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Tourniquet

Digidestend Angel

I do NOT own Victorious

Chapter Nine

I Lay Dying

Hold on to me love
you know I can't stay long
all i wanted to say was, "I love you and I'm not afraid"
can you hear me?
can you feel me in your arms? – My Last Breath

Beck pulled up to the school around 4 the next day, dreading the next session. Everyone was home already, since school gets out at 3:15. Andre, Tori, Jade, and Robbie had barely just arrived at the hospital before Beck was supposed to leave. Apparently, they wanted to grab a few Red Velvet Cupcakes and some flowers, along with a human size balloon of "Detective Blow-Whole" before visiting. They vowed to Beck that they'd stay until Beck came back. He didn't want Cat alone…not in the state she was in. She tried to look happy when she saw the balloon, flowers, and cupcakes, but nothing could hold back the tears of sadness.

He stepped out of the car and was surprised when he saw Lane sitting at a bench out front. He walked up to him. "Hey, Lane."

Lane looked up from his coffee cup and smiled. "Beck, there you are." He stood up. "Ready for our next session?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Let's walk around, shall we? It'll be better to get some fresh air. I know talking about all these things pain you." Lane said to Beck.

"How are you going to write things down though?" Beck asked in confusion.

Lane pulled out a little device out of his pocket. "This." He pressed "Record". "Ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever get." Beck mumbled as they started walking into the school doors.

"How was Cat today?" Lane asked to make conversation, just to start somewhere. He was positive Cat's health and state would be a best way to start the session.

"She had a rough night last night." Beck replied, sticking his hands in his pockets. "She had a nightmare…and woke up very confused. She was sweaty and shaky, it was scaring her."

"Did she tell you what her nightmare was about?" Lane asked in concern.

"Yeah." Beck looked angry with himself. "Me. I killed myself by slitting my wrists in front of Cat, telling her I hated her and that I never needed her, nor did I ever want her around, and that if she hadn't bothered me all month, I would've been fine." He shivered. "Damn…the hurt and fear in her eyes was something I don't want to see ever again. She wouldn't let me go all day. When they even tried to take her blood pressure or letting her walk around to see if she was stable enough to even use the restroom, she refused to let me go. She hadn't stopped crying either."

"How'd she take you leaving for this appointment?"

"At first, she didn't want me to go, but when I reminded her what it was for, she…she let me go." Beck gulped. "I know it was hard for her to do…she was still crying when I walked out of the room. Tori was holding her and rocking her back and forth, while Andre had her hand. Jade promised me she'd make sure Cat would be perfectly fine. Robbie…was Robbie. Every single one of them gave me their word that they wouldn't leave her side. Even after all of that, it still broke my heart to leave her."

"I guess so." Lane sighed. "Beck, it's time we discuss…what happened."

Beck nodded. "I know…but let's start in the morning of that day. It may make more sense to what happened."

"AHH!"

Beck rolled off the couch in shock. He immediately untangled himself from the sheet and blankets, getting up and rushing over to Cat, who was shaking violently in the bed.

"Cat!" He yelled, grabbing her shoulders and making her stop thrashing around. "Cat, stop!"

Cat gasped as her eyes snapped open. She was breathing heavily and whimpering. "Beck? Beck!" She forced herself up and into his arms, her body was stiff and achy. "Oh, Beck!" She sobbed in his chest as she gripped his t-shirt. "It was scary! It was so scary! Eep!"

Beck was hardly functioning to keep himself strong for her. "Cat, what happened?"

"You…you were mad that I was helping you!" Cat cried out. "You woke me up and told me you hated me and how much I was bothering you and how it's my fault you started cutting in the first place because I bugged you too much! You slapped me and punched me, threw me against the wall, and then you started cutting with a big knife on your arm right in front of me! I tried to stop you, but you told me to go to…you know…h-e-l-l…and then you stabbed me in the stomach with the big knife!"

Beck was beside himself. "Wait-what? Cat...what kind of freaking nightmare is THAT?"

Cat flinched at his tone. "I'm sorry!"

"No, no, no, don't be sorry." Beck took a deep breath. "No, this isn't your fault. You can't control what you dream." He rested his head on top of hers as she continued to cry in his chest. "Nothing I said in that dream was true. I love having you around. I'd never lay a finger on you to harm you. There's no way I'd make it a day without you. I love you."

Cat gasped and sat up, leaning away from him.

When he recalled his words, his eyes widened.

"Uh…" He chuckled nervously. "I was planning on making that a little more romantic…"

Cat giggled through her sadness and fear. "So you love me?"

"Yes." Beck nodded firmly. "I love you so much. I could never hate you. You're not any of the reasons why I was cutting. You could NEVER bother me."

Cat's little lips broke into a smile. "I love you too." She said in a shy, small voice, and blushed.

Beck smiled back and kissed her.

"That should've been the biggest red light Mother Nature could've sent me that day." Beck said to Lane. "Cat never had nightmares. At least, not since she had lived with me for that whole month. I should've known something was really wrong."

"How was she when you both were getting ready for school?"

"Weak, nervous."

Cat sat on the couch, looking at her nails. She was shaking and sweating. She didn't know what was happening. She put her head in her hands, trying to shake the feeling. She was so confused on what was happening to her to the point she was quite frightened.

"Cat?" Beck's voice asked in worry as he took a seat next to her and put a hand on her back. "Baby, what's going on?"

