This chapter is dedicated to anyone who was unfairly banned from harrypotterfanfiction dot com.
This is also dedicated to A Fountain Pen's (ISpeakBraile) Settling The Score. She inspired an entire ship. Gone, but never forgotten. We will miss you Gabby!
Chapter 9; The Fight
The window pane felt cold against my cheek as I sat on the window sill in the seventh year girls dormitory, propped up on the wooden window sill, legs pulled up close to my body and a rough fleece blanket strewn over my legs.
The weather looked as ominous outside the window as my mood, the heavy, dark clouds squeezing out whatever little light was left of the day. I hated winter for this very reason; everything always felt so much darker, colder and harsher.
But I only had one more week.
I pulled my head back from the icy glass, feeling the wet of the condensation on the side of my face, but then again those could have been tears. I sighed and wiped my face dry with the sleeve of my woolly jumper and sat up straighter, for my back was starting to protest from the slouching position.
All I had to do was get through this last school week and I would be free for two weeks.
Just one more week.
The girls were surprised how badly I took the whole betrayal by Roger and I had to agree with them. It astounded me too how after everything Wood and my ex James had done to me, a boy could still hurt me so much. But he had and now all I could muster myself to do is sit on this damned cold windowsill listening to Nirvana on my wireless. I had without a doubt become a pathetic excuse for all of girl-kind. I had let down my sex and all I wanted to do was eat chocolate and feel sorry for myself.
"My girl, my girl don't lie to me. Tell me where did you sleep last night?"
I dropped my head against the windowpane again, letting the cold condensation seep through my hair as I hummed along. It felt therapeutic, listening to Kurt's pain echo out through the song, even if the song and the group sounded horribly depressing if you listened too long.
"Oh dear sweet Merlin, what is that depressing song?" Abby declared abruptly, as she threw herself on the sill next to me. She picked up my legs and dropped them on her lap all the while keeping a beady eye trained on me. I sighed inwardly and listened to the song as The Man Who Sold The World came on. It was one of my favourites and was fast becoming a fan favourite after the MTV Unplugged show from a few weeks previous.
"It's Nirvana, Abby," I replied tiredly, glancing briefly up at her before focussing my attention on the blackness outside.
"That sounds depressing as hell. Is this what Muggles are listening to?"
"Some of them. It speaks to the disenfranchised youth who are sick of the manufactured pop world designed for them by the major record companies out to make as much money as possible," I replied, sitting up straighter as I turned my full attention on Abby.
"That made no sense to me at all," Abby spoke, the befuddlement evident in her voice. She shook her head and gave me a withering glance and told me I was being melodramatic.
"I think you've had about enough of suicidal songs for today," Abby declared, wrinkling her nose as Come As You Are came on. She deftly leaned over me and flicked off the switch, leaving us in silence.
"So what now?" she asked, addressing me and breaking the silence that had surrounded us.
"I don't know," I exhaled. There was not much I could say anymore, all the words had been spoken, all the curses uttered and all that was left was to move on. But it would not be that easy and Abby knew it.
"Chrissie, you're gonna have to talk about it if it's still bothering you!" Abby began, but she stopped when she heard me snort audibly.
"There's nothing more to say Abby. Everything's been said, we've all given Roger a good bashing and the school have all had a good gossip about it. I just wanna move on, but I can't if you keep harping on about it!" I cried out, exasperated at Abby and myself for still being stuck on this topic. "Just please let it go and let me sulk in peace!" I got up and marched towards the door, my feet echoing loudly off the mahogany floorboards in the silent and empty dorm. I knew I was being melodramatic and I would regret yelling at Abby in an hour or so, but for now I needed my space and as much as I loved my best friend she just couldn't understand.
The oppressive clouds of the previous day had given way sometime over the night, the heavens had opened up and I was greeted in the morning by a blinding sea of white. I dressed extra warmly because of the snow and thanked my foresightedness for when I walked into Astronomy in the morning, the first thing that hit me was the icy coldness of the classroom.
I was just pulling my fingerless gloves out of my over-stuffed school bag, when to my complete surprise fate decided to play a trick with me. Instead of my usual curly-haired best friend in her usual dour mood first thing in the morning sliding into the seat next to me, a tall, burly and decidedly Scottish boy took her seat instead. I sat up straight and peeped at the boy sitting next to me through my morning hair, not quite believing what I was seeing.
I shook my head quickly, rubbed my eyes with the palm of my hand and peeked over at him again, but alas I hadn't fallen asleep and dreamt all this. Even more strangely, he seemed to be ignoring me for the most part.
What the hell was going on here?
I glanced over to where said best friend just sauntered into the classroom and I sent her a questioning glance, but she shrugged her shoulders in confusion and took the seat next to Nathan at the front.
Pulling the required books out of my bag just to occupy my hands, I sent a sideward gaze at Wood again, but he seemed to be too busy opening his inkwell and sharpening his quill to notice.
He seemed to be behaving normally enough, so I knew he hadn't accidentally been brain damaged in the night. Then again he might have developed amnesia from all those Quidditch injuries or one of his teammates had finally attacked him with a Beater's Bat in the dead of night because he'd gone overboard on the training schedules again. I could so see Fred and George Weasley being driven to random acts of violence by their Captain.
"Oliver, mate, what's the deal?" Ethan called out to Wood while the class waited for Sinstra to appear. Ethan was currently sporting a raised eyebrow and was gesturing to the empty seat at their usual table, looking very much like a lost schoolchild on their very first day.
Wood shook his head, before returning his attention back to the quill he had been sharpening. I tried another tactic instead.
"Wood, what are you doing here?" I spoke, turning in my seat to face him in the process sending him a confused stare.
"I'm trying to get ready for class Margate, what does it look like?" He threw back gruffly, arching an eyebrow in my direction. He presently began ignoring me and focused instead on the homework assignment we had to hand in this morning, checking through it for spelling mistakes.
"Yeah, but since when do you sit here? I do believe Ethan is looking a little lost without you," I pressed on, determined to get a straight answer out of him for once. But I never got the reply for Sinstra just walked into the classroom and the whole class quietened down. I huffed and stared impatiently at Wood, waiting for my answer but he refused to comply. I was about to poke him in his side, thereby breaking my cardinal rule of keeping an emotional distance from all boys, when lo and behold the reason for my new life rules walked late into the classroom.
Sinstra sent him an irritated glance and gestured him to sit down, but I wasn't paying attention to that for my attention was on how Wood had suddenly sat up straighter and stiffened in his seat and how Roger was having the longest staring competition ever with Wood before he sat down next to his friend Lloyd on the other side of the room.
I instantly knew that something had happened between those two and I was determined to reach the bottom of this mystery before class ended, but that was the last interaction I got from Wood for that hour.
Professor Sinstra kept the class busy with calculating the next alignment of all the planets on our solar system that I never got a chance to wrangle the answer out of a stoic Wood. Even if I just wanted help with my maths, which I always needed, he had created a barrier made up of library books between us that would have made it hard pressed for me to get his attention.
By the time class ended I was just relieved that my brain could take a breather when a packed Wood, without even giving me a warning suddenly turned around and said;
"Until tomorrow, Margate."
My head snapped up and I gaped perplexed at the Scot to see if he was messing with me, but I saw no hint of a smile. I nodded my head mutely and he walked out of the class. My feet followed his path and in the corridor I was met with the girls and even though they proceeded to analyse Wood sitting down next to me I was too preoccupied figuring it all out in my head to listen.
And yet as coolly I tried to act about his words to me, my beating heart betrayed how I secretly hoped he would sit next to me again.
"What was the rate for expansion we need to use to compensate for stellar drift again?' I queried, pulling my head out of the parchment I had been scribbling my Astronomy essay on for the last hour.
Nathan pulled his head out of a book, pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose and took a second or two to focus on me and process the sentence I had just asked him.
"It should be in those notes I gave you. If not, you'd have to do it out again as I haven't got the calculation on me right now."
"Okay," I responded and began rifling through the stacks of parchment that were littering the sturdy oak table in the library where Nathan and I had set up camp over two hours ago. In that time period, we had managed to make our way through a particularly difficult History of Magic essay due after the Christmas holidays, compile the joint project we were going to take on the next term for Muggle Studies and get into a heated debate over the over-dependence of electricity by Muggles, finish all our outstanding Defence Against the Dark Arts homework and get on top of our study material for the NEWTs.
Nathan and I had been going through the same routine for the last week; every evening we would meet at eight in the library and do our homework together. I didn't know how we had ever come to this arrangement and despite my usual reluctance with regards to schoolwork or academics, I found studying and doing homework with Nathan distracting. It allowed my mind two hours off every evening from thinking, analysing and hurting over Roger, and I secretly believed that's why Nathan had proposed the idea in the first place.
