A/N: I'm glad you guys think I handled Abed well! To the guest who was glad I didn't make Britta a"dumb blonde": thanks! I think sometimes people think Britta is a dumb character, but I don't think she is. Dan Harmon was talking about this on his Reddit AMA, the other day. He had a quote about Britta's intelligence that I liked. I know some people think season 3 went too far and made her stupid, but I don't think it did. Like her description of what an analogy is, I think a lot of what Britta says sounds dumb but is actually pretty incsicive. It's what makes her one of my favorite characters.
Sorry that this chapters a little shorter, I ended up splitting off a fourth chunk and making it a full chapter after it started to get kind of long. I think it works better this way. Now I've got a little bit of a buffer on this story, so I might go back and fill in some of the gaps from last year, before Troy left for the A/C school.
Dean Pelton slid his car into its personal, reserved parking spot, right next to the Administrative Building. It was the first day of a new school year. Possibility wafted through the fall air. His new therapist really seemed like she was working out.
It was time to seize the day.
His Prius beeped as he locked it behind him. He hummed a happy tune.
"Morning Dean!" Fat Neil said to him as he walked past, arm in arm with Vicki.
"Good morning, Neil!" the Dean said back, beaming. "Vicki! How are you two lovebirds doing?"
"We're doing really great, actually. Neil's going to-"
The Dean didn't listen to the rest of what she had to say, because he was already springing up the stairs to the Administrative Building's front door. He had a couple of hours to kill before his favorite study group started their first meeting. Plenty of time to choose a good outfit. It was Citizenship Day today. Maybe something Statue of Liberty themed…?
"Any messages?" he asked his personal assistant on his way past her desk.
"No," Natalie said in a bored voice without looking up from her magazine.
He opened the door to his office, and skipped giddily over to his closet.
"Dean!" came a voice from behind him, making him yelp.
"There's a student waiting for you in your office," Natalie said over the intercom. The Dean jabbed at the SEND button, feeling heat rush into his face.
"OKAY! NOW YOU'RE JUST BEING UNPROFESSIONAL!" he snapped. He turned to face his visitor.
Troy Barnes was standing near his couch, a serious expression on his face. He must have been waiting there, sitting, for a while, because he looked impatient
"Troy," the Dean said, brightening. He'd known he must have escaped the clutches of the A/C Repair School Annex somehow after TroyTBone09 had become active again, but it was odd to see the young man away from Abed. "This is a surprise. What can I do for you?"
"You've got to refund the A/V Department!" Troy said with utter conviction.
"Refund the… what? Where'd all this interest in school administration come from?" The Dean sat behind his desk, motioning for Troy to take a chair. "Usually it's like pulling teeth to get most of you guys to take an interest in Greendale."
"It's for Abed," Troy said. "He's been feeling down lately, and I want to help him."
The Dean placed a hand over his heart, touched. "You know, I haven't seen Abed at all, not for months. He hasn't been around campus. Everyone's been so worried about him, especially Annie… I think he really missed you, Troy."
Troy nodded, his expression sad. "I know. And seeing as how the only reason I was gone was because we had to rescue you, I was hoping that you'd help me out."
"Troy…" the Dean felt a pang of guilt. "You know I can never thank you guys enough for saving me from being burned to death in the basement of my own school, but it's not that simple."
"Why not?" Troy asked in a frustrated voice. "I thought you ran this place!"
"Greendale's broke, Troy. And I mean for real this time." The Dean felt the enthusiasm ebb out of his body as he thought about the school's finances. "I'm going to have to start cannibalizing the library's computer room just to keep the lights on for the month."
"Oh…" Troy said, his tone softening. "I guess I didn't realize things were that bad…"
"I know," the Dean sighed. "And I've finally got the Board in my pocket too… I had such plans Troy. Such plans. Expanding the internship program. A Woman's Health Center. Working faucets in the second floor bathrooms. But we're broke. Chang and his crazy spending undid all the work I did to get us above water after the A/C Annex cut off our funding."
"Wait, what?" Troy asked. "What did the Annex do?"
"Oh…" the Dean said, wincing. "I may have… offended… Vice Dean Laybourne last year. Accidently. He didn't react well. We used to get most of our money from them. Now we get, um," he swallowed, "nothing."
"That's bullshit!" Troy fumed. "Do you have any idea how much money those dudes waste?"
"I know, right?" the Dean said excitedly, relieved that someone else saw things his way. "But it's too late. The Vice Dean doesn't really strike me as someone who changes his mind a lot…"
"Uh…" Troy said, looking uncomfortable. "I feel kinda weird being the one to tell you this but… the Vice Dean's dead."
"What!? WHY AM I ALWAYS THE LAST ONE TO FIND THESE THINGS OUT!?" the Dean demanded. "When did this happen?"
"Like, two weeks ago. It was pretty messed up, but I avenged him and brought his killer to justice," Troy answered. "I'm kind of a big deal over there now. They think I'm God."
"Well, that sounds pretty good to me!" the Dean said, feeling a bit of his good mood returning. "Do you think you could get them to give Greendale's money back?"
"Let's go find out!" Troy rose from his seat, grinning confidently.
"Oh Troy!" the Dean said, circling around to the front of his desk. He reached out and felt one of Troy's pecs. It was strong, and firm under his fingers. "You're a lifesaver!"
There was an awkward silence for a moment. "Please take your hand off my chest," Troy finally said, his voice even but firm.
The Dean pouted, but complied. He wasn't as much fun as Jeffery.
