Part of something.
I was in two minds. I was so happy that I was finally, I don't know what you'd call it, reconnecting with Gordo, and that he had even invited me to meet his friends. And then there was the Rueben issue, part of me had wished I had said no to going to Theo's houses yesterday, just so I could have saved myself from the awkward situation I had found myself in.
Last night I literally felt like a ton of bricks had fallen on my head. What the fuck did "for bad timing.." mean anyway?! At least it was Saturday I had the next two day to do nothing but contemplate this and laze around in my P.j's watching bad day time TV, heaven when in comparison to school.
I didn't really know what to do about Gordo, or Dave, it was so surreal that we were even talking again. Last night, on the roof, I had felt like no time had passed at all since we were best friends. Of course it was alien to see him around his new friends, they were so different from people I would have imagined Gordo with a year ago, mainly because that was me and Lizzie. But he seem so much more comfortable and aware of him self now, it was almost like he'd found people he could be like that with.
I sat down heavily on my bed as the phone rang, it was stupid, but I thought for one second, maybe it was Rueben, I knew in a million years it never would be. He didn't even have my number.
I picked up the receiver wirily.
"Hey, Mir, is that you?" Gordo's voice rang down the line.
"Yeah, hey, Dave." I said, slightly shocked that he even remembered my number.
"So, yeah, I just wanted to know if you were ok, you seemed to leave in a bit of a rush last night, weren't you having a good time?" He asked, honest concern in his voice.
I admit that the new confident Gordo intimidated me slightly, just because he seemed so sure of him self and then there was me, completely polar opposites, I was completely unsure of myself. My mum maintained I was in my 'awkward stage' I felt like the only one in this stage though.
"Oh, I'm sorry about that, I was having a good time, a really good time." I regretted the enthusiasm that brought, it made me seem desperate and lame, although I was, it was the last thing I wanted to admit.
"Good… So anyway, I was wondering if your not busy today," he probably knew I wasn't, "if you wanted to do something? Maybe go to that café we went to the other day?" was he asking me out?
"No, I mean yeah, the would be good." I replied, trying to detract as much as I could the happiness I was feeling that he was asking me to do something.
"Cool, so say 1:30, in The Green, ok?"
"Yep, I'll see you there then." I said
"Bye then Mir." and the line went dead.
It was completely irrationally but my mind was racing with possibilities, was this a date? Did he want this to be a date? Did Gordo like me? It was improbable by all means, I knew that. It didn't stop me wanted to try and at least look a bit nicer then my usual look.
Rooting around I found all the clothes I had completely forgotten about, the bright colours that used to be continuing theme in my wardrobe, now shoved to the back, to make way for all the new normalish clothes I had brought when my past became my past.
This was truly crazy I thought as I made my way to the bus stop, I look like I am trying far too hard, I sighed as I mulled this over. I was wearing pretty much what I wore to school but I'd gone all out on my makeup, my skin was flawless but I insisted today on putting foundation on, I was wear blush and everything. Part of me was petrified he would notice and wonder why I was trying so hard, and part of me, the part I was trying to completely deny existed, wanted him so notice so badly.
He sat by the window, undoubtedly with a chi tea, I still had no idea what a chi tea even was. He was gazing out of the window, for some reason my mind flashed back to when we were in middle school and how Gordo would just zone out sometimes, and how young he'd look, like a little boy. He saw me and stood up as I walked over.
"Hey Mir, you look really nice." He smiled. I needed have worn blusher my cheeks were doing a good enough job of going red now anyway.
"Thank you, you too." Idiot…
As he stood up and hugged me I realised how tall he's gotten, and how much he'd changed, he hair was still a floppy brown mess of curls, but his face had matured, the bone structure had emerged. My mom had always maintained that Gordo would be a 'handsome young man' as he grew up. I think I'd only just realised she was right. "Sorry." He grinned "I ordered you a black coffee, I thought that's what you would have wanted." It was.
"Yeah, thanks." I smiled. Now the awkwardness of the situation came flooding back to me. What was I meant to say?
"So, my friends all really liked you." He said, breaking the ice, I was secretly elated at this news, I'd been so worried about what they'd have all thought about me.
"yeah, there all really nice, I'm glad you've found such a good group of friends." I realised the awkwardness would now triple, I bet he thought I was trying to make him feel guilty about not hanging round with me for the past year. I bit my lip and looked at the table.
"Yeah…" He trailed off.
Oh god, I am such an idiot, I thought.
"So you know Rueb?" He asked, I was glad he'd said something to be honest, even if this subject was even more complicated then the prior. "Rueben?" He said not thinking I understood the shortened version. I had understood completely.
"Yes, I do, he actually saved me, I nearly got hit by a car and he pushed me out of the way." I said, hoping I hadn't conveyed the deeper feelings I felt for Rueben.
"Yeah, he mentioned that when he came back." Gordo nodded. "So he walked you home?" He questioned, I looked up from my coffee to find his eyes intently looking at mine. This threw me off, I felt like he was inside my brain, listening to my thoughts.
"Yeah, well, I think he was just worried I was still a bit shook up about the whole accident thing." I replied, trying to avert his intense stare.
"Are you?" He questioned, giving up on prying thought my brain and settling for a more comfortable subject.
"I suppose, a bit, it was a bit of a shock when it happened. You know to think that I could have died."
"Yeah, must have been pretty scary." He smiled a warm smile. I remember all the times we'd had, how much fun we had all had, it made me sad sitting here, with him, but with out Lizzie.
Conversation went smoothly, it was surprising about how much we ended up being able to talk about. It was weird, pretty much since the start of high school, I hadn't been a part of his life and vice versa. I'd thought we were part of two separate, completely different, universes. But now hearing him talk about how awkward things had been, and how much he'd regretted the whole me, him and Lizzie situation. It made me realises how similar our "universes" had actually been all the time.
"So what about you Sanchez." He joked "Any body on the scene for you." I assumed he meant a guy, main problem being I really honestly didn't know.
"No, I've been living in my own personal bubble for the whole year, I don't get the chance to meet any guys." I laughed. But I looked at his face, it looked sad.
"I am so sorry Mir.. I really am, I really just never meant for things to turn out like this." He said looking out the window at the busy street below.
"Don't worry about it." I replied, although it really brought back how much the passed year had hurt, being left all alone, I had been angry and lonely for so long.
"See that's you Mir, your so loving and forgiving. I love that about you." He beamed at me, " you know, I know it doesn't make up for what a bastard I've been too you, but I hope that we can get passed it now, and you know, be friends again." He said, a weary smile on his face. "I've really missed you Mir.." He trailed off, looking at me, as though he were waiting for me to tell him I hated him and would never be friends with him again.
"I've missed you too," was all I really could say. Because I had missed him, a lot.
"So, you know, I was wondering if you wanted to come to this party with me tonight? I mean it isn't going to be anything special, just a few people at Theo's, kind of like last night. So are you up for it?" He smiled at me.
"Why not." I didn't have anything better to do, and I was enjoying being part of something again to tell the truth.
Yet another authors note: So I hope this was liked and grammar and spelling her slightly better, I realises its one of my weaknesses. I did re-read this, I hope that it is slightly less flawed. Reviews, as always, would be nice, just to know what everyone thought and anything people didn't like about it ect... So yeah, Thanks muchly.
