A/N: Sorry this took so long. I have had it finished for weeks and just needed to go over it one more time before posting but I got sick and looking at it was making me dizzy. I sometimes feel like I am getting farther and farther off topic and maybe even linger on things too long before moving on. Which, I may or may not fix later. All my stories seem to be works in progress because I am always spying ways to improve them. xD Anyway, thank you for your patience to anyone who even still reads this! Hopefully my next update won't be so long.
Chapter 8: Paralysis
Kai's scheming had started with a sloppy, fumbling mess of adrenaline, hormones, and promiscuous clothes throwing as we made our way from the front door to the bedroom. Although we didn't end up in Kai's side. Somehow we ended up in mine. Tossing books and tripping over boxes loudly and without regard to anyone else who might happen to hear us or our practically primal noises. This left me waking up alone, confused, and a bit self-conscious.
At the time it had seemed like a wonderful idea and all the funny, awkward moments had been perfect and the best way to end such a strange day, but knowing that Max was in the room next to mine and Tyson's was one of the doors we may or may not have ended up against on the way, made going out to face them just a little bit…uncomfortable. Neither Tyson nor Max had ventured out to check on us however, so maybe I was just being nervous and paranoid for no reason.
Then again, there was a part of me that wished I could have seen their faces when they woke up and came outside…
As I make my way to the kitchen for breakfast, I gather up all the clothes as I walk (well at least the ones I pass along the way), tossing them into Kai's room before I close the door and turn, sauntering my way to the doorway.
Everyone else was already there and even if I hadn't had the pleasure of seeing their faces when they emerged, I did when I entered the kitchen. They weren't talking to each other, or to Kai, who was standing in the corner sipping his morning coffee and studying them in scrutiny. I could only imagine the exchange of words between them before I had arrived, if there even was any. From the looks of them now, there very may well have been none. They silently picked at their plates and one look at Tyson told me that something else was going on, he had barely acknowledged his food and didn't seem at all thrilled at having it there. He would most definitely NOT keep quiet about anything, no matter how embarrassing it was and he DEFINITELY wouldn't deny himself the enjoyment of eating. Something was seriously wrong. The question I had now was, was it us or was it whatever had happened last night between them?
I set my gaze on Kai, who I would have the most luck with at getting any incite. He had probably been trying to form his own opinions about it but would most likely act like he hadn't been. He had an image to uphold after all.
"What did you do to them?" I half joke as I walk over to him, hoping he would at least give me a clue. Sadly, he just shrugs and hops up onto the counter to sit down as if he has no interest. Typical. He seems to think that toying with me would be much more amusing, at least for him.
"How's your back?" he smirks, to which I respond by hiding my face as it heats up. He might think it's funny, but it was still too early for me to find the humor in my discomfort. I brush past him quickly and retreat to the protection of the refrigerator door as I open it to hide my face.
"It…it's fine…" I mumble, trying to think about anything else while scanning the inside of the fridge for anything quick to eat.
"Shame," he tosses any conversation he had wanted to start aside and takes a sip from his cup. I sense that he has more he wants to say but he keeps it to himself, probably for my sake. I can't help feeling he'll probably resume his little taunts later when I am more receptive to it. His smirk fades to a more serious expression and he clears his throat, finally taking consideration of the other two boys. "Now that we're all here…" he starts. I peek out of my hiding place in curiosity, half wondering what he could possibly want to talk about with all of us. Max sends Tyson a look, which gets ignored as Tyson sinks deeper into his isolated stance, before Max turns to Kai.
"What's up Kai?" he asks quietly, doing his best to hide how much he wishes he were anywhere else but there. Whether it's us or Tyson making him that way, I am still unsure. I want to ask and part of me thinks maybe Kai does too as Kai looks between the two of them in partial interest. But after a few seconds he seems to decide that he doesn't really care as he sets his coffee cup down next to him on the counter.
"Since…" he takes a pausing look at Tyson again as the said boy starts fiddling with a spoon in ignorance before he continues. I can almost hear his thoughts as he is more than likely cursing Tyson for his disrespect, but he takes on a more mature façade and goes on without bringing it to attention. "…neither of you seem to be going anywhere any time soon, I think it's time you start paying your own expenses." This manages to get Tyson to look up.
"You're joking," he states in a degrading tone. Kai tilts his head in mild skepticism before answering him with a stern look.
