A/N: WHOA! I almost didn't make it before the NEW Castle tonight. I'm affectionately naming this chapter "The Chapter that Didn't Want to End." There were about a thousand places I could have stopped in here, but I just didn't want to wait to get to the end scene that I wrote. We might go a liiiitttllleee of out character at the end, but what do we really know about KB and her personal relationships? Basically nothing, so I'm making it up.
Okay, well I hope that you let me know how you like this chapter. I really appreciate your reviews. I have big plans for the next chapter. I'm thinking we need to see all this pent up anger Castle's got going on.
Anyway, enjoy Countdown tonight. I know I will.
Don't own 'em:
Three pairs of eyes turned and watched Richard Castle exit the room swiftly. Beckett sighed and leaned her head back against the couch once more Beckett knew he was mad at her for something. She wasn't exactly sure what it was, however. It could be the amount of reckless behavior she had displayed over the last twelve hours; it could be that she wasn't exactly taking care of herself; it could be that she wasn't truthful with him at the warehouse; it could be that he didn't want to deal with a detective-in-repair. She just didn't know.
Alexis and Martha shared a look of concern between the two of them. A shaky breath from the detective broke their gaze as they turned towards the sound.
"Do you mind helping me up, Lex?" Beckett asked, lifting up her head and looking at the teenager with uncertainty.
"Oh, yeah, sure." Alexis moved forward and put her hands out in front of her.
When Beckett managed to get to her feet with some help and difficulty, she swayed and she felt Martha behind her, grabbing her shoulders.
"I'm sorry," Beckett apologized. "The adrenaline is wearing off and I'm really starting to feel all of the stupid things I did today."
"Dear, there is no need to apologize." Martha admonished. "You need to get some rest, you have to be exhausted."
"Yeah…" Beckett trailed off, shooting a look at the door into Castle's office.
"Don't worry about him." Martha read her mind. "He'll come around." She smiled. "Alexis, why don't you help our dear detective upstairs?"
"Sure." Alexis responded. "Come on, Detective Beckett."
"Please, Alexis, its Kate." She smiled. "If we're going to be under the same roof for a little while; there's no need for the formalities."
The pair made it slowly across the room and up the stairs as Martha watched on. When they were safely at the top, she turned and made her way to Richard's office door.
"Can we stop for a second, Lex?" Beckett asked, leaning on the wall next to the staircase.
Dark spots were swimming in her vision as she leaned her back against the wall. Her lungs burned and her ribs ached and if she could have avoided it, she would have stopped breathing all together to avoid the sensation. She looked at the floor for a second before Alexis's hands were on her shoulders and the young woman was trying to look into her eyes.
"Are you okay?" Alexis's voice was tinged with panic. "Do you want me to call Dad or Gram?"
"No, no. I'm fine." Beckett replied, looking up. "My ribs just really hurt and breathing isn't exactly fun at the moment."
Beckett squared her shoulders as much as she could and leaned back onto Alexis.
"Ok, I'm good." She smiled at the teenager. "Lead on, MacDuff."
"Shakespeare;" Alexis chuckled, "Nice."
Alexis deposited her on the guest bed and went about grabbing the duffle bag that they had packed earlier in the day.
"What do you feel like wearing?" Alexis asked.
"Just my lounge pants and something I don't have to pull over my head."
"Ok, well I've got lounge pants…" Alexis trailed off. "There's nothing in here that you can button up. Just wait here a second, I'll grab one of Dad's oxfords."
Before Beckett could protest, Alexis was out the door of the bedroom. She looked around at the tasteful art and the warm earth-tones of the walls. It was surprisingly modest for the likes of Richard Castle. However, over the few years she had worked with him, there were few things that didn't surprise her about his private life. She was under the impression for a long time that whatever she saw on page 6 in the New York Post was the true Richard Castle. She had been delightfully mistaken.
She reluctantly stood again and changed into the pants that Alexis had left out and entered the adjacent bathroom. She gazed into the mirror and couldn't believe what she saw. Martha was right; she looked like hell. There were dark circles under her eyes and her cheeks looked hollowed. Her skin was a shade of gray that screamed of someone that was ill. She was startled from her appraisal from Alexis's knock on the door.
"Detect… I mean, Kate. I have that shirt."
"Thanks, Alexis." Beckett opened the door and took the shirt from the girl.
"Umm… Kate…"
"Yeah?"
"I think you need to change that bandage."
