Thank you for your lovely reviews. Days off work has granted me more time. A quicker update :) xx


A Forever Kind Of Love

Chapter 9

Ste stood waiting for Warren to speak but instead he just watched the man get further and further out of his depth wrestling with his conscious.

"D'ya want me to get another spade" Ste thumbed to the front door "Help ya dig out of that hole?"

"Very funny!"

"Well? Ya gonna spill?"

"Oh, yeah he was...you know. Sort of his fella one time." Warren calculated the amount of time it would take him to make a dash for the exit. He eyed up to his room and back to Ste. "I think you should speak to Brady"

Ste settled with a wobble of the tray he carried and placed it on his knee. He'd heard Warren behind him creeping animatedly towards the stairs. "Where ya going?"

"Nowhere" Warren cleared his throat and sauntered around the sofa to stand at the fire."Ste I really shouldn't say anything more"

"You started this." Ste countered voice edging from curiosity to hurt.

""Fuck" Warren cursed his stupid tongue and moved to sit down on the chair opposite to Ste. His elbows rested sharply on his knees, taking in a deep breath.

"Basically in a nutshell. Brady met him at my nightclub. He's one of my barmen."

"OH. Is Vinnie in London waiting for him?" There was a tone to his words, Ste knew Warren could detect it but he didn't care. Vinnie hadn't banked on him had he?; and Vinnie was a stupid name anyway. He was now aware he was pouting and practically chucking his dummy out of his pram.

"Vinnie left him because he asked Brendan to become his boyfriend. It just wasn't mutual for Brady" Warren flicked his eyes up at Ste from the floor of shame he stared at. He could see the look in his eyes and wondered how the hell he'd get out of this.

Ste digested Warren's words carefully inhaling a deep sigh "Just to clarify, I'm basically kidding myself here ain't I?"

"You've only known him a little while right? So why would you care that much, yeah?"

"I am so sick - why does the time scale matter so much huh? What, I have to be with somebody a set amount of time to want to be with them? That right?" Ste began to feel himself get wound up and hands rubbed harshly against his face.

"No, but like you say, I'm preparing to leave anyhow." Ste's eyes shone with the sudden sheen that closed over his vision, Warren blurred from his view and he turned away to close his eyes. What did he even expect from Brendan, the times they'd shared had meant so much to him, it had clouded his mind. Caught up in the fantasy, the romance of Ireland's beautiful landscapes and magical history.

Ste suddenly made a decision. "Look, don't tell him about this. Last thing I want is you two falling out. Maybe it's because I have never felt this way before. I doubt you'd understand."

"I'm not completely heartless Ste. I get love and romance. Soppy shit" Warren grinned looking up.

Ste steadied and balanced the rattling tray in his shaky hands, stood up and left Warren with a forced smile and a lie he was okay. Stepping quickly up the short few stairs to the next floor Warren caught up to him. "You realise he's barely left your side, right?"

It didn't matter what Warren said now, the seed was already planted into Ste's mindset "What if Vinnie wants him back though?"

Warren held against Ste's arm "How do you know he would?"

"It's simple, I would if it were me" Ste shrugged and flicked his eyes to the clock on the wall. He wondered if Anne would be awake yet, he needed to speak with her. His gaze met with Warren who still hadn't moved from his side.

"I shouldn't have shot my mouth off, I kind of have that habit. It's normal for us, Me, Simon and Brady, we wind each other up for a laugh."

"Don't feel bad telling me, I needed this kick up the backside." Ste tried to convince Warren he was fine and not to blame himself. "One of us had to face reality at some point."


Ste placed the tray down on the table in the room and wandered over to the bed kneeling up on it. His head caved and fell into the palm of his hands with stupid thoughts of him and Brendan being together. Deep down Ste had always known nothing could come of them, and now the thought of planning for London filed him with fear. Going there would only strengthen his feelings. Staying any longer in Brendan's company would prolong the pain of loss.

Ste jumped up and got dressed, pulled on his clothes and all the while he could hear Brendan in the bathroom, humming aimiously, in the bath waiting for him. Ste stepped silent to the door and held his head against it, clawed his fingers along the wooden door. He didn't want to tell him what he knew so instead, leaving his breakfast untouched Ste made his way out of the cabin and text his friend Anne to ask her to somehow find a way to sneak out and join him outside.

The view was beautiful at this early hour, dawn made herself known spectacularly rising out of the horizon with a orange glow as the sun rose high in the sky against a light blue sky covered with clouds. The ground was dry but felt damp with it's coldness. Ste's legs curled back against his body, hand held in the long grass holding himself up. Anne finally caught up to Ste dressed and wrapped in Simon's long hooded jacket. She'd settled down next to Ste and looked out to the scenery.

"That's Simon's" Ste smiled with his knowledge as he spoke still looking forward of the cliffs and out into the ocean.

"I know" Anne grinned snuggling into the warmth it provided.

"You two have...ya know" Ste probed further turning to look at his friend blush.

"A little bit" Anne turned to Ste "You and Brendan; you know?" Anne's teeth showed through her painted lips.

"A little bit" Ste admitted as he gazed at Anne. His head bowed to look at the grass he was yanking through a clasped palm. "I wanted to talk to you. Warren mentioned an ex of Brendan's"

"Oh" Anne snapped her head around "What about it?"

"Warren mentioned this; Vinnie. They were together."

"Okay" Anne scrunched up her mouth a moment then flicked her face back to Ste "Look we all have pasts Ste. I bet it's over, I cannot believe he would spend all this time with you, when he has someone else."

