Chapter Nine: Darkness and Shadows
"Famine?" I whisper, sitting in the center of our bed, watching Wilhelm ready himself after we had retired for the evening. "Where?"
"Ireland; His Royal Highness is much aggrieved," he replies, unknotting his tie and unbuttoning his vest. "The queen has called for Peel to send funds or something like that to assuage it, but I'm afraid Peel has refused to do so."
"Refused?" I cry out then, my eyes widening at the apparent callousness of our esteemed Prime Minister. "Surely Peel would never—"
"But he has," Wilhelm tells me quietly, shaking his head and kneeling beside me upon the bed, kissing my forehead before returning to undressing. "Hopefully it shall not spread here..."
"Dear God, no," I whisper, turning my head to the immaculate bassinet beside our bed, where our third daughter and youngest child, six-month-old Charlotte, was now sleeping. "To actually have to go through famine and the risk of losing your loved ones..." I shake my head. "Mayhap Victoria will want us to send our babies back to Rosings..."
"All of them?" Wilhelm asked.
I turn to look up at him then. "No, of course not. We can hardly send Toria away, now can we? She is over three now and quite used to Princess Vicky. They are devoted to one another, and though I still do not approve of Lehzen assisting in the raising of our daughter..."
"His Royal Highness brings it up with Her Majesty nearly every week," Wilhelm tells me, squeezing my shoulder as he leans over to unlace his shoes. "We cannot give up hope now. And besides, now that the queen has decreed that she will decide in the coming months for Maria Anna or Charlotte to be a companion to Princess Alice, we must abide with them here."
"Until the rejected daughter is sent home and into the care of my mother and father?" I ask, a wry smile forming on my lips. I wait for Wilhelm to come to bed and it comforts me when he does so; he pulls back the coverlets and slides in behind me, and I lean up against him for support, feeling his strength go forward and into me, and I am at peace, despite all the devastation and turmoil in Ireland, and wonder if Peel will change his mind. "This is a terrible, terrible time, Wilhelm, and I know you must be occupied with the thoughts of His Royal Highness, my love, and yet I..."
"Much occupied, meine geliebte, yes," Wilhelm says, leaning down and kissing my temple, "but never to occupied to listen to you. Is there something you wished to discuss? Shall we journey home? We've not been back since we lost our dear little Willy..."
I nodded; I could easily discuss our son's death without sobbing now, but only just, and knew that we could now dwell upon that conversation topic long. "I know, and perhaps we shall, and soon, my darling. But I am afeard that, with the recent developments in Ireland, perhaps Victoria shall have need of me. You know she likes me to assist her with strategy..."
Wilhelm smiles against my cheek. "I know, meine geliebte—the prince and I are quite the same, and have been since we were boys. Prince Ernest, on the other hand, would much prefer to guess at which ladies he could easily persuade to come out to the balcony with him..."
I turn and look at my husband, considering him in his younger days in Coburg, where he had returned just after the birth of the Prince of Wales after the death of the former duke. Now that Ernest was duke, however, he was much at court in England, preferring to spend time with family than to deal with his duties as the current head of state. "Methinks you miss such things, husband."
Wilhelm tightened his grip upon me then. "No, for it was you who taught me to love another, my Felicity. I would not wish to return to those days, for they were so very full of uncertainty..."
I smiled then, and permitted a giggle to escape my lips. "I am afraid you cannot hold me so tightly, my love..."
"You are my wife," Wilhelm replied simply, and tightened his grip again, so that I let out a squeal of excitement and he kisses my neck with great fervor. "Now, my love, why can I not hold you so tightly?"
I peek over my shoulder at him for a moment before I take his hands then and place them upon my belly. "Methinks you can guess at it."
Wilhelm watched where I positioned his hands for a moment before he let out a slight gasp and looked up at me. "Felicity..."
I nodded. "Yes, Wilhelm."
"How long?" he whispered.
"Three months or so," I said softly, leaning back against him again. "The physicians confirmed it earlier this afternoon, when I was with Victoria, when you, the prince, and Duke Ernest were riding."
