A/N: This is a short chapter – I just couldn't resist writing it – a new one will be up shortly that gets back to the plot. My thanks for reading and reviewing, and as always I welcome your feedback and suggestions!
Harry was sitting by the fireplace absentmindedly stroking Lily's hair as she slept curled beside him when Ginny came home. It took him a minute to realize that she was in the room before he looked up, distracted, and broke into a smile.
"Harry," she said, putting down her things on the kitchen table, "are you alright?"
"There's nothing to worry about," he said with a tight smile.
"That's not what I asked, and you know it."
"Right," Harry said, sighing deeply and gently lifting Lily into his arms so he could put her to bed. "To tell you the truth, I'm not sure how I'm doing."
"Did something happen while I was out? I told you to call me if something happened," Ginny whispered worriedly as she followed her husband up the stairs.
"Nothing happened. In fact, that's really what's bothering me. I dunno. It's just so sudden I guess."
"So, it went well then?"
"I suppose so," Harry said, placing Lily in her crib and padding quietly back out of the room.
"Well, what happened? What was it like?"
"It was… fine, I guess. Dudly and Molly brought Julie over. The kids all had fun together. I think Al and Rosie liked having someone new to play with. They chased garden gnomes and made little leaf boats and tied them to dirigible plumbs so they'd float around. The kids all had a great day. Julie took to all of the magic around here so fast I'm sure she'll be a natural."
"That's great! I'm glad the kids had fun and get along together, but, Harry, you still haven't answered my question and I'm not letting you off the hook. How are YOU dealing with all of this?"
"I dunno. Honestly, I wish I had a better answer, but that's all I've got."
Ginny sighed a little and took his hand and kissed him gently on the forehead. She led him back downstairs and they sat together by the fire for a while in silence. Harry stared deeply into the fire, sighed deeply and tried to explain.
"Growing up with the Dursley's I was so miserable that I didn't even know what it was like to feel happy and safe and secure and loved until I was at Hogwarts. And even then, there was always something. There was always a threat lingering, keeping things from ever really being settled. Our life together has been like a dream. I know we have our issues, and it's hard during Quidditch season when you're traveling all the time and I can't always get time off work and all that, but still. I'm happy. Even when things are hard there are always these basic things that I can count on.
"When I first went to see Dudley… my aunt and uncle came by. They didn't stay, but they walked in the front door when I was in the kitchen. They didn't see me or know I was there but I heard their voices through the door and I panicked. I guess it was stupid of me to think that everything is better now that I'm in a happier place, but I really did think I was over all of that stuff. I mean, I said my goodbyes to them at seventeen when I became an adult and I've never really looked back. I knew I didn't want them in my life, didn't need them in my life, and being able to just separate myself from them was a great thing for me. In all that, I just thought that I had left behind all that other stuff."
"What other stuff?"
"All those old feelings of not being wanted and not being worth anything just came flooding back. I felt like I was ten again, hiding in the kitchen and hoping that no one would notice me so at least they wouldn't yell at me or look at me with that look on their faces like I was covered in puss spewing boils.
"The thing that gets me is that I thought it was normal at the time. I couldn't really remember living with my parents so I just thought the Dursley's treated me like most people would. I thought they were maybe a little extra annoying, but I really didn't understand how terribly they treated me. They told me so often that I should be grateful that I got even what I did from them that even though I wasn't happy and knew it wasn't fair… I guess part of me really was grateful for the fact that they took me in and kept me. I still don't know what to do with that.
"On the one hand, growing up with them and staying with them in the summers meant that my mother's blood protected me through my aunt. It created a magical protection that even Riddle couldn't break through and without that I probably wouldn't have survived to seventeen. But still, it was beyond unfair, what they did to me, how they treated me. It wasn't just a little extra annoying. It was cruel. I was just a kid and they locked me in the cupboard under the stairs even though there were two extra bedrooms upstairs. They screamed at me and ignored me and let me know at every chance they got how worthless and repellent and terrible I was.
"To tell you the truth, I'm angry. I didn't realize I was. I really thought I was just past it because they weren't in my life anymore, but I guess I'm not. On the one hand I'm still terrified of them, and on the other I'm boiling mad. Part of me just wants to pound on their door and scream at them for treating me that way. I want to do all of the things that they were afraid I'd do for all those years. I want to get them back for hurting me."
Harry sighed deeply and curled forward, putting his hands on this face and resting them on his knees. Ginny rubbed his back and leaned over to curl closer to him. He unfolded himself and kissed her softly.
"Thanks, dear," he said, running a hand through her fiery red hair. "I'm feeling okay now, really. I don't actually want to hurt anyone. I wish they would understand, but I know they never will. I just have to actually move on from here. And I guess that moving on means dealing with this stuff. I'm glad I have you with me."
"Oh, Harry," Ginny said, wrapping her arms around his neck, "I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you."
"You have saved my life so many times and in so many ways. I love you with all my heart, Ginny Potter."
