Published in Unicorn Press. Editor:
Nancy Border & Pat
Hayden.
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Date With Destiny I
9. Learn to be Still
Chakotay sat
back in his bed. It had been two years since they had returned to the
Alpha Quadrant. Two years since he had left her, two years since he
had hoped her voice would be forever silenced in the great expanse of
his mind, but it wasn't. She followed his waking moments. She
plagued his sleeping hours, dreams of days that might have been,
could have been, should
have been but weren't. They truly were
in wartime. For years now Starfleet analysts had said that the
Federation had just about depleted the Dominion's
reserves, that
the war was almost done, but it had just begun. Every time Starfleet
got the upper hand, the Dominion matched them and then one-upped
them. Yes, Starfleet was a wondrous place to be in times of peace,
but in times of war, when the edge was just a little too close to
home, it was the last place you wanted to be stuck.
Chakotay made
sure that he and Harry had stayed stationed in the same are. On the
same ship, in the same battalion, with this at least he held a
little
part of Voyager with him forever. He heard an old twentieth
century song waft through the halls of their bunker. He knew this was
Harry's way of dealing with the loss of one of his best friends…Tom
Paris. When they had been separated those two years ago, Harry had
been devastated. This was someone who had given his all, from the
beginning. Someone who had looked past Tom's faults had seen the
good in him. Someone who had become one of his closest and dearest
friends. Then he had been taken away. Neither of them still had any
idea where any of their friends were. They had been so secluded under
the ruse of Section 31 for so long now, that they weren't really
sure what was real and what wasn't.
Then Chakotay
heard the haunting melody of a song that Harry played, and Chakotay
recognized. It had been one of Tom's favorites and the lyrics hit
a
little too close to home for all of them in this little group.
Yes it was a reality check in some ways, and Harry insisted on
playing it every day before bed. A little reminder that there was a
greater purpose, or that they weren't wasting their lives away.
That there would be happiness and then a reality check again. In all
likelihood, they wouldn't live until the end of this war, and all
they could do was hope that somewhere, somehow, sometime, this was
making a difference. That the deaths held reason and were not futile.
It's just
another day in paradise
As you stumble to your
bed
You'd give anything to silence
Those
voices ringing in your head
Chakotay listened; he heard the words, as he had many times before and realized their validity. How true they were in so many ways. It was frightening that a band from o long ago had managed to hit a chord in people of all days. Especially today.
You thought
you could find happiness
Just over that green
hill
You though you would be satisfied
But
you never will –
Learn to be still
Learn to be
still. The only satisfaction, the only happiness…the only way that
any of them could really learn to be still would be in the end of the
war and
then of an era. Or the end of life as they knew it. The
end of the suffering, the end of the incessant living of their worst
nightmares. Some day, he would learn, and hopefully some day he would
find happiness, but it would only be found in one place, in one
person, and that person had gone on, had left him
behind, had made
a name for herself. Wherever you are Kathryn, I hope you find peace,
and I hope you learn to be still.
We are like
sheep without a shepherd
We don't know how to be
alone
So we wander 'round this desert
And
wind up following the wrong gods home
But the
flock cries out for another
And they keep
answering that bell
And one more starry-eyed
messiah
Meets a violent farewell
Learn
to be still
Learn to be still
Chakotay hummed along with the music…the mellow music of a time long since past. He used to believe in a higher god, a bigger purpose, but why? Why would they let the suffering continue? Why would they separate him from his one true love? One more starry-eyed messiah meets a violent farewell… "Learn to be still."
Now the
flowers in your garden
They don't smell so
sweet
Maybe you've forgotten
The
heaven lying at your feet
There are so many
contradictions
In all these messages we send
We
keep asking
How do I get out of here?
Where
do I fit in?
Though the world is torn and
shaken
Even if you heart is breakin'
It's
waiting for you to awaken
And someday you will
–
Learn to be still
Learn to
be still
You keep on
runnin'
Keep on runnin' (3)
That's what Chakotay was always doing, running. Running from his past, running from his present, and running from his future. They were inevitable intertwined and someday, maybe if he was lucky, they would come to a head, and he would finally learn to be still.