"I'm jealous" Ste shook his head "And I've no right feeling this way"

"What did Warren say? That he's still with him?"

Ste sighed and shook his head "He left Brendan" Ste shrugged "Here's me dreading saying goodbye. I can't imagine walking away and this ex of his did"

Anne nodded slowly "Right...so he's a free agent?" Anne's arm cuddled around Ste tightly "I don't get where you are going with this Ste, I'm a thick head in the morning I guess"

"Brendan has asked me to go to London with him. And I was going to go" Ste turned to look at Anne "I actually made my mind up. Then I find out this guy Brendan was seeing wanted the same as me, but Brendan refused him"

"Brendan wouldn't invite you to London for nothing. And if there was another man in the picture he definatley wouldn't." Anne still wasn't understanding obviously seeing Ste's blank expression looking back at her.

"Anne, ya need me to spell it out? I'd thought about us together, together."

"Oh Ste"

"I know. I know! It'll never happen. So...we get back to normal, go back home and I grovel Tony my job back yeah?" Ste mellowed a little with a thin smile.

"Wait, hang fire" Anne shook her head hesitantly. "For all you know this other guy didn't mean anything to Brendan. And in that case, of course he'd say no, just like you or I would."

"No I just want to go home. Be in my own space for a while and just think things through." Ste blew out a long breath. "I can't think straight here, some time apart might clarify what we both really want. At least that's the theory"

Anne's hand settled over Ste's and squeezed strength there. "I hope you're doing the right thing then. To be honest I don't believe it's going to be as easy as you are making it out to be. You guys look amazing together"

"He makes me feel amazing"

"Are you sure about this? You could tell him, I bet he'd persuade ya differently"

Ste tilted his head with thoughts that appeared in his mind "Yeah he would, he's good at persuasion"

"I bet he is" Anne winked as Ste blushed "You need to enjoy this time with him, instead of sitting here with me"

"I know, I made him breakfast, that's ruined now" Ste shook his head with thoughts of Brendan finding the tray of boiled eggs and now soggy toast.

"Not necessarily..." Anne turned to look towards a cafe a few yards away "I recon you can blag ya way through it"

Ste grinned wide and hugged Anne closely "Thank you"

"You get back there and ya make sure he never remembers any of his exes" Anne winked and kissed Ste on the cheek before walking back to the cabin. "I'm gonna go and do the same with Simon"


Ste entered his room carefully, silently and clicked the door shut pressing his hand flat against it. Ste turned his head and listened, the tv could be heard in the background on a low volume, flickers of light morphing with different shades of bright. Ste toed off his shoes and made his way into the bedroom hands full of warm breakfast.

Brendan lay on the bed leg propped up and a towel covering his waist. He looked to be engrossed in the programme he was watching but he soon turned to face Ste.

"Where ye been? I stayed in that bath, waiting for ye...and now I look like a prune!"

"Gotta be the fittest prune on earth then"

Ste inched a smile and looked back at Brendan, skin still wet with damp from the bathwater, droplets making their way down over his dark hair sleeked against his chest, across his nipples. Ste closed his eyes and tried to convince himself missing out on the bath with Brendan had been the right thing to do. "I'm sorry I took so long. I got held up making breakfast for us."

"That's not entirely true Steven" Brendan switched off the tv. "I found the breakfast you left on the side. Is there something wrong?"

Ste shook his head "No. I just...I was with Anne. We got sidetracked speaking about her and Simon. So the breakfast is ruined. I did get us sausage and egg butties from the cafe though" Ste showed all his teeth and held aloft two white paper bags. "Hope you're still hungry"

"I am always hungry around ye. Come here" Brendan placed the remote onto the side cabinet and beckoned Ste to the bed. He'd thumbed off his jacket and clothes before climbing onto the bed passing Brendan his breakfast.

"Smells good" Brendan took a bite out of his breakfast barm oozing out the egg yoke onto his lips. Ste thumbed against it and sucked it into his mouth.

"Mmm, tastes good" Ste flicked his long eyelashes up at Brendan meeting his gaze. He settled sat up next to Brendan and picked at his food silently. It didn't take Brendan long to finish his, a few mouthfuls later and Ste felt his hands creep around his waist and settle against his stomach. Mouth kissing along his shoulder, Ste closed his eyes and sighed.

"What's up with ye Steven? I know something is bothering ye" Brendan blew a hot breath against the back of Ste's neck when he'd moved to just behind Ste's ear "If ye don't tell me, how can I help ye?"

"Nothing is wrong, okay?" Ste couldn't find the energy to eat and left his buttie half picked at. Brendan watched Ste's behaviour with a curious mind, the little signs that there was something on the younger boys mind.

"Is this about tomorrow?" Brendan moved away from Ste like he'd been stung and sniffed.

Ste held his head up to Brendan watching him look at the blank tv screen. Thoughts played within his mind about his talk with Warren and how he wanted to tell Brendan about it. Ste pushed up and moved till he sat over Brendan's lap giving him no option but to look at him again. Ste's hands fingered up the wet hair on Brendan's chest, the water tepid and slide textured. His thumbs rounded both his nipples turning the flesh lighter in pink and tempting them deep red. Ste flicked his lashes to stand vertical to the ceiling, blue eyes made to hypnotise him.

Brendan's breaths rasped and his fingers curled under Ste's chin bringing their mouths close. Brendan smiled kissing their lips gently. "I missed ye"

"Missed you more" Ste replied continuing a series of small heat bursting kisses to Brendan's lips."We don't have to check out till lunchtime, right?"

"Ye planning on keeping me here till then?"

