A/N: thanks for the love my dear readers :) here is a new chapter for you all :) read my other fics too please :)
Chapter 9
The way home from the hospital was one that Kendall hoped they'd never have to make again. They hadn't only been informed about one bad news that most of the family had expected, but more.
While his father drove the car, his mother sat on the passenger's seat, Kendall was in the back with Ellie, holding her hand tightly, he was afraid of future more than he'd ever been.
Nobody ever spoke a word and Kendall hated the silence.
He wanted to think positively as ever, and it wasn't for his like that he couldn't. After all he knew that whatever had happened was not something that they could have stopped. And the best would be to move on and live life like before.
But it sounded so stupid for him, and apparently for every other member of his family too.
If any of them had ever thought that the way to the baby's birth was going to be smooth even after this, than they would have spoken, right?
But nobody could say a word.
They were too afraid of getting their hopes up too high.
At this moment Kendall was glad (again) that they hadn't just ran off with Ellie and James. They would have found about Ellie and the baby's condition anyways and they would have had to go through everything alone.
At least his parents now were there.
But it was obvious that they were scared too.
So much that they couldn't even try to cheer the kids up, because they knew that saying things like "everything will be okay", wouldn't actually make things okay.
But why is life so cruel to her? Kendall's eyes filled with tears as he turned to his girlfriend and had to witness her emotionless face.
Ellie couldn't think, she couldn't cry, even though she wanted to. But she knew she had to stay calmed for the best.
Kendall felt sorry for her. She'd wanted this baby so much and life had to make it so hard for her to bring it to this world. He tried to, but he couldn't imagine what it felt like. Yes, it was his child too, so he could imagine part of it. He'd been fearing to lose it ever since they'd found out about Ellie's pregnancy. And now he had a real reason to be afraid.
But what it could be like for her?
A woman is born to give birth to children, to raise them within her body as long as it's ready for life. During those months they grow a connection that is so special, something that no other human being can understand, only another mother.
He was certain that Ellie had had been through hell, and it was only the beginning.
She could lose the life growing inside her any minute of the day. Although Kendall wanted to take her fears away, he couldn't take away this. He only hoped that Ellie wasn't going to have to experience their baby's death. He could only imagine what it must be like to feel a piece of life being ripped out of him. And the thought made him choke.
Kendall didn't want that to Ellie.
Guilt rose in him as he again thought about the fact that it was all his fault. After all he'd gotten her pregnant.
He didn't really understand what was going on in her body, but he knew that both Ellie and the baby's lives were in danger, because of some abnormality in her system. Something that was probably a kind of genetic condition. She's not ever gotten anything from her mother, but sickness. Literally.
Ellie's doctors had offered an abortion. They'd said that risking her life wasn't worth it to give birth.
But Ellie said no, saying that it was worth everything. Knowing that her condition wasn't curable, she thought that if she couldn't make it now, then she had the same chances of failing again any time of her life. Whenever she'd want a child she'd be haunted by this curse. She may die, or her baby may die, or both of them.
The house was quiet this time again when Ellie stepped in. Just like last time. Two days ago. She'd been at hospital for two days and yet it felt like it had been ages ago when she saw her room last time. She liked the huge bed, and she liked the fact that Kendall could comfortably lie next to her too, unlike in the hospital.
He could hold her.
He could make her feel like there was light on the end of this very long and dark way that they had been walking on.
Soft kisses were placed all over the top of her head, but all they did was making her eyes teary.
Sometime soon she fell asleep wrapped up in Kendall's warmth and love.
When Kendall noticed that she was in dreamland, he carefully got out of bed and made it downstairs where he knew he could find his parents. "Have you called James?"
"No." Don answered. "We thought you'd like to tell him the ... news."
"Okay. I would like to talk to him in person, but I don't want to leave Ellie's side." Kendall sighed dropping himself into one of the chairs around the table.
His mom went behind him and squeezed his shoulder. "You know we will take care of her. She's good with us, and I believe that in the following months, or basically anytime in her life, she wouldn't like it if you wanted to be around her all the time. She'd sooner or later feel guilty about locking yourself to her. Also, she needs some space of her own, you remember?"
Kendall knew that Jennifer was right. "Even now?" He couldn't help but glance up at her and ask. Worry always taking over his brain. "Of course. I've seen her growing up and know her quite well and most of the girls, women, are like that."
Almost snapping a "Ellie's not like most of the girls" at his mom, Kendall shrugged. "Okay. I'll go and see James."
The coldness woke her sooner than she would have liked to be awake. For a few minutes she lay in bed, caressing her stomach and praying that the last two days had been a nightmare only and none of the terrible things happened.
But a look at the bedside table where the huge pile of hospital papers were left made her realize that she hadn't been dreaming.
After letting a huge sigh escape her lips and swallowing back a sob, she got onto her feet and feeling more tired than ever before, Ellie made her way downstairs in hope of finding something to eat.
On her way she could hear chatter from the kitchen. Mr and Mrs Knight were discussing something. Their voices were filled with worry, they were speaking too quietly, and Ellie noticed that Jennifer not once almost started to cry.
Ellie stopped at the bottom of the stairs and listened. It wasn't right, she knew it, but there was no turning back now.
"These poor children don't deserve this. Not a woman on this planet deserves to be told that she might not even be able to give birth her child." Jennifer whispered.
There was some noise of moving, and then Don talked, "I know baby, I know. We'll help her. Whatever way it turns out we won't leave her alone, right?"
"No, never." Mrs Knight sobbed. A few minutes of silence came and Ellie thought they might have stopped talking and started hugging, or doing something different, so she almost turned to head upstairs when Jennifer restarted. "It just ... it makes it even harder to tell them that we're expecting a baby too."
Oh God. Ellie was afraid that she might faint so she lowered to the bottom step. She could still hear the Knight parents talking, but she couldn't make out what they said. Everything became a blur. Breathe. Ellie, breathe. Drying her tears up and feeling strong enough to reach upstairs, she stood.
When she was in her room again, she collapsed onto the bed and silently started crying.
It wasn't like she didn't feel happy for Mrs Knight. She also knew that Kendall would have liked a sibling for a very long time now.
But if something would happen to her baby, and she should watch Jennifer with a growing belly and with all the happiness of a perfect and healthy pregnancy, Ellie had no idea how she'd survive it.
Her baby would always remind me that I couldn't carry mine. Crying she fell asleep again.
