And now, I am pleased to present… more of the Akatsuki. Yes. Be afraid. Let's see, there was something I wanted to say, but I don't remember it… doubtless it'll pop into my head immediately after I post this. Oh well.

I'd like to thank MoonDemon36 for not only reviewing, but for adding this story to Story Alert and Favorite Stories, and me to Favorite Author and Author Alert. Wow! You win a gold star! All you others out there, please follow this wonderful person's example and review!

I do not own Naruto or The Offspring.


"Slowly out of line and drifting closer in your sights
So play it out, I'm wide awake, it's a scene about me
There's something in your way and now someone is gonna pay
And if you can't get what you want, well it's all because of me"

"You're Gonna Go Far, Kid" by The Offspring


There was a reason that home of the leader of Akatsuki was called the Village Hidden in Rain. Amegakure was constantly buffeted by huge torrents of rain, bolts of lightning, and gigantic hailstones falling from the enormous storm that forever hung above it. Outside the walls of the village was a huge swamp that the continually-soaked inhabitants avoided at all costs. Stories were told about the strange goings-on in the swamp, and they kept growing. There was a cult that had fused with the organisms there, and they were all now part animal or plant. No, they could make your blood explode out of you with a flick of a finger. Both were wrong, they actually had discovered the secret to immortality and were now gods who killed any who ventured into their domain. The rumors had become so incredible over the years that now even the highest ranking shinobi stayed away from the area, afraid of what they might find.

And the best part was that all the stories were all at least partly true.

The swamp hid the main base of Akatsuki, and as the leader of both the organization and Amegakure, Pain encouraged the rumors, and even started many of them, drawing inspiration from the members. Zetsu, Kisame, and Hidan were the source of many, but there were also stories about the shadow that could kill with a glance that Itachi knew were based on him. It was foolish in a way, but still, it served to keep people away. Akatsuki was powerful, but it would not have lasted nearly so long if there had been teams of shinobi coming in every week to train or do missions. The body count would start piling up, and Pain would have to do something about it, which would either destroy Akatsuki or Amegakure. Unsettlingly enough, no one was really sure which one it would be. But for now, the hideout was undiscovered, and things were as calm as they possibly could be when you lived with eight S-ranked criminals.

Which is to say, not calm at all.

"TOBI! What have you been doing with my clay, un?"

The masked man held out his hands proudly. "Tobi made a person! Look, Deidara-sempai!"

Deidara's eyes widened in shock. "My clay is not to be used for frivolous purposes, un! It's for art!"

Tobi looked down at the misshapen little man in his hands mournfully. "You don't like it, Deidara-sempai?"

"NO, I DO NOT!"

"Well, you don't have to be so mean about it!"

"JUST STAY OUT OF MY CLAY!"

"But why?"

"BECAUSE I SAID SO!"

"That's not a very good reason, Deidara-sempai!"

"IT'S A VERY GOOD REASON, UN!"

Itachi sighed as he sharpened a kunai in the corner of the room.

Those two never stop, do they?

No, they didn't, and it really was grating on his last nerve. Still, given Deidara's hatred of him, it probably wasn't the best idea to interfere. The blonde looked like he was about to explode now.

Fair enough.

"STAY OUT OF MY CLAY UNLESS YOU WANT IT TO EXPLODE IN YOUR HANDS!"

Tobi stomped his foot. "Fine! Tobi will stay out of your stupid clay! Here!" And with that, he threw the clay on the ground, turned on his heel, and marched out indignantly. Deidara scowled after him.

"Hey! Don't just leave it… ugh!" Itachi couldn't resist shaking his head at the look on the blonde's face. Deidara whirled on him now. "And what are you smiling at, un?"

Itachi shrugged. "Was I smiling? I didn't notice."

Deidara's face contorted in a strange mixture of anger, confusion, and frustration. "I… er… ugh!" He threw up his arms and stomped out of the room, leaving Itachi alone. He closed his eyes, rejoicing in the quiet. It was so rare around here…

"DAMMIT KAKUZU, WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO STOP WASTING OUR TIME WITH THESE EFFING BOUNTIES?"

Itachi didn't wait to hear Kakuzu's reply. Instead, he slipped out of the room quietly before either the offended Jashinist or the monotone miser could enter, and headed for his room. Maybe it would be quiet there…

Heh. Not likely.

Ignoring the voice, Itachi moved into the dark hallway and sighed. Apparently more of the lightbulbs in the lamps had burned out, and since Kakuzu was too cheap to buy new ones, the hallway was pitch black. Last time this had happened, it had been three months before the lamps were working again. But somehow it didn't seem as bad as usual this time. Well, that was wonderful. Apparently his eyesight was even worse than he thought. Sighing, he reached his door and slid it open. Well, at least it wasn't sticking anymore. That at the very least had been fixed. But on the other hand, Tobi was standing in his room.

