Hey, guys. Once again, sorry for the wait on this chapter. First was the stupid power outage for days on end where I live, and then I forgot that I hadn't actually finished and posted this chapter, and THEN when I realized that and started to try and finish it I'd hit a block because it sounded like crap to me, but I finally got it so I hope you all like it.

And here's a special thanks to XxZessxX I wouldn't have been able to finish this chapter without you.


Chapter 9

Gabriel's body felt numb as he fell to his knees in the floor, breath coming in short gasps for some reason as he felt as though something had just ripped a hole in his chest. "S-Sam…" he choked out, knowing the hunter was long gone by now but feeling the need to try and call for him again nonetheless.

God, this pain was unbearable… He'd felt pain before, but he'd never experienced a pain like this in his entire existence. It hurt so much, and he didn't know what to do or how to heal himself since all he usually had to do was focus on whatever pain he was feeling and his grace would automatically heal him. But, no matter how hard he tried to focus on the pain, his grace was doing nothing to heal him.

He was confused when he finally realized a strange sound was coming from him, and he was even more confused when he registered something was running down his cheeks and he saw a few drops of water fall in the floor. He furrowed his brows as he brought a shaky hand up to touch his face to find his cheeks were wet, and he realized the strange sound he was making must've been sobs…and that meant his cheeks were wet because he was crying…

The angel had never shed tears before. He'd felt many human things since he'd run away from home and hidden amongst the humans, including sadness, but he'd never experienced it to this extent before. And what was worse was the more he thought on what he should do now, the worse he felt.

He thought about getting up and going after Sam to beg him to believe him, but he knew that wouldn't work. So he thought about maybe just doing what Sam told him to do and get the hell out of town before he and Dean came after him to kill him, but that thought just made him cry even harder because of how dead serious Sam had sounded when he told him if he was still here when they came back he would kill him without hesitation. Yes, he knew the boys couldn't actually kill him, but hearing Sam would be able to do it without a second thought?

He couldn't bring himself to move, so he simply stayed there in the floor and tightly wrapped his wings around himself as he cried for his hunter.


Dean was nervously pacing the room as he waited for Sam to return while Bobby looked up what they'd need to kill a trickster since he couldn't remember off the top of his head.

Even though he and Sam had been at each other's throats all week that didn't mean he wasn't worried about his little brother. It didn't take a genius to know Sam was really into Gabe and that the revelation of what he was had hit him hard, and it also didn't take a genius to know that Sam hadn't just gone for a walk.

He knew he probably should've gone with him when he left to make sure he didn't do something stupid, but he understood that he'd needed some space after what they'd found out. He just hoped that he'd made the right call in not going after him since the trickster could easily kill him if Sam went to confront him like Dean was sure he did.

"Found it. We need a stake dipped in the blood of one of the trickster's victims," Bobby announced as he got to his feet.

Dean nodded, stopping his pacing when he finally heard the motel door open, and he frowned as he noticed Sam's red-rimmed eyes as his brother made his way into the room and straight over to one of the beds to lay down.

"Uh, so, I'll get on that and be back soon," Bobby muttered before quietly making his way out of the room.

Dean hesitated for a few minutes before he finally made his way over to the bed and took a seat next to his brother. "…You ok?"

"No," Sam replied, voice muffled from where he had his face buried in a pillow.

"…Wanna tell me what happened with him?" Dean asked carefully.

He wasn't exactly one for the whole 'talk about our feelings' type of thing, but he knew Sam was so he wasn't going to be a dick and ignore him.

"…How do you know I went to see him?" Sam asked after a few minutes.

Dean gave a small smile at that. "Because I know you. So what happened?" he asked curiously, wondering how Sam was still alive if he confronted the trickster since he didn't know how to kill him.

"…I…I didn't mean to go to his place… I really did just wanna go for a walk and clear my head, but then…somehow I ended up at his apartment… I didn't know if I should go in or just leave, but before I really even made a conscious decision I was making my way inside and I just…"

Dean reached out and soothingly rubbed Sam's back like he'd do for him whenever he was sick as a dog and could barely lift his head without wanting to throw up everywhere.

