AN: WARNING! TONS AND TONS OF INSANITY AND ANTICS ARE FOUND IN THIS CHAPTER! DO NOT READ THIS MATERIAL IF THIS IS AN ISSUE!
...pfft, like it's an issue for you guys! Read on, faithful readers, read on...
Chapter 8: The Labyrinth of Hazy Maze Cave
In the upsetting aftermath of the last chapter, and after much angry ranting with the heroes, Mr. L with Brobot MLX, and Dry TRC's team, recently restored to his original form and returning to his proper dimension, our heroes return to the deadly dungeon at Peach's Castle where they plan to go to the next world to find more Power Stars and blah blah blah blah blah, quest-related elements are inserted here, press b to jump, and moving on…
Yoshi: So where should we go next?
Mario: I don't know.
Aroramage: Great! Cause you don't get a choice in the matter!
Heroes: What?
Aroramage: Remember? Story? Users? Choose A Random Adventure?
Heroes:…
Aroramage: I thought you guys used fourth-wall breaking abilities again.
Yoshi: Fourth-what?
Aroramage: Did you not use them during the last chapter?
Mario: What's he talking about?
Lucky: Beats me.
Aroramage: Ohhhh, I get it. The ol' "I-don't-really-have-fourth-wall-breaking-abilities-but-in-fact-I-do-so-I'll-hide-them-from-the-author" ploy.
Yoshi: The what ploy?
Aroramage: Alright, fine. Prepare the strange ironic twist we're all expecting. There's only two ways it ends: you say you do, or you say you don't, both when I leave you guys alone. Yeah, we're all expecting it. Besides, there's no point in surprising my readers. They sued me already. Anyways, I've got to prepare for the court case, so I'll see you guys later.
Yoshi: …but we can't see you.
Aroramage: Say that again and your very existence…ah, who am I kidding…
Aroramage departs for the courthouse.
Yoshi: …dammit, he's on to us!
Waluigi: Quick! Find the next world and let's lose ourselves in it!
The heroes walk through a doorway, noticing that there is water on the ground and that the doorway is on a platform that requires a jump to reach.
Mario: I wonder if Toads can reach this door at all.
Waluigi: I wonder why there's water on the ground.
Yoshi: I wonder how that mysterious-voice from above is doing.
Meanwhile, thousands of universal units away…
CARA COURTHOUSE 9:00 AM
Bailiff: Court Case # 92839477, Readers vs. Aroramage. Another lawsuit. Why? Who knows. We get this crap here all the time.
Judge: How does the defendant-I mean, "sued" plead?
Aroramage: What type would you prefer?
Judge: Oh, whatever makes the day go by faster, I suppose.
Aroramage: Innocent, based on disclaimer rights.
Jury: *gasp*
Meanwhile, in an entirely different direction…
The heroes walk through the doorway. The room is a large area with a railing immediately in front of them, leading around in two paths that lead to a lower level. In the center of this room, an octagonal portal dwells. And nearby, a Toad is standing in the corner.
Mario: *wide-eyed* Oh boy...
Toad: *cheerful* Hey, guys! What's up?
Yoshi: What're you doing-
Toad: *angry* NONE OF YOUR ****ING BUSINESS, YOU DINO-BASTARD!
Yoshi: o_o
Toad: *sad and crying* I'm so sorry, are you okay? Did I hurt your feelings?
Heroes:...
Toad: *absolutely terrified* No! Stop looking around like that! It's so intimidating! Fine! Here! Take the Power Star!
THE HEROES RECEIVE ANOTHER POWER STAR! WOO-HOO!
Toad: *flamboyant, or gay* Oh my god, did I just, like, totally do that? Oh well! Easy come, easy-
Mario: Go!
The heroes jump into the portal.
Toad: …*angry* Oh, wait till those ****ing bastards come back, I'll give 'em what for! *confused* Wait, what am I saying?
Meanwhile, thousands of nanometers beneath the surface of the portal…
The heroes land and find themselves in…in…
Yoshi: Hey, where are we?
Gary: Well, based on my calculations, we appear to be atop a wooden platform in the midst of a giant cavern crawling with critters and creatures that will cause inevitable troubles for us and impede us as we continue our epic quest.
Yoshi: …in English?
Gary: We're in a cave.
Yoshi: *gives one of those "oh for the love of crap" looks*
Sure enough, they are in a cave, standing atop a wooden platform. Why? Who knows. We get this crap here all the time. In the meanwhile, there are several spider-creatures crawling around. Strangely, they appear to have suction-cups for feet.
Waluigi: Oh Grambi! Sucky-spiders! They suck eight times more than regular spiders!
…
Waluigi: What?
CC: Don't you think before you say anything?
Waluigi: Think? Like thinking? But what does that have to do with anything?
Heroes: *facepalm*
Meanwhile, thousands of trans-dimensional (insert unit of measurement here)s away…
CARA COURTHOUSE 9:13 AM
Judge: So…where's everybody else?
Bailiff: I don't know. They should have been here ages ago.
Aroramage is typing on the nearby computer.
Jury Member #1: Wait, why is this a court case again?
Jury Member #2: I don't know. This crap happens all the-
Jury Member #3: Stop that! Don't you realize there's a law about that?
Jury Member #2: About what?
Jury Member #3: About using the same joke three times or more in an update.
Jury Member #1: That's not a law, that's a guideline.
Jury Member #3: Is that what Barbossa told you?
The three jury members turn towards Jury Member #4, who is Captain Barbossa.
CB: Aye, they ain't rules, they're guidelines.
JM#1: No, it's the truth.
JM#3: Oh really. And who would invite him to a court case, hm? He's a pirate!
JM#2: And a good man!
JM#3: No, just a pirate. Sparrow's a pirate and a good man.
CB: Yargh, I beg to differ.
JM#3: Oh, shut it.
JM#1: So? What's your point?
JM#3: My point is that this is pointless. It's not even a court case! Just look at the rest of the jury!
The other jury members are Darth Vader, Chuck Norris, Bob Saget, Richard Nixon, a Barbie doll, the Forty Thieves, Jackie Chan, and Batman.