"Depends, have you somewhere to be?" Ste edged up to his knees and tugged against the towel till it loosened and fell apart.

"What have ye in mind?" Brendan's hands fanned around Ste's backside quickly yanking Ste towards him till their body's curved together.

"I just want..." Ste faltered and tried to compose his breathing. "I just want to spend every last minute with you. Make sure you never think of anyone else but me"

"Steven, why would I think of anyone else?" Brendan exclaimed, thumbing strands of loose hair out of Ste's eyes. His fingers soft tracing the area of Ste's face, eyes feeding on his beauty.

"You might, especially back in London"

Brendan's eyes slanted, head rolling his expression changed to suspicion. "What are ye on about? Has something been said to ye?"

"No, we all have exes though. Well I don't. No one important anyhow" Ste's hands retreated and fell to his legs.

"Ye think I do though. Don't ye?" his eyes widened then. "Out with it"

"I'm not having this conversation with you" Ste replied regretful and wriggled awkwardly.

"You're jealous of something." Brendan sat up and shifted Ste off his body enough he almost stumbled back. I have seen this look before, when ye thought I'd be looking at other men last night. Why would I when I've ye to look at?"

Ste moved to get off Brendan but stronger hands prevented him from doing so, Brendan's fingers curled against his thighs and wound themselves in an upwards sweep to his waist. Ste's eyes fluttered shut and his resolve weakened each passing moment.

"Brendan, don't do this..."

Brendan's grip loosened and Ste slipped to the side of him feeling ashamed of himself "I'm sorry"

Brendan covered and tied the towel back around himself before edging down behind Ste. He didn't touch him and Ste became far too subconscious about it. He'd reached for Brendan's hand and brought it around him. It tightened immediately and Brendan pressed his body into him for warmth. "Hey" He whispered "Are ye gonna speak to me, huh?"

"I found out about Vinnie" Ste bit nervously at his bottom lip and felt Brendan's arm retract from his strong hold. "An I feel jealous, I feel like I'm going crazy. And I know I've no right too, but it's got me thinking about us. I don't think it's a good idea me coming to London, at least not right away."

Brendan suddenly laughed but not in a way that signaled happiness, he sounded put out,hurt and angry. He'd moved off the bed burned and entered the bathroom slamming the door shut and making Ste wince with the sound. It seemed to echo around the bedroom and rattle the windows. Ste pushed himself up enough to sit straight against the headboard, his head fell back hard a few times as he cursed his stupidity. An ache continued to throb inside his stomach waiting for Brendan to come out of the room he'd holed up in.

Many moments had ticked by and Ste became bored with waiting, that and checking the time on the alarm clock. Time is even slower when it's watched intently. Composing his nerves Ste was soon crawling off the bed on all fours. Pulling on some clothes for the second time that morning Ste walked over to the slammed door and the room Brendan was in. He slid down to the floor bringing up his knees.

"This our first fight then?" Ste raised his voice through the door. "Not a good sign is it?" Ste held up his ear to the door and listened to nothing but head held heavy against his knees.

"I can't help it" he replied with a deep gulp "I can't help feeling jealous thinking about someone else with you. Not when ya make me this happy" Ste found a piece of carpet and tugged at it unraveling the cord. He soon tucked it out of the way when it unraveled a gaping hole. "Are ya gonna stew in there the rest of the time here, cos it's ticking away Bren. I don't wanna talk to ya through a door." Ste banged the back of his head against the wood in frustration.

There was a sudden knock at the main door and Ste huffed to his feet again and moved to answer it. A young man was stood there dressed in a uniform "Room service sir?"

"I didn't know you got this in cabin's?" Ste edged his head out into the open space.

"Just my job sir" The young man loaded his arms up with what he needed to clean the room and stood waiting.

"Room service, you say? Yeah - can ya get my fit fella out of the bathroom for me?" Ste craned his head back into the room "He's SULKING!" Ste grinned looking back at the man wielding towels and a toilet roll in his arms. Ste grabbed hold of the towels.

"I'll take these, and maybe I could order some whipped cream? Is that part of ya job?" Ste continued to look back at the bathroom door occasionally. "See, I'm trying to coax him out of there with sexual favours" Ste watched the man's mouth fall agape "Maybe you have some ideas actually?"

"STEVEN!" Brendan's voice boomed through the room and Ste raised a delicious smile.

"See...I knew that would work" Ste whispered to the man with the now pale white complexion. "No room service yet, just imagine there's a 'do not disturb this jammy sod' sign right here. Ste winked and pushed the man back with a firm palm against his chest.

Ste closed the door shut with a flick of his hand and turned arms folded to look at Brendan dressed in his jeans and a vest. "Stopped with the sulking now?"

"How do ye turn this around on me? Ye started this, getting clingy over my ex" Ste's face dropped the cocky act and scoffed lightly shaking his head.

"It's only because I care!"

"I know! I care about ye too. I wont be punished for having a life before ye though." Brendan pointed accusingly "How did ye find out about Vinnie?"

"It doesn't matter how, I am sorry. This...this is the last thing I wanted, us falling out." Ste approached Brendan carefully trying to figure out if he could get away with it. Brendan watched him with lidded eyes, and threw the top he held in his hand on the bed.

"I was with him a while, it wasn't serious for me, but it had been for him. Vinnie wanted...more from me and I couldn't give it to him" Brendan sat hard on the bed.

"Ok so, that's why you prefer, uncomplicated fun" Ste spoke quieter. "Don't blame ya"

"Eh?"

"Who wants to get serious anyway? It's overrated" Ste observed his reactions with a gauging, anxious laughter while eyeing up the bathroom as solitude.