"The physician certainly confirmed it quickly," Wilhelm said, still in awe as his hands gently roved over my belly.
I smiled at that. "Yes. I was a bit bilious when Victoria offered me a plate of cranberry tart with cream. I cannot explain it—usually I'm so fond of sweets and little trifles such as that, but when the comingling of the bitter fruit and the sweetness of the cream made contact with my tongue, I became so ill that Victoria had to throw open the windows and permit me to be sick in the hedges. Then Sir Robert Peel called and I was ordered to rest—that was why I was unaware of their sayings, as Victoria probably thought I was too ill to discuss affairs of state. I am sure she shall mention it tomorrow..."
Wilhelm sighed, kissing the area just below my ear, and I suddenly shudder, and recall Sir John Conroy doing such a thing. "Do I offend you, meine geliebte?" he asks, shocked at my manner as I rise from the bed and go to stand beside the luxurious bassinet which housed Charlotte.
"Sir John kissed me there—once," I say quietly. "It was before we left for court to celebrate Victoria's birthday. I suppose I did not fully realize at the time that such an assault was deliberate to get me into his keeping... I don't know," I say, gripping the silken sides of the bassinet, my beautiful daughter with pale skin, red hair—the first of my children to have it—and green eyes sleeping soundly. "I do suppose his living with an Irish title is beneficial..."
Wilhelm stared at me then, and I saw too that his hands shook as I said these things to him, and I was not altogether surprised when he successfully managed to rip the coverlet slightly. "If O Hum ever sees fit to show his face in England or around me again, I shall challenge him to a duel, and I shall kill him."
I shake my head at him. "Although I am quite sure that Victoria and His Royal Highness could forgive you for it, I am not altogether positive that others would give you that benefit. I am not at liberty to lose you, Wilhelm—it is too dark a thought to bear. I find that even considering O Hum's return to England is a difficult thing to think of, however, I would request that, if he ever brings himself to do so, you keep your distance, as I would not wish you to be permanently separated from me."
"It is not something I would wish to do, Felicity—being separated from you is one of those rare situations that I could not condone." He sighs. "However, when the children get older, I would like to request of Her Majesty that we pull away from them ever so slightly..."
"Pull away from them?" I ask. "Whatever can you mean?"
"I wish you to see Coburg with me one day," Wilhelm replies with a smile. "For you to see the land of my birth—to meet my brothers and sisters—as well as my father and stepmother..." Little tears escape his eyes then. "I find that, other than serving His Royal Highness, being wed to you and raising our children... It is not something of which I could ask for unless it meant a great deal to me, and, quite apparently, it does."
I smile at him. "Perhaps when there is such an occasion, when Victoria is not with child, nor am I, that such an opportunity may present itself."
"You are keen to go?" Wilhelm asks, with the enthusiasm of a boy.
I lower my eyes to where Flight is sleeping, curled as closely to the bassinet as possible, not wanting any harm to come to Charlotte. "Of course I wish to see the land of your birth, Wilhelm," I reply. "Thankfully I am not a queen, so that I will be able to go."
"You may not be a queen, my love, but you are a close friend of a queen, and you still may not obtain the opportunity."
I nod, leaning down and brushing Charlotte's forehead with my lips, and smile a little as she smiled a little in her sleep, her think eyelashes sweeping her cheeks and never opening. "That is true," I admit.
"Ah, but you are pleased with your favor from the queen," Wilhelm says, getting to his feet and coming to stand behind me, gazing down at Charlotte, his arms winding around me, settling upon my barely-swollen belly. "I should think that you would be pleased..."
"Of course I am pleased," I reply, turning ever so slightly and kissing him upon the cheek, "for if I had not her favor, I couldn't possibly have had you, nor these beautiful daughters we have..." I lower my eyes to his hands, firmly around my belly, and sighed. "Pray God it is your son in there," I whisper.
Wilhelm chuckles, the sound entering my ear as his hot breath sends goosebumps down along my neck and arms. "As I tell you every time, meine geliebte—there is time enough for a son, and if we are blessed with a houseful of daughters, then our little Toria shall inherit everything."
