Chapter 9 - Cutting Ties
"I think we're safe here," said Iroh.
They had run until they couldn't move anymore, until the small Firenation outpost was a blot on the skyline behind them.
They both collapsed to their knees by a small river.
Zuko knew what he needed to do next.
He pulled out his dagger, put the sharp edge of the blade against his scalp, and in one smooth motion cut off his phoenix tail. He blindly passed the knife to Iroh who mimicked his actions, slicing off his grey top knot.
They dropped the severed ends of their hair into the water, and they floated away downstream with the rivers currents.
They were outcasts now.
"I'm sorry Uncle. This was all my fault," said Zuko heavily.
"I am just as much to blame. If I hadn't challenged Zhao at the North Pole-"
"Uncle, you don't need to say that to make me feel better. Azula was right."
"Zuko, what are you-"
"I am a miserable failure, and-and I'm a traitor," the truth bubbled out, he couldn't keep it in anymore. He stared down at his knees, gripping fists full of his pants. A moment passed in silence and Zuko's heart pounded painfully.
He steeled himself to look up at Iroh, expecting to see disgust and anger, but instead Iroh's kind face was lined with care and worry. It twisted him up on the inside, but the ache in his chest reminded him to whom he belonged to now. Splitting up with his Uncle would hurt, but Katara was more important.
He was anxious about her safety, and he knew that if you wanted something done properly… well, he wouldn't be able to rest easy until he was in her presence.
"No you aren't. Nephew, you love the Firenation-" exclaimed Iroh.
"I am a t-traitor," Zuko insisted.
To his shame, his voice broke on the last word.
"Zuko…" Iroh was taken aback. Zuko took a deep breath and did his best to keep his voice steady.
"Something… something happened that I didn't tell you about…"
"What do you mean? When?"
"It - it doesn't matter. All that matters is that I'm too weak to fight it. I'm giving in."
"Giving in?" repeated Iroh incredulously.
"I won't hunt the Avatar anymore. I'll never regain my honor. There is no hope for me at all…"
"No Zuko, you must never give into despair. Allow yourself to slip down that road and you surrender to your lowest instincts. In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of Inner Strength!"
He didn't have enough inner strength to ignore the aching chasm forever. He didn't have enough inner strength to go against Katara and do what he knew was right; capturing the Avatar and restoring his honor. He was going to do the opposite. Iroh words gave him no comfort. He was beyond hope.
"I'm sorry, here is where we part ways."
Iroh was baffled.
"But Zuko, where will you go?"
"It doesn't matter. Don't worry about me," Zuko got to his feet. It was time to go. He didn't get more than a couple steps before Iroh seized his arm.
"You aren't going anywhere until you tell me where you are going and what happened to you!" he wasn't tea-loving proverb spouting Uncle anymore, he was using his General Iroh - Dragon of the West - voice. It was loud and booming, and it frightened Zuko because Iroh never yelled.
He was irrationally afraid that if Iroh found out the full extent of his treachery, he would react the same way his father had. Then he would have a completely ruined face.
"Uncle… please. Please don't do this. Just - just let me go," he begged.
Something about what Zuko said - the quivering plaintive note in his voice - or the look on his face made Iroh snatch back his hand as if he were scalded.
"Zuko…" he said softly, eyes filled with strong emotion. He sighed heavily, his whole body seeming to sag and age with the action.
"Alright… if you must, go Nephew. But we will meet again," he bowed low, clenched fist to open palm.
Zuko reciprocated the action.
"Good bye Uncle."
Zuko turned away quickly so Iroh wouldn't see his eyes filling with tears. They were tears of grief; after this he knew he would have no more ties with anyone in his family.
Because he didn't turn back, he never saw that Iroh was crying as well.
Zuko's scalp itched terribly as his hair started to grow back. It was an odd feeling, but easily ignored in favor of the pain in his chest from Katara's absence, and his misery over cutting ties with Iroh, and the Firenation.
He was once again at the mercy of the elements, but at least this time he was on land.
It was easy to find water to drink, he came across plenty of streams and rivers. It was easy to keep warm, he was a firebender and there was an abundance of brush and wood to make fire.
Food on the other hand, was tricky. Zuko had never prepared a meal for himself in his life, let alone hunting down and killing it or foraging for it. It was not as easy as he expected it to be; it was a very steep learning curve.