JM#1: What about them?
JM#3: Oh, come on! Who has the power to put Chuck Norris into the jury? Do you honestly believe that this isn't just some court case?
JM#1: Dude, this isn't a court case. It's a lawsuit.
JM#3: Wait…a lawsuit?
JM#1: Yeah, that guy over there on the computer is the one who's being sued by his readers even after he gave a disclaimer, so now he's going to court.
JM#3: …you mean this isn't court case # 26549810, "Who Killed Roger Rabbit?"
JM#1: No, that's in building XGA, down the Walkway of Peril and past the Gallows of Final Judgment.
JM#3: Oh…whoops. My bad, guys!
Other Jury Members: Aaaaaaahhhhhhh…
Chuck Norris: I saw this. It was inevitable. So will that roundhouse kick to your face.
JM#3: What?
Chuck Norris: Oh, nothing.
JM#3: Hang on, I've got a map. Follow me, guys!
All jury members except Jury Member #1, #2, and Barbossa follow Jury Member #3 out the door. A few moments later, a loud pop is heard as Jury Member #3's dying screams fill the air.
JM#2: …so, remind me again why we're doing this?
Meanwhile, (insert # here) of (insert measurement here)s away…
Yoshi: Chuck Norris can count to infinity…twice.
CC: Oh, come on!
Waluigi: We've heard that one already!
Yoshi: Yeah? Well, Chuck Norris already heard that one already!
Waluigi: Your mom heard that one already!
DK: Oooooooooooohhhh…
Yoshi: Pfft, that sucked!
Waluigi: What, like your egg-based attacks?
Yoshi: I'll have you know my egg-based attacks are VERY powerful! Did you see that Egg Rolling Attack in Super Smash Bros. Brawl?
Waluigi: Not nearly as effective as my Whacking Racket Attack!
Yoshi: You were only in there as an Assist Trophy, which, as we all know, makes you a minor character!
Waluigi: What? And who made me a MAJOR character in this series, hm?
Mario: An outer-dimensional being that pretty much controls much of what we say and do and who is being sued right now, giving us free-range to do whatever the hell we want.
Waluigi: Oh please, that stuff doesn't even happen in video games! What makes you think it would happen in something like this?
Yoshi: Well, it would explain how we can defy the fourth-wall.
Gary: What fourth-wall?
Yoshi: Don't worry, the author's not even here monitoring us.
DK: …so what do we do?
The heroes look around at each other.
Waluigi: I know! Let's riot!
Others: YEAH!
Now the characters wander off into Hazy Maze, reeking havoc and chaotic destruction wherever they go, chanting "RIOT" continuously, blowing up spiders from the inside, and defying the laws of physics by walking on walls.
(insert generic transition statement here)…
CARA COURTHOUSE 9:32 AM
Bailiff: Well, what's the decision?
Judge: Decision? Decision? How can there be a decision? There is no case with only one side! We must contact the author's readers through his power and get them to decide their reasoning behind this lawsuit!
Aroramage: Actually, they were just kidding.
Jury: *gasp*
Judge: WHAT?
Aroramage: Yeah. The disclaimer was there as part of the story. They just decided to sue me out of, well, plain silliness, I'm sure.
Judge: PLAIN SILLINESS? YOU HAVE BEEN SUED FOR PLAIN SILLINESS?
Aroramage: Hey, it happened to McDonald's with coffee.
Baliff: You really think she would have KNOWN the coffee was hot. That's exactly what coffee is!
Aroramage: I know, right?
Judge: THE BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP! I HAVE WASTED A HALF-HOUR WAITING-
Aroramage: 32 minutes, actually.
Judge: WHATEVER! I'VE WAITED HERE LONG ENOUGH FOR THESE HOOLIGANS WHO ARE YOUR READERS, AND-
?: Sorry we're late.
The readers now appear within the courtroom.
TRC: Yeah, we got stuck at building XGA, court case # 26549810, "Who Killed Roger Rabbit?" by mistake. It seems there was a mix-up.
Makuta: Yeah, but now we're here!
PrinceShroob: Uh, yeah…
Judge: Finally, they are here! And thank you for telling me about the mix-up, that happens here all the time. So, now that we're all here, why don't we get down to business.
TRC: Actually, we're not here for the trial.
Judge: WHAT?
Lolo: I just came for the donuts. *eh-hee!*
Judge: Oh brother.
Makuta: Yeah! We actually came to say:
All Readers: (everybody, now) Who cares? RIOT!
Judge: Oh shit, not again!
The courtroom goes into chaos as yet another riot takes place! What a surprise!
Camera slowly turns to the right…
The maze can be seen in complete ruin. A strange wormhole appears, and Mr. L and Brobot MLX enter the labyrinth.
Mr. L: What the hell happened here?
Suddenly, the heroes pop in from above.
Heroes: Mr. L!
Mr. L: Heroes!
BMLX: A TV show on NBC airing-
Mr. L: Not that! Them!
BMLX: Apologies, Master. I was just watching the episode where Sylar meets his dad. It's so inspiring. I wish to one day make a trip to my own father.
Mr. L: Brobot, I have to tell you something about that.
BMLX: You do?
Mr. L: Brobot, I AM your father.
BMLX: What?
Mr. L: Yes! I am your brother, your father, your master, and your creator!
BMLX: It can't be! That's impossible!
Mr. L: Search your electrically-based circuitry and data-processing core! You know it to be true!
BMLX: NOOOOOOOOO!
Heroes: …
Mr. L: What? What are you all staring at?
BMLX: What about my sister?
Mr. L: You actually never had one.
BMLX: What about my mother?
Mr. L: Never had one.
BMLX: What about Padme?
Mr. L: Who, your wife? I think you killed her.
BMLX: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Mr. L: Alright, enough with the extensive alternate-dimension relevant jokes! Now to business!
Heroes: *lift drinks and say drunkenly* To business!
Mr. L: Eat!
Heroes: *silently munch on Carrot Crunchies*
Mr. L: Wait a minute, where did you get those?
CC: I told you they were the signature treat of: THE CRIMSON CRUSADER!
