Chapter 9

"What's wrong?" Castiel demanded.

"It's Dean's birthday," Sam told him, and the angel titled his head in confusion.

"Oh. Why is that a situation?"

"Because Dad forgot, like always, and Dean thinks I forgot too but I didn't, I was just trying to think of something special but I couldn't come up with anything but now you're here and it'll be perfect," Sam said in a rush, practically vibrating with excitement. "And it has to be perfect, because it's Dean's nineteenth birthday, which isn't usually a special one, because eighteen is the special one, but Dad drank his way through that one, so then Dean drank his way through it too, and I'm not sure he even remembers it, but if he does it's not a happy memory, and this one needs to be a happy memory, okay?"

Castiel gripped Sam's shoulders gently, trying to stabilize the normally calm boy.

"I understand," he said, though he did not really appreciate what was so special about birthdays, or why humans put so much weight on them. It was one less year that the person had left to spend on earth, and what was so exciting about that? But it was important to Sam, and probably to Dean too, so he would do whatever he could. "What do you need from me?"

"Well, we've been staying in this house exactly long enough to know that there is absolutely nothing to do in this town, so I was kind of hoping you could take us somewhere cool. But you know, just being here is the important thing. Dean gets pretty mopey when you're not around."

That last comment sent a tangled mix of emotions roiling through Castiel's stomach. Had Dean been pining after him? That was…gratifying in a way, but it also made the angel feel guilty for leaving Dean so often. He resolved to make it up to him today.

But what to do? Castiel knew that Dean liked the movies, but they could go there any time. What else did Dean like? Cars, obviously, but he already had the impala. Music, but Castiel did not trust himself enough to bring Dean back in time to see one of his favorite bands performing. But then he remembered something from before, from the time when Castiel had just been starting to struggle in earnest with his confusing and forbidden feelings for the righteous man.

"Do you think something simple would be all right?" he asked Sam.

"Yeah, of course. What did you have in mind?"

"Dean has a particular fondness for hamburgers."

"That he does," said Sam with a laugh. "So you just want to go out to lunch?"

"Yes, but I was thinking of something a bit more…meaningful."

Just then, they both heard the sound of the impala's engine approaching.

"Quick Cas, go invisible," Sam hissed.

Castiel complied immediately, and they both watched as Dean pulled closer to the house.

"Um, why am I invisible, Sam?" Castiel asked.

"Dean's never had a surprise party in his life," Sam replied. "This is as close as it's gonna get."

"Oh," Castiel still did not really understand, but he trusted that Sam was more knowledgeable about birthdays than he was.

Dean finally parked and got out of the car, giving his brother a small smile as he approached.

"Hey Sammy," he greeted, ruffling the younger man's hair. "Uh, why are you standing in the yard by yourself?"

"Well, your surprise party wasn't going to plan itself," Sam said smugly.

Dean looked around in confusion, probably taking in the conspicuous lack of anything even remotely resembling a party.

"Apparently not," he said dryly.

"I don't know what you're talking about," said Sam. "I got confetti…"

He stared pointedly at the area a few inches to the left of Castiel, and the angel realized that had been his cue. He concentrated, snapping two fingers softly. Tiny pieces of green and blue confetti began to fall around the boys. Dean looked up in amazement.

"What-?"

"I got balloons," continued Sam.

This time, Castiel was quicker to respond, and soon Sam was holding three balloons by their ribbons. He stepped forward to tie one of them around his bemused brother's wrist.

"I even got us party hats."

And now Castiel was at a loss. He had absolutely no idea what a party hat was. So he tried his best.

The hat that appeared in Sam's hands was made of hard yellow plastic, and had two cans of soda with long straws attached to it. The boys stared at it for a moment, then Sam burst out laughing.

"Close enough," he said when he could speak again, dropping the hat onto Dean's head.

He stepped back to admire their handiwork. Castiel titled his head, staring at Dean, who was standing there looking utterly baffled and amused, covered with confetti, a balloon around his wrist, and a drinkable hat on his head. If this was a typical human birthday, Castiel understood them even less than he had originally thought.