"Oh I'm quite serious," he replies cynically, not covering up his irritation. "I know you guys think magical fairies go around and clean and pay for things but this is real life. It's time you two grew up and took responsibility for yourselves. I'm not your mother."
"Tch," Tyson condescends. I wait for the backlash but Kai ignores his want to confront the attitude again and hops down off the counter, reclaiming his coffee cup and downing the rest of it in one fluent movement. He walks around the counter and places his cup in the sink before turning back to the other boy and finishing his declarations.
"Considering how much you love food, you can start buying your own," he continues, unwavering in his resolve. I decide that I could not possibly love Kai any more than I already do as Tyson shoots up from his chair in protest. I know I shouldn't make fun of my friends but when you live with somebody like Tyson for long enough, catering to his "needs" becomes a bit of a never-ending burden. He hadn't even been there a whole month and I was already wondering if I should get a job just to pay for his meals alone. I mean, come on, the boy can eat a whole grocery store. The simple image of him shopping for his own food is like sweet justice. And perfect. So, so perfect. Kai is a genius. No question about it.
"What?! No way!" he explodes, throwing a vehement and almost threatening look at Kai. "How? Where? I don't even know…" Kai flicks his head up, tossing his bangs aside so his glare can't be mistaken for anything less than serious, as he takes the spoon from Tyson's grasp when Tyson shoots it out at him menacingly. Well…as menacing as a spoon can be…
"I guess you better figure it out then." Kai urges, using his authority, and Tyson immediately grumbles and sits back down, crossing his arms. Kai turns to Max who has been quiet throughout the whole incident, waiting patiently for it to be over. He's apprehensive about what his new duty could be but he accepts that Kai's demands are never anything less than reasonable. Kai would never ask for something that he didn't think could be provided. That's what made him a good captain. "You don't have a job Max, so you can do the cleaning. If you decide to get a job we can discuss any other contributions later." Max nods wordlessly and goes back to picking at his food. I start to feel pained for my friend in his distress but Tyson hardly leaves room to think about anyone else when he's around.
"This is so unfair," he goes on grumbling. Kai remains un-phased by the displeasure and isn't even surprised by what he asks next. "What about Ray?"
In response to hearing my name, I go back to hiding behind the refrigerator door, suddenly feeling guilty for some reason. But I don't miss the smirk that the question brings about on Kai's face before he disappears from my view. He was never taken off guard, and he wasn't about to start now. He had something else up his sleeve to play with.
"If you hadn't noticed, Ray cooks. He's already earned his stay here." He turns away from the sink and I can't help but hear the mischievous hints in his voice. "In many ways." He shrugs as if deciding that equal opportunity wasn't out of the question and goes on. "Unless you want to…"
"No!" Tyson is quick to protest any furthering of that sentence. "No, no. Food is good." The room goes oddly quiet as Kai is done with his correspondence and the other two are probably trying to get rid of the images he has just created for them. I know I am. That and I start to feel like a maid or a mail order bride. I hadn't done any of the things I do daily as a way of payment of any kind. I did them simply because it was in my nature to do so. Damn that nature of mine. The natural habit of wanting to help at all times was really hard to break. And I certainly didn't consider anything we did privately as a payment for anything either. That was just as much for me as it was for him.
So, am I really going to let him paint me like that to our friends? Like some sub-servant instant gratification device?
The answer is yes.
I am so mortified at just the playful (false) insinuation that I can't even think of a retort or a defense. I continue to use the refrigerator door as protection as I grab the first thing I touch and rush to get away from everyone as soon as possible. Kai, however, has other plans. I dunno, maybe he has a thing for dramatic 'I am superior so nobody can leave before I make everyone uncomfortable or angry' exits. Or maybe he just wanted me to feel the heat a little bit more. But on my way around the counter he blocks my exit and grabs me gently by the chin. As an automatic reaction, I forget my recent desire to vacate the premises and lock eyes with him. He doesn't say anything but even without words he manages to say a lot and I smile, as if letting him know I'm not mad or upset in any way.
"I don't want to be late," I reply quietly, the words coming out slow and in a way that makes me feel like somehow we'd become the only two people left in the world. I was saying words that implied that I wanted to go, but there was no indication otherwise of my actually doing so. I catch a glint of adoration in his eye that lets me know that he isn't fooled but he'll play along anyway and he brings my face to his so he can kiss me chastely but lovingly, the aftertaste of coffee still on his lips and leaving a bitter tingle on mine.