…
Mr. L: I'm not going to ask.
BMLX: Chapter 1, during the search for the-
Mr. L: I'M NOT ASKING!
Yoshi: So, what brings you guys to this place?
Mr. L: WHY ARE YOU SO DENSE? This is the location of the next 7 Power Stars!
Yoshi: …and you're here because, why?
Mr. L: We're here to collect them! Or else take them from the big boss or you heroes or whoever is holding on to them.
Yoshi: Oh, so you're here to collect the Power Stars!
Mr. L: Which you have?
Yoshi: Nope.
Mr. L: THEN WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN DOING THIS ENTIRE TIME?
Waluigi: Reenacting the deeds of the legendary Dark Link where he raids Hyrule in the Four Swords Misadventures series.
Mr. L: What, being antiheroes?
Yoshi: No.
Heroes: WE'RE HAVING A RIOT!
Mr. L: A riot? When you should be trying to stop us from getting the Power Stars? When you are supposed to be saving the world?
Yoshi: Yeah, pretty much. Why, got a complaint?
Mr. L: …can I join you?
Waluigi: Hell yeah, you can join us!
Everybody: RIOT!
Of course, at this point, no matter where I go, there's a riot. Hazy Maze, The Courthouse, all in a panic, all in a riot. And now to Dickens you all to hell:
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of order, it was the age of chaos, it was the season of spring, it was still the season of spring, there were riots here, there were riots there, the courts were in session, and the session was in chaos, the maze was visited and then it was destroyed, and all of this matters not because I have the supreme magical ability to instantly create an immensely continuous non-logically possible English-rule-following run-on sentence that can be copied into Microsoft Word and not have a damn thing found wrong with it, for all the words within this paragraph of text are spelled correctly, the sentence is legitimate, and no matter whatever the hell you readers think, there is a riot occurring somewhere at this time, both in a maze and a courthouse, in a labyrinth and a session, in a story and a lawsuit, as the riot is occurring presently at this state of war due to the lawsuit, for it is the lawsuit that led to the court being in session that led to the story that led to the characters within that story riot which further led to the readers rioting the courtroom which was in session, thereby leading onward to this one sentence or paragraph that is still continuously going without anything being wrong with, but don't worry, it's going to end soon.
And now, back to adventure!
CARA COURTHOUSE 9:44 AM
The courtroom has been thoroughly trashed. Not surprising.
Judge: Are you mindless savages quite finished with your barbaric rioting?
PrinceShroob: Oh, sure.
TRC: Why not?
Judge: Good! Now then, what do you want to do?
Makuta: I demand that Aroramage comes over to Nintendo Wars, start an army, and participate there as the payment for sue!
Aroramage: But I don't even know where or what Nintendo Wars is! And who's Sue?
Sue: SHUT THE **** UP!
Makuta: AND TOO BAD!
Judge: Then I demand that Aroramage be told where and what Nintendo Wars is, go over to it, start an army, and participate there as the payment for sue!
Aroramage: But we haven't even had the trial!
Judge: This is a lawsuit!
Aroramage: In a court of law!
Judge: But not of suit!
Aroramage: There was a disclaimer!
Judge: Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!
Aroramage: But I do!
Judge: Of course YOU do! YOU'RE the one being sued!
TRC: Hey! Don't we get a-
Aroramage & Judge: STAY OUT OF THIS!
Readers: ¬¬
Meanwhile…meanwhile…
The maze is trashed. Suddenly, another warphole appears with Krillen Von Roostenheimer exiting its transdimensional depths.
KR: What the bloody hell happened to this place?
Yoshi: Oh, hey, new villain!
The heroes, Mr. L, and Brobot MLX all appear.
KR: Shouldn't you be-
Yoshi: Instead of that, we're rioting.
KR: You're rioting?
Mario: Yeah!
Mr. L: You should join us in our quest to destroy stuff!
KR: Oh, what jolly good fun! Almost as fun as watching the DOW plummeting into the ground!
Everyone: …
KR: What?
Waluigi: BACK TO RIOTING!
After several more hours of rioting, everyone begins to tire out. To me, IT'S ABOUT F***ING TIME! Seriously, what's an auto-typewriter to do with just one action, huh? What, should I just ramble on and on about how much blood and gore and various property damage has been thrown around within all of this time? Seriously, do I look like I can do that? What if I described HOW they did it, hm? I mean, that would just be disgusting! It'd be like watching a scary movie for the umpteenth time! It's still scary as freakin' hell the fifth time you see him popping up behind her as the first! I don't know about you, but that bloody well scares the shit out of me! Seriously, I never walk into the type-in lounge without checking behind the giant cyber-plant for death rays of doom. That's exactly how Sherry went, I've heard. It's a terrible crime, I'd say! I mean, who would want to listen to someone or something, or anything ramble on and on for minutes while-
Everyone: SHUT THE **** UP!
…I'm just saying.
Everyone: Then we can dig it!
And so, while the cave rioting soon ends, the court rioting continues…
TRC: Dibs on coffee machine!
Makuta: Dibs on gavel!
Lolo: Dibs on Lolo! Oh wait, already got it! Woooo!
Judge: People, PLEASE! Stop this madness! We still need to discuss the lawsuit!
Sue-ers: I thought we established this!
Judge: We did?
Aroramage: Yeah, last update. Don't worry, it's all taken care of.
Judge: Really?
Aroramage: Yeah. Just made an account on Nintendo Wars and trying to think of how to work it, but it looks like I'll be having some good fun.
Judge: *eyes aroramage suspiciously*
Aroramage: …as punishment for my crimes and as agreed in the lawsuit.
Judge: Alright, then, that wraps things up! Alright, everyone, you may go home.
Everyone: Ahhh….
CB: Yargh, I disagree with this here decision. If anything at all, I'd say-
Everyone: SHUT THE **** UP!
CB: …yargh, I'm just saying.
Everyone: Then we can dig it!
Aroramage: Well, better get back to my story, then.
Meanwhile, inside the story…inside a maze…inside a tunnel…
Well, the maze has been thoroughly ravaged, so…
Heroes: …
Villains: …
Generic Standby Creatures: …
Revivable Creatures: …
All Creatures 2 by 2: …
Yoshi: So…now what?
