too much. His eyes were full of an emotion I couldn't describe. It was so strange...
"You're dangerous?" I noticed what I was saying, but I didn't feel scared. He was dangerous; he had tried to tell me all along. But still here I sat, as fascinated about him as always, trying to get away when I couldn't. "But not evil." No he wasn't evil. Or else he wouldn't be sitting here, talking friendly with me. Unless of course, there was more to it than I knew about.
But he glared at you in the beginning, a voice in my head reminded me. And so what? I told it. He's being friendly now. Leave it.
We sat a bit in silence, before he stole my bottle lid and started spinning it between his fingers. I couldn't do anything else but to stare fascinated at him. He had meant that he was dangerous, and I wasn't afraid. Why? Was it because I trusted him? Or was it because of my all too open heart? I could only sigh, and laugh halfheartedly at my theories.
Edward looked curiously at me, while I watched the lid spin extremely fast on the table in front of him. I suddenly noticed that there were almost no people in the cafeteria anymore.
I jumped out of my seat. "We're going to be late," I made a face. I hated to be late for class.
"I'm not going," Edward looked trivially at the lid.
"Why?" he couldn't ditch! Or did he do that very often? Did he think Biology was too easy too?
"It's healthy to ditch class now and then," he smiled at me.
"Well, I'm not ditching," even though his absence would make me want to ditch too.
Don't be ridiculous.
Right then the first bell sounded.
"I guess I'll see you later then," he still looked at the lid, but his expression wasn't indifferent anymore. He looked sad about something. Why?
I looked away, blushing, and felt how my heart started to beat faster – no it couldn't be because of that. "See you around," my voice shook a little, and after that I half-ran to class