"You should at least cook that first. You don't wanna get sick." He teases slyly before he gracefully turns and leaves the room himself. I stand there dazed a minute, unsure of exactly what he was talking about but Tyson decides to outburst again and my attention drops back into reality. Can't think of anything but him, remember?
"Who does he think he is? Just ordering us around all the time… He said he wasn't my mom but he sure sounds like one!" Tyson bangs his hands on the table and stands up, angrily grabbing his plate and whipping his way over to the sink, practically shoving me out of the way.
"Just do it Tyson, it's better than the alternative," Max tries to calm him down. He was the smarter of the two of course, seeing the bigger picture and his way to stay without being made to feel unwanted. To him, everything worked out for the best.
"Nobody asked you," Tyson bites back before storming out of the kitchen himself. I flitch at the tone and wonder what they could be fighting about that would cause a rift that deep between them. They were pretty much inseparable all the time so anything that could make them fight like that must be pretty big.
Max sighs and shovels the last remnants of food from his plate into his mouth and stands up himself. He passes by me to discard his own dishes but before he leaves I figured I would at least attempt to find out what was going on so I lightly tap his arm to get his attention as he turns.
"Hey Max. What do you think about…"
"Nice try Ray, but not this time. It's too important to just blurt out and you can't trick me like you used to. I'm smarter than that now." He gives me a small smile and a pat on the back, leaving the dishes and walking to the doorway. "And Kai's right. You should really cook those first." He winks and disappears. I look down at the object in my hand and realize it's a carton of eggs.
I close my eyes, cursing myself for how stupid I can be sometimes and take it back to the fridge, returning it and grabbing a piece of fruit. Taking a bite, I exit the kitchen myself and start down the hallway. I pass Kai as he's on his way to leave for work, carrying his laptop and shuffling through a pile of papers.
Papers.
"Shit." I curse, dropping my mouth open at forgetting my assignments AGAIN and alerting Kai enough to look up at me surprised. He quickly covers up the emotion and looks back down at his papers as he keeps walking.
"You don't have to announce it before you go," he relays cynically. I ignore the snide remark and run past him and into the library. I scramble to find my notes for my final unfinished essay but stop short when instead I find a paper with my name on it sticky noted to the computer screen.
"You're welcome!" I hear Kai yell before the front door closes as a final farewell. I pick up the paper, a fond smile washing over my face. I take back what I said before about not thinking I could love him any more than I already do.
"God, I love that man," I relax from my panic and run a hand through my hair, tucking it behind my ear and out of my face.
"Hey Ray!" Tyson suddenly drops in behind me. "Can I ride with you again? I don't like travelling alone…" I barely regard him with a nod.
"Uh, okay. Just let me get dressed…" I mumble absently and he jumps up in celebration. Then the realization hits me and I look up sharply. "But only if Max comes too. I have something I need to talk with him about before class." Tyson's previous enjoyment of my answer fades and he huffs, but shrugs in agreement anyway.
"Yeah sure," he says shortly. I silently praise myself at my brilliant plan to get the two of them back together before taking the paper and the rest of my school work and walking back towards my room, reading it over. It was absolutely beautiful and I am captivated. What made it so great was how much the paper sounded like me. Nobody else reading it would ever know that I wasn't the author. How the hell does he do that so well? "And you might want to wear a high collar," Tyson remarks as he follows me out, stopping me in my tracks and forcing my happy thoughts to sink below ones of shame. The slight pain of the bruise starts to throb in response, having the attention thrown on it and my hand drifts to my neck. I turn only to catch Tyson's sour look before he disappears into his room to finish getting ready himself.
"Thanks…" I reply absently. If his mood didn't improve pronto, I might never get to savor my enjoyment ever again.
"I have a turtleneck if you want to borrow it," Max pokes his head out from behind me. I turn towards him. At least Max was more helpful and less…demoralizing.
"Sure." Despite the idea that he was offering me help, I suddenly feel surrounded and vulnerable, having been the only one who apparently hadn't noticed or cared about the mark or the insinuations that it implied. I couldn't even stop to appreciate the sweet gesture my boyfriend had made to me because all my head space was filled with other voices and concerns about how humiliating it would be to walk into a classroom of people who didn't know who I was, or maybe even did somewhat, and be subject to all their judging and scrutinizing stares. Why do all the things that make you feel good have such bad stigmas?
Max drops back into his room and I hear him rummaging through some things before he pops back out a minute later, holding out a black sweater.