It was also quite refreshing and relaxing to have my schoolwork under control and not have to deal with McGonagall breathing down my neck every day, checking to see if I was doing all my work and coming to me with complaints from other Professors for not having done an ounce of it.
Nathan was a really good study friend; he was calm and quiet, he didn't constantly want to ask me questions and when I spoke to him about things that were on my mind, he didn't make a big deal out of it.
He also didn't mind if when I would occasionally burst into tears, or have to stop because I remembered something painful about Roger. He would just pretend he hadn't seen my tears and wait for me to compose myself before we continued on.
I was infinitely glad for his presence and I would miss him over the Christmas holidays.
This evening ended much like all the others before it; shortly before ten we packed up and I wished him a good night as we parted ways at the entrance of the Library. This evening I stopped though, and called out to the retreating form of Nathan.
"Hey Nathan," I called out and he turned around, a quizzical look on his face. "Thank you."
"For what?" he replied, shifting the books in his hands so they didn't fall.
"For being a good friend," I said simply and he smiled at me. He pulled one hand free and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose again.
"No problem Christina."
"Have a good night," I uttered simply and he nodded back at me.
"Same to you."
With that we parted ways and I made the long trek back up to the Gryffindor common room and my bed.
Something quite unusual happened on that very same Tuesday evening that I didn't know what to make of. It all started over something seemingly so innocent in the Great hall around dinnertime when Abby's little sister Cassandra came over to ask her sister something private. I'd known Abby for six years now and I'd like to think I've seen every mood she could possibly feel, but when a fight broke out between them; it seemed so different and unlike anything I'd ever seen from her.
This is what happened from my perspective.
"Abby, I'm asking you for a favour. Can't you just stop being selfish for a second and think of me for a moment?" Cassie cried out in frustration, her frizzy brown hair flying all over the place as she swung her head around in animation.
Abby lazily stared at her little sister and snorted under her breath, acting like the true patronising older sister and responded with, "Oh Cass, stop being so bloody melodramatic!"
"Oh that's rich calling me melodramatic coming from the queen of drama at home who always gets her way!" Cassie cried shrilly and I watched as she grew more and more wound up. For a moment there I could see the uncanny resemblance between the two sisters, so different in age and looks, yet with that same unquenchable temper.
"Get over yourself Cass. I'm not hear to meet your whims and frankly you're being a little bitch to me!"
"No I'm not going to get over myself. It's not fair! You've always been the more popular, the more loved and the one who gets away with anything. You break Mum's favourite china and she still forgives you. I've had enough of it because I'm not gonna put up with you. You can be a horrible person!" Cassie heaved for a moment after her outburst, her copper eyes shining with unshed tears and I noticed with a spark of pity and shame how Abby just so easily tossed aside Cassie's feelings. Cassie for the moment hastily wiped a few stray tears away with the back of her hand and glared at the older sister, waiting for a response.
"Oh for fuck's sake Cassie! Stop being so childish and grow up!" Abby retorted without emotion and promptly got up from her seat and marched out of the busy Great Hall, bench scraping against the stone flagged floor as the entire school watched her leave.
I loved my best friend, but I could not understand her cold response. Maybe it was because I was an only child or because their relationship was so unknown to me, but a queasy feeling had settled in the pit of my stomach and it had nothing to do with the shepherd's pie we had earlier on.
A very strong emotion for the younger sister washed over me and I gently pulled Cassie down onto the bench next to me as Jackie and Tess came around to cluster around us.
"Hey Cass," I began my voice soothing and Cassie looked up at me. "You know Abby doesn't mean that. She's just being rash-"
"Don't Chrissie!" Cassie responded, sniffing quietly and she fixed her eyes on me. "You always take Abby's side so there's no point talking about this." She presently rose from her seat and I cried out her name, but she didn't turn around before she ran out of the Great Hall too.
The fight between Abby and her younger sister Cassie made me think. As much as I tried to rationalise the actions and words of my best friend, she had been horrible and even though I hadn't heard the beginning of the conversation, no disagreement should warrant such a telling off in front of the entire school. It painted an entirely ugly shade onto Abby's wonderful character; it made her flawed and human but nasty too.
Cassandra was only a second year; she had been living in the shadow of either one or both of her elder siblings. First there came the universally popular and handsome Jack Graham who could add to his accomplishments a wonderfully warm and kind temper. Then there was Abby herself; incredibly beautiful in her own right, though marred by an imperfect temper that she was able to remedy the majority of the times because of her outgoing personality. It could not be easy for little Cassie, still only twelve, stuck in that awkward pre-pubescent age when her hair was still frizzy and her looks were still plain.
The entire fight left a bitter aftertaste in my mouth and I was infinitely glad for a moment that I was an only child.
"Abby?" I asked her tentatively, a few hours after her fight with Cassie in the Great Hall. "About that fight with Cassie earlier on?"
"What about it?" she answered, noncommittally, not raising her head from the magazine she was perusing on her bed in the dormitory.
"Don't you think you were a little harsh on Cass?" I tried tentatively, looking at her from my bed next to hers.
"Chrissie, don't-" Abby began, but I interrupted her before she could give me her speech.
"I was just thinking that you were a little mean to Cassie. You should have seen her afterwards; she was really upset about it."
"Just drop it Chrissie. You don't have any siblings so you couldn't possibly know anything about it," Abby responded in a clipped tone and returned to her magazine.
"But-"
"Chrissie, until you have a family like mine I'd just recommend you keep out of it. This is private." Abby looked up at me, her gaze was sharp and clear. I sighed and left her to her magazine, knowing it was fruitless trying to talk to her tonight.
Charms on a Wednesday afternoon was another class that made me feel uneasy. Not only was it usually a pretty dozy class with barely anything to do, especially with only three days away from our Christmas holidays, but we also shared the class with Ravenclaw. Another class with Roger Davies that made me drag my feet on the walk there and I didn't know whether I wanted him to acknowledge me or not. Then there was the elephant in the room; also known as Wood, who had thrown me completely asunder yesterday in Astronomy. I was infinitely glad that Charms didn't have desks for two people only, but long running desks and benches that arched around the circular room.
Abby, Tess, Jackie and I found a row empty halfway up the back of the room and we made ourselves comfortable. I was finally releasing a breath of air upon spotting that Roger was sitting at the very front and didn't try and catch my eye again. I had just relaxed myself somewhat and was starting to look forward to an hour chatting away to the girls in peace when who had to squeeze his way past us on our row of desks?
Yep, Oliver Wood.
Tess and Jackie quickly stood up to let him squeeze past them and I glared mutinously at them.
"Traitors!" I hissed under my breath to Jackie, who was next to me. She rolled her eyes and I was about to retort when I looked up to see Wood standing very close next to me; the spaces between the nailed down row of desks and bolted benches not being enough to grant anyone decent personal space.
He looked so tall and imposing from where he stood and I grudgingly stood up to let him pass; feeling every nerve on fire as he squeezed past me. My traitorous hormones, who I had decided were as bad as the girls, had to quicken my heartbeat and set my senses on fire because of him. I glared after Wood and to my complete horror and indignation he perched himself downright next to me, forcing Abby to move over a bit so he could claim her previous spot.
Now I was beyond indignant, that Abby had so easily relinquished her spot and forced me to sit next to the idiotic Scot who I was still not talking to.
"Get over it Margate," Wood said, voice devoid of emotion, not even raising his eyes to me.
"But I didn't even say anything!" I replied appalled, my face showing how shocked I was by his comment.
"No, but you didn't have to. I know what you were thinking," he responded and I bit on the inside of my cheek to supress the satisfaction of retorting to that statement.
It was fifteen minutes later while Abby, Tess and Jackie were having a very silent but heated conversation about something they spotted in Diagon Alley months ago, I finally plucked up the courage to ask Wood what had been plaguing me since the beginning of class.
"Why are you sitting here?"
"Margate, you really have to change up your questions once in a while. You're always asking the same thing," he deflected, not taking his eyes away from the doodles he was drawing on the side of his parchment. They were of him flying his broom on the Quidditch field - how typical.
"Look, I don't get why you sat next to me yesterday, but I presume it had something to do with Roger Davies, considering you two were glaring at each other all during class. But today he's sitting at the front and I'm surrounded by the girls; so what gives?"
"What gives Margate, is that I'm trying to draw here, and you're interrupting me," Wood quipped snippily and I let out an irritated sigh.
"Wood, will you for once be bloody straight with me?" I was frustrated beyond belief and it evidently showed in my voice, for the irritating boy in question looked up and appraised me with one of those long gazes of his that I was never able to figure out.