Mario: Maybe we should actually look for and try to find the Power Stars.
Everyone: Ahh….
KR: It felt so good to divert everyone's attention away from the plot for a while!
Mr. L: Oh well…
…
*awkward turtle*
…
Yoshi: So
Mario: So?
Waluigi: So-so.
CC: Do-re-mi-so.
…
Everyone: !
Everyone frantically and quickly seek out the Power Stars! Running around the caverns of a labyrinth, however, is never a good idea. Soon, the heroes are split up from the villains, and then further split up from each other. In the end, there are three groups looking for the Power Stars:
Group 1: Yoshi, Waluigi, Mario, Lucky
Group 2: DK, CC, Gary
Group 3: KR, Mr. L, Brobot MLX
In the meanwhile, let's check in on an old friend of ours, still trapped behind bars…
…I say that. But it appears Wario is no longer in his cell…um…hey, where is he? Well, wherever he is, his cell is a total mess! I mean, look at that giant hole in the wall! It's enormous! Big enough for him to crawl through and escape or something! I mean, that's a horrible habit to get into, leaving giant holes in walls like that. It's uncalled for! Unless, of course, you've somehow been captured by some unknown enemy and have therefore decided to blow a freakin' hole in the wall as a means of escape so you can get the hell out of there! Seriously, I-
Aroramage: Eh-hem.
…oh, right, gotcha. So Wario has escaped through a giant hole in the wall! Where is he now? Where is he going? How bad must it be to be stuck in a tunnel when you need to go? All these questions and more to be answered sometime in the vaguely distant future…
Group 1
Walking amidst the walls of the labyrinth, Yoshi, Mario, Waluigi, and Lucky all seek out the Power Stars.
Yoshi: So, besides those suckish spiders, what else do you suppose lives down here?
Waluigi: I think I saw a Discovery Channel Special about caverns. Apparently, gay people live down here.
Mario: That's bats, you idiot.
Waluigi: Bats, gay people, same thing.
Soon, a light is visible at the end of a tunnel.
Yoshi: Wait, there's an escape route in this maze?
Mario: I don't think there's supposed to be one.
And as they approach the light, something unexpected happens…
Group 2
DK, CC, and Gary are walking around and find a room with an enormous hole in the center. Boulders are rolling down a slope into the hole.
DK: Geez, it's like some sort of ill-prepared plot-driven trap or something.
CC: How do you come to the plot-driven part of this trap conclusion?
DK: Well, let's face it. Either we turn around and go back the way we came, or we go forward dodging boulders in an attempt not to be knocked down into the bottomless pit that is before us.
Gary: How do you know it's bottomless?
DK breaks off a large chunk of the wall and throws it into the pit, where it disappears into the darkness.
DK: Hear any breaking?
Gary: …I see your point.
?: Ow!
A distant noise from the pit below surprises the trio!
Gary: Okay, if there's no bottom, then what was that?
DK: A stray Boo floating around?
CC: I dare say we investigate!
Gary: I ain't jumping in there!
DK: Look, it was a seemingly bottomless pit. Now, it's a not-as-bottomless-as-we-originally-thought pit. I think we should check it out.
Gary: ARE YOU INSANE? Just because something said "Ow" when you threw a chunk of wall down there doesn't mean anything! Look at those boulders!
CC: Look, we either check out what it is that's down there, or else we turn around and go back so as to continue a seemingly-more fruitless search for the Power Stars.
DK: This could be a good lead.
Gary: Er…alright, fine! But I'm riding DK's back!
DK: -_-'
Group 3
Mr. L and KR are talking to each other while Brobot MLX scans the nearby area.
Mr. L: Look, I'm just saying, what was the REAL point behind making a TV show based on a video game anyway?
KR: And I'm just saying, what's the bloody point of making a video game based off a TV show! All the same, there's no damned point!
Mr. L: Perhaps not to you, but surely it is a matter of great interest. I mean, the Super Mario Bros. Super Show?
KR: I for one cannot think of what a "paisano" is.
Mr. L: Sounds like a personal issue to me.
KR: Ugh...
BMLX: SCAN FINISHED. POWER STAR LEVELS: NONE. NEGATIVE.
Mr. L: Damn. Well, I suppose we will just have to-
?: ¿Qué necesita usted hacer?
The villains turn around to find out they have a mysterious visitor nearby…
Group 1
The quartet of heroism walks into a strange room. In the middle sits a large arena of some sort, with four podiums at each of the corners. Beyond that, there are two doorways, each marked with a strange foreign symbol.
Yoshi: You have got to be f-ing kidding.
That's right, ladies and gentlemen, presenting:
?1: I am one of the two you seek!
?2: Soon in your pants you will take a leak!
The Paradox Brothers perform crazy acrobatic stunts as they make their official entrance into the room!
Para: Behold as we bust out our funky-fresh rhymes!
Dox: Soon you shall pay, so hope you can spare some dimes!
Para: I am Para!
Dox: And I am Dox!
Both: And we are about to give you some sort of pox!
Heroes: WTF?
Para: Now bring out your decks for it is time to duel!
Dox: Our rhyming on timing will make you spew drool!
Para: If you cannot take the heat, then get out of our way!
Dox: Though we may seem stuck here, we can leave any day!
Para: Behind us, two doors, through which one makes you free!
Dox: But beyond the other, you shall scream not of glee!
Para: We are the two guardians of each door!
Dox: If you can't handle this, just wait! We have more!
Para: Invincible are we, in a children's card game!
Dox: We are the Paradox Brothers, if you've forgotten the name!
Para: We can bust out rhymes, we can even sell chimes!
Dox: I warned you about taking out some of your dimes!
Para: Now come take our challenge and we'll show you whose crass!
Dox: It doesn't matter what you think, cause we'll still kick your-
Yoshi: Alright, we get it, just the shut the **** up!
Mario: Don't mind me, I'm just drinking 7-up! *drinks*
Waluigi: Hang on a sec, are we rhyming too?