"This is yours?" I ask skeptically, staring at him in disbelief. He smiles, the first genuinely normal thing he's done all day, and hands it over.
"My Mom bought it for me to wear to my interviews. She said it would make me look more professional and classy," he explains. I laugh at the sentiment and gladly accept it.
"Thanks," I smile back and go to get dressed. I think over how I can get the two of them to talk while on our travels as I get ready and then go out to meet them. But my genius plan turns out not to be that genius after all and only seems to make them 10 times more awkward and insistent on not communicating with each other. It was even more awkward for me because whenever one of them would try to talk to me, the other would interrupt and it would end in complete silence between all three of us. I was determined to figure out what was going on and get them to make up again but it was clear that this hadn't been the way to do it.
Max's phone ringing was the only thing that broke the heavy silence and he gruffly apologizes before answering. Tyson takes the distraction as an advantage to get a word in.
"Truth or Dare, Ray?"
"Oh, um, dare?" I say unsure. It seemed very random and out of place, even for Tyson but I guessed it wouldn't hurt to play along anyway.
"Okay, I dare you to do something crazy." A pause. "With Kai." As if that would make it more interesting. I look at him as if I just realized he was there and was actually talking to me and contemplate the dare carefully.
"Define 'crazy'." I laugh at him, growing amused at how juvenile I feel for even thinking about seriously.
"Break into a house. Steal something and then return it. Sleep in a store after it's closed. I dunno!" He throws his hands up incredulously.
"So, besides starting a criminal record, what ELSE constitutes 'crazy'?" I bemuse, not taking his theatrics for a real challenge. He growls, clearly frustrated by my answer.
"Tys, I think you need a vacation," Max interjects, finally done with his phone call. "You're starting to talk…nonsensical." Tyson rolls his eyes and scowls.
"Like you would know," he mutters unpleasantly. I pull on Tyson's sleeve to get him to look at me. Even if he wouldn't talk to Max or see how much the other boy was hurting, maybe he would still listen to me.
"Hey, whatever is going on between you two needs to be fixed. This isn't like you. Either of you," I insist, giving Max a look as well and hoping at least one of them would crack and just tell me. My efforts are fruitless as usual and the whole matter gets brushed aside again.
"Please Ray?" Tyson switches moods and puts on a begging face. "You committed when you chose 'Dare'."
I sigh not getting what I wanted and not seeing any other way out.
"Fine, but it'll have to wait. This is your stop."
"Yes!" Tyson cheers. He throws an elated hug around me, then pinches my cheek and runs to get off the bus before it leaves with him still on it. "I can't wait to see what you come up with! I'll go tell Kai!" The doors close and he waves good-bye before running off into the BBA building excitedly. At least he's thinking more highly of Kai again. That's some progress right? I swear that kid is bipolar.
"God, what have I done?" I shake my head and drop it with a groan. Max snickers, reminding me that he's still there and I look back up at him. "Oh come on! You could at least offer a suggestion instead of making fun." I smile and push him, which only makes him laugh a little harder and then dwindle off into a silent smirk. "Jerk," I say teasingly. He coughs and his smile fades a little as he seems to sink into deep thought.
"Ray, can I ask you something personal?" he starts timidly.
"Sure, Max. We ARE friends after all."
"When you… I mean, did you… How long…" he struggles to find the right words. "Have you always known or did it just kind of…happen?" He turns hopeful eyes on me. The kind that instantly make me feel sorry for him but without knowing why. Ones that are searching for something solid but can't quite grasp anything but sand. Then as quickly as it had come, his expression changes and he looks away. "Mmm, never mind. I'm not sure what I am even asking…" I smile reassuringly and hope he knows his words weren't completely lost of meaning. Even if I wasn't exactly sure what was going through his head, I suddenly had an idea that everything was connected even if it seemed separate.
"Max, does this have anything to do with Tyson?" I pause, judging a reaction before I continue. He doesn't look back up and seems to start fidgeting and shuffling his feet. In my book, that's a clear sign I'm not too far off base. "Do you perhaps…LIKE…Tyson?" I suggest, hoping it isn't too forward or off putting to be so direct with him. I admit I had become a bit rusty in my intuitive nature but it was still a natural ability and I couldn't deny its accuracy even if my confidence wasn't as strong. His face twisting into a panicked expression and the light flush was enough for me to know I wasn't completely stabbing at air. But before he gets too uncomfortable I shake my head. "Or maybe you're just unsure? No pressure. I'm not trying to make assumptions and I don't want to seem like just because I developed feelings for Kai that it…" His face starts to get darker and I start to panic myself, not wanting to push him farther away. "…happens to everyone…or that…this is weird. I'm so sorry." I sigh and open my mouth so start an apology speech or maybe a speech about how awkward it was for me at first too and that I'm there if he wanted to talk. Or anything, just to make him feel more comfortable.