"Steven...I didn't mean..."

"Anyway, I'm gonna..." Ste pointed to the bathroom "For a shower, and then we can get our asses out of here"

Brendan stood up quickly "We are okay ain't we?"

"Course" Ste choked "Always" Ste moved and stood in front of Brendan sharing a chased but soft lipped kiss with him. Brendan repeated an open mouthed kiss around Ste's tight lips pressing closer into it, continuing until he'd felt the tension fall out of Ste's body and it became softer in his arms.

"Can I join ye?"

"You've just had a bath though"

"So?" Brendan walked them back towards the shower and bumped Ste up against the shower screen. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't making up the best part of an argument?"

"Ye wanna?" Ste nodded in agreement

"That wasn't an argument" Ste hummed feeling Brendan's teeth score over the pulse dipped into his neck. "It was..." warm hands slip into his loose trackie bottoms dragging them down his legs. "Pretty stupid..."

Ste held his breath watching Brendan on his knees, slowly part his thighs and treacle tongue movements along the underside of them before looking up to his eyes."He means nothing to me Steven." Brendan thumbed over the wingspan tattoo inked against his hip and kissed over it. "Nothing"

Ste held Brendan's gaze until he was eye height again, hooking his fingers into Brendan's jeans Ste was pulling him into the shower.

"I'm still fully clothed" Brendan mumbled against Ste's desperate kisses.

"Better get em off then ey"

"Do ye trust me Steven?"

"Yes"

Brendan turned the shower on bursting a powerful waterfall of hot steam filled water against them. Their clothes instantly darkened as the water soaked them through. "Shouldn't have" Brendan winked kissing Ste hard up against the tiled wall.

Ste shook his head and pulled off his top to lay ruffled on the floor. Water sprayed, the beads angled down his stomach, dipping each breath he made. It filtered throughout the room and Brendan felt his heart miss beats watching him stand there waiting for his touch.

Brendan unbuttoned his jeans and allowed them to hang open, watched Ste's eyes heavy lidded he gazed under the curl of lashes with fever throbbing through his every pore at Brendan, urging him to hurry the hell up and put his hands everywhere.

No lights had been put on in their haste, just the sunlight filtering through the room. The water tread underfoot as Brendan walked over to Ste.

His hands slipped over Ste's clammy skin rounding his hips, Ste's breath drew in nervously as Brendan fell to his knees and dragged his tongue up his tummy taking the line of shower water gathered there with the stroke. His tongue settled into his navel and lapped wide against it. Ste purred raking his fingers through Brendan's dark hair massaging his fingers like claws. The older man moaned placing open-mouthed kisses on his belly button, tasted the sweet salt mixing with the hot water, Ste's skin felt warm under his moist licks.

Ste held his hands out to him in greeting when Brendan moved back up to his feet and fingered across one of his nipples. Ste pulled up Brendan's wringing wet vest and tossed it to land heavy in the water. His jeans fell like a weight toeing out one by one until their bodies mirrored, bodies exposed and rising in a sharp intake of breaths.

"I want to play with ye till ye moan my name" Brendan placed a soft kiss on Ste's parted mouth before speaking lower "kiss those lips until they bruise of me" Brendan's cross dangled between them and span till Ste reached out and stopped it. His fingers touched against the thick wet hair on his chest and filtered it through his fingers. Brendan brushed his lips against Ste's ear and wrapped his digits around his hard cock. "I'm gonna suck ye into my mouth and I want to hear you as I do, tell me what I do to your body Steven." Brendan licked his lip and gazed into Ste's eyes.

"Brendan…please."

"Tell me"

"Suck me so deep I'll never know anything more than this"

Ste shuddered and flicked his lashes up to Brendan's eyes, a slight sparkle to them, the light dim he could only see little movements, but he felt his gaze upon him, so intense it burned through his skin. Fingers clawing their way up over his fleshy nipples, Ste rubbed them raw and sensitive until Brendan hissed in pleasure. Pulling at the nubs playfully Ste pushed off the wall to get closer, the heat from their bodies changing the room temperature around them.

kisses warm and unforgiving, so hard Ste found himself backed up against the tiled wall again with a gruff voice it whimpered into Brendan's open-mouthed assault. His tongue wet and seemingly electrified, the sparks edged through his body at speed knocking him off kilter enough to score his fingers into the shoulders of the other man.

Brendan moved back down Ste's body and gripped a hold of his length, hummed through each wide tongue stroke, moist licks Brendan toyed with Ste's cock in wanton. He'd never felt this way with anyone else, the heightened pleasure it created on his senses only begged for more. And by the same score it terrified him, Brendan wanted more, he worried now he'd tasted Steven he'd crave him the rest of his life.

His mouth sucked Ste down slowly and he felt the younger man jolt with it, hands filtering through his hair he pulled against the strands tightly. Brendan sucked hard, cheeks hollowing Ste moaned his name again and again, each time with a gasp of breath. His hands trailed to his soft arse cheeks and fingered water between the crack, rubbing the rim of his tight hole, he'd applied a little pressure. It was enough to have Ste's hips keening to his controlled suction, his come warm gliding down his throat, Ste was vocal through his climax, moans filled with pure arousal. Brendan lapped the length of Ste through his comedown before he moved back up to kiss him hard.

Brendan broke the kiss and held his hands over each side of Ste's face and nudged his forehead against him eyes closed to the feeling inside his heart.

"Steven..."

"I know" Ste whispered

Brendan opened his eyes and looked back at Ste "Are ye okay?"

