A/N: Thank you to everyone for the follows, favs, and all the awesome reviews.
Thanks again Phoebe for your great editing skills.
Disclaimer: I do not own Hawaii Five-0 or any of the characters.
Chapter Nine
Danny rubbed his hand across his sore ribs. The short trip down the hospital corridor and back had knocked the crap out of him. His chest was tight, and he could feel the beginnings of a headache taking hold. But he knew, if he was gonna get outta there, he needed to be mobile. Show that he was well enough to take care of himself.
"No pain, no gain." He smiled at the female physio at his side. Her colleague pushed a wheelchair along behind them.
"Afraid so." She grinned back at him.
He'd only been out of the ICU for a few days, and he was already going stir crazy. He wanted to go home and shut out the world. Or more precisely, he wanted to hide from his best friend and the rest of the team. They'd all been so great to him. Checking on his kids, making sure he had everything he needed. He was rarely left alone. And he just couldn't take their kindness much longer. He didn't deserve a single drop. There were so many layers to his guilt, and Danny was beginning to drown in it.
"You've done well today, Danny." The guy behind him tapped his shoulder. "Have a seat. I'll push you the remainder of the way. We don't want you overdoing it."
Danny didn't argue. His destination was in sight, but he had to confess he'd had enough. On entering his room, the knot in his stomach returned when he spotted his friend standing by the window.
"Good afternoon, Steve. Your partner here is doing great." The female physio plumped a pillow up and then placed it at the back of the recliner. Taking her patient's hand in hers, the other supporting his elbow, she guided him down onto it. The male physio moved the wheelchair away, while she draped a blanket over Danny's legs.
"Thanks, Sally, Kael. You guys are great."
"We'll see you tomorrow, Danny."
Watching his friend intently, Steve took up residence on a nearby seat.
"I'm tired." Danny pushed his head back and closed his eyes.
"Yeah, you're not the only one." Steve ran his hand down his face.
"You can always go home. I'm not stopping you."
"Tired of this." Danny opened his eyes, surprised by his friend's tone. Not backing down, Steve continued. "Don't look at me as if you have no idea what I'm talking about. I can count on one hand the number of times you've made eye contact with me since you woke up."
Danny didn't respond. He simply sat there, staring at his partner.
"My Danny - the one I've known for the past six years - he would have come back with a snarky comment. Or chewed me out about something ridiculous long before now."
"Your Danny?" He snorted loudly.
"You know what. I'm sick of this. I know you're hurting, but you need to talk to me, or if that's not gonna work, I can arrange for someone else."
"You think I need a shrink?" Danny laughed incredulously.
"Yeah. You need to talk to someone. You won't be cleared to work until you do." Steve leaned forward on the edge of his chair.
"Is that what this is about? Me coming back to work? And there was I thinking it was because you were worried about me, babe."
This time it was Steve's turn to laugh. "Babe. It's amazing the little things you notice after years of friendship. Babe, goof, idiot, Steven. You haven't used any one of those, until now. So the man I know and love is in there somewhere."
"Maybe you shouldn't love me anymore."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
The two men glared at each other. Each trying to break the other's resolve. Danny was the first to look away.
"Why can't you look at me?"
Danny squeezed his eyes shut, swallowing hard. Trying to push down the lump wedged in his throat.
"Please." Steve squatted down in front of his friend, taking Danny's hand in his. "Let me help you through this."
"Everytime I close my eyes I see you..." Danny stopped and took a deep breath.
"You see me?" Steve's voice grew firmer, more insistent. "See me doing what, Danny?"
"You, the team. You're all laughing at me. I see Pua." He bit his lip hard. The pain taking the edge off the emotional turmoil he was feeling. "The last six months of my life weren't real. It was based on lies. And my stupidity cost Pua his life."
"Don't you dare blame yourself. No one could have predicted what happened."
"I should have. The great Detective Williams. Not so great now, huh?"
"That has nothing to do with what happened."
"The hell it doesn't. If I'd listened to my brain rather than my dick, Pua would still be alive. I'm done being a cop. Us. Five-0. It's over." Danny snatched his hand from his partner's grasp.
"The hell it is." Steve instantly grabbed Danny's face, startling his friend. "Look at me God damn it."
"I loved her, Steve." A lone tear tracked down his cheek.
"And you think she didn't love you? She died saving your life."
"Did she? I don't know what to think anymore."
Steve let go and stood up. The chair scraped the floor as he slid it over in front of his partner. Sitting back down, he bent forward, elbows on knees.
"Look at me." Danny did as asked. "Listen to me, you stubborn son of a bitch. What you did was foolish, maybe even selfish. You think I didn't know what was going through your mind? I'll ask you this. Why didn't you stay put? Let it play out? We would have caught up with them. You knew that."
Danny merely shrugged his shoulders.
"Try these on for size. Self-reproach, guilt. They'll make you do crazy things." Straightening, Steve closed his eyes with a sigh.
Silence stretched between them.
"And maybe it's because you care about me, the team?" Steve studied his friend's expression, hoping for a response.
"You know I do." Danny's words just above a whisper.
"Love. It's a powerful weapon. So yes, I think she genuinely loved you. And you, Danno, did exactly what I would have done if the roles were reversed."
"Fine, I get it. But I don't know where my head's at right now." Danny ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, babe. I meant what I said. I'm not coming back...not yet...maybe never."
"I can give you time. If that's what you want. But, Danno. I need you. The team needs you. Don't throw your career away over this."
Steve didn't miss the change in his friend. The pinched look, pallid complexion, and the way he repeatedly rubbed his temple.
"Headache?"
"Yeah, and like I already said, I'm tired." Danny managed a half smile.
"You wanna lie down?" Steve reached for the call button.
"Hey, whatcha doing?"
"Calling a nurse to help get you in bed."
"Why can't you help me?"
"I didn't think you'd want me to."
"Idiot. Come on help me up." Danny offered his good hand.
Steve took it in his and guided him over to the bed.
"Sit." He gently pushed Danny down.
"Bossy."
"Swing your legs around."
"You're enjoying this a little too much, babe. And why are you grinning from ear to ear." Danny pulled the sheet up to his chin.
"Because I missed us, Danno."
"It's the name calling isn't it? You missed a few by the way. Jerk, Schmuck, Neanderthal -"
"Enough. I get it." Steve lifted the side rail and clicked it into place.
Danny relaxed into the pillows, closing his eyes.
"I remember most of...that morning. They weren't American."
"Jennifer and Jildas Moreau were from France. Reece Cunningham was from Oahu." Steve dropped down into the chair Danny had just vacated.
"Delphine. That was her real name, right?" Danny glanced at his friend. "And really, I'm okay."
"Yeah, buddy. Delphine Bellerose."
"What happened to her…" Danny took a deep breath. "Is she still here? On the island or…"
"Delphine was buried in Paris last week."
Danny took a second to digest that information before continuing. "I vaguely recall you saying you'd been to Pua's funeral."
"You heard me?" Steve sounded surprised.
"Some of what you said."
"I spoke to his family. They understood the risks Pua took every day he left the house wearing the HPD uniform, as did he. He died doing what he loved."
"I heard that a lot after Grace was killed. It doesn't make it any easier."
"Never does." Steve smiled solemnly. "Get some rest, Danno. I'll be here when you wake up."
Danny was asleep before he'd finished the sentence.
The comment about not coming back to work played over in Steve's mind. He couldn't imagine working alongside another partner. Not even Lou. As much as he liked and respected the man, there was just no way anyone could replace Danny. He vowed to make it his personal mission to help his friend get back on his feet, and more importantly, back to work.
~ to be continued ~