"Yes," he replies in a soft almost whisper, keeping his head down and his eyes on his feet. "Maybe." He springs back to life suddenly and looks up in frustration. "I wish I knew!" I watch him a minute, unsure, letting him have the silent battle with himself about his confession. Also allowing it to sink in to my own brain as well. It wasn't a complete shock seeing as how they were always together. And Max never held back anything with Tyson the way he did with other people. It made perfect sense. And maybe it was strange to think that Max, the boy who openly flirts with girls and reads those bikini catalogs, was into a guy, but hey, if he was anything like me, it wasn't because he was a guy, it was because he was Tyson. Which I could totally understand. Not that I liked Tyson, or had ever thought I did, but he had his charming qualities. His determination for one. His altruism and his ability to forgive just about anything and act like it never happened. He had a very pure soul. Which is also why his behavior the past few weeks was absolutely perplexing. I wonder if that was connected as well somehow.
But I'm getting off topic. Max obviously needs a friend right now.
"Max," I try to get his attention back. "If you want to figure it out…I'm here for you. No judgement. I'll listen."
"I can't," he sighs. "Tyson said… He… He likes someone else." He shakes his head as if to rid himself of the information, its meaning, and everything that had just been passed between us.
"Is that what you are fighting about?" I can't help my curiosity or want to resolve the issues at hand but his entire demeanor changes once more and he graces me with his normal wide smile, looking much more like himself and much less of a wreck.
"How'd you do on that project anyway? It was hard right? I didn't think they gave us enough time. I almost forgot about it with all this president stuff going on. I'm happy it'll be over soon." I frown. He obviously wanting to talk about it but he was still holding himself back for some reason. Maybe it was whatever had happened between him and Tyson or maybe it was something Tyson had told him to keep a secret, but he was clearly conflicted over it and needed to get his thoughts out. I could tell that even after taking that first step, he was still hesitant and unsure. So, against my better judgement and my desire to help, I decide to play along, not wanting to push him too far if he wasn't completely ready yet. I know how hard it was for me when I was fighting myself. I almost wish I had had the courage he just displayed to ask somebody else before Kai figured it out himself. It probably would have been much easier to deal with.
"How long until you know?"
"Soon. The girls running for VP and Treasurer are going to help me take all the posters down next week so I can finish my midterms. This school stuff is rough!" He laughs, knowing how hard I had been working as well and trusting that I would understand.
"What are you going to do if you win? Your free time will disappear fast!" I laugh in return. He nods enthusiastically in agreement.
"Yeah, but that might be nice though." I sense something hidden in his words but choose not to inquire further. The little pings of curiosity getting harder and harder to ignore as my conscience continues overpowers them.
"Being busy is nice but it's good to relax too. Winter break will be nice. Are you going home for the holidays?" I ask partly wondering if maybe Kai and I could spend the holidays alone but knew that even if we didn't we would still have fun with all of us together. Honestly I couldn't wait to decorate. This would be the first year celebrating in my own place. I had wanted to make it special and had started planning it in my head months ago. I hadn't been able to get Kai as enthusiastic about it though. Halloween was probably a better holiday to try and get him excited for. I can just picture the horrors he would develop. I shiver just thinking about it.
"I'm not sure. I have to talk to my Dad." Max responds, letting the rest of the conversation drop and falling into a thoughtful silence. He sends a few more picks at me about his new cleaning duties and having to deal with Tyson's dare, mocking my utter lack of resolve before we reach our stop and go our separate ways. After he leaves I am not quite sure how to go about approaching the subject again. Tyson was surely oblivious to the situation, IF it hadn't been what they had fought about, and Max probably wasn't going to bring it up so freely again. My need to help eventually would jump ahead of my conscious effort to allow him the space and time he needed to decide on his own to talk. But I wasn't sure who to talk to first and wondered if it would bother Kai if I asked him for advice. Just the thought of asking Kai seemed a strange consideration, but that's what people do when they're in a relationship right? Talking might be something we needed to start working on and maybe this was a good way to start.