"And of course, I also brought the guest," Sam added, managing to find Castiel's ribs with his elbow. The angel took the hint, returning to his visible state. The smile that had been growing on Dean's face widened blindingly. He pulled Castiel into a hug, and his excitement was so contagious that the angel did not even mind being hit in the face with a can of ginger ale.

"Happy birthday, Dean," he said once the young man had released him.

"Thanks, Cas. You too, Sammy."

"Yeah well, I didn't actually bring him here, Dean," Sam admitted. "He just showed up and we went with it."

"I figured," said Dean, deftly untying the balloon from around his wrist and securing it in one of his brother's belt loops. "Thanks anyway."

"Sure," said Sam, batting at the balloon that was now attached to him.

"So, did these surprise party plans get any further than the 'surprise' stage?" asked Dean.

"Yes," Castiel told him, placing his hands on the boys' shoulders. "I'm taking you both out to lunch."

He took wing, and the trip was more difficult than he had anticipated. The Winchesters were bigger now than they had been the last time he had tried this, and he was attempting to travel further. He had to exhaust more of his energy than he would have liked to pull them all safely through space, but eventually he was able to make a fairly smooth landing.

Sam and Dean were both silent for a moment as they took in their new surroundings, and Castiel was too busy trying not to let on how tired he was to say anything. But then Dean spoke.

"How did you know?" he asked softly.

Castiel glanced at the small food shack that they had appeared beside. It was set into a weather-beaten boardwalk that ran along a rocky gray beach, a few particularly resilient seagulls swooping overhead. He had had been here on one other occasion, several years in the future.

"They're your favorite, right? From that seaside shack in Delaware?"

Castiel had been the one that Zachariah had sent to collect Dean's food bribe when they were trying to get him ready for the apocalypse. Of course, he could not tell the current Dean that, so he just gave his friends an enigmatic smile.

The boys both sighed, but then Dean seemed to remember where they were. He dashed to the burger shack and rapped on the counter to get the attention of the bored looking girl behind it. She looked askance at the unorthodox hat that he was still wearing, but apparently made no comment on it. Dean's smile was a thing of beauty as he ordered burgers for the three of them.

They sat down at a picnic table to eat, and Castiel faced away from the ocean, his wings spread and semi-manifested to give the Winchesters some protection against the biting January wind. The boys chattered as they ate, bringing Castiel up to speed on what their lives had been like since the last time they saw him.

As he watched them talk and tease each other, the angel was swept with a sudden wave of affection and contentment. This was family. This was what he had rebelled for, and it was worth it. And when Dean leaned casually across the table to rest a hand on Castiel's arm, the wave turned into a storm, and he knew without a doubt that the heart he had not always known he possessed had been claimed completely.

Once they had finished eating, Sam stood abruptly.

"I'm gonna go for a walk," he announced. Dean raised an eyebrow at him.

"You sure?" he asked.

Sam nodded and set off, but Dean stood to stop him.

"Hey, wait up," he said, plucking the drinking hat from his head and placing it on his brother's with an impish grin. "In case you get thirsty."

Castiel smiled at Sam's expression. He believed that Dean had once described it as his bitchface. But then the boy just sniffed haughtily, smirked at Dean, and started walking along the water.

"Be careful!" Dean called to his retreating brother.

Sam just waved a hand at him without bothering to turn back.

"It's the beach, Dean!" he shouted.

Dean snorted and shook his head.

"Maybe, but that kid could find trouble in a convent," he muttered.

"He'll be fine," said Castiel.

"Yeah, I know. Old habits, I guess."

Dean reached for Castiel's hand, pulling him up before leading him closer to the water. They stood on the shore in silence for a while, watching the steely gray waves rushing in and out as clouds swirled above them. Dean leaned against the angel, though whether it was for warmth or simply because he desired the contact, Castiel could not tell. Not that he minded either way.

