Hey guys I'm back! Sorry for it being so long since I updated. Life got in the way, and I was still in a state of shock after the season finale. I got lazy with this chapter but have some good ideas coming very soon!Anyways… here you go.
Chapter 9
No Matter What
JJ stood at the bathroom sink and splashed cold water on her face. She blinked her eyes looking at her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were red due to lack of sleep. It was Wednesday morning. Exactly nine days since she'd been shot. Her body was healing, but as the days went by, JJ was starting to realize that her mental state of being might not be all good. She had nightmares, woke up in cold sweats, and couldn't seem to focus. She was pretty sure Will could tell even though he didn't say anything. He was worried for her, and always asked if she was okay. She was surprised he'd left her this morning to go drop Henry off at pre-school. He didn't like leaving her out of his sight.
Sighing JJ walked back into their bedroom. She sat down slowly on the bed, and closed her eyes just as a quick shot of pain ran through her midsection. The pain she felt was lessening every day, and she was grateful for that. She had spoken to Emily on the phone last night. The team was on a case in Vermont right now. JJ was beginning to grow restless being at home all day. She knew when she went back to work though, she would be on desk duty for a while. JJ was pulled out of her thought by the sound of the front door opening. Will was home. She smiled as he walked into the room.
"Hey." She said.
"Hey you." He leaned down and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. He very quickly looked her up and down. "Are you still feeling alright this morning?"
"I'm alright."
"Yeah?"
JJ bit her lip and looked up at Will. "Will I…" Her voice trailed off. "I've been having trouble sleeping. It's no big deal."
Will sat down on the bed beside her and took her hand in his. "JJ I know you can't sleep. I'm right beside you, remember?" He reached up and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.
JJ shook her head. "I go to sleep, and I'm back in that day. In that moment." Tears started to form
"JJ I want you to talk to me about it. I'll help in any way I can." He squeezed her hand again. "I won't let you go through this alone, so don't shut me out okay."
"I know you won't. And I do love you for that?" JJ said smiling at her boyfriend. "You know that right?"
"Yes I do." He stood up from the bed and pulled her up to stand with him. "How about we do breakfast? We can do some strengthening exercises after if you're feeling up to it."
"Sounds like a plan." The couple headed to the kitchen for breakfast together.
JJ laid back on the couch against the pillows Will set up for her after breakfast. They had a good morning. She was able to get in some therapy for her left side, which was getting stronger every day. Garcia and Morgan both called in to check on her. Garcia called from her lair, of course, while Derek called from the out in the field. She felt lucky to have such caring co-workers. They always looked out for each other.
Will came into the living room and sat down beside her on the couch. JJ leaned her head on his shoulder and sighed. She took in the scent of his aftershave and reached for his hand. Will smiled down at her, and gently stroked her hair.
"Jennifer?"
"Hmm?"
"Can we talk about what happened?" He could feel her body tense up against him. "Only if you're up to it." He added.
"Will I got shot, and now I'm having trouble sleeping. What else is there to talk about?"
Will tilted her face up to his so he could look into her eyes. "JJ what happened to you was traumatic!" He searched her clouded blue eyes for the spark that had been there nine days ago. "It's not good to hold whatever it is you're feeling inside."
"Whatever it is I'm feeling?" JJ sat up and looked Will in the eye. She didn't say anything for what seemed like forever. Will looked back at her without saying anything. He didn't want to upset her, but if he didn't stop her from going down this road, he might not get back the JJ he had before.
"Will you can stop looking at me like that, because I know all about PTSD." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before continuing. "I get shot doing my job, and now I get to carry this feeling with me all the time."
"JJ…" Will started, but she kept talking.
"I'm tired Will. I'm tired of feeling constant pain. I'm tired of walking around like I'm in this damn fog that I can't seem to find my way out of. I'm tired of seeing his face and hearing that gun go off every time I close my eyes!" Tears started to roll down her cheeks.
Will reached out for her, but she pushed him away. He bit his lip, and looked at his girlfriend. He hated seeing her this way, and not being able to help her. He had known that eventually she wasn't going to be able to hold whatever she was feeling in. That what had happened to her was affecting her more than she let on.
"I can't even pick up my son Will." She shook her head. "I can't pick up our boy."