Lucky: Don't ask me, laddy, I ain't got a clue!
Yoshi: Surely there is some way out of this trap!
Mario: I'm thinking the only way is a battle of rap!
Para: Aha! I see you have caught on too!
Dox: But we still have more things that will make your face blue!
Group 2
DK, CC, and Gary have, in the meanwhile, dropped down into the pit, where for several minutes they fell before finally landing on the ground with a heavy thud.
DK: Wow, that was a long drop.
CC: Oh, don't even get me started on THAT again.
DK: Hey, come on! I was stuck!
?: Greetings, you strange beings from beyond the beyond!
Two strange green creatures with two elongated nostrils approach the group.
DK: What the hell are you guys?
?1: We are Quirks!
CC: The who?
?2: The Quirks! We are a forgotten alien species from the Super Mario Bros. Super Show!
Trio: O_O
Quirk1: Yep. In fact, a lot of characters from the show are down here in this pit.
Quirk2: We've been forgotten, so we don't serve much of a purpose.
Gary: What purpose do you have then?
Quirk1: Destroying all intruders who have the misfortune of falling into the pit and preventing their escape through the teleportation revival system.
…
Gary: Oh…crap.
Group 3
Mr. L: And just who do you think you are?
?: Yo soy un guardián del laberinto es que estas cuevas.
? steps out of the shadows to reveal himself as the Faun from Pan's Labyrinth!
Villains: WTF?
Faun: Perciba mi forma como usted lo ve antes que usted.
Mr. L: Wait, could you run that by me again?
Faun: ¡Ah, cuán terrible! ¡Yo todavía soy puesto a hablar español a norteamericanos!
Mr. L: Okay, I could tell "americanos" is Americans. And we aren't! We're Japanese!
KR: Actually, my dear good fellow, I'm British.
BMLX: IDENTIFICATION OF ORIGIN CONFIRMED: I AM AMERICAN.
Mr. L: *mutters* Damn traitors.
Faun switches on a voice translator.
Faun: Can you hear me now?
Villains: Sure.
Faun: Good! This makes it so much easier for you to understand me!
Mr. L: Yeah, like we give a damn.
KR: Frankly, my friend, I don't give a damn.
Faun: Yes, but you should. After all, I am here to help you.
Mr. L: And how exactly do you plan on doing that?
Faun: Quite simply, use this.
Faun gave a piece of chalk to Mr. L.
Mr. L: …that's it?
Faun: Draw a square upon the wall, and open a doorway you shall. Follow the path to a room where there is a table filled with food. However, you must not take anything off the table, less you should upset the wrath of a terrifying creature.
Mr. L: Oh Grambi, not this subplot again.
Faun: Pardon?
Mr. L: You don't have to tell us about this. Next after this fiend that sees with its hands, you'll tell us to go after some toad to make it eat some stone and throw its innards out, and then you'll tell us we have to sacrifice ourselves in order to become the new kings of the underworld, or some sort of bull like that.
BMLX: IDENTIFICATION CONFIRMED: CHALK IS MERE CHALK.
Faun: …screw it. DIE!
Faun brings out a dagger and attacks!
Group 3 – Battle!
Villains
Mr. L: 200 HP, 0 SP
BMLX: 200 HP, 50 SP
KR: 175 HP, 45 SP
Mythics
Faun: 1200 HP, 50 SP
Mr. L draws out L-Rapier and slashes Faun for 27 dge! Brobot MLX uses Rocket Punch! His fist fires off and punches Faun for 35 dge!
KR: Ha-ha! My first battle as a credible villain! Time to really show-off my newfound, improvised, power!
KR uses Monocle Trick! He shines his monocle in the light at just an angle as to blind Faun!
Mr. L: What the hell was that?
KR: I have blinded our foe successfully!
Mr. L: …um…couldn't you try something with a little more effectiveness?
KR: Ingenuity is my greatest weapon. Look upon the fruits of my labor!
Faun is blinded!
Faun: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! FIENDS! I SHALL TEACH YOU TO DEAL SUCH PAIN TO ME!
Faun uses Underworld Summoning Magic! He draws a circle, mutters an incantation, and summons Toad King!
Mr. L: …OH WHAT THE –
Meanwhile, in Group 1…
Yoshi: Wait, so please, just let me get this straight!
We're stuck here till we beat them in musical debate?
Mario: Indeed, my dear friend, that's exactly what I mean!
Waluigi: I'm wondering where I put that stinkin' lima bean.
Para: On top of this battle, a test of your wit!
Dox: It really doesn't matter how often you spit.
Para: For do not forget that duelists are we!
Dox: Only by defeating us will we let you be!
Yoshi: Grambi, this is really starting to tire me!
Lucky: Don't worry about it, or my name's not Lucky!
Heroes: ...
Para: Now bring out your decks and prepare to die!
Dox: Trust me on this one, for we do not lie!
Yoshi: *shouts* Will someone please tell me what're they talking about?
Mario: Please, keep your voice down, there's no need to shout!
Yoshi: What kind of decks do they even refer to?
Waluigi: How bout these decks I found near a tu-tu?
Waluigi brought out two decks for card games!
Don't think I'm afraid to say a few names!
Mario: Why, these decks belong to a Yugi and Joey!
Lucky: We could use these to defeat our foe-e…
Para: Ha-ha, it doesn't matter what you do!
Dox: The curse of this place is forced rhyming on you!
Yoshi: This is just like something out of Dr. Seuss!
Mario: Let's just beat them real quick, and then, we'll vamoose!
And so Mario and Yoshi stepped up to duel.
Believe me, playing a children's card game is so cool!
With cybernetic technology and holograms galore,
Dueling is one experience where we can really see the gore.
Yoshi: Oh give me a break, it's a 3-D video game!
…well, I didn't make it, so don't give me any blame!
Para: Don't worry, you don't need to play and rhyme.
Dox: Give me a nickel, brother, can you spare a dime?
Para: Oh for crying out loud, stop asking for money!
Dox: Well we've got to get paid somehow, sonny!
Yoshi: Looks like I'll be going first!
Waluigi: I'll grab some punch to quench my thirst!