I sigh. "I shall not feel your family is complete until we have a son," I tell him softly, my voice barely above a whisper.
"Your mother was the second of five daughters, and she ultimately had a great many sons..."
"Their first and second born children were sons—she did her duty twice over in less than two years. How am I supposed to compete with that notion, when our only son is gone?" I whispered.
Wilhelm tightened his grip around me then and brushed his lips upon my cheek. "I am sure you recall, meine geliebte, that we ourselves have three daughters—three healthy daughters, and a new child on the way. I am sorry to disappoint you, my darling, but I find no disappointment in their births. How can I persuade you to think otherwise?"
I shake my head. "I don't know if you ever can," I admit, covering my hands with his upon my belly. "All I do know is I'll never be satisfied that I've done my duty until I give you a son."
"You've done your duty thrice over already, Felicity. You've given me three daughters, who can inherit our estate..."
"But you want a son," I whisper, peeking over my shoulder at him. "You don't have to deny it; all men want a son."
"Perhaps all English men want a son. I think you will find that Germen men are different in that aspect of married life..."
"Perhaps," I allow, turning my eyes back to Charlotte, content to watch her make soft noises in her sleep.
. . .
I sat in Victoria's rooms with young Wilhelmina Coke, niece of the Duchess of Buccleuch, who had become Mistress of the Robes in the wake of Harriet's husband's death and leave of court. Wilhelmina was as kind as she was quiet, and when the elderly duchess was out and about the court, or simply too tired to keep her in her sights, the task fell to me. As I was equal in rank to the duchess, and admired her caustic wit, she found such a thing to be doubly wonderful to have someone young, other than Victoria, for Wilhelmina to admire.
"Are you enjoying London, Miss Coke?" I ask her.
"Yes, my lady duchess," she replied, looking up at me with a bright and kind smile, her cheeks slightly flushed at being included in conversation. "My aunt tells me I should think it a great honor that you even speak to me... With you being Her Majesty's closest friend, along with the Dowager Duchess of Sutherland, of course," she says.
I return her smile. "Think nothing of it, Miss Coke. And please, call me 'Felicity' when we are alone. We are so close in age that I find when I am addressed by my title I feel I have seniority over you..."
"Oh, but you do, my lady duchess!" she says quickly and, at my raised eyebrows, hastily lowers her eyes. "You will forgive my speaking so quickly, my lady duchess, but my aunt tells me that respect is so important..."
I smile, reaching across the divide between us and taking her hand. "Yes, my dear, respect is important, but so too is listening. Now, since we are alone, I am permitted to tell you to call me what I like. I should like for you to address me as 'Felicity', as I am your friend."
"My friend?" she asked, hardly daring to believe such a thing.
I nod. "Quite so," I reply, bending my head back down to stitch a bit at my floral-patterned sampler. "Now, my dear, have you heard of this famine currently going on in Ireland?"
Wilhelmina nods quickly. "Yes, my lad—Felicity," she says as I raise my eyes briefly to hers. "I do hope the Prime Minister can manage to come to a worthy compromise with Her Majesty. I cannot understand why he insisted she cannot go to Ireland..."
"It is because of her safety," I explain to her gently. "Sir Robert Peel could not guarantee her protection in a nation that has declared its independence. She is no longer their monarch, and they have none now, so perhaps they would feel a certain amount of resentment towards her."
"Resentment?" Wilhelmina wanted to know, her pale eyes widening. "Towards the queen? But why?"
"Even though she is no longer their monarch, she has the means to help them, just not the means to transport herself there. Sir Robert Peel advises in such matters, and since he's advised against it, they may feel that she has shut the door to helping them entirely."
"Those poor, poor starving people," she says quietly, shaking her head.
I smile. "Perhaps something will be done for them."
She raises her eyes to mine before she sets down her own sampler and tugs a bit at her tightly-wound blonde bun, stationed perfectly at the back of her head. "Pray, Felicity, might we speak of other matters? I want not to serve the queen later in the day with a blotchy face..."
I find my smile widening then to her plight, before I nod. "Yes, of course, my dear, I wish not to disturb you. What shall we speak of, then?"