"Not all things are about you Margate," he responded cryptically, and although the answer sounded as callous as the ones he usually gave me, I knew that wasn't his intention this time.
I wasn't giving up though.
"Well this is and you and I both know it!" I responded fiercely and he gazed expressionless at me.
"Margate..." Wood sighed and for a second he looked like he might relent, but unfortunately Flitwick chose this opportunity to reprimand the both of us for talking in his class, while sixty per cent of us, excluding Ravenclaw of course, were chatting away.
Bloody unfair!
I scowled at Flitwick, but pretended to write down some notes, and when I glanced sneakily over at Wood again I saw that he was busy ignoring me and concentrating on his doodles again.
It was five minutes later when something happened again in the form of Wood poking me in the side with the tip of his sharp quill.
"Ouch!" I hissed at him, glaring at him and the quill he was still holding in his right hand.
"How's Abby doing?" he whispered, leaning over slightly so I could hear. I gazed perplexed at him, wondering if I stared at him some more would he make more sense then? He didn't; so I asked him.
"Why don't you ask her yourself, she's sitting right next to you," I whispered back and Wood seemed to take a moment to compose himself, for I could see the vein starting to throb in his temple. It was amusing to watch.
"I mean after the fight she had with her sister in the Great Hall," he explained and I was even more confused, but I thought I had been enough of a bitch to him for the day, so I was civil.
"I don't know. She won't talk to me about it; keeps saying that I don't have a clue because I'm an only child," I elaborated and Wood seemed to accept this, for he nodded his head, deep in thought.
"Yeah, same here," Wood responded and I just kept shooting confused glances in his direction, hoping he would get the message that he really wasn't making any sense today. "I'm an only child too."
"Oh," was my surprised response. My eyebrows, which had raced in the direction of my hairline at his response slowly, came back down to normal as I processed his comment. Wood had never shared anything about his personal life outside of Hogwarts with me.
"I guess we really don't know what it's like," I offered the conversation, knowing that since he had offered something up I should too.
"I didn't even have cousins close to my age, so I was always spoiled rotten by my family and never had to share the attention."
"Now that I can believe, Margate," Wood said wryly, his face twisting into a slight grin. "You're always spoiled!"
"Oy!" I cried out, sending him a withering stare, but not really meaning it.
I paused, as I thought about my family, when a sudden realisation struck me. Despite how much I loved my family and how well we all got on at family functions, there were still quite a lot of fights between us, especially over petty things. I wondered how I hadn't remembered this before, all the Christmas dinners, birthday parties and general functions one inevitably ended up attending. No matter how much we loved one another, we were all prone to such ugly fights, as I had seen between Abby and her little sister Cassie. Maybe we weren't so different after all.
"I wonder why families always fight so bitterly," I mused aloud, not really expecting an answer of Wood, but throwing the question out there into the winds anyway.
"Hell if I know!" Wood grumbled, and I swung my head around to look at him.
"Do you ever realise that every single Christmas dinner always ends up with someone in a screaming match over something petty?"
"I'm usually the one being blamed for them," Wood grumbled and I realised that it bothered him as much as it did Abby.
"It's weird; they're the people bar your friends that you're closest to in the entire world, but heaven help you if you're in the same company for more than an hour!" I exclaimed and Wood appraised me with another of his penetrating gazes.
"Margate, if I knew the answer to that question I'd be the richest bloke around!" Wood snorted for a moment, as if amused by something and then glanced back at me.
I then realised another intriguing thing; Wood and I had had a decent conversation for more than five minutes without yelling each other's heads off. It was a very disconcerting feeling. Wood seemed to realise that too and quickly returned to doodling on his parchment.
That was the last conversation we had for the class; but we had expressed more to each other than in the last month combined. I didn't know where Wood and I were heading, but I knew it would be an uncomfortable ride.
That evening Tess and I found Cassie Graham sitting alone in the corner of the common room, surrounded by what looked like an enclosure made of books. Cassie had been unusually quiet since her fight with Abby the evening before and Tess and I were worried about her. Abby had refused point blank to apologise to Cassie, so the only way to solve this feud was to go to Cassie herself and try and sort it out.
"Hi Cassie," Tess said brightly as we walked up to her and Cassie slowly raised her head and eyed us warily.
"Can we sit down?" I suggested and she shrugged her shoulders. Tess and I looked at each other and sat down at the table. Upon closer inspection I could see that Cassie hadn't been doing her homework as I had originally thought, but instead she had been doodling absently and the books had been used to deter people from interrupting her.
"If you want to talk to me about Abby, I'm really not in the mood," Cassie spoke up and I sighed, knowing this was going to be difficult to pull off.
Tess suddenly got up, pulled her chair closer to Cassie and sat down on it, pulling her legs up. She gazed earnestly at Cassie and then said.
"Look I get it, Cass. I've an older sister too and she was a nightmare to grow up with." Cassie pulled her head up and gazed at Tess, unsure whether to believe her or not.
"Yeah but yours didn't humiliate you in front of the entire school!"
"No, not at Hogwarts, but she used to all the time in primary school. It got so bad the teachers reported her to my mum for bullying and it made my life hell at home for a while. It also didn't help that my mum was just going through the divorce with my dad, so she couldn't really help me at the time," Tess clarified, her tone neutral as she looked Cassie squarely in the eye.
"What did you do?" Cassie's quiet voice replied, pushing her frizzy hair out of her eyes.
"I learned to stand up for myself and let Jade know that I wasn't a pushover. She realised pretty quickly it was no fun bullying a sister who fought back. We're actually great friends now."
"So what changed?" Cassie inquired and I saw that Tess had managed to pull her out of her shell bit by bit and that she was acting much more like the Cassie that we always knew.
"Look everyone goes through it. It's not fun, but if you ask me siblings aren't meant to live together when they're young. You just learn at some point it's easier to get along than to constantly be fighting. Abby needs to realise that she can't walk all over you and you need to believe you have a valid voice and opinion. Don't let her intimidate you." Cassie nodded her head and smiled at the both of us.
I never realised how hard it must be to have siblings. I always assumed siblings got on pretty well, so the concept that they could hate each other never really crossed my mind.
Cassie seemed placated though and I was glad that she was back to herself. Tess and Cassie had started swapping horror stories growing up with their older sisters and I sat back in my chair and smiled along.
Considering I had been dreading this last week after what happened with Roger Davies and how he had humiliated me so badly at the last 7C party, I thought I had gotten off pretty easily. Okay, there were the occasional rumours floating around that Roger had told everybody about his relationship with me, which did bother me quite a bit, but in the grand scheme of things it was pretty minor. It most definitely helped that Roger had decided to leave me in peace, for which I was infinitely grateful and since it was already Wednesday evening, I would only have to survive three full days and I would be going home.
It was altogether not too shabby.
I wished, though, that I could as easily turn those feelings for the Ravenclaw off, but I couldn't and as long as I was in this castle, with those stupid rumours floating around that I begged him to stay with me and got up to some rather compromising things in the corridors of the dungeons with him it wasn't going to be an easy ride.
It had helped a lot that I had buried myself in schoolwork and hidden deeply in the library with Nathan, but I really just wanted to be home.
As for whether Roger really did start those rumours; I didn't know. I wished I could believe that it wasn't him, but after he had cheated on me I really could't tell. It hurt that he could not only stomp all over my feelings, but also have the audacity to lie about me to his friends. The only consolation I had was that school was almost over and when we would return from the holidays even I would have forgotten about them.
On that quiet Wednesday evening, coming up to eight pm, Nathan and I had finally decided to call it quits for the night. We had finished all our homework, done the bulk of the homework for the holidays and even I couldn't study any more for the NEWTs. We packed up our bags, slung them over our shoulders and quietly made our way down the hallway. Nathan was being a gentleman and walking me back to my tower, even though he wasn't meant to know where our common room was. It was an amiable silence, littered only with few sentences and observations. But that was how we liked it anyway and we were just making our way up to the Gryffindor tower when I spotted Roger leaning against the wall, only a corner away from the portrait hole.
I let out a sigh, knowing I would have to walk past him to get inside. Nathan stiffened next to me, pushing his books up higher in his arms and we walked towards the portrait hole.
"Chrissie, can I talk to you?" Roger called out, and I stopped before him. I glanced over at Nathan and saw he was wearing a serious expression on his face. He looked over at me, as if asking for permission, but I shook my head lightly and stepped forward. He briefly nodded his head in response.
"I'll see you in class tomorrow." Nathan spoke to me, then turned to look at Roger and added; "Davies," a wary look on his face. I smiled at him and watched him walk away before I turned to face Roger. Somehow I knew this was bound to happen; things had been left so unresolved, but I still wasn't prepared.
"What can I do for you?" I asked him impassionately.