He glanced sideways, noticing a few bits of confetti still clinging to Dean's hair. He brushed them away carefully, and the two of them watched the pieces of paper get blown into the surf and washed away. Castiel was reminded of his first meeting with this younger Dean, when the grass behind the Elwood County Elementary School had taken the brunt of the boy's embarrassed anger, and bits of greenery had flown everywhere. He wondered if Dean was remembering that as well.

Dean chuckled softly.

"What?" asked Castiel, his lips twitching automatically into a smile of their own.

"Nothing. It's just, we've only been on the beach together twice, but it'll still always remind me of you."

"Oh." Castiel turned his gaze back out towards the sea. He remembered that afternoon with Dean in Cape Disappointment, the day he had disentangled their essences and realized that perhaps the two of them could be something more. It was a happy memory for him. "It seems like a nice thing to be remembered by."

"Yeah."

Dean squeezed Castiel's hand and looked down at his toes, which he was wriggling in the sand, despite the chill. He took a deep breath, and Castiel felt a sudden surge of nervousness emanating from him.

"What is it?" he asked gently.

"I was just wondering…" Dean began, looking like he was trying to build up his courage. "You've given me a birthday present already, but I was kind of hoping for one more thing."

"Name it."

"Would you mind…I mean, would it be all right if I kissed you?"

The last words came out in a rush, and they sent Castiel's usually quite adroit brain into a confused buzz. He had not been expecting this, though he realized now that he probably should have. Dean was older now, more mature. He desired things that adults desired, including physical contact. But did Castiel have the right to give them to him?

Some of Castiel's shock must have registered with Dean, because his face fell and he looked away in embarrassment.

"It's okay, Cas," he muttered. "You don't have to-"

But the angel finally got over his surprise and indecision. He was not taking away Dean's choice. He had simply been there, and Dean had chosen him. And now he was choosing Dean. He leaned forward and turned the hunter's face towards his with a gentle hand, and then pressed his lips firmly to Dean's.

Whatever expectations Castiel may have had, they were utterly different from the reality of this first kiss. It was…full; full of more than the angel had ever thought that a kiss could contain. It was full of all of the feelings that had been growing in Castiel every day, full of the love and fear and hope that he'd had no idea of how to express in words. It was full of endings and beginnings and a thousand stories waiting to be told.

When it was finally over, when Dean and Castiel pulled away from each other an eternity and a microsecond later, both were speechless for a moment. But at last, Castiel felt peace. His grace hummed within him, warmed by the contact with Dean's soul. He could see the same contentment reflected in the green eyes just inches from him, pushing away any residual fear or uncertainty.

"Um…" was all Dean said, and suddenly Castiel was worried. He had no presumptions that this had been Dean's first kiss, but it may have been his first one with a man. What if he was disgusted by it? What if Castiel had misunderstood what Dean wanted?

"Did I do something wrong?" he asked.

"No!" said Dean quickly. "No, Cas. That was…here."

He pulled the angel's hand up to his chest, and Castiel could feel the thrumming of Dean's heart, a bit faster than he was used to.

"Do you feel that?" Dean asked. "Do you feel me? Because I can feel you, Cas. You're glowing like a beacon. Just…just listen."

Castiel suddenly understood that he was talking about their bond, realized that his emotions had been broadcasting through it. So he felt for the other half of himself, opening himself up to what Dean was feeling.

The force of Dean's emotions was breathtaking. Castiel had been happy before, but now he was downright elated. Because Dean felt the same way.

"Oh," he said.

Dean grinned, taking Castiel's hand from his chest and kissing his knuckles.

"It's official," he said. "This is definitely my best birthday to date."

"Sam will be happy," Castiel said.

"I'm not sure this is what he had in mind," Dean chuckled.

"I wouldn't be so sure," said Castiel, thinking back to the look of utter relief is Sam's eyes when he had seen the angel, the way that he eyed him and Dean meaningfully, the way that he had conveniently left them alone after they had all finished eating. "I think your brother sees more than you realize."