"You know of Edward Drummond, secretary to Sir Robert Peel, and Lord Alfred Paget, servant of the queen?" she asks.
I nod. "Of course; my husband speaks well of both of them."
"Those men are quite...close," she says, the barest hint of suspicion behind her tone as she tugs a bit at a misplaced thread of her sampler.
"They are a pair of gentleman friends," I reply patiently, not wishing to entertain her meaning. "All gentleman should be permitted to have an everlasting friendship, as we ladies do. As my husband does with His Royal Highness, and as I do with Her Majesty."
Wilhelmina sighs. "Very well. I suppose such a thing is very silly to bring up, really. Don't mention it to my aunt..."
I shake my head. "Of course not," I reply as the door opens from behind her and the pair of us get to our feet. "Ah, my lady duchess," I say, greeting Wilhelmina's aunt as I always do, with a reverent curtsy.
The elderly duchess smiles at me, leaning upon her walking stick and still able to bow her head to me. "Forgive the interruption, my dears, but the queen calls for you, Lady Felicity."
I nodded. "Yes, of course," I say, bending to put my sampler into the basket reserved for the others. "I shall go directly, then," I say to myself, shaking out my skirts of my pale green afternoon down. I nod to Wilhelmina then with a smile her way. "Miss Coke," I say to her, bowing my head.
"My lady duchess," she says, curtsying to me.
I give a final curtsy to the duchess and bid her farewell before walking down the corridor and making my way to the queen's study, where she spends many hours of the afternoon going over the boxes. As I round the bend, I am quite surprised to see Lord Alfred standing there, and smile at him. "Good day, Lord Alfred," I greet him as I step forward.
Lord Alfred was looking very smart in one of his many afternoon suits. He had dark eyes, a fair complexion, and blond hair. He had a fine nose and jaw line, and he was always very courteous to myself and to Wilhelm. "My lady duchess. Are you on your way to the queen?"
I nod. "Yes, my lord, as a matter of fact I am."
"I have business to attend to in that direction of the castle, my lady. Might I escort you to the queen?"
I smile up at him and take his offered arm. "I should be delighted, Lord Alfred," I tell him and we proceed to walk along. "I was just stitching with Miss Coke in the queen's presence chamber for over an hour, and she was quick to mention you after we mutually discussed the business in Ireland."
"Quick to mention me, my lady duchess? What could she possibly have mentioned now?" he asks with a chuckle.
"Why, of your friendship with Edward Drummond," I reply, and, at once, Lord Alfred stops dead and pulls me into a window embrasure, his dark eyes full of a sudden panic. "Now, don't worry," I say quickly, looking around to make sure that he and I were alone, "I was able to dissuade her from commenting on the topic otherwise."
Lord Alfred breathes a sigh of relief. "You really shouldn't have done so, you know that, Felicity," he tells me in a voice barely above a whisper. "Ever since you caught wind of our whispered conversations and of our...embrace...in France, I was fearful initially for someone to know, but—"
"I am your ally, while Wilhelm is Drummond's," I inform him patiently, as I had done when they had been discovered by the two of us, "as promised."
"It is so risky, Felicity," he whispers to me. "I fear that we shall all be found out and locked away..."
"It shall not happen," I whisper passionately. "I know there are those who say and believe that it is wrong, but what is so wrong about it? I have seen deep and passionate feelings, Alfred, and not very often. My mother and father are one, the queen and the prince are another, and then there is Wilhelm and myself... And there is, perhaps, the unfounded rumor of His Royal Highness's brother, Ernest, and the Dowager Duchess of Sutherland... But then there is you and Drummond, Alfred, and I cannot allow the pair of you to be torn apart."
"I do not even know if it is love, Felicity," he replied, turning and looking out the window at the park and farther still, into the woods beyond, where he and Drummond would oftentimes ride in solitude. "Besides, Drummond is engaged, and he can hardly make that form of a promise to me..."
I shake my head. "It is such a shame, that Wilhelm and I may love and be together, just as my mother and father might me, and the queen and the prince, and yet men like you are punished for their love. It sickens me, Alfred, that we cannot live in a society that permits such a thing..."
