Disclaimer: I do not own Wicked or FMA.
Note: This song is sung by primarily Roy, with interjections from Ed and Riza. Roy is trying to train Ed to be a better alchemist. The timeline isn't really solid, this is just a lighthearted comedic song. Enjoy!
Alchemy
Roy: Ed now that you've become my subordinate, I've decided to make you my new project
Ed: You REALLY don't have to do that
Roy: I know, that's what makes me so great
Whenever I see someone, less knowledgeable than I,
And let's face it, who isn't, less knowledgeable than I?
My flaming heart tends to start to bleed
Riza: And when someone needs a lesson learned
You simply have to take over
Roy: I know, I know exactly what you need
And even in your case, though it's the toughest case I've yet to face
Don't worry, I'm determined to succeed
Follow my lead, and yes indeed
You'll. Be. An.
Alchemist!
You'll be an alchemist
You'll be in the proper state so you can transmutate
Little circles you have to draw! Ooh!
Ed: Don't show me what coats to wear
How to braid my hair
I don't need your help to become an alchemist
I know about alchemy.
Roy: You'll learn to help me insert
Some cute miniskirts
Riza: That's not what he has to know!
Roy: So let's start!
Cuz you've got an awfully long way to go
Riza: Don't be offended by his frank analysis…
Roy: Think of it as personality dialysis
Now that I'm chosen to become a mentor, leader, and advisor
There's nobody wiser
Not when it comes to
Alchemy
I know about alchemists
And with an assist from me
You'll grow to who you'll be,
Instead of tiny who you were, well are
Ed: There's nothing that can stop me from shoving this up your-
Riza: BOYS! Boys!
Roy: Riiiiiizaaaaaa Riiiiiizaaaaaaaa
I'm gonna make Ed an alchemist
When I see small shrimp-like creatures
With angry, red, beet like features
Ed: I'll remind you on your own behalf:
(same time)I'll smack you!
Roy: (same time) I'll be a
celebrated head of state, for making girls wear miniskirts here
Riza: Do you have brains or knowledge?
Ed: Don't make me laugh!
Roy: Hey! I'm an alchemist!
See, a really good alchemist!
It's not about being crude
It's the way you're viewed so it's very shrewd to be
Very very sexy like me!
Riza: Why, Roy Mustang. Look at you! You're terrible.
Ed and Riza: I… I have to go.
Roy: You're welcome!
I know you protest your disinterest, I know clandestinely…
You're gonna grin and swear into your newfound alchemy!
Edward Elric
You're an alchemist!
Just not quite as good at this as me!