"I've never felt so safe my whole life"

Ste brought his hands up to Brendan's cheeks and thumbed down his moustashe and across his lips.

"You have me physically ache for you" Ste's hand cupped around Brendan's erection, they both gasped as his fingers closed slowly around the length of him.

"So big" Ste's hand glided lower to the base and dragged back up squeezing against the enlarged head, thumb slicing between the slit, curling the pooled pre come "And wet" Ste smiled as he kissed the back of Brendan's ear, pressed it into his skin and gnawed it into his teeth.

"I want ye Steven, and I've never wanted anyone"

Brendan felt the smile Ste made widen against his skin. They kissed again, roughly with a passion. Ste lifted his arms and crossed them tightly around Brendan's neck pulling him down closer, deeper tongue strokes now made more possible Ste widened his mouth with Brendan's and matched his every move with need. Their heads were above them, somewhere in the clouds, the feeling of high spurring them on, Brendan jolted against Ste as he pressed further into the wall behind him and moaned loudly.

"Oh Bren" Ste broke the kiss off and arched his neck back so Brendan could bite and suck against his Adams apple, suck on it and graze his teeth taking an inch of water with it, licked along the hum as it vibrated against the wide of his tongue. Ste gripped hold of Brendan's length, pulled his tight fist up from the base and felt it pulse. Thick, twitching and moist Ste didn't stop the louder Brendan moaned the more he played with it. Brendan keened and bit wide against Ste's neck. "Steven…you'll have me coming"

"I like it though" Ste whispered slowing down his hand movements to a crawl "Hearing those noises when I touch you"

Ste moved his other hand and squeezed Brendan's heavy balls "I love hearing you" Ste took Brendan into a hard kiss and took control of his every moan, tongue movement and desperate cries of a man on the edge. Ste eventually eased off, Brendan's eyes dark. They were both highly addicted to each other now.

Ste's hand felt with continued light touches against Brendan's hard cock.

It twitched and with it Brendan mewled so beautifully Ste bit down hard against his own bottom lip and scraped his teeth there with excitement. He teased with his palm and stroked. Pulled up against the head and smoothed the wet it pooled around the head. Brendan felt his balls ache, they were raised and heavy in Ste's other hand, the softness of them perfect enough to fondle like putty. Ste felt the hairs brush under the side of his thumb strokes, squeezed pressure against their swelling balling around his palm.

"Steven...god" Brendan spoke on breath as Ste continued to rub him raw, he could feel the wet dibbling down his shaft as it throbbed through the onslaught. Ste gasped and pulled Brendan towards him and into a hot tongued kiss, Brendan moaning out his orgasm deep into his throat. Ste swallowed every vibration and continued to milk him long after he'd climaxed.

"Jesus" Brendan breathed erratically, hand held against the wall behind Ste, their foreheads rested together the water showered down on them hard washing their come away. Ste held his hand around Brendan's neck and felt his pulse race the speed of his own.

"This mean we've made up?" Ste giggled breathless, head laid against Brendan's shoulder.

Brendan's hand mapped around Ste's backside and held his thigh up to hook around his hip, other hand flat palming between his wet cheeks and across his hole. "Not just yet we ain't"


They drove back to Dublin in separate cars late afternoon and arrived back around 5pm. Brendan remained close to his friends Warren and Simon when they'd got home when Cheryl's car hadn't got back at the same time as them. Warren had been deathly quiet on the run home, and Brendan couldn't understand why. It had made a difference in the atmosphere in the car.

Warren continued to feel bad about what he'd said to Ste and knew by keeping his indiscretion to himself would only cause more pain.

Simon could see there was something bothering his friend and when Warren had got up to go into the kitchen to make everyone a drink he'd followed closely behind him. Brendan had been left in the lounge to choose a movie to watch when Simon turned Warren to face him.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing, why what's been said? Has Ste spoken to ya?" Warren shifted his eyes around the room and edged to the kettle filling it up with water.

"Ste? Why would you think that?"

"I've screwed up, mentioned Vinnie."

Simon glanced behind towards the lounge "What? Are you mad, if Brendan finds out"

"Not on purpose! It was, a slip of tongue. I only said he'd left Brendan." Warren shrugged turning to put the kettle on to boil "Not that he's still seeing him or anything"

"Did you tell him why though? How he left?"

"Just that Brendan wouldn't commit into a relationship. Oh come on, it's probably for the best, Ste obviously likes him." Warren turned when he heard Simon hitch a breath, he snapped his neck back to see Brendan.

"And I like him, but no ye had to stick ye oar in didn't ye?!"

Brendan stood in the doorway, Simon holding a placid hand to his chest speaking words he couldn't hear. Once again Brendan felt his temper bubble towards his friend, hearing what he'd said to Ste. There seemed to be a shift in time then, and for some reason Warren already knew what was about to happen. Brendan's eyes hardened but inside his stomach twisted, seeing the look in Warren's eyes held him aghast momentarily.

Brendan's fists tightened in his hands, stepping forward into the space quickly, Warren's back had hit harshly against the counter when he'd backed up in defense and Simon was gripping against Brendan's shoulders pulling him back. Brendan heated and stood firm. "Ye couldn't keep your trap shut could ye?!"

"Brendan?!" Ste stood in the doorway of the kitchen trying to understand what he was seeing. The man who had shown nothing but gentle hands against him was now tantamount to attacking his friend. It was a blow to Ste's sense of security he'd grown used too from the older man and he'd looked visibly shaken stepping back out of the situation.