He was lucky to have escaped Azula's clutches with his supplies, which included enough provisions to last him a week, two if he rationed, but he was going to have to figure out how to procure food for himself eventually.
He hiked seemingly aimlessly through the rugged countryside. In reality, he went in whatever direction eased the ache in his chest the most, which had him travelling deeper and deeper into Earth Kingdom territory.
He marked his progress and trajectory on his map each evening by the light of his campfire and the stars.
At night he slept in fits and starts, always waking clawing at his chest until he remembered that the gaping chasm was in his head.
All his nightmares now centered on Katara being buried alive. Sometimes it was by earthbenders, and other times it was by an enraged Avatar. Every night she died in his dreams, and he was powerless to save her.
He would take his half of Katara's necklace out of his pocket every so often and run the pad of his thumb over the grooves of the three spirals, and down the raw uneven surface of the crack.
Holding the stone in his hand until it was warm from his body heat seemed to ease the blind panic the dreams pushed him into.
A few days after leaving Iroh, he had another vision…
He was standing on a large wooden platform, surrounded by towering scaffolding that stretched towards the sky above him. He faced a girl dressed in deep burgundy, with her hair slicked back into two buns.
Zuko knew her, it was Mai, his sister's childhood friend, and she was throwing knives at him.
Water rippled at his fingertips, and he used it to fling wooden boards into the air in front of him. He heard a volley of thuds as Mai's daggers embedded themselves into the wood, where his head would have been.
He turned around and flung out a tentacle of water to trip up a girl wearing pink. He recognized her too; Ty Lee, Azula's other good childhood friend. Ty Lee had been advancing towards Sokka, who was carrying a baby.
If Zuko were in control, he would have done a double take of Sokka and the baby, because where in Agni's name did Sokka get a baby from? But he was just along for the ride. Katara was in control, and she was too busy fighting his sister's friends to stare at Sokka and a baby in shock.
Mai darted in close and swiped at Katara with a small blade, but Katata drew up her water like a curtain and easily batted the blow aside.
She followed up with a water whip, which Mai managed to dodge with a sideways roll.
Suddenly Katara spun around and blasted all her water at Ty Lee, who had been trying to sneak up behind her.
Ty Lee shrieked indignantly as she toppled off the edge of the stage, and then Katara smoothly drew the water back towards her body, spinning to face Mai once more.
Mai kept her distance, no doubt wary of being blasted like Ty Lee.
Katara lashed thin ribbons of water at Mai, which had her dodging left and right. Once Mai was off balance, Katara drew all her water together into a thick spout and sent it hurtling straight at Mai's chest.
At the last moment, Mai bent over backwards to avoid the blow, simultaneously shooting a metal projectile out of her ankle cuff.
Lightening quick, Katara drew back her water to form an icy shield which stopped the arrow inches from her face…
Zuko could hardly believe what he was seeing. Mai - quiet, shy, soft-spoken Mai, was trying to kill someone in front of his eyes. He felt sick with anxiety for Katara.
Mai charged at Katara, a shuriken at the ready. Before Mai could throw, Katara caught her arm with a watery tentacle, and then froze it solid, rendering her immobile.
Mai struck the ice in frustration with her free arm, but it did not crack.
And then as quickly as Katara had gained the upper hand, it was lost. She yelped and Zuko felt a series of quick sharp jabs around her shoulders. He caught a flash of pink, and then Ty Lee was cartwheeling past Katara to stand behind Mai.
Her tentacle of immobilizing ice splashed down harmlessly into water. Katara moved her arms, and tried command the water once more, but it only rippled weakly. She gasped in horror.
"How're you going to fight without your bending?" taunted Mai, pulling a wicked looking blade out of the voluminous folds of her robes. Zuko felt Katara's quick intake of breath at the sight, and he felt her tense as Mai's arm drew back to throw…
A blur of rapidly spinning metal knocked the blade out of Mai's hand.
"I seem to manage!" interjected Sokka, catching his returning boomerang. He swooped low over them on the back of the sky bison.
With a roar, the sky bison landed between Katara and the other two girls, before smacking down his mighty tail and blasting Mai and Ty Lee clear off the stage with a powerful gust of wind.