Heroes: Ugh...
Waluigi: What? I just want something to drink!
Lucky: Honestly, do you mind? They're trying to think!
Yoshi: I summon out my Swordsman of Landstar!
It sure sounds like a cool monster!
Meanwhile, in Group 2…
Group 2 – Battle!
Heroes
CC: 50 HP, 35 SP
DK: 60 HP, 40 SP
Gary: 45 HP, 45 SP
The Lost Ones
Quirk1: 25 HP, 10 SP
Quirk2: 25 HP, 10 SP
Hercufleas: 40 HP, 5 SP
Fire God: 50 HP, 15 SP
Brutius Maximus Grouchimus: 70 HP, 0 SP
James Blonde: 35 HP, 15 SP
Obi-Wan Toadi: 30 HP, 15 SP
Mervin the Magician: 40 HP, 20 SP
Waldo the Wizard: 40 HP, 20 SP
Zero: 35 HP, 0 SP
CC: Okay, what's up with all the parodies?
JB: I'm a parody of Bond, James Bond.
Hercufleas: I parody the mighty Hercules!
OWT: I am a Toad-version of-
CC: IT WASN'T A QUESTION TO BE ANSWERED!
CC uses Crimson Fury for 7 SP! He furiously slashes at Hercufleas, James Blonde, Zero, and BMG for 19 dge to them all! DK punches BMG for 35 dge! Gary uses Thunder Shout for 3 SP! He lets out a yell and hits Fire God for 12 dge! Quirk1 and Quirk2 fire their lasers at CC and DK for 2 dge respectively! Hercufleas punches CC for 12 dge! Fire God fires a fireball at DK for 9 dge! BMG punches DK for 17 dge! James Blonde pulls out Gadget A and uses it against Gary! Gary is hit for 14 dge and cannot recover SP! Obi-Wan Toadi uses the Force! Wait…
OBT: That's the Mushroom Force to you!
…um, kay. Obi-Wan Toadi uses the Mushroom Force for 4 SP! He blows back Gary against a wall dealing him 12 dge! Mervin and Waldo the Magician and Wizard respectively begin to do Research! They start to learn about the heroes! Zero lashes out with her sword at CC! CC uses his own sword to deflect the attack!
Heroes
CC: 36 HP, 28 SP
DK: 32 HP, 40 SP
Gary: 19 HP, 42 SP
The Lost Ones
Quirk1: 25 HP, 10 SP
Quirk2: 25 HP, 10 SP
Hercufleas: 21 HP, 5 SP
Fire God: 38 HP, 15 SP
Brutius Maximus Grouchimus: 16 HP, 0 SP
James Blonde: 16 HP, 15 SP
Obi-Wan Toadi: 30 HP, 11 SP
Mervin the Magician: 40 HP, 20 SP (Researching!)
Waldo the Wizard: 40 HP, 20 SP (Researching!)
Zero: 16 HP, 0 SP
Meanwhile, in Group #1
Para: Now it is the turn of me!
Dox: Make them suffer to make me happy!
Para draws a card from his deck.
Yoshi: What's the narration for? Seriously, WHAT THE F-Heck!
Para: Hahahaha! I dare laugh at you fool!
Dox: Saying those words just isn't cool!
Para: Now I bring out my monster, Shadow Ghoul!
Dox: Remember, kids, to stay in school!
Egad! An evil green zombie appears!
Not all of those onions will give you tears.
Mario: It's now my turn, you freaky bros!
Lucky: I told you, Waluigi, I can make plants grow!
Mario starts his turn by drawing a card!
Waluigi: Quit making me feel like a freakin' retard!
Mario: I summon out the Celtic Guardian!
An elf appears as a guard, not librarian!
Para: If you think you can win with your heroic luck…
Dox:…then you should prepare yourself and get ready to duck!
It's my turn now, and soon you shall see…
Para:…the terror of our decks with the Mighty Three!
Yoshi: Why the hell do they bother with all of this rhyming?
Mario: It's because they've no life so as to perfect their timing!
Para: Do you dare start a battle with kung fu fighting?
Dox: Like cats we can be just as fast as lightning!
Para: But enough of this, for we need not stall!
Dox: How appropriate! I summon Labyrinth Wall!
The field reforms into a giant maze!
Lucky: With my powers, I can blind you for many days!
Para: Now you are trapped within our mini-maze!
Dox: Feel the power of its mighty gaze!
Yoshi: You idiot! Those walls do indeed lack eyes!
Waluigi: Is there ever a sentence where you can say "dies"?
Yoshi: Whatever, my move! And I'll start with the draw!
Lucky: Don't you know scarecrows usually have straw?
Yoshi: I bring out the mighty Tiger Axe!
Hey, look! I've got the power of UB3R HAX!
Yoshi: Now I…wait, what do I do now?
Mario: We should've asked to operate the field, how?
Para: The field has become labyrinth-style!
Dox: To go call for pizza, proceed to dial:
Para: DOX! THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO SELL OFF PAPA JOHNS!
Dox: Don't forget, we sell pizza and bongs!
Yoshi: Bleck! I detest this practice, as Count Bleck would say!
Mario: Wait a minute, how do you know that guy anyway?
Yoshi: I rented a copy of Super Paper Mario for the Wii!
It was so great, that I'd give it a 3…out of 3.
Para: You move spaces into the maze up to the card's total level.
Dox: Your mother plays card games in hell with the devil!
Yoshi: Then I give Tiger Axe a movement of four!
Honestly, by now, you should know the score.
Now four spaces does Tiger Axe move into the dungeon.
If only we had a dragon, it'd be a perfect conjunction!
Yoshi: Don't even think about referencing D&D!
Waluigi: So wait, one plus two does equal three?
Yoshi: After setting a card, I end my turn!
Lucky: It is for the win that you do indeed yearn!
Para: Now it is my turn to destroy your monsters!
Dox: Just look up once in a while and see the stars!
Para: Behold the power of Polymerization!
Dox: It will send you to hell with lots of damnation!
Para: By combining the powers of my Ghoul with the Wall-
Yoshi: Hang on, this shouldn't even be working at all!