"Um…I'm okay." Cat mumbled. She let out a shaky breath as she sat up again. She didn't want to look Beck in the eye. "What time is it?"

"It's time for you to eat breakfast." Beck went to stand up, but Cat shook her head. "What? Cat, you're shaking. You need to eat. I think you're blood sugar is low."

Cat looked up at him. "I hope not."

"Well it is." He put his arms around her and gently forced her to her feet. "Whoa, Cat…"

Cat stepped away from him. "Sorry."

"Cat, why are you so sweaty?" Beck tried to hold her again, but she shook him off.

Cat stood away from him, looking around. "I don't know…" She looked…confused…scared.

"You don't know what?" Beck asked, completely lost in what was going on.

"I don't know." Cat squeaked out before she buried her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking with sobs.

"Okay, that's it. You're staying home today." Beck told her as he tried to sit her down again, but Cat shook him off. "Cat, you're freaking delirious. You are staying home."

"NO!" Cat screamed. "I don't want to be alone!"

"Then I'll stay home with you."

"No!" Cat bit her lip. "You have that test in your French class. We stayed up late so you could study for that!"

Beck cursed himself. If he made her stay home, she'd panic on him. If he stayed home with her, she'd feel guilty that he'd miss his exam and panic all over again. "I'm worried about you though."

"No, no, don't be worried!" Cat told him. "I'm sorry that I'm worrying you! I'm sorry!"

"Cat, stop!" He grabbed her wrists tightly before she could have a panic attack. "You're not going to school and that's final!"

"But she went to school in the end." Beck sighed. "I still don't remember how she talked me into letting her go."

"What was going on with her?" Lane asked.

Beck ran his hands through his hair. "The doctor said her body was officially losing control. I didn't know she hadn't eaten in a few days. I thought she was eating small things here and there, but come to think of it…she wasn't eating at all. She said she didn't feel like she was hungry. She obviously wasn't sleeping well. She was stressing out about school and me…and not to mention, she was constantly worried about her health, which didn't help anything." Beck shook his head. "How did I not see any of this, Lane?"

"Beck, never in a million years would you have thought that the girl you love had something physically wrong with her. Cat's the best actress of our school. She can hide everything."

"But that day was too much for her to even hide." Beck mumbled. He winced.

He stepped out of his French class and walked quickly to Cat's classroom as the lunch bell rang out. Students were everywhere, but when her red head came out, he grinned, but soon frowned. She was pale and clammy looking. "Oh, Cat…" He wrapped his arms around her as she leaned against him. "My exam is done, babygirl. How about we head home?"

Cat shook her head. "No. I've made it this far. Let's just stay. I don't want to be responsible for you missing your classes."

Beck sighed, but let it go. He obviously wasn't going to win that one, as usual. Cat always won somehow.

They stood in the lunch line to grab their lunches, when Beck felt her small hand suddenly on his shoulder and gripped him harshly. He hissed at the pain as he turned back. "Damn, Cat, that hurts- Cat?" When she collapsed against him, he immediately grabbed her in his arms before she fell to the floor. "Cat! Cat, baby? No, no, Cat, wake up!" He looked up at the student behind them, who was staring at them in shock. "Call for an ambulance, please!" He begged in tears. The student nodded and took out his phone, while Beck looked back down at Cat, who was staring weakly at him. "Oh, my girl, what's wrong?" He asked her in desperation, cradling her tightly in his strong, protective hold.

She put a hand softly on his cheek. "Beck, I'm so sorry I kept this from you." She whispers.

"Babe, what did you keep from me?" He asked, his voice cracking.

"I have hypoglycemia." She told him. "I haven't been taking care of myself ever since I found out."

"What? Why?" He asked, as tears left his eyes.

"I don't care about me, Beck." She used her hands to wipe his tears away as everyone was fretting around them in the cafeteria. "I've been so worried about you, I just wanted to make sure you had all of my attention."

Beck shook his head. "No! Cat, you should've told me! I would've taken care of you!"

"Beck, you needed me more than I needed you." She whispered up at him. "I love you."

"I love you too." Beck pressed his forehead against hers. "I love you more than anything else in the world."

"That's why I didn't tell you." Cat smiled. "I know that I mean everything to you. You would've been so scared and stressed constantly, which could've caused you to cut. I don't want you cutting anymore. I want you safe and healthy."

Beck sobbed. "Cat."

Cat's eyes slowly closed.

"No…" Beck gulped as he shook her a little. "Cat, baby, Cat, stay with me!" As she went unconscious, he leaned his head down on her chest and heard no heartbeat or felt her breathing. "No! No, please, NO!" He sobbed violently, holding her limp body close to him. "Please, don't die!" He pleaded. "I need you!" He screamed suddenly, startling everyone around him. "CAT!"

Beck saw the bathroom in sight, so he ran towards it, leaving Lane there. He opened the door and ran into the first stall, vomiting.

He always hated that memory.


Xxxx4evaSummerxxxx, CourtsxBatFan, CubeFistMan, Glittergirl123, Beriisvictorious, VictoriousForever10, MusicManiac, LittleMissVictorious (Your profile picture is too cute!): Thank you guys for reviewing :) Let's shoot for 10 or more reviews for the next chapter! Please. Also, there's only two more chapters left! YUP! The 11th chapter will be the last one! SO review!