"Yeah, I guess he does," said Dean with a smile full of tenderness for his brother. "Annoying that way, isn't he?"

"I suppose that someone has to be the observant one."

"I guess so."

"Well, shall we go tell him that his matchmaking efforts have paid off?" Castiel asked.

"In a minute," said Dean, leaning forward with a sly smile. "I want them to pay off a little more first."

It wound up being a while before Sam got the news.

ooooooooooooo

When Sam returned from his walk to find his brother and the angel holding hands, he simply gave them both a self-satisfied smile. He punched his brother lightly on the shoulder and sat down next to him, winking at Castiel, who gave him a grateful smile in return.

The three of them spent a few more hours on the beach, throwing around a dented Frisbee that Sam had found on his walk or daring each other unsuccessfully to brave the freezing water, only leaving when Sam and Dean got too cold as the sun began to sink in the sky. The return trip was just as taxing on Castiel as the one there had been, but the angel had gotten used to the bone-deep fatigue, and he managed to hide his exhaustion.

When they got back to the house, Sam gave Castiel a hug and a whispered 'thank you', before vanishing inside. That left Dean and Castiel alone in the yard, facing each other in the dwindling light. Dean smiled at his angel.

"I had an amazing day, Cas," he said sincerely.

"As did I."

Dean smile widened, and he took one of Castiel's hands in both of his own. But then his face became a bit more serious.

"I know this doesn't change everything," he said. "You're still gonna be gone too much, I'm still gonna miss you. But I'm okay with that, as long as…"

"As long as what?" Castiel prompted when Dean did not continue.

"As long as I know that this means the same thing to you as it does to me. And…as long as I know that you won't make me lose you for good."

Castiel was torn. Not for the first time, but certainly the most seriously, he considered just staying permanently, remaining with the Winchesters and accompanying them on their travels. He would still have Sam and Dean, and he could prevent the apocalypse in real time instead of trying to pick up the pieces. And what he had here felt too good, too right, to continue to run away from it.

He opened his mouth to tell Dean that he was going to stay. But the words would not come out. Because he was looking at one Dean, but seeing another. He was seeing the Dean whose soul he had pulled from hell, the Dean who had treated him like a human being for the first time, the Dean who had looked him in the eyes and challenged him to be better and been there to catch him when he failed.

There were many theories about time travel. Some thought that changing the past caused reality to split, creating two separate and distinct timelines. Others thought that changes to the past erased the old future and wrote a new one. Still others believed that there was no real changing of the past, because they had always been a part of reality and therefore had already happened. Castiel was not quite sure what he believed, but he did know that if there was any reality or timeline where the lives of the Dean and Sam Winchester that he had first met were in danger, he would find it, and he would help them. Once he did that, he could return here, return to the Dean who had known him since childhood and apparently loved him anyway.

He leaned forward, pressing a tender kiss to the still unfamiliar territory of Dean's lips.

"I can assure you, Dean Winchester," he said solemnly once he broke away. "That I do not take this relationship lightly. You are more important to me than your limited language has words to convey, and you always will be."

He felt Dean's soul pulse at those words, but it was still not quite enough.

"And the second part?"

Castiel sighed.

"Everything I do is to return to you," he said. It was the best he could do.

Dean stared at Castiel for a long moment, reminding the angel of many such situations from the future. He had always been amazed by how communicative the hunter's eyes were, and he could never seem to stop himself from getting lost in them when they were fixed on him like this. Dean's young eyes held hints of the melancholy that his older self occasionally drowned in, but they also contained hope and excitement and a tenderness that took Castiel's breath away.

"Then I will see you later," Dean said softly.

He pulled the angel in for one last kiss, then turned walk into the house, waving once before he shut the door behind him.

Castiel watched him go, feeling a tugging emptiness in his chest. He tried to shake it off promising himself that this could end well as he let himself be carried away by time once more.

He should have known better.


A/N: Sorry that this part is a bit shorter than most, but I wanted it to have its own chapter. Please review; it makes my day.