"I lost it… He was just laying on the couch reading, and then he saw me and tried to kiss me like everything was normal, and I lost it… I told him I knew what he was, and he finally fessed up and admitted it-told me he was Loki… And it just got worse from there…" Sam said brokenly, Dean gritting his teeth and wanting that bastard trickster in front of him so he could rip him apart for hurting Sam like this.

"I don't know why he kept trying to lie to me, but he kept saying what happened between me and him wasn't a trick… He said he didn't plan on us getting together like that, and that he was just gonna keep us distracted with being pissed at each other and leave town before we knew what was going on around here, but he said he couldn't because of me…"

Dean furrowed his brows in confusion, about to ask what he meant when Sam suddenly let out a sob and looked at him as he angrily wiped at his face.

"Then he claimed he was gonna tell me what he was but he didn't because he was afraid of how I'd react, and I just don't understand why he kept saying all that and tried to get me to understand what he does and why he does it when I know better than to believe anything he says! What's the point in keeping up this stupid farce when he knows I know?!"

Dean let out a sigh as he shook his head. "I don't know, Sammy. Maybe he thought you were gonna kill him and he was saying that so you'd let him live. Speaking of, should I just call Bobby and tell him to forget the stakes we need since you tipped Loki off?"

"I don't know… I told him I didn't know how to kill him yet so he should take the time to get the hell out of town before we figured it out, so for all I know he could've already taken off."

"You actually told him to get out of town while he had the chance, huh?"

"Don't, Dean. Just don't."

"Hey, I'm not judging. I get it, man. You liked him. Even if you know he tricked you, it doesn't change the fact that he got to you and you don't wanna have to be the one to kill him. You should've waited and let me and Bobby go with you to take care of it after you got the truth out of him instead of going by yourself and giving him a head's up so he could run off, but I get why you did it."


Sam wasn't sure how long he laid there with Dean rubbing his back like he used to whenever he was younger and he'd wake up from a nightmare and cry until Dean sat with him and helped him get back to sleep, or whenever he felt like he was dying because he was so sick he couldn't even move, but he eventually moved to get up and made his way into the bathroom for a hot shower.

God, he felt like crap… He just wanted to curl up next to Dean and fall asleep, something he rarely ever did since he turned thirteen and decided he was too old to still be hanging all over his brother. Of course, Dean never seemed to mind unless something had happened and Sam had been the one trying to comfort Dean since the jerk seemed to think it was his job to take care of Sam and not the other way around.

He took a shaky breath as he stepped under the hot spray of water, and he tightly clenched his fists as he tried to think about whether or not they should bother going after Gabe when Bobby got back since he doubted the trickster would still be in town. Then, of course, there was also the thought of what would happen if he was still here.

Yeah, Sam had told him that he wouldn't hesitate to kill him if he saw him again, but he'd only said that because he'd been so angry. Now that he'd actually had time to calm down he was more upset than angry, and he honestly didn't think he'd be able to kill Gabe if it came down to it. And that was stupid, wasn't it? Gabe was a monster that wouldn't hesitate to kill him if they saw each other again, even if the bastard had still been trying to convince him that what they had was real, so why should he feel hesitant to kill the trickster?

He was snapped out of his thoughts when the water pelting against his skin started to feel like shards of ice, and he quickly cleaned up and got out. And after he was dressed he made his way out into the room and started to make his way over to the bed Dean was fast asleep on so he could curl up next to his brother, though he paused when he noticed something out of the corner of his eye.

He looked just to blink as he noticed his laptop and money clip sitting on the couch with a red rose laying across the lid of the laptop and a note next to it that simply read: I'm sorry, Sam

Sam wadded up the note and threw it in the floor along with the rose, and he frowned as he stared at his laptop. Part of him wanted to throw that too and just get a new one, but he knew that was stupid so he just left it where it was and pocketed his money.

He thought about going over to his brother now, though for some reason he had this nagging in the back of his head that was telling him to look up more information on the dead professor and animal tester. He didn't know why he wanted to do it, though he told himself it was obviously because he wanted to prove to himself that the trickster really was a liar so it would make it easier to kill him if they did happen to run into him again.