"Huh?" Kate looked down at her shirt and saw that some residual bleeding had seeped through. "Oh, damn it." She sighed. She really hated her life right now. "Do you think you could give me a hand?"
"Yeah, sure." Alexis smiled, gently, directing Kate to lean on the edge of the sink.
The whole thing was incredibly uncomfortable for Kate Beckett. There was Castle's daughter helping her out of her shirt and changing a bandage that was the result of putting her father in danger…. Twice. She was constantly amazed by Alexis Castle. Kate studied the girl as she worked. She was meticulous and gentle and not in the least squeamish.
"Do you have a nursing degree I should know about?" Kate questioned.
"Ha, no." Alexis laughed. "In case you haven't noticed, my Dad isn't the most careful guy around."
"No kidding."
"Well, he's had more injuries and stitches then I'm sure he cares to talk about or admit to. I've changed a million of his bandages. None quite like this though." Alexis looked at her grimly. "All done."
"Thank you, Alexis." Kate replied, slipping into Castle's shirt and buttoning it up.
They both exited the bathroom and Alexis pulled back the covers on the bed before helping Kate slip in. As she settled into a position that didn't bother her ribs, the full weight of the last week began to crash down. She hadn't had time to really absorb all the events of the past week. Raglan's phone call. Raglan's confession. Raglan's subsequent murder. Bleeding on the floor of the diner in Castle's arms. The hospital. The kiss. She suddenly felt the urge to burst into tears, but she fought it off as Alexis said goodnight.
Alexis had reached for the light on her way out but bumped into her father in the process.
"I'll do it, pumpkin." He smiled, gathering her into a hug, juggling a glass of water.
"Good night, Dad, Kate." She smiled and headed down the hallway.
Beckett was staring at him and he was staring right back. He walked over and sat next to her leg on the bed.
"Doing okay?" he asked.
"Fine." She smiled. "Looking forward to some sleep."
"Yeah. Here's your medication." He held out his hand with two white pills in his palm and handed her a glass from his other hand.
He watched on as she gently swallowed the pills and placed the glass on the side table with a wince.
"Thank you, Castle" She stated. "For everything these last few days. You saved my life more than once."
"You should know by now that I would do anything for you, Kate." He smiled.
Beckett had no response for him. She nodded and smiled but her mind went back to the kiss they had shared. She didn't know if it was just a distraction or not. She thought it best not to bring it up at all.
"That shirt looks good on you." He smiled, brightly. The sight of her in his clothing when he walked through the door made his heart skip a beat. He didn't think it possible, but she got even more beautiful to him at that moment.
"Thanks, Castle. I'll wash it when I'm done." She replied, nervously playing with one of the buttons at the top of the shirt.
He nodded but all he could think of was that he didn't want her to wash it. As creepy as it sounded, he wanted to put it, exactly as it was, on a hanger in his closet to be forever known as "The Shirt that Kate Beckett Wore."
"Okay…" Castle stood and looked down at her. "Get some rest. I'll see you in the morning."
Richard Castle wasn't one for self-restraint but he practiced the art religiously when it came to Kate Beckett. He couldn't control himself this time, though. Not after all they had gone through these past few days. He stepped forward, leaned down, and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.
He leaned back and smiled. To his delight she returned it and her eyes sleepily slid shut. He turned and flicked the light off, shut the door and sighed. Crap, he thought. He had it bad for Kate Beckett.
"Castle!" A voice called in the distance. "CASTLE!"
He looked up into the grim-faced Javier Esposito.
"You have to let her go now, man." He said. "They have to take her. There are… things that need to be done."
"What? What are you talking about? Where are they taking her?" He asked looking up at the man.
"The Morgue, Castle. You need to let her go."
He looked down at the face of Kate Beckett in his arms. Her eyes were closed and she was gray. They were back on the floor of the diner and her blood was leaking onto his Armani pants.
"No, she's alive!" Castle shouted. "She has to be alive."
He reached down and put two fingers to her neck and felt the ice cold skin completely still against his hand.
"No…"
"I'm sorry, Castle, but they need to take her now. She's gone."
"No, No. I can't lose her. I need her." He murmured. "Kate, wake up. Kate!" He looked around at Esposito, Ryan, Montgomery, and Lanie. "Why aren't you doing anything! Why aren't you trying to help her?" He screamed at them.
"Castle, you're too late." Esposito stated, bending down. "She's dead."