Brendan switched his gaze to look at Ste when he'd called his name, it had stung like an arrow through his chest,there was nothing he could say to defend himself. Too quick to react, his thought process hadn't come into it only anger. Simon's hands took advantage of Brendan's weakness and yanked him away from Warren. Brendan fell uneasy on his feet turning to look at both his friends condemning him with the sounds of silence.

"I'm...I wasn't gonna do anything..."

"Ya know what? Fuck you Brady. What? Gonna use ya father as an excuse again? Naaah, I ain't buying it any more, ya just unhinged!" Warren spat ferociously, cruelly. Brendan felt his knees weaken beneath him.

Simon shot Warren a warning glance before standing between his friends. A firm hold on Warren's back pulled his gaze straight to the detective who shook his head sharply. "Don't..." he implored "Don't say something you'll regret Warren."

"Why are ya taking his side? He came at me, or are you blind now?" Warren exasperated flicking his eyes to a forlorn Brendan.

"I'm sorry Foxy. Ye shouldn't have said anything to Steven..."

"No because for some reason he's yours and no one else's, right? Any body speaks to him and you're gonna kick off each time?"

"I didn't do anything" Brendan shook his head.

Simon walked Warren out of the room and placed space between them. "Look I am not taking sides, he was wrong to do that. There was no reason to bring up his dad, you know he went through hell with him"

"I know he did" Warren sighed heavy "I didn't mean that, did I? I won't put up with his insecurity any longer" Warren stood to leave pointing back at Brendan who held his gaze in apology "Have a word with him will ya"

Simon shook his head frustrated beyond belief and flicked his head back at Brendan. "Are you stupid or something?" Simon turned his body around and walked closer to Brendan. "He's your mate, why do that huh? Explain it to me please, cause I am shit out of answers"

Brendan rubbed his hand along his mouth and moved it to shrug. "First time in my life I find a reason to forget my past ye know? I've carried it in here my whole life" Brendan held two fingers to his temple, head dipped low. "Ye both know, ye sat down and listened to what that man, my father did to me. And ye both know what that boy means to me, I know ye do"

"I know that, okay. That's no excuse though. He's not gonna listen to anyone else, he has his own mind." Simon edged closer to Brendan "What's he thinking now eh? Even I thought you were gonna hit Warren then. You do the math"

Brendan didn't say anything then, just held his face in thought, mouth parted slightly to let out raggedy breaths. His eyes shut for a moment and pictured Ste's face, the hurt on it, the fear. Simon's voice drew him back into the room. "He stayed didn't he? You told him – and he stayed."

Brendan nodded slowly in reply, he'd told him awful things, things that in his mind made him damaged, dirty and a monster. Ste had held him tightly, told him he was far from it, told him he was gorgeous, brave, wanted. Ste touched him, kissed his lips and took away the memories, made things better again. "He's leaving and there's nothing I can do to stop it happening" Brendan replied miles away from where they stood, far away in thought.

"Let's go home Brendan. Let's go back to London. I have to get back to work, all of us do. Maybe in time, back in your routine, it will get easier"


Brendan edged up the stairs softly, but Ste had still heard and side swiped his eyes to the top of the stairs when he'd stopped there. The river Liffey was black now thanks to the lateness of the evening, lampposts that edged their way along the perimeter of it wriggled light sparkles over it, the heavier rain fall bounced pinpricks of water off it as a small shower turned torrential in the blink of an eye. Ste wanted to go out in it, stand in the rain and let it shower him till he was soaked to the bone and all his clothes stuck to him like another layer of skin. He was feeling trapped in the house, claustrophobic.

Ste's past flickered like blown out candle flames through his minds eye, the anger he'd seen as a child re surfacing it's ugly head. Ste felt Brendan swallow as well as hearing it's sound. Heavy and hesitant. Ste was happy he hadn't approached him, because turning Brendan away had become impossible now, but he didn't want him anywhere near and Brendan seemed to sense that.

Brendan slipped his hands into his pockets and again Ste listened intentionally to the sounds his body language made through the silence of their atmosphere.

"Would you have hit Warren then?"

"No"

"You're lying" Ste held his forehead at the cold window.

"I wouldn't have hit Foxy, I promise ye. I did lose my temper with him the other day though. Pushed him up against the counter in the kitchen" Brendan watched Ste intensely.

"Why?"

Brendan swung his head nervously. "He said something about ye. Tonight I found out what he'd said this morning and I..."

"Lost it?" Ste turned to look at Brendan for the first time then "What he told me changed nothing. Nothing could ever change the way I..." Ste breathed

"I have made it obvious how I feel about you. We sorted it out Brendan, there was no need too..." Ste's voice trailed off. He'd turned to look outside again, the rain not letting up. "I wish this rain would stop, I want to go out"

"Where? Tell me and I will..."

"No, you're not coming with me"

"Ah, come on Steven."

Ste closed his eyes and hit against the window "I thought you was different."

"I am, I am different. It was something stupid, don't condemn me over it"

Ste grabbed his jacket off the floor that had been resting over his holdall. Brendan failed to notice it keeping his eyes firmly on Ste as he moved. Edging past him he held softly against his arm. "Don't go out, it's raining."

"I'll do what I like Brendan. Don't follow me" Ste nudged past Brendan and fled quickly down the stairs.


The rain was cold against a warm humid night, and a threat of an oncoming storm charged the atmosphere as Ste walked hunched over against the elements. Hands in his pockets and a stiff walk he made his way up into the city of Dublin. The lights paved his way, lights sparkling along the river like a trail of breadcrumbs to a gingerbread house. Instead in his story the breadcrumbs lead to the Ha'Penny bridge. Ste had to walk upon it one more time, by far his favourite place in Dublin, it held under lock and key within his heart.

