February 29, 2012
Dear Friend,
Things are actually starting to look up, at least on my end. I decided against singing an apology song, not that I didn't try…because I totally did. Just looking for one was kind of hell, like looking up 'songs to apologize to' on google or youtube never worked out well. I did find a good song by a band or person I don't know they/him is called 'Hey Adam!" the song was just called 'The Apology Song' it was actually a really good song, super catchy. Biggest problem with the song though it didn't work the situation, but it did give me a good song to listen on repeat for about an hour before I decided to listen to something else. Fun fact of the evening though is I am listening to it right now, end of stuff you don't actually care about. I bet it is nice you hearing about something that isn't tear jerking or well venting about my pathetic life.
Alright, now for my life story (or week story, whatever). Well the biggest surprise like ever happened, Kurt replied to me. I will never fully understand why it happened, but it is the biggest shock ever in my life. I think I am more surprised at that than I was about losing my virginity in the back of a car to someone I believe is 100% gay. Speaking of Blaine, I am still not talking to him very much. We did kind of text a little bit but I don't know, I guess it's the caring side of me that's not talking to him. I want him and Kurt to make up and I feel like I might ruin it more by talking to him. I don't really understand how my mind works anymore. I do feel bad though since Blaine is mentally breaking, and it's very obvious. He is hardly singing in Glee Club and spends a lot of time in the corner sad, it's very obvious he had been crying. I do just want to hug him and tell him everything will be ok, but I just don't feel like that would be a good idea. Maybe I will tell him why I'm not talking to him though, so I don't make him feel like I am avoiding him because of us sleeping together but I am avoiding him because I want to make things better. Damn the caring side of me, I miss my friend!
In new news that has nothing to do with my fuck up…I am starting to actually develop feelings for my old friend Adam. It's weird, like I know I put off a bad impression at first by pretty much being obsessed with his best friend, Eli. I screamed out "ELI GOLDSWORTHY PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE, DON'T PROVOKE HIM, HE'S AN ANIMAL." Yeah…I was weirder then. He called me psycho (I also had tampons in my nose, but hey they soak up bloody noses really well!) Anywhoooo, we spent a lot of time together with our band and I guess I did enjoy being with him more than the other members, but I never counted that as a crush. I was head over heels for Fiona then, maybe that could have something to do with it, I have no clue. Crushes are up there with the most confusing things, like ever. I think I'll ignore these feelings until my life is settled back to normal and until I figure things out, sounds like a great plan!
I am officially rambling and falling asleep on my pad of paper. Until next time I salute you!
Love,
Imogen