It was with this thought that he took a seat and opened up his laptop and really started digging for information on the professor and even getting into the school server and looking through posts from the students.

By the time Dean's phone went off and woke him up, Bobby apparently calling to let them know he was on his way back with the stakes they needed, Sam was at a loss for words and unable to process what he'd just found.

"Whoa, where'd the laptop come from?" Dean asked curiously as he headed into the small kitchenette and started messing with the crappy coffee maker.

"It was laying on the couch when I got out of the shower."

Dean froze just to turn to look at him. "What?"

"Yeah, I got out of the shower and it was just laying over here with my money clip and a note," Sam muttered as he looked to the crumpled note that was still laying in the floor alongside the discarded rose.

Dean arched a brow as he made his way over to the scrap of paper and unfolded it just to look it over. "Right… Ok, well, uh… I gotta admit it's a little unnerving to know that thing came in here while I was sleeping just to give you back your stuff and say sorry. Hell, why risk coming here in the first place when he knows we know what he is? What's the point? He can't seriously still think you'd let him screw with your head again."

Sam was quiet for a few minutes as he stared at the picture of the young woman that had committed suicide after the school ignored her claims of being raped by one of her professors, and the longer he stared at the picture the more everything Gabe told him started to eat away at him.

"What if… What if he wasn't lying? I mean, do you think maybe he could've actually been telling me the truth?"

Dean gave him a weird look at that. "What? No, man. Why the hell would you even think that when he's been lying to you since the day he met you?"

"I don't know, I just… If it really was just some game to him, then why would he try to calm me down whenever I was pissed at you? I mean, sometimes you'd call or I'd think of something you did or said that pissed me off, and next thing I'd know I'd feel this wave of calm whenever he'd touch me. And, whenever I really stop to think about it, I can't really think of anything he's lied to me about. Hell, sometimes when we talked and I asked him something he could've easily tried to lie to me about, he either changed the subject or said very little about whatever it was. And that's kinda how I did with Jess-I'd tell her part of the truth when she'd ask certain things, and I'd keep my mouth shut about the rest 'cause I didn't wanna lie to her."

Dean scoffed, "What, so you're saying you don't think he was blowing smoke up your ass this whole time just 'cause you never lied to Jessica? Seriously? What the hell kinda logic is that?"

Sam frowned just to look down. "I don't know… But he said he killed those two guys for a reason. He said the professor wasn't just screwing around with students, he was actually raping some of them, and he said the animal tester was torturing the animals. Call me crazy, but I thought I'd look into what he said, and it turns out a student committed suicide a few weeks ago because she reported she was raped by our dead professor. And I hacked into her email and the day she killed herself she got a message from the dean saying they wouldn't put up with an accusation like that just because she was mad she was failing one of her classes.

And the animal guy? Turns out he had to attend court-ordered anger management classes, and lost way more animals than he should've with the tests he was doing. Kinda makes me wonder what he was really doing to them."

"What the hell does that have to do with anything, Sam?"

"He wasn't hurting anyone."

"He killed two people that we know of! Who knows how many other bodies he's dropped!"

"He only killed those two guys because they deserved it!"

"How the hell could you think that?!"

"What about you?"

Dean blinked, obviously thrown off by the question. "What? I don't kill people, Sam."

"You killed those people that were infected with that demon virus."

Dean made a face at that. "That was different, Sam. Like you said, they were infected!"

"Yeah, well you were gonna kill one when you didn't know if he really was infected or not! And what about that time I was kidnapped by those backwater hicks that were hunting people for fun? If that cop wasn't there you would've killed all of them, wouldn't you?"

Dean paused, seeming to be at a loss for words as he thought about it. "I… That… They were gonna kill you, Sam."

"Yeah, and they were just people, Dean. But you would've killed them anyways, and you can't say that you wouldn't have because I saw the look on your face after I untied you from that chair-you would've killed that kid if I hadn't locked her in the closet."

"She was a freaking psycho like the rest of her fucked up family of inbred hillbillies! If anything, that crazy little bitch at least deserved to have her ass kicked!" Dean snapped.

"Yeah, but she was still just a person. How's that any different from Gabe?"

