Cosima opened her eyes, studying the sleeping doctor next to her. Delphine breathed softly, her body connected to Cosima's as much as it could. Her head rested on Cosima's shoulder. Her arm draped over Cosima's waist. Her bare leg draped over Cosima's.
For the first time in what Cosima could only imagine was her life, Delphine had slept on the living room floor. They had curled naked under blankets and in front of the fireplace.
Cosima's lips still felt swollen. Delphine had spent the entire night kissing her, as if she was afraid to part lips. The night was made up of love making and talking. Delphine didn't speak of her father. Cosima had hoped she'd eventually mention it but she knew that Delphine wasn't the type to open up about her grief.
Delphine did acknowledge that she hadn't had any lovers while they were apart. None in Frankfurt. None upon her return. None after they broke up. It hurt Cosima more than she imagined, the idea of Delphine being uninterested in anyone else. She tried to convince herself that Shay meant nothing, but she knew that to Delphine, Shay would always mean something. Cosima bit her lip, wondering what the relationship had felt like for Delphine. She brushed Delphine's hair with her hand, her once straightened locks were now curled from all the love making. Did Delphine wonder if Shay was prettier? Did she think that Cosima preferred someone fun? Someone more carefree? Did Delphine realize how perfect they were together? Did she know that Cosima had already realized it?
She kissed Delphine's forehead, kissing her before attempting to slip away. She got her right side out of the bundle of blankets before Delphine began to stir. "Stay with me," she murmured, her heavy eyelids opening.
"I was just getting a bite of your pasta. The broccoli is good cold."
"You don't like broccoli," Delphine smirked, sitting up.
"Maybe I wanted to brush your thighs before dipping the tops inside you."
"What...I...You..." Delphine whispered, a smile forming as she struggled to think of the words.
"Holy shit! I was kidding! You're a freak!" Cosima shrieked.
"No, I was kidding!" Delphine replied unconvincingly, burying her bright red face in her hands.
Still, Delphine followed Cosima into the kitchen, eating a few bites of leftovers. Cosima watched intently. Delphine didn't eat nearly enough and not as much as Cosima hoped. Delphine had eaten the previous night, ravenous after every roll in the hay, but Cosima knew she hadn't been eating for much longer and wanted her to make up for lost time.
"How are you feeling?"
"My back is a little sore from the floor. Nothing to worry about," Delphine smiled softly, pouring a glass of orange juice and taking a sip.
"Del, you can let your guard down."
"I have no guard," she said flatly.
"I'm here," she whispered.
"You're here because my father died. If he hadn't died, you'd be with Shay right now," she said, pushing her fork from one side to the other.
"Don't do this," Cosima pleaded.
"It's true. We broke up and you quit. You wanted nothing to do with me."
"Don't look for reasons to justify not being with me," Cosima whispered. "We didn't work the last time."
"And what's changed?" Delphine whispered, finally glancing up. "Topside wants us apart. Dyad won't be happy until we're apart."
"I don't give a damn about your stupid job."
"And your sisters?"
"They want me to be happy."
"They want us apart. They don't trust me. They don't want to trust me. They were happy when we broke up."
"We took a stumble..." Cosima sighed.
"You were happy," Delphine glanced down, letting a few curls fall in front of her face.
"What?"
"You were happy when you were with Shay." A tear slid from her eye.
"Don't tell me what makes me happy," Cosima said, starting to grow angry.
"You don't owe it to me."
"Delphine, don't even think it." Cosima stepped closer.
"You came back to your pathetic ex because her father died," she clenched her jaw. "You broke up with Shay because you didn't want to cheat on her. You owed her that."
"I didn't want to cheat on her but it isn't why."
"So what is it?" Delphine glanced up, instantly breaking Cosima's heart. She looked so defeated, as if she already saw their breakup approaching.
"I broke up with Shay because you'd think it was just sex if I cheated on her with you. You'd never shake that idea and I'd never convince you that you're the one I want. You're looking at this all wrong, Del."
Delphine bit her lower lip, all the information overwhelming her. But Cosima refused to stop.
"Delphine, I love you. I loved you before all this. I shouldn't have let us go the last time-"
"You can't refuse a breakup," Delphine sniffled.
"I can when I knew you didn't mean it. I watched your heart breaking and I let it happen. And when I saw you crying over your father, I thought of that girl I met in the hallway of college."
"When I was the cold turkey asshole?" She smiled.
"For an imaginary boyfriend," Cosima added. "I loved you even then, I think. But your father kept his promise. I'm here. I won't leave. You aren't alone."
"Cosima," she breathed, using one finger to dab the tears building.
"No, don't rationalize it. Don't be a scientist. Just be a girl. Just think of your fathers promise-"
"He wouldn't leave until he knew I found someone and was taken care of," she whispered, unable to look at Cosima.
Cosima moved closer, kneeling down in front of her. "Let me take care of you, Delphine. Let's take care of each other. Give me a chance to keep my promise to him."
"Cosima, get off the floor. You look like-"
"I look exactly how I'm supposed to look."
"Cosima-"
"Marry me, Delphine."