"Mayhap, one day, it shall change," he replies, turning to look at me with a sad smile before taking up my arm again.
We continue our walk down the corridor in silence before he leaves me at the door to the queen's rooms. Alfred turns to me then and takes my hand in his, smiling down upon me. There are still no words between us as he takes my hand and kisses it, before letting it go and walking on his less than merry way.
A herald steps forward as I step through the halfway open doors and gets the attention of Victoria. "Lady Felicity, Duchess of Marquardt!" he says before he retreats to his post.
"Ah, Felicity, you've come," Victoria says, getting to her feet and leaving her paperwork. "Albert has gone to fetch Wilhelm, but I suppose I may inform you of the developments in Ireland."
"Developments?" I ask, stepping farther into the room and taking up Victoria's outstretched hands. "Has a compromise been reached?"
Victoria nodded, smiling. "Yes. Ever since our Irish visitor arrived, I knew that something had to be done. I have decided to send relief in the form of food to that starving nation, and I've Peel's approval."
"That is wonderful news, Victoria!" I cry out then, throwing my arms around her, and am relieved when she accepts this affection. I hastily pull away, knowing that she does not wish for prolonged exposure. "Perhaps Wilhelm and I may help you as well?"
She nods, eagerly. "Yes, a great many nobleman will be needed to complete this operation successfully, and I know that you and Wilhelm shall be perfect for such a thing, my dear, dear friend."
I turn then as Prince Albert and Wilhelm step into the room, and Victoria and I smile at our respective husbands as they gravitate towards us. "Has His Royal Highness informed you of the lovely thing he and Her Majesty are doing?" I ask him, looking up at him as he puts an arm around me.
"He has indeed," Wilhelm replies as he and Prince Albert share a smile. "I have said that we will donate a few thousand pounds to the relief. We can spare ten thousand, if that is agreeable to you, at this time," he states.
"Wonderful, thank you, Wilhelm," Prince Albert says.
The doors come open then, and a groom from the stables enters then. "Begging your pardon, Yer Royal Highness, but one of yer horses' has cast a shoe, and they say that yer the only one that can keep 'im calm."
"I shall go directly," Prince Albert replies, kissing Victoria on the cheek and leaving us then.
"Forgive us, Your Majesty, but we've not checked on Charlotte or Maria Anna in quite a few hours," I say, rather awkwardly then, not wanting to leave her entirely alone. "Might we briefly go and see to her?"
"Of course," Victoria replies. "I've not been to the nursery since this morning myself. Perhaps we two may go and see Vicky and Toria later."
"I would love that, Your Majesty," I reply as I curtsy, and Wilhelm bows, and we leave her study. We left the next corridor and farther still until we were quite near her chambers and our own, and we soon came upon them. I threw open the doors and found Maria Anna playing with her governess in the front room, but as soon as we stepped inside, she let out a squeal and got to her feet, her rather fat little legs making a run for us, her black hair swishing.
"Mama, Mama!" she cried out, opening her arms for me.
I managed to lift her up then, moving to sit upon one of our couches. "Hello, my darling," I whisper to her. "Fühlen sie sich heute gut?" I ask, wanting to be sure she is still keeping up with her intake of the German language.
"Ja, Mama, ich bin es," she replies, and I lean down and kiss her forehead. "Wird Papa jetzt Charlotte bringen?" she asks.
"Ja, meine liebling," I reply, nodding for Wilhelm to do so.
Wilhelm smiled, stepping into our bedchamber and quickly coming out with Charlotte, who was now fully awake. "The maid watching her informed me that she has just been fed," he assures me as I gently put Maria Anna next to me and manage to take Charlotte in my arms.
"Mama, nein!" Maria Anna cries out, not liking playing second fiddle to her little sister. "Mama, bitte!" she wails.
Wilhelm comes to the rescue and sits down on her other side. "Komm jetzt, Prinzessin," he says patiently, pulling her into his lap. "Das ist nicht das verhalten einer dame."
Maria Anna crosses her arms. "No," she says defiantly in English. "No more German, Papa."