"Oh my god, we're not seriously having this conversation, right? How the hell could you compare me to him?! He's a monster, Sam! You can't trust a single thing he says!" Dean reasoned.

"I don't know, ok!" Sam finally snapped just to tightly clench his fists as he looked down. "I just don't get why we're looking at this whole thing in black and white when it's not that simple."

"Not that-are you kidding me?! It is that simple! This thing kills people for shits and giggles, and you're letting yourself believe this crap story about only killing people that deserve it or some shit just because you found a few things that sound like it's a possibility he was telling the truth about the two guys he killed here. And even if he is, that doesn't mean all the other people he's killed did anything to really deserve it!" Dean pointed out just to finally stop and take a deep breath to calm himself down as he made his way over and plopped down on the couch next to Sam.

"Look, I get that this is hard for you, but you can't let him get into your head like this," he said softly as he reached over and closed the laptop. "You're not doing yourself any favors by driving yourself crazy with this. He lied to you, Sammy. He used you, and he's still trying to screw with you even now because it's easy to see there's still a part of you that's desperate to believe his bullshit."

Sam took a shaky breath as he gave a slow nod, blinking to try and stop the burning in his eyes. "Yeah… You're right…"

"…You want me and Bobby to take care of it ourselves? I mean, chances are the bastard's already skipped town, but in case he's still here we can go and take care of it so you don't have to."

"I… No, I-I need to be there in case you guys need back up… I can handle it… He's a monster, right? So it's just like any other job," Sam said with a weak smile as a few tears escaped him, glancing to his brother when he felt him wipe at his cheek with his shirt sleeve.

"Except it's not… Seriously, Sammy, stay here. You don't have to see him again, and you don't have to kill him. I'll take care of it."

Sam picked at his jeans as he thought it over for a few minutes before slowly shaking his head. "No, I should go with you."

"Sam-"

"I said no, Dean! I can't just…" Sam trailed off just to shake his head. "I'm going with you. I just wanna make sure I'm there in case things get out of hand."

"Yeah? For who?"

Sam blinked just to look to his brother in surprise. "What?"

"I know that look, Sam. That's the same one you gave me when you didn't want me to help Gordon take out that nest of vampires. You don't want us to kill the trickster."

Sam scoffed, "I-I never said that!"

"You don't have to say it! Even though you know I'm right about that thing, you don't want us to kill him! I can't risk you being there with us if we actually find him since your head's not in the right place right now, and that kinda thing is what gets you killed!"

They both looked to the door when they heard a knock, and when Sam got to his feet he noticed Dean shoot him a glare before he opened the door and Bobby handed him a stake and tossed another one to Sam.

"We ready to go lookin' for this thing?" Bobby asked as he looked between the brothers and noticed how tense they looked. "Somethin' wrong?"

"No. Let's go. It's just gonna be you and me on this one. Sam's staying here," Dean informed him as he started to push past the elder hunter.

Sam thought about protesting, but when he stopped to think about it wasn't it honestly better if he stayed behind? Dean was right… Even knowing what Gabe was, he felt conflicted at the thought of actually killing him.

It made sense that the trickster was a liar and just wanted Sam feeling like this so they wouldn't kill him or try and come after him if he'd already left town, and Sam wanted to be pissed and wanted a chance to confront Gabe again and make him pay for making him feel like this…but more than anything he couldn't help but want what they had to have been real…

Maybe it was stupid, and maybe it was the child equivalent of thinking nothing could hurt you if you just pulled the covers over your head, but if he stayed here he could pretend it had meant something. And he knew if Dean and Bobby did actually find the trickster that Dean wouldn't say anything-would probably lie to his face so he wouldn't have to think about them killing Gabe, so he'd still be able to pretend… He'd be able to pretend he actually meant as much to him as Gabe had meant to him, and he'd be able to pretend there was a chance he'd see him again and Gabe could somehow prove everything to him and they'd be able to work it out and be ok…

It was because of this thought that he let Dean walk away and he didn't make a move to stop Bobby from closing the door. He just sat back down and brought his hands up to cover his face as he tried to stop thinking about Gabe and sort out his clusterfuck of emotions.