"Look about those stupid rumours floating around school-" Roger began and I visibly stiffened, expression hardening. "I had nothing to do with them, I promise. I didn't tell anybody anything and I just thought you deserved to know it wasn't me."
"Okay," I responded.
"Okay?" Roger repeated, not quite believing I was taking it so easily.
"Yeah," I replied and then laughed a little. In truth, now that he actually stood in front of me and had the courage to come and tell me himself he had nothing to do with it; I knew it was true. "I believe you."
"Oh, thanks," Roger said, a little startled. His face relaxed and he smiled a little at me. "I am sorry for cheating on you, you gotta know that. I'm an ass and you've every right to call me whatever you want, but know that I am sorry and I never meant to hurt you." I saw such honesty in his face that I knew he wasn't lying about that either. He was right, he was an ass but he was well-meaning and I supposed that mattered too.
"I'm gonna go now. I'm tired," I said and he seemed to wake up a little from that and began fidgeting with his hands.
"I'll see you around Chrissie. Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas to you too," I responded and walked on, turning the corner and he disappeared from view.
It was Thursday afternoon and the girls and I were making our way to the first class of the afternoon, Astronomy. While the girls were still discussing animatedly the lunch they had, the hot boys Tess had spotted at the Hufflepuff table, which elicited great indignation from Jackie when she declared that Tess was still going out with Joshua. That ended up in a great debate between Abby and Jackie over fidelity in relationships. Since neither had been in a relationship in a long while, the argument was a moot point and I pulled out of the conversation.
I was more nervous about Astronomy; especially after the talk I had with Roger. While I was happy he hadn't been the cause of those rumours I was a little uneasy if he thought we should be friends now. While I could forgive him for that, I could not be friends with him.
Then there's also the rather uncomfortable Scot, who had decided for the last two classes we shared that he had to sit himself next to me. I didn't know whether he would do it again, and even worse was I didn't know how I felt about it either. We had gotten along somewhat in Charms, but whether that run of good luck would hold out, I wasn't so sure.
We filed in to the classroom and I pulled Abby down next to me at the desk I had chosen behind Tess and Jackie, making sure that if Wood had any ideas of repeating the exercise of the last few days I had him thwarted. She rolled her eyes at me and turned around to talk to the Denise and Sally, who were sitting behind us. I ignored her dramatics and settled comfortably into my seat, poking Tess in the back to get her attention.
"Oy Tess, did you do your homework for Astronomy yet?" I inquired and she quickly turned around in her seat and snorted.
"As if. You know I'm just gonna copy Jackie's stuff the night before!" Tess replied amiably and Jackie turned around at the sound of her name to give out to Tess for not doing her own schoolwork.
Wood, who had been sitting in the corner of the classroom with Ethan and a few of the Gryffindor boys suddenly appeared right next to our desk and stared expectantly at Abby and myself.
Abby turned around and I stopped talking to Tess to see what he wanted, both of us wearing confused glances.
"Abby, I think Ethan wanted to chat to you about some concert in London over the hols," Wood said, his Scottish brogue more pronounced than usual. How odd, I thought to myself, wondering what could have caused his Scottishness to come to the fore.
"Oh yeah, the Weird Sisters concert!" Abby exclaimed. "Shit, he said he might be able to get us backstage. Hag on Chrissie, I'm gonna go chat to him." She quickly darted up from her seat and sat down in Wood's old seat in the corner of the classroom. I sighed and watched with resignation as Wood plopped himself down in the seat Abby had just vacated.
"Did Ethan really wanna talk to Abby about the Weird Sisters concert?" I inquired, eyebrow raised in disbelief.
"I don't know. I'm not the one going. They're a bunch of pansies anyway, if you ask me," Wood responded, completely missing my point. It was so like him to skirt around an issue anyway. I sighed, hoping that Abby and Ethan's conversation was going better than my own. Ethan's dad was a concert promoter and we had been trying to score backstage passes to the Weird Sisters concert in London for months. Maybe Abby would have more luck.
Sinstra chose at that moment to walk into class, as usual five minutes late and I knew that Wood was stuck next to me. That resignation turned to annoyance when I saw that Wood had dropped his bag next to a leg of the desk; the little sneak had done it on purpose! I growled under my breath and huffily started taking out my books and parchment, receiving startled and amused glances from both Tess and Wood. It seemed Wood was in a much better mood than I was for he got great enjoyment out of seeing me fume in my seat. He would occasionally poke me in the side with his quill and chuckle away to himself. I for one did not like being the object of amusement for Wood and continued to glare at him.
"You know, you're really taking all the fun out of Astronomy!" I hissed at him, taking my sharpened quill and poking him hard in the side.
"Owww, Margate. Easy with the sharp object there!" Wood replied, using his Quidditch reflexes to pull the quill out of my hand before I was aware of it.
"Now, be a good girl or you won't get this back!" Wood added, taking great delight in treating me like a child, while holding the quill above my reach. How the bloke managed to make it look casual and not arouse the suspicion of Professor Sinstra, I will never know.
"Give it back, Wood!" I hissed back, glaring daggers at the side of his head. He just chuckled on and I kicked him under the desk when no one was looking.
"Have you got PMS or something?" he quipped, a lazy grin spreading over his features and I mutinously turned red, flicking between embarrassment and anger.
"No, I've just got an irritating asshole next to me!" I replied snippily and then proceeded to stare across the room and ignore him. Since the Astronomy classroom had the desks facing each other across a large solar system that had been set up in the middle of the classroom, it made for excellent people watching, but I was interrupted by the angry glares of another person shooting in my direction. They were none other than Roger Davies and all the bristling revenge I had been plotting against Wood vanished in an instant. Wood must have noticed the change wash over me, because his brow furrowed in thought and the grin died on his face.
"It'll get easier, Margate," Wood spoke softly, so quietly that I almost missed his words entirely.
"What?" I asked him, looking into his emerald eyes to determine the words' meaning.
"The whole Davies thing. It'll get easier," he repeated, not quite able to meet my eyes.
"That's what they say," I offered, laughing bitterly. "But you still feel like shit afterwards!"
"Listen Margate," Wood began and I subconsciously turned my body in his direction, giving him my full attention. "I get it. I get that it's battered your confidence; it done the same thing to me."
My eyes widened and I sat in perfect stillness, captured by his words and the honesty in them.
"Yeah?" I spoke softly, seeking some form of justification from him.
"Yeah. The worst thing about it all is when the entire school finds out about your most private moments afterwards. Your ego and confidence takes a real hit with that," Wood muttered and his gaze had dropped to the parchment in front of him. "I get that those bloody rumours about you and Davies are gonna shake you, Margate, but it does get easier!" I didn't know why Wood was talking to me about something that felt so private, and even before I tried to stop myself I was confiding in him.
"I just wish I didn't have to look like such a fool after it all. I think I could handle the looks of pity from everyone after they all found out he cheated on me, but I can't handle the rumours," I responded, my voice filled with dejection.
Margate, did the girls ever tell you about the break-up between Karine and I?" Wood began and my head snapped up at that. Wood, as far as I knew, had never spoken to any of us about Karine and the only information we had gleaned from the incident was from what was knowledgeable around the school.
Wood's good mate, Jason Rotham, also a final year Hufflepuff had been seeing Karine while Wood was going out with her and when Wood found out he was dumped by Karine and she promptly started seeing Jason. From then on Wood refused to talk to either of them and apart from the fight I had accidently walked in on a few months ago, that was the extent of my knowledge.
"Not really. All I was ever told about is that she cheated on you with your mate Jason and they were going out for months afterwards. I know you don't like her anymore and you're not friends with Jason either," I said delicately, wondering how much I could tell him in case he got mad at me, but his facial expression remained the same.
"There's a lot that Hogwarts never found out about. I cornered her the day I found out about it and I asked her to choose me," Wood spoke, his voice filling with bitterness and spite. His eyes flickered up to mine as his weight shifted in my direction. We sat huddled together at the desk, his hands only inches from my own, quills and the class around us forgotten.
"I actually fucking asked her to choose me above Jay. I stood there like a fucking love-sick fool, begging my cheating girlfriend to choose me!" Wood ran a hand through his hair and for a moment I thought he was trying to pull his hair out when the hand flopped back down onto the table.
"I'm sorry," I uttered, unsure if those were the right words to say, or if it would even mean anything now.
"So, yeah, she then proceeded to tell the entire fucking school about that and I'm actually quite surprised you hadn't heard about that lovely piece of gossip. So, not only did I look like a sucker in her eyes, the entire school looked at me like that too."
"I don't think Tess told us on purpose. She probably was trying to protect your feelings," I offered and Wood thought on this a moment before he nodded his head in agreement.