Castle woke with a start, studying his surroundings. He was in his bedroom and it was still dark outside. He checked the clock and realized he had only been asleep for two hours.
"Fuck." He sighed.
Castle let his bare feet hit the floor as he sat on the edge of his bed. He slid his hands through his hair and cradled his head in his hands. He thought back on the last few days and wondered if they had actually happened the way his tired brain thought they did. He was suddenly swept with an overwhelming sense of panic. He wasn't sure what was a dream and what was reality in that moment. He leapt out of bed, out of his bedroom, and up the stairs of his loft two-by-two. He crashed through the door of his guest bedroom and nearly wept at the sight.
There she was; Kate Beckett sleeping peacefully in his guest bed. He dragged the chair from the corner of the room to her right side. He sat down and watched her breathe and he let a few stray tears fall.
The next time she woke, she felt a comfortable warm pressure on her right hand. She took a deep breath and hitched at the top of it. She forgot not to breathe deeply. As she carefully let the air she had gulped in out slowly, she felt the pressure on her hand increase. She allowed her eyes to slide open and focus on the figure sitting next to the bed, leaning forward in the dark.
"Castle?" She whispered, "What are you doing?"
"Nothing." He whispered back. "Just go back to sleep."
"Are you okay?" She asked, waking up a bit more due to her concern.
"Yeah, just go back to sleep, you need to rest."
"So do you, Castle." She murmured. "You haven't been sleeping, have you?"She asked, putting the puzzle pieces of his behavior and appearance together in her head.
"I've been sleeping."
"Yeah, but not enough."
"Don't worry about me, Kate." He sighed, "You need to get better."
"You're having nightmares, aren't you?" She asked quietly, looking into his eyes as he faltered slightly.
"How did—?"
"I'm a detective, Castle… I detect." She gave a small smirk and once again turned serious. "What are they about? It helps if you talk about them."
Sensing that she wouldn't go back to sleep or drop this line of questioning he reluctantly told her.
"They're always the same." He sighed, gripping her hand. "We're always in the diner… and it always ends in a way that is, shall we say, less than favorable for the both of us."
He wasn't looking at her anymore and she could tell he was both haunted by the dreams and embarrassed by the way they were affecting him. He was dreaming about her dying and a wave of guilt washed over her. She wished there was something that she could do. The truth was she didn't know how to make them stop. She still had nightmares about some cases, especially her mother's.
"Oh, Castle. I'm so sorry I brought you into this."
"I don't want you to be sorry, Beckett." He snapped.
She looked at him and his tired eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept in days, and that was probably the truth. She pulled her hand from his grip and carefully, painfully, scooted over into the center of the bed. He was looking at her with a confused and hurt expression. She could tell that he didn't understand the distance she was putting between them. She was about to do something completely uncharacteristic of the Kate Beckett he knew. She was going to show a side of her that she kept just for herself and the people that she decided to let completely in on a more… intimate level.
"Come on, Castle." She said, patting the space that she had created beside her.
"What?" He asked, confused.
"Look, you and I both need to sleep. We're exhausted and in pain, albeit in different ways, but we need to rest. We both also know that you aren't going to sleep unless you're in this room, and I'm not going to sleep if you go back downstairs, because all I will be thinking about is you fighting off nightmares." She reasoned. "So, get in, and if you try anything funny, even on painkillers, I'm still capable of breaking your arm."
He smiled at her and hesitated, weighing his options.
"I don't want to hurt you." He whispered, his thoughts slipping out of his tired mind.
"You won't, Rick." She smiled, sadly. "I'm here, and I'm alive. I'm going to stay that way, I promise."
He didn't realize how much he needed to hear those words until she said them. He slid into bed next to her and relished in the warmth that the covers, and present company, provided. He sighed and turned to face her completely. He leaned up on his elbow to look at her and smiled ironically.
"This isn't quite how I'd imagined this moment for either of us."
"Easy, Castle." She scolded. "Sleep only."
"As you wish." He lay back down and cautiously slid his arm around her shoulder. When she leaned against him slightly, he felt as if his heart was going to beat out of his chest. He was sure she could hear it and was about to kick him out, but she surprised him again.
"Go to sleep, Rick." She sighed, falling asleep herself. "I'll see you in the morning."
"Yeah. You, too." He responded, feeling exhaustion taking over his mind and body. The last thing he did, though, was place a gentle kiss to her hairline as he heard her breathing even out. He fell asleep shortly after to the glorious sound of her breathing.