Dox: And how would you know? Did you read the rules?
Yoshi: You should know he who doesn't always drools!
Indeed, I have, and on a technicality,
You need an Equip Spell to bring out that soon-to-be fatality!
Para: In the normal game, that may be true.
But we play like in Duelist Kingdom, you f-ing fool!
Dox: Looks like you should have watched the show!
Only then would you have known!
Yoshi:…
Para: Now Shadow Ghoul becomes the Shadow on the Wall!
Dox: With this creature, you can't stop us at all!
Para: Wall Shadow, attack his monster now!
Yoshi: I don't think so, pal-o-wow!
Activate the Trap called Kunai with Chain!
Waluigi: I can't believe doing simple division really hurts my brain!
Para: Why is this duel like that set of episodes?
Dox: At least we know the difference between frogs and toads!
Meanwhile, in Group 3…
Villains
Mr. L: 75 HP, 0 SP
BMLX: 128 HP, 32 SP
KR: 41 HP, 16 SP
Mythics
Faun: 460 HP, 5 SP
Toad King: 325 HP, 0 SP
Eye-Hands Fiend: 66 HP, 6 SP
…
Mr. L: NO! STOP RIGHT THERE!
Aroramage: What?
Mr. L: Don't even THINK about listing all the characters that got "summoned" while you were watching Rhyme-Time on Blue's Clues or whatever the hell that was!
Aroramage: Why not?
Mr. L: WHY NOT? WHY NOT? I'LL ****ING TELL YOU WHY NOT! Not ONLY did he summon the legions of the underworld from Pan's Labyrinth, but he even summoned:
Hellboy
Hades from Disney's Hercules
The Seven Deadly Sins from FMA
The Evil Teddy Bear from YTAS
Cackletta & Fawful (WTF? o_O)
The Four Saint Beasts
Team Rocket
Stuffwell
The list goes on and on!
Aroramage: …crap.
Mr. L: Yeah, crap!
Aroramage: No, I mean we're supposed to pick one of these guys.
Mr. L: …what?
Aroramage: Yeah.
Mr. L: …what do you mean by this?
Aroramage: Well…
(insert explanation here)
Mr. L: …SONAVUBITCH!
While they're all busy deciding that, let's move on to Group 2's battle.
Unfortunately, arriving upon the scene, we seem to have missed that battle too.
DK: What're you talking about? We're over here!
…turns right.
And….
Heroes
CC: 8 HP, 4 SP (DANGER!)
DK: 14 HP, 13 SP (low)
Gary: 2 HP, 12 SP (DANGER!)
The Lost Ones
Quirk1: 5 HP, 0 SP (DANGER!)
Quirk2: 5 HP, 0 SP (DANGER!)
Hercufleas: 6 HP, 5 SP (DANGER!)
Fire God: 5 HP, 3 SP (DANGER!)
Brutius Maximus Grouchimus: defeated
James Blonde: defeated
Obi-Wan Toadi: defeated
Mervin the Magician: defeated
Waldo the Wizard: defeated
Zero: 1 HP, 0 SP (DANGER!)
…wow…
CC: Yeah, you missed a lot.
CC uses Double Slash for 2 SP! He hits Quirk1 and Quirk2 for 5 dge each! Both Quirks are defeated!
Quirk1: Brother!
Quirk2: From another mother!
Everyone else: WTF?
DK grapples with Hercufleas! Gary uses Thunder Roar for 3 SP! He hits everyone on the opposing field for 13 dge! Everyone except DK is KO'd! DK is paralyzed some!
DK: Watch where you're aiming that thing!
Gary: Well excuse me for saving your life.
BATTLE END!
The battlefield is covered with lots of people on the ground. The trio stands over them, bashed, bruised, and brutally beaten, but not beat.
CC: Talk about alliteration.
Thus the trio wanders towards the portal that will lead them to the exit, where they shall continue their quest for the Power Star in Hazy Maze Cave.
DK: Wait, that's it? We fought all those people for that extremely brief summary? And no viewer comments?
Aroramage:…sure, we'll go with that.
DK: This side trip better be worth all that XP.
The trio walks toward a broken down house. Inside of the house, there is a machine labeled TELEPORTATION REVIVAL SYSTEM.
DK: Seriously, there's nothing else?
Aroramage: Not a thing.
The trio prepares to enter the teleporter and-
DK: There's no surprise or anything after this?
Aroramage: WILL YOU JUST GET IN THE DAMN TELEPORTER ALREADY?
The trio finally enters the damn teleporter and is teleported to:
THE SPOT WHERE THEY FELL INTO THE PIT IN THE FIRST PLACE! DUN, DUN, DUN!
DK: But we didn't fall in. We jumped in.
CC: And why the hell did we get transported back to the exact same place we jumped in? That's complete bullsh*t.
Gary: Grambi, who knows what the others are doing?
Meanwhile, in Group #1's battle against the Paradox Brothers,
More rhyming ensues! Wait, what can hovers?
Yoshi: THAT HARDLY MADE ANY SENSE AT ALL!
Ash (from episode 1): Pikachu, hurry up and get in the Pokéball!
Mario: What the hell, kid? You're in the wrong series!
Para: Then again, so are we!
Dox: Say g'night, dearies!
Um…yeah, what the hell is going on?
Waluigi: Can't you tell who rang that gong?
Lucky: What do you think? We've got a duel!
Yoshi: And I think we were ready to look really cool!
Well, looks like we barely missed the duel!
Although more monsters have appeared on the field…that's cool!
Para: We have the power of Gate Guardian!
Dox: What the hell rhymes with guardian?
Yoshi: Well we have the power of Black Skull Dragon!
Mario: You're not making this easy. What rhymes with dragon?
Para: And now we go with the power of Riryoku!
Dox: And now we shall beat you! Fu-fu-fu!
Yoshi: Oh crap! What the hell does that magic card do?
Mario: Hey look! It rhymes with Riryoku!
Para: By stealing half of your life, we power up our beast!
Dox: After all of this trouble, we're going to have a feast!
Yoshi: Sonuvabitch! This battle's taking forever!
