Hello everyone, I sincerely apologize for the delay of this chapter!! My life has been super-busy and I just really haven't been on my Fan Fiction .net account in a while...Thanks to everyone who waited patiently and enjoy this chapter!!
--MC
AUGUSTIAN DAY HIGH SCHOOL
MUSIC ROOM
Thursday, August 30th
3:00 pm
When the dismissal bell rang at the end of music class, everyone rushed out of the room, eager to get out of school. Vanessa stayed in her seat. Ever since fourth period, she had been worrying.
Claire was the only Pretty Committee girl in this class. She was the only girl to know, or at least kind of know Vanessa's secret, and she watched Claire gathering her books. Could Vanessa trust her? The girl seemed to be quite close with Massie Block. And Vanessa knew Massie was one of those social queens who loved to gossip. Claire could probably win a lot of respect from Massie if she told.
Vanessa knew she really needed to stop the cutting thing. With her black hair and violet eyes and the way dark clothes flattered her, she looked emo enough. She didn't need the actual thing. But those times when she felt so numb and dead inside…there was no other way to remind herself she was alive.
Mr. Green, the music teacher, bolted out of the room without even noticing Vanessa. Claire, on the other hand, walked up to Vanessa's desk.
"Hey," the towhead said softly. "Can I talk to you?"
Vanessa looked up at Claire's face. Even though Vanessa knew what Claire wanted to talk to her about, Claire's face was open and friendly. "I guess," Vanessa replied.
"Why did you do it?" Claire sat down in the desk next to Vanessa's and hugged her books to her chest. She dropped her voice to a whisper. "Why did you cut your wrist?"
Vanessa looked away. She had known the question was coming, yet she was still surprised. How could she ever explain to this girl, who was part of the innest clique at the school, who was so tight with the queen of the social scene—how could Claire ever understand how Abby made her feel?
Getting to her feet, Vanessa strode over to the old upright piano at the front of the music classroom. Claire watched silently as she put her fingers to the keys.
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery…
Vanessa's voice was sweet as she accompanied herself in Kelly Clarkson's old hit, and Claire let herself get caught up in the music, noticing that Vanessa was a really good singer as well as piano player. The girl's voice cracked, though, when she neared the end of the song's chorus:
…Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you I am…afraid…
Suddenly Vanessa's hands dropped to her lap. She looked at Claire with tears in her amethyst-colored eyes. "Because of You" was one of Vanessa's favorite songs. She had gotten the sheet music from the library and practiced on the piano at her house in LA whenever the place was empty, which was often. Vanessa had had the idea to play it in Abby's face one day. She knew that doing that could free her from her feeling of inferiority and numbness. But she could never work up the courage.
Playing it for Claire now made her throat close up and her eyes tear. She didn't want to let Claire see her cry. She had almost gotten to the part where the lyrics went, I cannot cry because I know that's weakness in your eyes, but Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me had gotten the better of her. Vanessa couldn't go any further in the song, not when she suddenly so clearly saw how untrusting she was.
Claire could sense Vanessa's poignancy and despondency from the few measures she had played. It was like one of those dramatic movies that always made her cry; Claire could feel the lump growing in her throat. Somehow she knew what Vanessa was conveying to her through the music.
"Who?" Claire choked, just loud enough for Vanessa to hear. "Because of whom?"
Vanessa put her fingers on the piano keys again and let the tears carry her voice out. She jumped to the outro of the song:
Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you I am afraid…
The last few piano notes reverberated in Claire's ears, making her eardrums feel like they were trembling. Vanessa dropped her hands to her lap again and turned her tear-streaked face away for a moment.
Claire was silent. She could sense Vanessa's vulnerability and didn't want to push her away.
When Vanessa looked at Claire again, the harsh fluorescent lights of the classroom flashed in the girl's violet eyes. "Because of my sister," Vanessa rasped, sounding so rough compared to the clear singing of a few moments ago. She couldn't believe she was baring her soul to Claire like this. But maybe she was finally learning to trust after all. "Because of Abby."
Ooohhh the suspense builds... As usual, please send in your reviews!! Thanks for reading, and don't forget that CoolFolk, my friend's and my website, is 2 chapters ahead!! I know I'm just trying to bribe you all to go to the site...but all you have to do is click on the link in my profile--if you hate CoolFolk, all you'll have lost is a few minutes. LOL...Well, I'm not promising anything since next week is ISAT week and I have to take Gifted testing and go to a clarinet competition, but I hope you're looking forward to the next chapter!! Thanks again for reading...
--MC