Katara climbed up on the sky bison, and Zuko caught a glimpse of a sprawling Earth Kingdom city, with chutes that radiated outwards like the spokes of a spider web…
…and then he woke with a start, breathing labored, chest aching. He was lying on the ground, staring up at the canopy. He must have dropped where he stood when the vision hit.
As he lay there, blinking at the dappled sunlight playing though the leaves, the name of the city came to him.
"Omashu… She's in Omashu!" he exclaimed aloud, sitting up swiftly. He felt galvanized with renewed purpose.
Zuko tore his map out of his bag, and unfolded it on the forest floor in front of him, impatiently smoothing out the creases.
Examining the map closely, he saw that he was about four days' journey from Omashu, provided he kept up a good clip. He could be there in just two if he cut through the foggy swamp, but he knew better than to do that. The foggy swamp was home to a host of dangerous, poisonous creatures, and there were rumors of cannibals lurking amongst the great banyan trees, waiting patiently for unsuspecting travelers to stumble into their clutches.
He would be of no use to anyone if he got eaten by cannibals.
Suddenly his heart seized with the realization that if Mai and Ty Lee were fighting Katara, that meant that Azula was probably nearby too.
He didn't want Katara anywhere near Azula. She'd shot lighting at him, her brother. She'd likely do worse, given the chance, to Katara and her friends.
For the rest of the day he set himself a punishing pace, practically flying through the forest. The ache in his chest and his worry pushed him onwards.
That night the buried-alive dreams gave way to a new, more disturbing theme. Katara, unable to bend, was chased through wooden scaffolding by an unseen foe that hurtled knives at her…
He stumbled onto a dirt road the next day. Following its meandering pathway through the forest proved to be lot quicker than beating through the bush, and by the time the sun starting going down he was pleased with the progress he'd made.
He was thinking about how thoroughly sick of walking he was, and what he would give to have his ship back, or even a Komodo Rhino, when he heard voices up ahead.
He unsheathed his dagger and proceeded with caution.
It turned out to be two children, a little girl up a tree and a younger little boy on the ground. Zuko re-sheathed his dagger and tucked it away.
"Ilesh, you have to catch them or else they'll get bruised!" chided the girl.
"I'm trying!" whined the boy.
They were collecting moon peaches. The girl up the tree was picking them and dropping them to the boy below, however he was really struggling to catch them. There were more smashed moon peaches littering the forest floor around him than clutched in his tiny arms.
Both children had black hair, but that was where the similarities ended. The girl looked about six or seven, with pale skin and golden eyes. The boy was very small, only about four or five, with earth-kingdom green eyes that stood out in a startling contrast against his russet skin.
They were both barefoot and ragged, covered in a thin film of dust that muted the green of their clothing.
He wondered what they were doing out in the wilderness all alone, it wasn't safe for children and it was going to be nightfall soon.
As if to underscore his thoughts, the girl up the tree slipped as she stretched for a moon peach a little out of reach above her.
With a screech, she tumbled out of the tree, and Zuko heard a loud thud as her small body hit the ground, followed by an angry hissing sound.
Uh oh
"Ila!" the little boy dropped all his moon peaches to rush into the forest, but Zuko was quicker.
He grabbed the boy by the arm, said "stay," very firmly, before rushing towards the fallen girl himself.
She was laying on the ground, propped up on her elbows, eyes wide in fear.
Rearing up in front of her was an angry snake. It was frill-necked, and pulsating a deep angry red.
The girl must have disturbed it when she fell, and now it was coiled to strike.
The snake lunged, and Zuko reacted instinctively, leaping forward to put himself in front of the girl.
He raised a forearm defensively, and the snake sunk its fangs into his flesh. He grunted in pain, before grabbing the snake firmly with his other hand, and twisting deftly.
The snake released his forearm involuntarily, hissing and writhing angrily in his grip.
He threw it away from them, further into the forest. It landed in an angry red heap and bared its fangs at them, before slithering away into the foliage.
Zuko twisted his forearm to inspect the damage, pulling his ruined sleeve up out of the way.
There were two neat puncture holes, a few centimeters apart. They oozed blood, but it was trifling compared to injuries he'd sustained in the past. He pushed his sleeve back down, satisfied that he would suffer no lasting consequences.