Waluigi: One day, I'll go back to Barcelona for her…
Para: Gate Guardian, obliterate their monster now!
Dox: Don't worry about this, there's no need to have a cow!
Mario: My trap card that makes no sense shall activate!
Lucky: Alright! We could win through raw power at this rate!
Aroramage: Exclamation points make everything a lot more exciting!
Yoshi: And now my Copycat is to copy something!
Para: Oh no! Through this move, their monster becomes stronger!
Dox: Work it harder, makes it better! Do it faster, makes it stronger!
Para: That's it, no more Kanye West for you, Dox!
Dox: But we were just about to clean their clocks!
Yoshi: Black Skull Dragon! Molten Fireball Attack!
BLD: Grah, grah, FIREBALL ASSAULT! …attack!
GG: Gah! No! Beaten am I!
Para: But wait, hold on-
Dox: -you can't just die!
Mario: And now that you're down, it's time to kick ass!
Dark Magician, blow up their little bass!
Para: But wait, there are no fish on the field!
Dox: Shut it, Para, we're gonna have to yield!
An explosion of massive proportions occurs on Gate Guardian!
Seriously, what the hell rhymes with the word guardian?
Thus, the Paradox Brothers lose this duel!
Para: We'll be back with kung-fu!
Dox: Next time, you'll spew drool!
The Paradox Brothers throw a smoke bomb and leave!
Yoshi: So wait, what the hell does that mean?
…WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK IT MEANS?
Yoshi:…hey…we're not rhyming.
Waluigi: I think I'm gonna miss the Paradox Brothers.
Mario: Oh please, they'll probably be back in a few chapters or something. [EPIC FORESHADOWING?] Now let's get out of here and find the others.
Meanwhile in Group…3…oh yeah…
Mr. L: You know what, screw this. Yeah, I'm not doing this.
Mr. L throws a bomb!
Mr. L: NO! It is NOT just a bomb! It's an L-BOMB! WHICH WILL DESTROY ALL THE NON-L'D CHARACTERS INSTANTLY!
…and you think I'm gonna let you do that?
Mr. L: …dammit.
WELL, WHAT THE HELL SHOULD WE DO FOR THE GROUP 3 BATTLE CHOICE OF THE MAIN CHARACTER?
0: Battle Royale!
1: Decide ourselves!
2: Make a really big-
Mr. L: Hold it! Did you suggest a Battle Royale?
…sure?
Mr. L: LET THE BLOOD FLOW DOWN THE STREETS AS THE MOST IMMENSE BATTLE ROYALE TAKES PLACE FOR THE SPOT OF A MAIN CHARACTER!
The other team looks at each other and…holy crap, that was quick.
Cackletta & Fawful emerge from the smoke! As spirits!
Cackletta: Eyaheheheheh! I'm free! Free to do whatever I desire! Free from the bonds of any mortal fleshling! Free from-*GASP*
Mr. L: You okay there?
Cackletta: *gasp*!
Fawful: No, no, no! The mistress Cackletta, who is my master, cannot function in this form which is not stable! We must take over the body of another, or else perish into another abysmal realm of destruction and pain!
BMLX: PROBLEM SOLVED: SPRAYING STABILIZING MIST.
Brobot MLX hits Cackletta's spirit with a strange mist! Cackletta's spirit form becomes stable!
Cackletta: Ahhhhh…much better.
Mr. L: You know, you seem to be in a bit of peril.
KR: Perhaps you should join us for the time being.
Mr. L: Us? What's that supposed to mean?
KR: I have made up my mind. I'm joining forces with you, Mr. L. Whoever you work for, I want to assist him. Or her. Cackletta, I suggest you do the same.
Cackletta: Fawful, what do you suggest?
Fawful: My suggestion filled with the wisdom of a royal advisor towards his master is that we take them upon their offer of mysteriousness like the curtain of darkness of night! With what they may have, we may possess it, like a mutual bonding between cows and man, where cow gives man milk and man gives cow goodness!
Cackletta: Fair enough. I will take you up on your generous offer, based off the reasoning and because that mist felt soooo goooood.
Mr. L: Excellent! We should join up with my master!
Cackletta: Just who is your master and what does he plan to do?
Mr. L: The master's identity will be revealed secretly to you in due time, but as for his plan, he wishes to prevent the heroes from gaining the legendary Power Stars!
Cackletta: Power Stars? You mean like miniature Beanstars?
Mr. L: Smaller than Beanstar, and they only need to be in groups to amass their unlimited power!
Cackletta: And they look like this, yes?
Cackletta reveals the Power Stars she has been carrying after stealing it from Faun!
Mr. L: *smiles broadly* Oh yes, you will make a fine addition to our ranks.
?: Hold it right there!
The villains turn and see none other than our heroes!
Mario: Cackletta? I thought I got rid of you back in the Beanbean Kingdom!
Cackletta: Yet I am back from the Great Beyond! Believe me, the Underwhere isn't a very good place to be in. It's so BORING down there.
Fawful: Fink-rats! We must make our escape as swift as a jaguar wearing rocket boots on slippery soap!
Yoshi: …what?
Mr. L: We already have the Power Stars of this world! We don't need to fight you here! But soon, you shall learn of the true power of our master! And our new recruits!
Mr. L throws a smoke bomb and the villains disappear.
Yoshi: Dammit, what is it with bad guys and smoke bombs?
Mario: I don't know, but things just got a lot harder.
Waluigi: Great, just great…
…
…"Hello?"
The villains appear in a mysterious dungeon hallway. ? appears, robed in darkness.
?: Was your mission successful?
Mr. L: Very much so, my master. We have new recruits to our team: Cackletta & Fawful.
Cackletta: The pleasure is all mine.
?: Excellent. You two will make very worthy allies on our side.
Mr. L: How was your visit, master?
?: Profitable. I only wait in anticipation for my agents in the desert to complete their ritual. In the meantime, Cackletta, I have a favor to ask. Think of it as your first assignment.
Cackletta: Indeed I shall, O master.
…
…
(Mar 10, 2009 - Jun 16, 2009)
