AN: Regarding the upcoming show Gotham's use of The Riddler, I have this to say: Eddie, brace yourself. The fangirls are coming. Please switch to him, please switch to him. Nope. DAMMIT.
Jasmine Scarthing-It was...terrifying. What did you think was going to happen? I didn't know! That was the problem. You didn't know and you were still panicking. I wouldn't call it panicking. For heaven's sake...when was that, anyway? Was that before or after we had sex? After... Then there was nothing to panic about. How was I supposed to know? Instinct? I don't have instincts in that area. Good point.
"Kitty?" She moves a bit, mumbling something about having been half asleep. "Kitty."
"When did you take massage lessons."
"I didn't. This is what you do to me, so…"
"Oh my god, I didn't realise I was that good."
She'd fallen off a stepladder-how she'd managed that was a mystery to him-and let it get stiff. So this evening, when she really couldn't move and wouldn't shut up about it, he'd volunteered to rub the kinks out.
Scarecrow, unsurprisingly, had promptly taken note of all the squirming and offered a few…alternate…ideas. After a brief but furious mental row, the straw man had retreated, grumbling about a boring alter and wondering if the Joker had an opening for an extra personality.
"I love you."
"I know." He came across a mole he didn't remember and wondered if it looked abnormal. He was pretty sure it didn't, but…he'd keep an eye on it. Just in case. "Why."
"Why wha'."
"Why me?"
"Don't sound so self-pitying, love. It…Jesus, right there…it doesn't suit you."
"I'm serious!"
She shrugged.
"You're smart, and you don't treat me like the Joker treats Harley."
He laughed at her.
"That's called 'low standards' if I'm not very much mistaken."
"Still." She moaned and stretched out. "I thought you were kind of pathetic at first, actually."
"Hey!"
"In a good way! Like a kicked puppy."
Oh, that was so much better. Really.
"Thanks, Kitty."
"And then you were so…innocent and fun to corrupt."
"Oh, yes, because I didn't commit those two murders."
"Apart from that…oh, god, just a little lower."
Lower? Any lower and he'd…oh, never mind.
"Why'd you glom onto me, though? You had your pick."
"I like a challenge. Besides, you had manners. I could trust you not to drug my drink."
He shook his head again.
You should tell her about those dreams you were having.
Shut up.
What? It's been long enough now.
No. Besides, those were your fault.
How were they my fault?
Everything is your fault.
You can blame your hormones for those, Jonny-boy.
Yes, but you're easier.
"Harder."
WHAT.
"E-excuse me?"
"You heard me. Harder. Right there."
Now look what you've done.
To be fair, she's said those words in other situations.
SHUT UP.
"You scared me at first, you know."
"I did?"
"You have to realize that I hadn't been hugged that much in my entire life, and then you came along and used me as a teddy bear."
"It didn't hurt you."
"Still."
She yawned. He took his hands off her and she promptly reached back, grabbed one, and stuck it on her shoulder.
"Don't stop."
THE END