Zuko turned around and looked down at the girl. Her face was pinched in pain, and she clutched at her right ankle. It was already swelling; she must have sprained it or broken it.
"Ila!" the boy came running towards them as fast as his short legs could carry him. He threw his little body into the girl's arms and started sobbing his heart out.
"I d-d-dropped all the m-moon p-peaches!" he blubbered.
"Ilesh, its okay-"
"B-but we w-wanted to g-give mom m-m-moon peaches!" he wailed.
Ila patted him on the head soothingly and his sobbing calmed to hiccups.
Both children turned to look at Zuko with identical wide-eyed stares.
"Are… are you alright mister?" ventured the girl, pointing at his ripped sleeve.
"I'm fine," Zuko's voice was raspy from disuse.
"Are you sure? I think that was a fire snake, didn't it bite you?" Zuko didn't know anything about fire snakes, but he felt fine…
"Are they poisonous?" he asked.
"Umm, sort of," Ila replied, doing a so-so gesture with one hand. Zuko blinked.
That's comforting.
"Right… well, I think I'm fine," he said.
"It was probably just a red snake in that case," said the girl confidently, stroking her chin sagely. Zuko almost smiled; the serious look on her face was at odds with the fact that she was a just a child.
It was endearing.
She disentangled herself from the boy, and forced herself to her feet, wobbling dangerously on her good leg.
"Thanks for helping me," she said politely, trying to bow, and nearly falling over.
"I'm Ila, and this is my brother, Ilesh," she gestured to the boy. He grabbed Ila's arm and hid behind her shyly when Zuko glanced at him. They looked nothing alike…
Zuko mentally shrugged. It wasn't any of his business, and it wasn't unheard of for siblings to take strongly after one parent or the other, or to have a different parent completely.
"What's your name?" Ila looked at Zuko expectantly, shaking him out of his thoughts.
Right, his name. A name. Any name. He couldn't go by Zuko anymore could he? He was on the run, and Zuko was distinctly Firenation, even if they didn't immediately connect the name to the Prince of the Firenation.
"I'm uhh… Lee," he blurted. Lee was a common enough Earth Kingdom name right?
"Do you want to come with us back to town?" asked Ila hopefully, "We can show you where the healer is so she can check your bite!" she enthused, "Although I'm sure it was just a red snake. If it were a fire snake you'd feel it by now," she continued.
"I said I'm fine, and I should really be going…" his chest prickled in agreement. He was finally on track; he couldn't afford to be side-tracked.
Ila's young face dropped in disappointment, and Ilesh stared up at him disapprovingly.
"Oh… well, me and my brother better be getting home. Come one Ilesh, mom'll freak out if we don't get back before dar-argh!"
Ila tried to take a step, but her leg buckled, and she fell on her backside. She looked up at him like a pitiful wounded kitten. Ilesh stared at him accusingly like Zuko had been the one to push her over.
Zuko sighed; he couldn't in good conscious leave two children in the middle of a forest defenseless and vulnerable, no matter how much his chest ached and screamed at him to continue moving towards his goal.
"Do you… do you want help getting home?" he asked awkwardly.
"Yes please!" Ila beamed.
Zuko had a sneaking suspicion that she'd been angling for his help the whole the time.
That was how he found himself kneeling on the muddy forest floor so that an Earth Kingdom peasant child could climb up on his back. Who would have thought.
Her scrawny arms hooked tightly around his neck, and he easily hefted her slight weight off the ground.
He entrusted his rucksack to the Ilesh to carry, a responsibility Zuko was pleased to see him take seriously, clasping the bag to his chest tightly as if he was afraid to drop it.
They followed the path out of the forest into a small town, Ila chattering in his ear the whole time.
Zuko learned that Ila and Ilesh were expecting a new baby brother or sister in the near future, and that the two of them wanted to do something nice for their mom because she was having trouble holding food down.
Ila lamented on Ilesh's inability to catch, and her own lackluster performance at tree climbing. She assured him that usually she was very good, it was just an off day for her, and then she launched into an anecdote about a past instance of successful tree-climbing.
Ilesh piped up in a complete non-sequitur and declared to Zuko that his favourite color was orange when Ila finally paused to take a breath.