"The girl would do something like that. But my point had been, that I get it and what I was trying to say is chin up. You could have been me!" Wood laughed bitterly and then shook his head. His shoulders slouched down under the weight of his own self-doubt and it made me wonder how I had never seen this when it happened a years and a half ago.
"Thank you," I said simply, and he glanced up at me, his expression confused.
"For what?" he queried, brows knitted together.
"For being you," I smiled at him. This last week the relationship between Wood and I had gone though such a transformation that I didn't know what to make of it. I still didn't know what to make of it, but the Wood that was sitting next to me, sharing a part of his most private thoughts was not the same Wood of the past few months. It was as if I had seen him as nothing more than a shallow pool and upon stepping in it, I suddenly realised how deep it actually was. Wood was the Black Lake in Hogwarts, so calm and peaceful on the surface, but teaming with life and a torrent of emotions underneath.
"Err, right," Wood replied uncomfortably, and began fidgeting with his hands, running them along the back of his neck that made the hair stand out oddly. It looked adorable, but I kept that thought to myself.
"Merlin's beard, Margate, you sure know how to make a bloke squirm in his seat!" Wood snorted and I rolled my eyes at him, choosing not to reply. The Wood from before was hidden once again beneath a layer of bravado and general asshole-type behaviour.
I knew that this was all I could ever hope to get from him; he had returned to his usual role of general nuisance. I instead paid full attention to what Sinstra was teaching in class today and chose to ignore Wood for the rest of the class.
The conversation Wood had in Astronomy earlier in the day was still reverberating through my brain by the time I had the last class of the day; Muggle Studies. The class was busily writing away on their proposal for the final year Muggle Studies project and since Nathan and I had already completed our proposal and ideas for the project I was left to think. I was quite glad I had nothing to do as Wood's words kept churning and revolving in my mind and I wouldn't have been able to concentrate, even if I tried.
Even now, years after knowing Wood and months of us to-ing and fro-ing I still didn't understand that boy. We hadn't been an item in a couple of months, but any hope of understanding the Scottish enigma more after the failed attempt at a relationship was sorely fleeting. I honestly believed that he revelled in being the mysterious, aloof bloke that had all the girls falling for him. Not that I should care anyway; he and I were over and we certainly weren't friends, but it still bothered me that I couldn't understand him.
Karine on the other hand wasn't that difficult to discern; she was a kind and nice person, far too smart for her own good and equally stunning that eclipsed everyone else in the room, bar maybe Abby. She was friends with everyone apart from Wood and ruled the Ravenclaw seventh years, and despite the fact that they were polar opposites, they should be getting along. But they didn't and the only reason I can see why is because they are exes.
How is it that as soon as you break up, the dynamic of the relationship always ends up turning sour? It's understandable that it could be the cause of some very bitter feelings because of the break-up or because the nature of the relationship has to change; but frankly to me it seems a little overboard. Every friend I spoke to uttered the same thing; they aren't friends with their exes anymore and could never go back to that friendship. Are we that incapable of being civil towards each other, or have people just given up?
I also understand and to a degree I get why Wood won't be friends with Karine, no matter how hard she tries; she cheated on him with one of his mates, and blokes have egos that often take a lot longer to heal than it would for a girl. But at the same time, that happened over a year ago; so shouldn't he have just moved on from it? Frankly his anger towards her didn't make sense to me. My own ex-boyfriend James had cheated on me with a girl I despised and I've forgiven him. True we don't talk to each other, but then I have no ill feelings towards him.
When it comes to the topic of fights and exes, why are the two always synonymous with each other?
I really didn't know.
I was perpetually glad that the seventh year Gryffindors got a free period for the last two hours of the day. It meant that I could finally have some time to hang out with Aiden, so when I suggested the idea of hanging out in the empty common room and playing Exploding Snap, he was very keen on it.
We left Jackie and a very reluctant Tess in the library and made ourselves comfortable in front of the fire of a very quiet and empty Gryffindor common room.
Ten minutes later we were propped up on pillows, pulled down from the surrounding sofas, bags had been carelessly discarded somewhere in the vicinity, my wireless radio was standing on a nearby chair and Aiden had begun shuffling the cards needed for Exploding Snap.
"So, are we throwing money into this game or not?" Aiden enquired, eyes twinkling mischievously as he went through the cards one last time to make sure they were properly shuffled.
"What, against you?" I snorted, propping myself up on one elbow and eyed him disbelievingly. "I know for a fact that right now you're trying to think of a way of either cheating of swindling me out of far too much money." I retorted and Aiden grinned at me, not even trying to conceal his guilty thoughts. "Besides, I'm broke."
"Ah, well that's no use," he replied flatly, dividing the cards up into two stacks and handing one to me. I quickly picked up the cards to make sure he didn't get a chance to peek and with the other hand pulled the leg of the chair with the wireless sitting on it closer to us. A good song had just come on, so I flicked my wand and pushed up the volume.
"Right, enough fiddling with the radio. Deal," Aiden said briskly and I rolled my eyes at him. He was going into full-on gambling mode and was of no use to anyone until he calmed down again. I threw the first card down and watched as Aiden done the same. We sat like that in silence for the first few minutes, only occasionally letting out a shriek if one of us got a pair, or letting out a groan when the other got the pile of cards. Another ten minutes later and I was winning by a mile with Aiden down to only a handful of cards. I was grinning gleefully at him and he was in a sour mood.
Aiden did not take losing very well; it was one of the reasons we were such good friends and I realised how much I missed just messing around with Aiden, doing nothing in particular but having great fun in the process.
When American Pie came on the radio, I started bobbing my head along to the beat. It was one of my favourite songs of all time and I began dropping cards to the melody, singing sporadically along to the lyrics.
"Oh God, have I lost Chrissie to another Muggle song?" Aiden exclaimed to no one in particular and I stuck out my tongue at him.
"American Pie is not just another Muggle song; it's a classic deeply embedded in the Muggle pop culture of the seventies and don't act so shocked. I know for a fact that you really like this song too!" I added, wagging my finger at him.
He laughed aloud and assented his head. "Of that you are right, but you always know how to take it overboard." But Aiden had already lost me, for I began singing along loudly to the lyrics.
"And there we all were in one place, a generation lost in space with no time left to start again," I sang aloud, not caring that Aiden was giving me the strangest looks. I was in a supremely good mood and nothing was going to stop me from singing along.
"Come on Jack be nimble, Jack be quick," I continued on and to my delight Aiden finally relented and finished the lyric.
"Jack flash sat on a candlestick, because fire is the Devil's only friend," he sang on, his voice slightly off key, but I would never say anything since I wasn't the best singer either.
"Oh and as I watched him on the stage, my hands were clenched in fists of rage-" I sung, balling my own hand into a fist for extra emphasis, which got a raised eyebrow from Aiden.
And then the two of us continued on, "No angel born in Hell could break that Satan's spell." I sat up straight and raised one hand into the air, playing out the lyrics, wearing a serious expression.
"And as the flames climbed high into the night to light the sacrificial rite I saw Satan laughing with delight, the day the music died." It was at that unfortunate moment that a group of first years stepped in through the portrait hole and took one look at Aiden and I, sitting on the floor next to the fireplace, blasting loud Muggle music and singing at the top of our lungs while acting out the lyrics to the song. They eyed each other warily and quickly scampered back out the way they came, banging the portrait hole so hard behind them we could hear the Fat Lady's protests.
I glanced over at Aiden and the two of us burst out laughing at the same time at the absurdity of it all. I fell onto the floor, clutching my sides from laughter and Aiden was barely keeping himself propped up.
After a few minutes we came to again, wiping the stray tears away from our eyes and trying to repress the grins on our faces as our cheeks were beginning to hurt. Aiden was clutching his side, which had developed a stitch and I wiped away the last of the tears with the back of my hand.
"What is Satan anyway?" Aiden inquired after a minute as the song came to a slow and steady conclusion.
"Merlin if I know," I shrugged grinning at him. We looked down and saw that our cards had exploded sometime over the last ten minutes and I wondered how we hadn't heard. Aiden shrugged at me and we began tidying up the mess, letting the last chords of the song float through the empty common room.
The fire was crackling loudly as sparks erupted from the burning wood in the hearth, sending bright flashes of light across my vision. I was currently perched at the Ravenclaw house tables in the Great Hall because they were closest to the large hearths. Karine was sitting next to me, Indian-style, her posture mimicking my own and we were in the middle of sharing funny stories of events that happened at Hogwarts over the week.
I pulled my eyes away from the fire and looked back at Karine as she began telling me all about the idiocy of some first year Slytherins she had overheard while patrolling in the dungeons on Monday.