"Hey." Will said, speaking softly yet firmly. "Our boy is just fine, Jennifer." He cupped her cheek in his hand so she would look at him. "All he cares about is that you're here. You're a hero to him!"
"Look at me Will." JJ gestured at her appearance and looked up at Will. "I'm a mess right now, and I don't know how to get back."
"Henry and I are your way back JJ. Your team and your family are your way back." He pulled her into a hug, being careful not to squeeze too hard. "Lean on us JJ. With all of it, and we'll be there."
JJ relaxed into his arms, and tried to let go of the pain. She knew Will and her BAU teammates were all just trying to help. And she knew that she was going to have to talk about what happened. She had been in the FBI long enough to know that after you go through a trauma they want to make sure you didn't lose your mind in the process. That would have to happen before she'd be allowed to return to work. Especially before she was allowed to carry a weapon and be out in the field.
"What are you thinking?" Will asked still holding onto her.
"I'm thinking I don't know what I'd do without you." She loosened her grip from around his waist and pulled back a little so she could look at his face. "I love you Will."
"I know you do." He kissed her forehead. "I love you too."
Later that evening the Lamontagne-Jareau family sat down to dinner. They sat at in the living room and decided to eat picnic style. JJ leaned back against the couch and Will and Henry sat on the floor next to her. Henry looked up at his mother and smiled.
"Mommy you ready for a picnic?" He asked.
"Yes I am little man. You and your daddy did such a good job getting everything ready."
Will leaned over and ruffled his son's long blond hair. "He actually did most of the cooking too. Isn't that right buddy?"
"Wow, then I am impressed!" JJ said to her young son.
"Mommy like mac and cheese?"
"It's my favorite." JJ said winking at him.
"Hey Henry how about after we get done, we help mommy get into bed? Then we can bring her some ice cream for dessert."
Henry nodded his head enthusiastically and looked back at his mom. "Mommy you still hurt right?" His bright blue eyes brimmed with a mixture of concern and innocence.
"Just a little bit, baby, but don't worry. Mommy is getting better every day."
"I help daddy take care of you!"
"You're the best helper!"
JJ leaned back against the pillows on the couch again and watched her boyfriend and son gather up the dishes and take everything into the kitchen. JJ had been thinking a lot about her and Will's arrangement these last few days. They had been a couple for nearly five years, and had Henry three years ago. Will had asked JJ to marry him at least a half a dozen, but JJ had said no. Not because she didn't love Will, but because she didn't think they needed a piece of paper to prove it to society. JJ loved her family with all her heart, and what happened to her made her think that maybe a piece of paper saying that they were legally together wouldn't be such a bad thing. JJ was pulled out of her thoughts when Henry came back into the room, leaving will in the kitchen to finish cleaning up.
"Mommy I sit beside you?" He asked standing next to the couch.
"Of course buddy, come on up." JJ patted the cushion next to her. Henry climbed up onto the couch beside his mother.
The toddler looked up at his mother with the same blue eyes that she had. JJ felt overwhelmed with love for her son. She hated to think about how there had been a chance she may ne have been able to be there for him. He and Will were everything to her, and she would do everything in her power to get back to being the mom and girlfriend they were used to having.
"Mommy you still hurt right?" Henry asked.
JJ nodded her head and stroked her son's hair. "Mommy is still a little hurt, but I'm getting better every day."
"Me and daddy take care of you."
"Yes, sweetheart, you and daddy have been taking good care of me. That's why I'm getting better."
Will came from the kitchen and stopped just short of entering the room. He leaned against the door frame, and watched his girlfriend and his son interact with each other. Their son was without a doubt the most understanding, patient, and kindest child he had ever known. And he was all theirs! His mom couldn't hold him, and he understood that. He knew that his parents both had jobs that put them in danger. But to him they might as well be superheroes. After all they went out to try and catch the bad guys for a living. Will walked into the room to the couch where they sat. He held out his arms for Henry to jump into.
"Come on bud." Will said. "Daddy will hold you so we both can sit next to momma okay." Henry nodded holding out his arms so Will could pick him up. Will sat down on the couch next to JJ, now with Henry on his lap.
"I was just telling Henry that I'm starting to feel much better thanks to my two best guys."
Will grinned at Henry and gave held up his hand so he could give him a hi-five. "See buddy, I told you mommy would feel better if we take care of her."