The rainwater flattened his hair against his forehead, strands slicked across his eyes, he'd given up trying to flick them away and leaned with his back up against the tall metal of the side. A few people walked past as he stood there and faced the rain in defiance, head held back the droplets pelted his face and stuck to his long beautiful lashes. They gleamed like diamanté had been pressed onto each individual eye lash in the end. Brendan had ignored Ste's wishes and deep down Ste knew he would have, had almost felt the pull his presence had on him the moment he'd caught up and stood on the bridge with him. Even so...

"Told ya not to follow me"

"I heard 'hm hm follow me'"

Ste flicked his eyes open allowing the droplets to sprinkle far into the air, eyes glancing at Brendan. He turned his back to him again. "Ya gonna get wet"

"Don't care, I want to be with ye, even if it means standing in a storm on a bridge full of metal"

"It's not thunderin" Ste scoffed

"It's on it's way, look at the clouds" Brendan pointed to a menacing cloud formation which indeed cried out an angry thunderhead. Ste gulped looking up at the metal towering above him, he moved quickly to the side. Brendan stepped to close the gap but not too much sensing Ste wasn't ready to have Brendan that close yet.

"Terry used to do that, crowd against me, look at me like he was gonna belt me into next week"

"I ain't like that, I wouldn't have hit Foxy"

"Oh so that makes it alright then, losing ya temper and the person on the receiving end not knowing whether you'll hit out or just yell a bit." Ste spat sarcastically, gazing at Brendan who neither replied nor showed any kind of emotion. "This is so stupid. Why am I even bothered huh? You can do what ya like, I'm leaving anyway"

"I ain't bowing to ye Steven. All this...this childish behaviour. When ye gonna grow up and face facts? Ye want me, just as much as I want ye. You're just so fucking scared you're making up any excuse not to admit it"

"Ya finished?" Ste moved closer to Brendan and instantly his heart betrayed him beating out of rhythm, his breathing caved. "I'm not scared."

"Admit ye want to be with me Steven"

"No" Ste swallowed whispering. Brendan dared to moved closer undoing Ste's coat he edged his hands inside and settled them warmer on his waist. Ste gripped palms wide on Brendan's leather jacket covered forearms. Lingering looks keeping them tethered to each other. The engine hum of a vehicle interrupted the rain beating against the concrete they stood on and a taxi pulled up at the top end of the bridge. Ste looked over to it and Anne sat in the back, her face looked saddened as she held up his bag to the window. Ste nodded to her and Brendan puzzled turning to see what Ste was looking at. His face fell seeing Anne in the cab.

"What's going on? Steven?" Brendan replied still watching Anne, he turned to look into Ste's sheen covered eyes, lips inverting with nerves. Brendan thumbed against the soft pink flesh, loosened them apart. "Told ye, ye don't have to be nervous with me"

"I'm sorry Brendan"

"Steven" Brendan's voice shook "Please"

"I have to go now"

"No" Brendan's head shook determined "No"

"Would it have been easier any other way? No. After tonight I decided, it was best if I just left now, while we still have great memories" Ste held his hand against the stubble of Brendan's almost beard. "I'm not mad at you, I just have to go"

"I won't let ye go" Brendan tightened his arms around Ste's waist, instilling a little chuckle out of the younger boy. Rain mixed with his tears now, and Ste was hopeful Brendan hadn't noticed them. He edged up on his tip toes, stroked their noses together and pressed so close their spark transferred between them like the lightening that suddenly forked across the sky lighting them up brightly.

Ste's lips were soaked with rain when Brendan felt them touch his, moist strokes their lips slid freely, relaxed. Heat and moisture held within the kiss kept them breathing heavy into it, and for the moments it lasted neither of them dared let go. Anne watched on from the safely and dryness of the taxi and felt her heart soar at the pair of them. Feeling she was watching a love story unfold before her eyes she found herself never wanting the ending she knew would happen.

Ste filtered both his hands through Brendan's wet hair and tugged hard, scoring nails down his scalp and into the back of his neck, Brendan gasped allowing Ste's tonguing to penetrate deeper into his mouth. Ste's cheeks glowed the same colour as the rest of his body, coming alive, he momentarily lost strength until Brendan turned him against the bridge side and pressed himself full against him. Drops of rain slipped between their lips, fell against their tongues as they coiled in hunger.

Ste held his hand to Brendan's chest and pushed with every ounce of strength to get him away. Their gasp was loud parting, Brendan searched Ste's eyes desperately.

"That was goodbye" Ste choked on his words and rested his head against Brendan.

"Steven"

Ste made it to the taxi, hands held against the window Anne implored to him, the door opened and Ste threw his jacket off and tossed it into the cab. Rain soaked through his top within seconds, head held against his arm. He turned and ran back to Brendan throwing his arms around his neck. Brendan held him high, Ste tightening his legs around his back. They kissed again before Ste slipped to the side of his ear "I do want to be with you, but I still have to leave. Don't be mad with Warren,make up with him."

Brendan let Ste slip from his arms and this time he did get into the taxi, it pulled away with a cruel screech of tires against the water logged road. His jacket saved some of his clothes from the persistent rainfall, but Brendan's soaked jeans weighted him to the bridge heavier. Mouth parted his breathing struggled, up until that moment Brendan realised he'd thought Ste would stay. Assumed that somehow they'd have worked it out, and because of that he'd been unprepared for what he'd do when Ste actually did leave.