"What are you doing here?" Itachi asked coldly.

Tobi tilted his head innocently. "Tobi just wanted to see Itachi's room." And then, in a voice that had lost any playfulness, he continued, "And is that any way to talk to your great-uncle, Itachi-kun?"

Itachi sighed and shut the door to the room behind him. "I thought we had an agreement, Madara. I stay out of your way and you stay out of mine. So unless I've done something of which I was unaware…"

Madara shrugged. "No, that's correct. You've done nothing to interfere with my plans."

"So why this?" Itachi spread his arms to indicate the room. "Why are you here?"

"Believe it or not, I'm here to warn you." Ignoring Itachi's skeptical look, the masked man picked up a small figurine of a raven from the nightstand and examined it idly. "You probably remember Orochimaru."

Itachi nodded curtly. "It's fairly difficult to forget, actually."

Madara laughed shortly. "I'm sure. But anyways, I'm sure you know that he had his eye on your brother."

"Yes. What do you mean, had?"

"Well, let's just say that possession isn't the issue anymore." He tilted the raven upside down. "This is a container, isn't it?"

"Yes," Itachi replied flatly, struggling to keep his voice even. "Get to the point, Madara. What is going on?"

"Patience, Itachi-kun," Madara said calmly. "It's a virtue, you know." He looked back at the raven. "This has wonderful craftsmanship, actually. The catch is hidden beautifully."

"Madara…"

"Point taken. I'll begin, then." He placed the raven back on the nightstand and turned to Itachi. "Your brother left Konoha to join Orochimaru last night. The Sound Four came for him with their offer and he agreed. Apparently he thought staying in Konoha was getting him nowhere fast." The masked man laughed quietly. "I can understand that, actually. I can't believe I wasted so much time and effort in that hopeless village." He looked at Itachi, tilting his head. "No response? I would have expected something, even from you."

"Sasuke left Konoha," Itachi repeated.

Madara sighed. "I expected something a little more insightful than that. I'm sure you're aware that your brother joining Orochimaru means that he's that much closer to accomplishing that task you gave to him. So there's your warning. Make of it what you will." He pressed the eye of the raven and its head sprang open. Madara smiled down at the figurine. "An amusing toy. Goodbye, Itachi-kun. Think about what I said." He placed the raven back on the nightstand, turned, and left the room quietly, his posture changing from Madara's straight back to Tobi's goofy slouch as he went. Itachi stood still watching him leave. It was only after he was certain that the older Uchiha was truly gone that he sank down on the bed and placed his head in his hands.

Well, he can go kiss Zetsu, the voice commented dryly.

Itachi started to laugh shakily, but it turned into a hacking cough. He doubled over on the bed, his hand pressed to his mouth in a vain attempt to hold back the blood that was coming up. Finally the fit ceased and his shoulders relaxed. He stared at the blood covering his hand. It seemed he should be worried, but all he felt was that the whole thing was unbearably cliché.

The voice snorted. You've got that right. Who came up with this story, anyways?

That was hardly helping.

It's not my job to be helpful.

That may be true, but the problem now was Sasuke. Itachi hadn't expected him to leave Konoha now. The only explanation was that Orochimaru had gotten to Sasuke somehow, and knowing the Sannin as he did, it seemed that the most likely explanation was a curse mark. That wasn't good, but it was manageable. The major problem would be if Orochimaru was planning on taking Sasuke's body right away, but if that had happened, Madara probably would have brought that up if only to see if he could make Itachi's mask crack. Last he had heard Orochimaru had needed a new body desperately, so in lieu of Sasuke, he had probably taken someone else's. That meant that there would be about two or three years before he was able to take a new body. The corner of Itachi's mouth pulled up in an unconscious smile. Two years, hm? Coincidentally, that was about how long the last doctor had told him he had to live. How on earth were things working out so well?

Don't get used to it. There's got to be some monkey wrench that's going to get thrown into this situation. I mean, this is working out too perfectly for your plans.

Well, even traitors had to have at least some amount of luck, right?

Well, yeah, but… The voice sounded uncharacteristically uneasy. Like I said, this is too perfect. You've gone years without things going nearly this well, and suddenly everything is working out? It doesn't seem right. There has to be something.

That was true. In the meantime, though, he could focus on moving on to the next stage of his plan. After all, he had two years and that was all the time he needed.


Okay! Moving right along here! Yay!

In 1899, President McKinley was assured by the director of the US Patent Office that "everything that can be invented has already been invented."