"I cannot believe that they would honestly be so idiotic!" she exclaimed, voice awed with disbelief. She let out another giggle and shook her head so that her thick mahogany hair came loose from behind her ear.
"Oh I could tell you stories about the Slytherins until the end of time. But you wouldn't believe what Percy has done this time!" I cried and Karine sat up straighter, eager to hear more of our bumbling Head Boy, whose self-importance was always a source of amusement for the school.
"There really is nothing more amusing than watching our oh-so-competent and humble Head boy Percy being slagged mercilessly by Fred and George, who are two years younger than him!" I said voice filled with mirth as I remembered a particularly fond memory.
"Did you hear them give him a public ridiculing over telling on them to their mother a few weeks ago?" I asked Karine and she shook her head, confirming she hadn't heard. "Oh it was beyond priceless. I've never seen a seventh year being reduced to speechlessness by a younger student!"
"Well you wouldn't believe what Stacey and Gordon yelled at each other in the Ravenclaw common room a few days ago," Karine spoke, referring to Ravenclaw and probably Hogwarts' most infamous warring couple, who were also in seventh year with us.
"Ooh, what happened?" I asked, eyes widening in excitement.
"He actually accused her in front of the entire house no less, of sleeping with his younger brother!" Karine said, and smiled with satisfaction as my jaw dropped and I took in this piece of gossip.
"No way! But he's like fifteen!"
"I know," Karine remarked and then leaned towards me, her voice dropping lower. "But I have it on good authority that he wasn't that far off with his claim." I sat there in stunned silence and processed this juicy piece of gossip. How had Tess not told me this?
"It really makes you wonder about relationships though," I commented and Karine nodded her head sagely to this. I paused and once more gazed into the fire, caught by the crackling and popping of the wood burning in the hearth.
"Tell me, is there actually a functional relationship in Hogwarts, or is that just a figment of our imagination?" I asked Karine and she paused for a moment before shrugging her shoulders.
"Merlin if I know," she replied passively, and then added. "I mean look at my relationships; they weren't exactly successful!"
I nodded my head and started chuckling to myself. "If you think yours were bad, just have a look at my last three relationships. I went from the fuckwit cheating James, to Wood and then to Roger Davies, who also turned out to be a cheating fuckwit!" I snorted some more, laughing at my perverse taste in blokes.
"Yeah you really didn't have a lot of success there," Karine offered, a smile gracing her features, as if she was trying not to laugh too.
"I mean Wood alone should be enough to send me to therapy for a while. You know, I still can't understand that boy!"
"I got that when I was with Oliver too," Karine replied pensively and I looked back up at her and remembered suddenly that Karine and I shared more than a taste in gossip and the frivolities of Hogwarts; we shared an ex.
"Tell me, was he always so hot and cold with you when you were going out with him?"
Karine paused for a minute and I honestly believed that she wouldn't answer my question, when she finally replied.
"He was always obsessed with Quidditch when we were going out. I don't know," Karine paused again, contemplating some more. "I suppose it was different for us because I really don't get the sport, while you do. Strange, that it didn't work out better for you guys, considering you're both obsessed with it."
"I suppose it is odd, but then again you need more than a love for a sport, as I found out the hard way." I laughed bitterly again, this time at the strangeness that was Wood and I. It felt freeing talking to Karine about Wood, as she could understand where I was coming from more so than the girls ever could.
"But that's not the most confusing part of the whole Wood saga," I commented and Karine looked at me, her interest piqued. "He's being really nice to me these last couple of weeks and I really don't know what to make of it."
"Yeah?" Karine asked, encouraging me to tell her more. I wasn't quite sure whether I could tell Karine what Wood had told me in confidence, considering she was his ex-girlfriend and I paused, wondering how to express myself.
"I don't know. It's almost like he feels guilty about something and that's why he sits next to be in class and hasn't been an asshole in a few weeks, but I've no idea why. Sure the bloke should feel guilty about treating me like shit, but it only started after I broke up with Roger. It makes no sense whatsoever!"
"Did you try asking him about it?" Karine offered helpfully and I raised an eyebrow at her statement. She threw her hands into the air and added quickly. "I know, stupid question."
"I don't know, maybe he feels bad for me," I mused aloud and then paused as I thought that out. I shrugged and then looked back into the fire, adding, "He told me a bit about when you guys broke up, which makes me think that he was trying to make me feel better."
"He spoke about me?" Karine asked me, tone filled with disbelief. Her brow wrinkled in confusion and she seemed to sit up straighter in her seat, legs straightened out under her.
"Yeah, just what it was like for him when you guys broke up," I replied, wondering how much I could divulge to Karine. She was a good friend, but I felt that what Wood told me was meant to be in confidence.
"You know you can tell me. I won't say anything," Karine added helpfully and I smiled at her and nodded my head.
"I know and there really isn't much else to say on it."
"You know a lot about what was reported about the break-up between Oliver and I was completely exaggerated. That isn't me," Karine spoke, her voice quiet and soft.
I realised then that while Wood might have told me the truth, his truth was very biased. We all knew how much Wood disliked Karine; their public spats over the past year were evidence to that, but it never crossed my mind that he himself might have an agenda. I honestly didn't know whom I should believe. It all came down to whom I trusted and believed more, and while Wood might have been really nice to me these pat two weeks, Karine has never treated me like shit. Ultimately it was quite easy whom to believe.
I hated taking sides; but this one was a no-brainer. Wood had already made that decision for me when he dumped me so cruelly a few months ago and no matter how nice he was acting now that didn't erase it. I was on team Karine.
My breath was crisp and came out in small white puffs of air as I walked through the empty corridors of Hogwarts castle. It was dinnertime, not a soul was around and I liked it. The cardigan that I had bundled myself up with upon leaving Gryffindor tower was scratching my bare arms and so I rubbed the spot and pulled the uncooperative garment higher up my shoulders. All around me, Hagrid and the house elves had already begun the task of decorating the castle with Christmas decorations. As I walked past, a suit of armour creaked under the amount of tinsel that had been strewn around its head.
I loved Christmas, I really did, but I couldn't get into the mood yet. I dug my hands into my cardigan pocket and pulled out the Walkman that had been charmed to play despite Hogwarts' magical interference and popped the headphones on my head. Rewinding the tape, I stopped until I found the song and a second later the melody to Nat King Cole's classic Christmas Song blared out of them.
I didn't know exactly why I wasn't in the spirit, but the soothing voice of Nat King Cole began to eat away at any troubles or fears I had had, sending me into a blissful state of nirvana. I walked on and smiled as I spotted a sprig of mistletoe, perched in between the large clumps of holly that adorned the arch of a corridor. Peeves up ahead, was gliding through the air and cackling to himself and I quickly veered off into another corridor, lest he start harassing me with jinxed mistletoe or tinsel.
I dug my hand into the other pocket of my cardigan and pulled up a folded letter I had received from my uncle that morning. I opened it and scanned over the pages, my eyes lighting up with some Muggle observation of his, or another new band he had discovered. This time it was some band called Oasis that he saw at a gig in Manchester and insisted I hear before they get big and release their debut album.
I sighed and gingerly folded up the letter again, before returning it to its place in my cardigan pocket. Okay, so maybe I had an inclination as to why I was feeling out of spirits. It had been a long while since I had felt homesick while still at Hogwarts and it was a very unusual feeling. It also seemed completely silly that I suddenly start missing my family when I'm only days away from seeing them again. But I guess it never made sense before. Instead a pushed up the volume and hummed along to the song as I made my way aimlessly down the corridors of Hogwarts castle, letting the words of the song overflow me.
"Although it's been said many times many ways; Merry Christmas to you..."
I was in a brilliant mood and frankly I didn't care who would see me or comment on it. Having just spent the last two hours in the company of Abby and Ethan, joking, analysing, messing and teasing Ethan mercilessly in the Great Hall had completely eradicated any feeling of homesickness that I had been suffering from before. I marched into the Gryffindor common room, portrait door banging loudly behind me as I sang to myself.
"When you first took my hand on a cold Christmas Eve, you promised me Broadway was waiting for me." I sang shrilly, which elicited a few raised eyebrows and whisperings from the years below me - my year had long ago accepted my eccentric need to sing Muggle music aloud in public.
"Margate, what's with the singing?" Wood queried, eyebrow raised as he walked towards me from where he had been slouched on one of the sofas. I ignored his comments, just grinned at him and continued on.
"You were handsome, you were pretty, Queen of New York city", I sang to him, dropping a hand on his shoulder and tapping it patronisingly. He just continued to stare at me and I sang on. "When the band finished playing they yelled out for more. Sinatra was swinging, all the drunks they were singing, we kissed in a corner and danced through the night."