He knew he wasn't alone then, looking up he saw Simon stood watching him. Black jacket and a large hood that showed his face more defined than ever when lightening struck the sky white.

"He left" Brendan's voice shouted as it faltered.

"I saw" Simon kept his eyes to the floor strolling over to his friend and placed a hand on his back of his neck "Come on, they're not the only ones who have to leave. We have a ferry to catch remember?"

Brendan looked affronted "Anne though, ye didn't stop her. Ye could have stopped her!"

"No I couldn't. We have our lives in London, and theirs are in Chester. Ste has had a positive effect on you. Time was you wouldn't care and be making a move on your next conquest"

"How are ye here Simon?" Brendan stopped short almost tripping up the young detective in his steps behind.

"Anne told me. Ste wanted to leave quietly because he knew seeing you would be too hard. Problem was, you followed him anyway." Simon felt bad then, he shouldn't have kept the secret to himself but thought it was the kindest thing to do in the circumstance.

"Probably for the best. Actually..." his two fingers closed to gesture towards Simon "Yes, it is for the best." Brendan sobered up on the cooler air and forgot about the rain and thunder that now rumbled against the dark clouds above them. Stepping ahead with his mind straight and feet determined he made his way back to the house. Simon hurried behind him trying to catch up.

"Ya can't fool me Brendan. It's okay to be upset you know? In fact it's normal to be, you know human?"

"Yeah well, when have I ever been normal huh? I've already forgotten his name. In fact never mention him again ye hear me? Never" Brendan shoved sharply against his friend making him stumble back into a puddle. Simon glanced down at his shoe soaked through with the muddy water and shook it off. Watched Brendan almost begin to jog in his bid to get away from him. He sighed heavy fingering through his longer hair to slick it back with the rain droplets that had settled there. He ground his teeth with the tension kicking the puddle to splash up in anger, Simon made to catch up with his friend.


"You got the tickets" Ste asked trying to ring out his top into the taxi whilst avoiding the sly looks the driver was giving him. He'd made a little puddled mess by the time he'd finished and sat back eyes shifting from the drivers quickly. Ste coughed out the awkwardness and turned to look at Anne whose face resembled the thunder clouds which now seemed to be stuck directly over the taxi as it sped away. Her arms congregated stiffly, eyes questioning. It was the last thing he needed right now.

"That was mean. Back there, you didn't give him chance to miss you, let alone understand"

"This was your idea! Best for us to just leave you said" Ste sobbed "I hadn't planned on even seeing him. He followed me, so I had to say goodbye. It almost killed me."

"I only suggested it because I knew this would happen. Maybe no way would have been easier."

"We got the last flight out right? And when we land, we get Tony's car back to the village." Ste changed the subject, spoke quickly hands gesturing his each word into the space in the cab. Ste stopped babbling and stared into space. "I left him all alone on the bridge"

"I told Simon, he's with him now, he's not alone." Anne replied in assurance. "I'm sorry" Anne's warm palm held Ste's wet cold hand to which he immediately pulled it away.

"Don't speak any more, please."


The airport was surprisingly quiet when they'd arrived there, Anne and Ste sat apart form each other when Ste couldn't face anyone or anything within touching distance. Numbness paralysing his entire being, his arms held softly but together wrapping against his chest. It ached more than he'd ever known. Years of abuse from Terry had hurt, the sound of his ribs cracking, the bruises Ste would have to endure for weeks upon end hurt, but he wasn't prepared for this pain.

It twisted cruelty inside him, heart beating out a stab each second it throbbed against his chest. Feeling like he wasn't complete any more, Ste fought back the tears that continued to threaten to fall. Anne visibly tensed while watching him closely, never left him despite knowing her company wasn't really wanted. Not maliciously, Ste just didn't know how to cope.

The tannoy buzzed from time to time, directing people around the airport, announcing flight's and departures constantly. Ste only heard distortion through the weird sounds around him. People who walked past blurred just above his eye line as he stared down at the patterned carpet beneath his seat. Eye lids blinking slowly, his eyelashes darker and weighted from the release of water each time they closed. A tear eventually gave in to gravity and sparkled slightly as it fell and wet a little circle onto the carpet.

Anne swallowed the lump in her throat, it stung pushing along her windpipe. Seeing her friend so broken left her helpless. "Ste...please speak to me?" Her words choked, and Ste moved slightly, his head a touch but nothing to suggest he'd look up at her, or even commit to a reply. Another tear fell from his lashes and in that moment she'd dared to move one seat closer.

"Why don't you go back? Make up with him. Ste look at you, this...I can't let you do this to yourself" Anne tried her best to speak to Ste, keeping her voice calm, but nothing she could do would undo the spell Ste had seemed to have been cast under. Anne silently kept hope within her, every now and then glancing around the building, and scattered people to see a face that would mend everything in a click of fingers.

Time sped up though, and minutes turned to moments as she'd heard their flight read out a second time. And after telling Ste, his non movement became a slight irritation. Ste was heavy against her arm as she dragged him to his feet. Holding his head up and ignored the look in his eyes, his colour had drained to a paler completion.

"We have to go Ste, come on love"

Ste walked with her, fingers gripped tightly to his holdall. Tickets checked they boarded the flight and sat into their seats. Ste was given the window seat so he gazed out over the other planes and technicians rushing around with the maintenance of them. Watched how life just continued for everyone else but him. His body jolted when it began to roll towards the runway, turning and travelling quicker until it took off into the sky. Ireland became smaller as they rose off the ground, his eyes glanced over it trying to capture a last glimpse of the bridge he'd first seen there and a place he'd always hold within his heart.