#
"I'm sorry, Truest Repairman, but what you ask is impossible," High Priest Thornsten said, sadly. He hated to be a disappointment.
"What?" his Lord asked him. "Why?"
"Yeah!" shouted the smaller, balder man next to him. "Explain yourself to the Truest Repairman!"
"Okay, dial it back a little Dean," He said, gently.
"Sorry, this is just so exciting!" the strange man said, looking around the Meeting Hall. "I feel like I'm in Dune!"
"Apologies, Your Coolness, but the texts are quite clear here. Only the Vice-Dean may negotiate a new contract, and we are without a Vice-Dean. And that is no small dilemma in and of itself," Thorsten said, bowing his head as a sign of submission to Him. "I tried to speak to you of this when You came last week to retrieve Your cellular phone, but You would not stop to listen."
"Whatever," He said, impatiently. "Can't I just do it?"
"I'm sorry, High Priest. I've held my tongue for long enough, but this is ridiculous," Dennis said from his right.
"Dennis!" Thorsten said, raising a hand in warning.
"No! I will speak!" Dennis said, louder. "This- this boy!? Vice Dean? Which mysteries has he been inducted into? In which sacred books has his name and deeds been recorded? I know who he says he is, but would the Truest Repairman really ask us to give up so much from the fruits of our sweat and blood to- to a bunch of non-fixers!?" Dennis looked from face to face among the Council, as if expecting to find agreement, but none met his gaze. None except Thorsten, who stared Dennis in the eyes until the more junior Repairman swallowed, and retook his seat.
"You must forgive Brother Dennis," Thorsten said. "Sobriety has been difficult for him."
"Listen, uh-" The Truest Repairman looked at Thorsten expectantly.
"Wha-? Oh. High Priest Thorsten, Your Coolness," Thorsten answered, realizing that He did not know him, at least not in this form of Himself. It was an important lesson in humility, and one he would reflect on.
"Listen, High Priest Thorsten," He said. "What do I need to do to get the Dean his money?"
"Well… a new Vice Dean must be selected, but here the texts fail us. The Vice-Dean appoints his own successor, but Laybourne was murdered by his choice. There is no precedent for this," Thorsten said, solemnly. "Perhaps Dennis's outburst, impudent though it was, should guide our path, Your Coolness. Perhaps… you should become Vice-Dean." There was a murmur from the Council.
"Can't I just choose someone?" He asked. Thorsten would hate to call His tone of voice "whiny", but… "I don't want to be Vice-Dean. Dennis." He shot the man a pointed look. "It sounds like a drag. And a lot of work."
"Yes… actually yes I think you can!" Thorsten replied, becoming excited. "We're on shaky ground, theologically, but the first Vice-Dean was appointed by the Truest Repairman in Astral Form, in a dream shared by the Founding Council. So there is precedent, here! Why, yes, the more I think about it the more elegant a solution it appears to be!"
"Jesus, Abed would really get a kick out of you nerds," the Truest Repairman said, grinning. He turned to the one He had called Dean. "Come on. I've got an idea."
#
"You want me to what?" Jerry Major asked, placing his mop back into the bucket on his cart. The question had startled him, as had the kid's appearance here, outside the Repair School. They usually kept the new recruits under closer supervision.
"I want you to come be Vice-Dean," Troy repeated. Dean Pelton, who was also here for some reason, nodded next to him.
"Kid, that's got to be the weirdest goddamn thing I've ever heard you say," Jerry said. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"Look, I know I was pretty mean to you the last time we talked and I'm sorry," Troy said, his voice earnest. "But you were right. Air-conditioning repair isn't any better than plumbing or carpentry or whatever else. I need someone who can help me show them that. You know how weird they are over there. And I know you like teaching, Jerry! I could see that… in how you were with me."
Jerry was surprised at the lump that had formed in his throat. He swallowed it. The kid was grinning broadly at him, exuding that air of confidence like he always managed to do. "I… that's nice to hear Troy," he said, slowly. "But I don't know anything about administrating a school. And what about Laybourne? And what are you even doing outside of the Annex, kid? Aren't they looking for you?"
"Okay, well, that's kind of a long story," Troy said, taking a deep breath. "At the end of last year I was forced to join the A/C repair school to save my friends from the power mad head of security who also happened to be my former first year Spanish Instructor. Now-"
"Okay-" the Dean said, interrupting and stepping forward in front of Troy. "Troy and I have very important study group meeting to get to soon so I'm going to hurry this up. Hi, I'm Dean Pelton." He offered his hand and Jerry shook it, reflexively. "You might remember me from when I hired you? And then when I rehired you at half the pay, after Chang fired the entire janitorial staff? Would you like to come make what in my opinion is a ludicrous amount of money in exchange for essentially putting a rubber stamp on a bunch of administrative decisions I tell you to make?"
"Dean!" the kid objected.
"Oh, alright!" Pelton said, rolling his eyes. "And you can help Troy deprogram a bunch of cultists if you really want."
"How much is a ludicrous amount?" Jerry asked, stunned.
"Well, the thing is, the Vice-Dean's salary is probably going to be the first thing we cut. But a lot more than you make right now, I can guarantee that. And Greendale will actually be able to hire a full janitorial staff again."
The reality of the situation was only just beginning to dawn on him. A life free of cleaning up after human piss and shit? He looked over at the kid, a grin breaking out over his face.
"Kid?" he asked. "I think I might love you."
Troy grinned back.