Seeing that Wood was being about as stiff as his namesake, I sighed and added. "Come on Wood, lighten up! It's just a Muggle Christmas song. Don't tell me you're going to turn into a Christmas Grinch on me." I laughed when I saw the confused look on his face, making my way towards the sofas next to the fireplace and I saw that Wood was following me. I plopped down and when I saw that he still didn't know what I was on about, I clarified.
"It's a Muggle reference. It means you're anti-Christmas."
"I resent that Margate," Wood implored, crossing his arms across his chest and looking like a grumpy child, which made me laugh even more. He sat down next to me and I moved over to give him more space and also so my body wouldn't touch his. Wood didn't seem to notice the action and instead slouched down and stretched out his long legs, kicking off his shoes in the process. He turned his head over to look at me and I squirmed slightly in my seat, realising how close Wood and I were, and the fact that it was done willingly. I pulled my legs up under me and dropped my hands onto my lap.
"So what was that song you were singing?" Wood inquired, curious. His hands seemed to have found one of the frayed edges of the covering on the sofa, pulling at the loose threads absently.
"It's this Christmas song that's about this poor immigrant couple in New York. The man keeps talking and dreaming of how he's gonna make it big but in reality they're just a couple of drunkards who will never amount to anything and their relationship is quite rocky so they're constantly throwing insults at each other," I said, alternating between looking at him and into the crackling fire. I smiled as a memory of being eleven years old, home for the first time from Hogwarts for Christmas and sitting in the sitting room with my uncle listening to the song on the radio flashed back to me. It had been a very nice Christmas.
"Well that's not very Christmas-y," Wood commented, a frown marring his features.
"It's not meant to be. It reminds us that not everything is perfect and rosy, especially this time of year," I countered and Wood shrugged his shoulders non-committal. Silence enveloped us and I began shifting uncomfortably in my seat again, picking up my hands, running them through my hair and dropping them back onto my lap again. Wood seemed to be similarly engrossed in the silence, because his eyes kept flickering from the fire in front of us to his hands and then up to me and back again. I didn't know what to do; yet I wasn't uncomfortable enough to get up and leave either. It was a strange silence, but not entirely unwelcome.
"So you looking forward to that Weird Sisters gig over Christmas?" Wood asked, pulling one of his legs toward him and propping it up on the sofa.
"Yeah I am," I replied smiling at the prospect. "We've almost got it sorted out with the backstage passes and we're going to stay over at Ethan's that night, so that's gonna be a bit mental."
"Do yourself a favour and stay away from his family's pet cat. The thing is manic and will try and kill you," Wood exclaimed and I laughed at him, not believing a single word.
"Awww Wood, you afraid of a tiny little cat?" I cooed at him and he scowled at me, which caused me to burst out laughing again.
"The thing is bloody dangerous!" he cried and his Scottish accent thickened the more annoyed he became. I just laughed even harder and he narrowed his eyes, crying out. "Wheesht you!" I rolled over and plopped down onto the arm of the sofa, clutching my stomach in laughter. Wiping away the tears from my eyes, I sat back upright and grinned at him.
"I'm sorry. I don't mean to make your traumatic moment seem insignificant," I replied, mocking him with every fibre of my body and loving it.
"The thing bloody attacked me!" Wood exclaimed and then lifted up his jumper and t-shirt to show me the side of his chest. I gulped and the laughter slid off my face as I looked at Wood's toned abdomen. It took me a moment to realise he was pointing at a scar below his last rib on the right side of his waist. I leaned down and looked at it properly, though in the dim light it was quite hard to see.
Wood huffed some more and then pulled out his wand and uttered, "Lumos."
In the wand-light I was able to see three long scars, running parallel to each other and half an inch in length. It looked pretty painful and I winced at the thought of receiving it, before realising that I could smell Wood's scent from being so close to him. He smelled masculine and wasn't wearing any after-shave, which I always liked. I realised it was a little too close for my liking and pulled back, sitting upright.
"Did you get into a scuffle with the cat?" I teased and he rolled his eyes at me. I brought up my hands and rolled them into fists, pretending to punch him in the arm. Wood just stared stoically at me and I sighed, exasperated. "Come on Wood. You've gotten so many chances to tease me over the years; now it's my turn!"
"Fine, do with me what you must!" Wood replied dramatically and I grinned at him, bringing my legs up to my chin so that our positions were mirroring each other.
We lapsed into a comfortable silence and a thought struck me of how companionable the last half hour had been. We hadn't squabbled more than what is usual for us, and even stranger it didn't hold any undercurrents of resentment or desire. In fact, if people didn't know us, they might presume us to be nothing more than platonic friends. It was a very odd feeling indeed, but after months of stress, agitation and hoopla it felt very refreshing. It almost felt like all the months of tears and stress I went through weren't for some pointless act, but a reason.
"So how are you doing, Margate?" Wood asked, glancing over at me and I shrugged my shoulders.
"You know, people have been asking me that a lot this last week!" I snorted and dropped my shoulders, letting my arms fall to my sides. I turned to face Wood and saw that he was staring at me. "What?" I added, unsure why he could possibly be staring at me like that.
"It's because they care, strange as the concept might seem," he replied, his voice devoid of any emotion, although that one eyebrow of his had been raised again.
"That's fine, but I wish people would stop treating me like a fragile doll. I'm honestly fine. The whole thing was pretty embarrassing and humiliating, but I'm fine now. I even had a chat with Roger about those stupid rumours and everything's alright!" I replied, a little exasperated that I constantly have to repeat myself and that people really don't want to believe me. I propped my chin up on my knees and stared at my feet. I really needed to buy new socks.
"Davies is a goon!" Wood muttered and I laughed at his strange Scottish slang that had been propping up more and more in recent weeks.
"Goon!" I giggled, repeating the word. "Karine said that too, only her choice of word wasn't quite as entertaining!" Wood stiffened beside me, though I was hardly aware as I remembered the conversation she and I had yesterday. "But she says that all her exes are like that."
"What was Karine saying about me?" Wood spoke, his tone suddenly devoid of the warmth it held but minutes before.
"Nothing much, just that things were exaggerated and blown out of proportion and you know she's probably right. You know how the gossip mill in Hogwarts can get like," I shrugged, feeling that I was suddenly stepping into very dangerous territory. The darkening scowl on Wood's face confirmed my suspicion and I wished I could side step this conversation that was inevitably coming.
"Oh really Margate?" Wood asked, tone disbelieving as he stared hard at me.
"Yes I do. She's a perfectly lovely person!"
"And what else have you told this 'perfectly lovely person'?" Wood's tone had descended into icy and I shrunk back subconsciously from the anger that was radiating off him.
I probably should have said something placating, lied through my teeth and tried to get out of the conversation as soon as humanly possible, but the gift of foresight was never one I possessed; plus I was always far too stubborn.
"Well for one, how you can be the most infuriating person ever! You're so hot and cold with me it gives me headaches, A few weeks ago you were a right bastard to me and yet this last week you've gone out of your way to include yourself in my life and be nice to me!" I huffed, letting the grievances come flooding out. "I mean you thrive on being so mysterious, but as soon as something comes along you can't control you distance yourself from it. You were no different with her than you were with me and it's bloody irritating."
"You've some fucking cheek talking to Karine about me!" Wood hissed dropping his legs onto the floor and sending some pretty icy glances my way.
I glared at him in return and replied fiercely. "I can talk to whoever I want, Wood. This is a bloody free country and so what do you care if I did talk to her?"
"Seriously Margate; I tell you private things about her and you can't even wait a fucking day before you go running off to her?"
"She's my friend!" I declared loudly.
"And she's a fucking bitch who will tear you to shreds no matter what, you mark my words!" Wood bellowed back, standing up in agitation and scowling down at me from his impressive height.
"Just because you can't stand her, doesn't mean the rest of us have to treat her the same!" I replied shrilly, standing up myself so we could at least be on equal footing, but I would never be with Wood. "Did the thought ever cross your mind that maybe your judgement is clouded because of your resentment against her? I mean seriously, we've all been cheated on by others; it doesn't make you that special!"
Wood took a step back and expelled a breath of air as he eyed me critically, his face impassive. "So that's honestly how you feel about her?"
"Yes!" I ground out, exasperated that we were fighting about the same topic again. "She has never done anything wrong to me and I'm not about to treat her like she has just because you say so!"
"And the thought of maybe staying away from her for me never crossed your mind?" Wood asked angrily.
"Why would I Wood? You dumped me after all. I don't owe you anything!" I thundered in return, my hands on my hips, which must have looked intimidating even for my stature, because Wood pulled back and refused to meet my eyes. He shrugged to himself and shoved his hands into his trouser pockets before he finally looked up at me again.