Henry giggled at his dad, and JJ couldn't help but laugh at her son and boyfriend. The family sat in the living room, and JJ watched as Will and Henry played with toy trucks in the floor. Before they knew it, it was time for dinner, and then time for Henry to be tucked into bed.
Will had made sure Henry brushed his teeth and helped him into bed. JJ had read him his favorite bedtime story in their bed, so now all he needed to do was make sure he was tucked in tight, and that he had his favorite stuffed dog.
"Goodnight buddy." Will said. "Mommy and I will see you in the morning. I love you."
"Love you daddy." Will closed the door softly, and headed back to the bedroom to check on JJ. She was resting against a mound of pillows, and her eyes were closed.
JJ opened her eyes at Will's presence. "Hey." She said simply.
"Hey you fallin' asleep on me cher?"
"Maybe I am." JJ sat up a little and ran a hand down his arm.
"I guess that's okay considering you didn't really nap at all today." He leaned over to kiss her on the cheek.
"Come lay with me." She said quietly.
"My pleasure sweetheart." He said crawling up to lie next to her. Will let JJ lean back on him, and he stroked her hair and her arm. He breathed in her scent, and could feel her chest rise and fall with his breathing.
"This feels nice."
"Sure does." He said softly. He bent his head so his lips could reach her neck, and he kissed her. "Then again getting to hold onto you always feels more than nice." His lips were still against her neck as he spoke.
"The doctor says no sex for at least another couple of weeks babe."
"Mmm, I know. I just don't know how I'm going to last is all." He let out a short laugh. "Hell, I don't know how I lasted these last nine days!"
"I miss you too."
"The doctor didn't say we couldn't make out right?" He wiggled his eyebrows up and down suggestively at her.
JJ laughed and turned slightly so she could face him. "Since when can you make out with me, and not want to do anything more than that?"
"Since I miss you, and I know you're hurting so I promise to be gentle."
Will smoothed her hair and smiled at her. She smiled back at him as he moved closer to her still.
"You are so beautiful Jennifer." He traced her cheek with his finger to her mouth. "I want those blue eyes to sparkle like they did before."
JJ reached up and grasped his hand in hers. She closed the gap between them and pressed her mouth to his. They kissed chastely at first. He savored the feel of her lips moving beneath his. He pulled back ever so slightly, and looked at her face. Her eyes were closed, and he cupped her face in his hands and kissed her again. Harder this time, and she responded by pulling him closer with her right arm.
JJ could feel her breath start to come faster as the kiss built up. Their tongues moved against one another in a tantalizing fashion, and JJ couldn't help but let out a soft moan. She had missed them being this close! She could, however, feel the slow yet steady rise of pain start to permeate her body as she continued to kiss Will. She never wanted to let him go.
As much as Will was enjoying this make out session, he knew if he didn't slow things down they would both be in trouble. More with JJ and not in a good way. Pulling away from her lips, she felt him try to hold into him. He kissed her one last time on the lips before resting his forehead against hers. He looked at her face, and saw her eyes were squeezed shut tight. She was trying not to wince in pain, but he knew better.
"Hey JJ." He held her face in his hands. "Hey look at me. " She opened her eyes on his command.
"Are you alright?"
"Will I'm fine."
"Hey I'm sorry if…" She cut him off mid-sentence.
"Will don't be sorry. I wanted to kiss you like that." She looked him in the eye. "I want you, but I know we can't right now. I'll be fine."
"You're hurt JJ." He said.
"And I'll be okay Will." She leaned back against the pillows. "I just need my pain killers, then I'll be good."
Will went into the bathroom and got her pain pills. Once she took two, he made her lie back down. It was time for her to get some sleep for the night. Will watched her as she started to drift off to sleep, and made mental note of her body visibly relaxing. Tomorrow was another day. The team would be back and would want to check in on her. He was happy for her to have the company of her good friends. He was hoping that maybe Garcia or maybe even Hotch could get her to open up about the shooting. I guess he would find out soon enough. Will lie down in bed next to his girlfriend and tried to get some rest. Most nights all he did was end up watching JJ. He loved her so much!
Okay people that is all for now. I've got some good ideas for chapters to come, so don't worry. Thank you all for the reviews!