"Orange is nice," mumbled Zuko, taking pity on the boy. It seemed like he just wanted to join in and wasn't sure how to get a word in edgewise.
Ila was a veritable fountain of words.
Zuko didn't say anything further, and thankfully they didn't seem to expect him to contribute anything to the conversation. Ila was adept enough at carrying it for all of them, with the occasional random injection from her brother.
A short walk later, they crested a hill and the village came into view.
It was quaint, the buildings all had matching green-tiled roofs and they were clustered around the main thoroughfare which cut a wide arc around a small lake.
It was then, looking down on the town, that Zuko started to feel odd.
His right forearm started feeling tingly, as if it had pins and needles. Strangely, he didn't feel concerned. It was as if all the urgency and worry had suddenly drained from his body, leaving him listless and unnaturally calm.
"Okay, our house is that way!" Zuko obediently walked in the direction Ila pointed.
"I wonder where everyone is, usually there's someone around. It's late but the stalls don't usually close this early," said Ila thoughtfully.
"You said that the fire snake is 'sort of' poisonous… What did you mean by that?" asked Zuko offhandedly.
The pins and needles were starting to feel more like hot metal pokers. His could feel sweat beading on his brows even though it wasn't a particularly hot day.
Ila wasn't heavy, but with every step he took it felt like her weight was becoming more and more like a millstone around his neck.
"Well, if you get bit it doesn't kill you, but it is really nasty. That's why we call it a fire snake."
Zuko was slow to answer, his thoughts felt like they were wading through molasses to get to his tongue.
"What do you mean? It isn't because they're red?"
"No, we call red snakes red snakes if they're red. Fire snakes are called fire snakes because if they bite you, you feel like you're on fire."
Zuko's arm certainly felt like it was close to catching on fire now, and the sensation was spreading to his elbow and his fingertips.
"This is our home!" Ilesh shrieked, darting up to one of the houses.
Zuko limply allowed Ila to slide off his back, and she hobbled after Ilesh.
"Come and meet our mom!" she invited.
"Give me a minute," replied Zuko weakly.
He waited until she had entered the house to pull up his sleeve. It was difficult because his arm was shaking, and his fingers were enervated and slow to obey his commands.
The bite mark was inflamed and weeping a clear liquid. Angry red lines streaked away from the wound underneath his skin. Zuko stared at it for a moment, before allowing his arm to flop back down to his side. It was bad, yet he could barely muster up any concern. What was wrong with him?
"But mom, we brought someone!" Ila's voice rang out, making Zuko's head snap up.
Ilesh was tugging a heavily pregnant woman behind him who shared his russet skin and green eyes. She looked harried and dishevelled. Ila brought up the rear, hobbling behind the pair.
"I don't care if you brought me the Earth King himself! You two disappeared for hours! Do you know how worried I've been? Half the village is out combing the forest for you and-"
When the woman laid eyes on Zuko, she halted in her tracks and stopped talking abruptly, eyes wide in shock.
"He helped us get home after I fell and hurt my ankle, and scared off a red snake when it tried to attack me!" exclaimed Ila.
Zuko tried to move, he wasn't sure whether he was going to try and leave, or try and greet the woman, but a blinding rain of sparks fell across his vision. He halted and swayed on the spot, shaking his head in an attempt to clear it.
All that did was make him lose his equilibrium, and he toppled over.
Next thing he knew, the hammering heat in his arm reached his shoulder and very rapidly started advancing across the rest of his body.
The temperature promptly ramped up until his whole body felt like it was well and truly on fire.
It felt just like the last time he'd been burnt, except it was his whole body alight this time instead of just his face.
He writhed, insensible to the world around him, desperately trying to escape the flames. It was no use, they only burned hotter. The apathy finally melted away, leaving behind pain and panic.
He heard the shadow of a cruel voice in his head, "You will learn respect, and suffering will be your teacher!"
"P-p-please n-no, f-father I didn't mean to-" he choked out. There were tears spilling down his cheeks, and they felt like rivers of lava.
Someone pressed a cup to his lips, and an unfamiliar voice cut through the fiery haze around his brain and ordered him to drink.
He gulped down something cold and bitter, and then he knew nothing.
He could hear a girl sobbing.