"You know what Margate?" he said listlessly, finally gazing down at me and I saw that the anger had drained from his face. "Fuck this entire thing and fuck you. Do whatever the hell you want, because I don't care anymore. I'm done!" With that he shrugged one last time and turned around, walking away from me.
"Oh no you don't!" I yelled after him. I stomped up to him, running just to catch up with his long strides and placed myself right in front of him, barely inches apart. By this time we had reached the staircase leading up to the boy's dormitories and I leaned my back against the banister.
"You can't keep blowing me off just because I said something you don't agree with! Stop playing me so hot and cold and have a real discussion with me!" I was frustrated beyond belief and I wanted more than anything that Wood would just look at me, but he kept avoiding my eye contact. I pushed myself well into his personal space in the hopes that he might give me some form of a reaction, but he just took another step back.
"Move out of the way, Margate," Wood replied dispassionately. He took my arm and moved me out of the way before climbing the staircase up to the seventh year boys' dormitory. I whirled around on the spot and let out a cry of frustration, before stomping back to the sofa where we had just been sitting and plopping down on it again. I crossed my arms, but got up again in agitation and started walking towards the fireplace.
The nerve of that boy! To attack me because I was friends with Karine and he popped up as a topic of conversation? It was beyond unreasonable and I was so sick and tired of always having the same argument with him leading to the same results. He despised Karine and the prospect of anyone else liking her or even talking to her was so reprehensible that this was the second time he shut me out.
"Fucking idiot!" I yelled out in frustration and saw that a few third years had raised their heads from their homework and were sending disparaging glances my way. I just glared at them and turned around again, facing the fireplace. I didn't have time for third years anyway.
Wood was right about one thing; this whole thing was so beyond over for the both of us. I resented him more than ever because he kept playing with me and I really couldn't forgive him. That was obvious, even if I was still enraged. I flopped down onto the sofa and pulled my legs up towards me, letting out a deep sigh. The anger was dissipating and I could feel it ebbing away out of my body, but the determination remained. It seemed he couldn't trust me to be real with me and I knew I wouldn't be able to respect a person who treated me so atrociously.
Well screw Wood and his inability to make up his mind. I was done!
An icy cold December morning was what finally pulled me out of the troubled sleep I had been having all night. The dreams, though vague, were filled with battles and exertion, of running and screaming; yet none of it was decipherable. I didn't know who my enemy was or why I was battling them, but the over-all theme of the dreams couldn't have been clearer. It seemed even in sleep Wood plagued me, and the fight we had.
The fight itself shouldn't have bothered me as much as it did; we have often fought before, but this one felt different. It felt personal and filled with so much hatred and anger that I wasn't even aware he could possess. He had always seemed like such an aloof and mild character; the most that would bother him would be Quidditch, but the anger he displayed towards me the night before threw all those assertions out the bloody window.
I rubbed my eyes free of sleep and pushed the bird's nest of my hair out of my face. As the covers dropped to my legs the coldness of the room hit me again like a tonne of bricks and I shivered momentarily. Pausing because of the cold I finally dropped the first foot onto the wooden floor and pulled myself out of bed.
I grabbed a pair of jogging pants and jumper with some clean underwear before heading towards the bathroom and a scalding hot shower to wake up my muscles and my mind.
As the pressure of the water beat down onto my back did the subject of the fight return. I was caught off-guard by the fat tears that leaked from my eyes and slowly began sliding down my face. I quickly tried to rub them away, but found that the dam had been breached and a torrent was now pouring down my cheeks. I held back a sob, but found it to be futile and a few minutes later I found myself leaning against the cold tile wall of the shower sobbing my heart out over a boy that neither cared nor liked me. Wood's angry face distorted by rage kept swimming in front of my eyes and that would make the tears worse until it felt that my heart would break in two.
Five minutes later the storm had subsided and I was finally surfacing again. The tears had stopped and my ribcage only felt like a dull ache after it all. I sniffed a few more times before turning the tap off and letting the cold air envelop me once more. I grabbed a towel and began the slow process of dressing and readying myself for the day.
I don't think I would ever understand why Wood had unleashed so much hatred toward me and I hoped this feeling of being lost in an almighty big world would disappear too, but for the day I knew it wouldn't.
I never realised before this morning how important Wood had been in my life, in one form or the other. Though we had only been going out for a few weeks, he had always been there; whether it was to spar with, to prove something to or even just to have someone to talk to. Wood had felt like someone as integral to my Hogwarts life as Abby or the girls or Aiden and Nathan.
But I knew what we had wouldn't be the same again. Maybe we had never really truly been friends, because the boy that was roaring at me the night before hadn't been the Wood that I knew. But then again, how much did I really know about him? I knew he was an only child and what his parents were called, but aside from his interests, his friends or what subjects he took in school I didn't know much else. How had it been, that after all those months I know so little of the boy that has had such a monumental impact on my final year? Either way it was all for nought. I somehow knew, that any chance Wood and I had at repairing our friendship was now gone and that was something I had to accept.
There are many reasons to fight; some fight for life, others fight for love, you fight for someone and with others. You fight in arenas or on the street, and some fight for gold, others for respect or revenge. And some fight just for the hell of it.
It does not matter how to define the word fight, whether you give it the properties of a noun or a verb. To fight is always a strong word that is never taken lightly. One doesn't fight for something they are apathetic about. That's how Wood and I were. We weren't apathetic how we felt about each other; he was filled with anger and many other disagreeable feelings, while I was filled with frustration and despair. Neither of us had been mild the night before and even in the cold hard light of day those feelings hadn't changed.
As I said before, there are so many reasons to fight but right now all of them seem utterly pointless to me.
The cold hadn't disappeared since yesterday, but at least the fog had cleared by morning-time, so by the time we were making our way onto the small platform in Hogsmeade, the sun had started to pierce its way through the clouds and illuminate the village and the castle on the hillside in a warm glow. All around us the students of Hogwarts were talking excitedly about their plans for the Christmas break and I watched their faces change from delight to curiosity and back again.
It was finally Sunday afternoon, the moment I had been looking forward to for the last week; the moment we would finally board the Hogwarts Express and head home. And even though, it had been the thought of this moment that had gotten me through the last week, I wasn't happy.
Wood was the cause of that.
"Come on Chrissie, we'd better get a compartment before they're all gone," Abby called out, tugging at my arm as she adjusted her long Gryffindor scarf around her neck.
By sheer coincidence, all four of us including Aiden were going home this Christmas period and we used these last few hours to just relax and bond. With Tess having almost completely disappeared now that Joshua was as smitten with her as she was with him; and Jackie working furiously on her NEWT studies, our group of five had lately been reduced down to three. I was glad to at the very least have Aiden and Abby around, but I had to admit it was nice to have the entire group reunited again. It would have been much better if Ethan had been there too, but that was a lost cause after the fight with Wood.
I sighed. There was no use worrying over spilled milk, or missing his presence. It was altogether a fruitless thing to do.
"I'm gonna miss Hogwarts these next two weeks," Tess declared to no one in particular and we all stared at her, baffled and a little shocked.
"Why?" Abby queried, her face showing clearly how much she disbelieved Tess' statement.
"Look around you. It's so peaceful and pretty here. I'm gonna miss that back in Cardiff."
We all looked around and realised it was actually very pretty around us. The icicles on the trees hadn't quite melted yet and the thick frost and ice still clung to the leaves and blades of grass, giving the whole picture a silvery hue.
"It is beautiful," I responded and we took in the scene for a moment, ignoring the bustling people around us, the noise coming from the train, the screeching of the owls, rats and assortment of pets, the scraping noise of school trunks being dragged across the flagged platform and just enjoyed the beauty.
"Well, it's time to go home now," Jackie sighed, breaking the spell and we all snapped out of the trance, picked up our belongings and headed towards the train.
It was at that moment that I spotted Wood. The crowds ahead of us parted and I saw his profile from afar; knowing instantly it was him. He was standing with Ethan and a few other boys, his heavy overcoat on and Gryffindor scarf tied around his neck, that amber hair of his messy from the wind. Our eyes caught one another and I realised that even from afar his eyes were still as strikingly green as ever. I wanted to wave or say something, but knew I couldn't and the stony look on his face told me he wasn't going to take back what he had said. Ethan spotted me, waved and smiled, but Wood had already looked away. I waved back a little unsure and boarded the train. When I looked back over my shoulder, the crowds had closed the gap again and they were lost among the throng of people once more. Sighing, I turned back to my friends and pulled myself up the small rung and disappeared into the Hogwarts Express bound for home.
A/N's: I'm back! And this time I'm actually gonna be updating more often.
I'll see you guys at the next chapter. Until then, pretty please leave a review!
Agrolass
xxx