He sighs. "Very well—it is certainly enough for the day," he says, leaning down and kissing her forehead.
"Mayhap Charlotte will behave differently," I whisper, watching as Maria Anna's eyes grow heavy as she leans against Wilhelm, falling into sleep, her thumb drifting into her mouth. I lean down and kiss Charlotte's forehead. "I hear Toria has been doing well with Princess Vicky."
"Yes, they truly seem devoted, very much like their mothers," Wilhelm puts in with a wry smile.
"I cannot help it if Her Majesty favors my company," I reply, "for I was there when she merely had the baroness as an ally."
Wilhelm watches as Maria Anna's governess slips from the room and into our bedchamber to speak with our maid. "Perhaps the baroness will finally be exiled from court."
"What do you mean?" I ask. "Surely not!"
My husband chuckles, looking around. "The prince is becoming impatient with the queen," he whispers.
"Prince Albert? Impatient?" I demand.
Wilhelm nods with as much enthusiasm as a fishwife at market. "Quite so," he tells me in a hushed tone. "I believe soon His Royal Highness will find a way to get Her Majesty to choose between them."
"But the baroness has been with her since childhood," I say, shaking my head, and gasp a little at Wilhelm's raised eyebrows. "I dislike her as much as you do, and as much as the prince does. I told you what happened when Her Majesty gave birth to Bertie, and how she spoke to me so..."
"And the prince is her husband," Wilhelm replies. "Who is to say whom she should hold onto?"
I sigh. "Well, the baroness cannot give her more sons," I reply ruefully.
"And the baroness's love for the queen is selfish, while the prince's love is so giving—to everyone," he says, reaching out and taking my hand. "Were it not for our mutual high favors, meine geliebte, I fear we would have not been permitted to choose one another."
A knock at the door startles me then, and I rise to open it myself and, to my relief, Charlotte does not awaken, nor does Maria Anna. Opening the door, a butler stands there and smiles a little at Charlotte's sleeping form.
"Urgent message for the Duchess of Marquardt," he states. "From the queen," he adds, slightly hastily.
"I am the duchess," I reply.
"Here you are, ma'am," he replies, handing it over and, following a bow with a slightly flourish to it, departs.
"Odd," I say, crossing to deposit Charlotte in her smaller bassinet, which is always by the window in the presence chamber. "Perhaps she is rescheduling our trip to the nursery," I put in as Wilhelm sits a little straighter then. I break the seal, and gaze at the few sentences upon the page, and immediately shake my head. "It is not good news, I fear," I say quietly.
"What news?" Wilhelm asks, and, when the nurse and the governess appear, we motion for them to remove the children. "What is it?" he asks.
I sigh. "Terrible," I whisper, resorting to reading aloud.
Felicity—
We've just received news that the famine truly has most devastating consequences, for all of those involved, and even those who help will not be spared. Albert and I have just received word that kindly Robert Traill, the vicar who forewarned us about the famine in the first place, has died. Apparently, it was typhus, but many individuals are calling it Famine Fever—I am not sure whether to laugh at their cleverness or weep at their impertinence.
The court shall go into mourning immediately for this brave soul—did you know he set up a soup kitchen to help the poor people who were so overwhelmed by hunger? I am still intent upon sending relief to Ireland, and now I am especially so. One cannot live like this, Felicity, and if you and Wilhelm would still be willing to give ten thousand pounds to the cause, think of all the food we could buy and send, and the many lives we could save.
These are distressing circumstances, Felicity, and we, as the English, must do all we can to ensure that these people are saved. It matters not if they are Catholic or Protestant—it matters if they are starving and in need of help, and they are that. I do hope a remedy can be found, but I fear it shall prove to be the direct opposite of a simple solution.
Your Queen and Friend,
Victoria
"Dear God, shall it ever end?" Wilhelm asks.
I raise my eyes to his, and find that they are full of unshed tears. "No, my love," I reply, shaking my head. "I fear that the world shall always be full to the brim of hungry people, and we must not push them into the gutters and further into shame, but we must save them while we still have the chance."
