Cat's eyes fluttered open to see Mouse above her, a worried look on her face. She turned her head and saw Father, Vincent and Mary behind Mouse.
"I..I must've..I.."she stuttered. Mouse took her hand in both of his own. Looking around, she realized she was in the hospital chamber.
"Fainted." he said softly and Father nodded. "Not..well..not totally uncommon in these types of ah..situations." He chewed on one of the stems of his eyeglasses. Vincent nodded and put a hand on each of Father and Mary's shoulders.
"Perhaps we should leave them to talk in private." he suggested and as a group, they turned and left.
Cat blushed and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath.
"I'm sorry, Mouse. I didn't mean to faint. I..it was just so unexpected, yanno? I know it seems like we've been together for a long time and I mean, I TOTALLY get that we have. I mean, for you anyway. But..sweetie, I just don't..I don't know if I'm ready to take such a serious step. I mean, why mess up a good thing?" she said, her heart beating a thousand miles an hour. Mouse's face, which had looked so hopeful, just crumpled. Without a word, he took the blue box and set it on the small table next to her bed, turned and walked out of the room. Cat clutched the blanket to her chest and bit her lip. She felt like the lowest slime on the planet.
"Well how did it go, Mouse? Did she say yes?" asked Jamie excitedly as she nearly bumped into him in the tunnel nearest his chamber where she'd been waiting. Mouse looked up at her, tears streaming down his face. Jamie frowned and pulled him into a tight hug. "I'm sorry, buddy." Mouse just sobbed harder, soaking her shoulder with his tears.
"Want..want to marry her, Jamie. Love her..so much. Hurts." he gasped out in ragged breaths. Jamie rubbed his back. "I know, Mouse. I know." she said soothingly as she led him into his chamber. She helped him remove his coat and vest and shoes. Mouse just cried and shook through the whole ordeal as she tucked him into bed, like a loving older sister even though he was the elder.
"I'll run to the kitchen and get you some chamomile tea, Mouse. It'll help you feel better." she assured him and Mouse just rolled over with his back to her.
Jamie ran into Vincent and told him what had happened. Vincent shook his head, assured her everything would be fine and walked to the hospital chamber. Cat's eyes went wide when she saw him come in.
"I'm sorry, Vincent. I just..couldn't say yes. I don't know if I'm ready and even if I did feel..ready, there's more..there's things I haven't told Mouse. Not yet. I know he would never send me away..none of you would. But these things..I've never told anybody." she said, ducking her head with embarrassment. She pulled nervously at a long curl as Vincent slowly strode over to sit in a chair near her bed.
"We all have our secrets, Catherine." he said. He was really the only one who ever called her by her full name. Most everyone else just called her Cat or Mouse's Cat.
"Yeah, well. This one's pretty bad." she said softly, not daring to meet his eyes.
"Is it so terrible you can't even tell the one whom you love, or those you are closest to? You can't tell me..or Father?" he asked, taking one of her hands in his own. Cat shook her head.
"Then it must be truly terrible indeed." Vincent's voice was barely above a whisper as he stroked her hand comfortingly.
Taking a deep breath, Cat looked up at Vincent and tried to find the words for what she had to say.
"Vincent..the reason I can't..I'm not ready to get engaged to Mouse is because..I haven't..haven't told him that I..I'm not.."she stuttered, her courage failing. He gave her a look that said, "You can do this." without saying a word. She took another deep breath.
"I'm not..I was always told that when a woman gets married she needs to be uh..untouched. Yanno?" Cat tilted her head, praying he understood. Vincent nodded.
"Go on."
"And I'm not. I..when I lived..on the streets, sometimes I did things. Shameful, terrible, AWFUL things. Just to survive. I..sold myself sometimes, just so I'd have money to eat. Or money to stay in a flophouse instead of out on the sidewalk." Cat's cheeks burned with her embarrassment as she dropped her eyes. Vincent put one hand on her chin and forced it up, so he could look into her eyes.
"You did what you had to. There is no shame in that." he told her. Cat jerked her head away.
"That's not all. I..went to a back alley midwife to have an abortion." she said softly, tears sliding down her face. "She botched it. I ended up in the county hospital ER because I got real sick. They told me..I can't have kids." Cat's shoulders began to heave as she leaned into Vincent's powerful forearms and began to sob almost hysterically.
"That is not your fault, Catherine. You didn't know. And you were clearly not prepared to raise a child and scared so you found someone who you thought would help. But it's not your fault she didn't..it's not your fault this happened." he told her, a note of firmness in his voice as he kissed the top of her head. But she couldn't stop crying.
"Mouse..will..never..forgive..meeeee!" she wailed and Vincent stroked her hair.
"Mouse will understand." he reassured her. She shook her head, her eyes almost swollen with all the crying she'd done. She was sure he wouldn't and her heart was breaking into a thousand pieces.