Suddenly, he could see a girl sobbing too. He felt like he was in one of his visions again, but the view was all wrong. During all this other visions, he had viewed things from her perspective.
This time, he could see Katara, kneeling beside the husk of an old dead tree in shallow water.
She was sobbing like her heart was broken, and it made Zuko's chest ache.
No sooner than he wished he could approach her and made sure she was alright, did his body materialise, seemingly out of nowhere.
"Katara? Are you okay?" he called, approaching hesitantly.
She looked up, and gasped.
"Zuko?" she intoned shakily, getting to her feet. She hastily wiped away her tears with the back of one hand. Tears still clung to her eyelashes, and Zuko itched to wipe them away.
"Are you really here?" she asked cautiously,
"I don't know…" wasn't he just in a small Earth Kingdom Village? "What is this place?" he asked. The area around them was thick with looming aerial tree roots. It was shadowy, and there was a chill in the air that was distinctly unfriendly.
"I'm not sure, there was a tornado and we fell off Appa… I think it's a swamp of some kind."
"You're in the Foggy Swamp!?"
Katara was taken aback by the intensity in Zuko's voice.
"We're in the foggy swamp," she corrected slowly.
"We have to get out of here! Now!" he rushed forward and tried to grasp one of Katara's hands in his own, intending to pull her out of the swamp if he had to, but he passed through her as if he were a ghost.
They both yelped in surprise.
"Is this… is this my imagination? Are you not really here?" asked Katara shakily. Zuko looked down at his body; it had a pearly sheen. He held his hands up to the dull light filtering through the trees, and he found that they were slightly translucent.
"T-this time it wasn't a rhetorical question Zuko," prompted Katara.
"I'm really here. Or at least, I think my spirit is," said Zuko slowly.
Katara gasped, and looked like she was going to start sobbing again.
"What? What is it?" asked Zuko in alarm.
"We wondered what happened to you after the siege in the North, we looked for you but when we found no trace, we assumed you'd escaped. You didn't… did you-" her words had spilled out so quickly that her tongue tripped up when she got to the salient point.
"I did get away. I didn't die," said Zuko quickly, understanding. Katara looked immensely relieved, and Zuko couldn't help but feel a little gratified.
"What happened to you Zuko? We need to get Aang to try and fix you-"
"Look, there isn't any time for that. You need to get out of this place, now. It isn't safe."
"What do you mean?"
"This swamp is filled with wild poisonous animals, and there are rumours of cannibals!"
"Well I can't leave until I find Aang and Sokka, we were separated. Not to mention Momo and Appa."
Zuko knew better than to say cut your losses and run. He was trying to think of an argument for leaving that would be palatable to her, when she spoke again.
"Zuko, if your spirit is here with me, where did you leave your body?"
"Last I remember I was in a small Earth Kingdom Village… I got bitten by a snake."
"What?! Are you alright!" Zuko shrugged.
"A kid told me it wasn't life threatening. I think I'll live," he said nonchalantly, "Now, how about we look for a way out of here so that-"
"Where is this village? What is it called?" Katara demanded, cutting him off.
"I don't know what it's called, but it's four days' travel on foot to Omashu if you head southeast."
"Zuko, we need to meet again. For real, in person, not in spirit or whatever this is. I hate the idea of you wandering around without your heart-"
"If you fix me, I might hurt you. I already told you, just leave it," said Zuko stubbornly.
Katara huffed impatiently. It looked like she was gearing up to lecture him about why he was wrong, so Zuko quickly spoke again.
"Look, you and your friends nearly die way too often. I'm looking for you anyway."
"You are? Wait, what do you mean we nearly die way too often?"
"In less than a week you got buried alive, and my sister's friend nearly stabbed you-"
"Your sister's-? Hold on, how do you know all this?"
"I'll tell you everything when we meet in person. For now, I think we need to focus on finding your friends so you can get out of here."
"Fine, fine, let's start looki- Zuko! You're fading away!"
Zuko looked down and saw that she was right, he was becoming more and more translucent by the second.
"How will I find you!?" he could tell she was yelling, but her voice sounded as if it were coming to his ears from a great distance. His vision was getting dimmer and dimmer.
"Don't worry, I'll find you."
He disappeared back into nothingness.
What did you think? I haven't got any kids, were the children realistic? :) Please tell me!
