A/N by: Potions For Foxes
Oh God, this is hilarious. I was in stitches while reading most of this. It is hilarious. So good. If you don't find it as funny, don't worry, I happen to know how Ed would react to Envy's thoughts and what Ed's thinking, and what going to happen next. –cackles– It's really just an excellent chapter. Indy has gone above and beyond this time. She's also had the patience to put up with me and my questions about the Catholic Church (which I like, but when confronted with religion I tend to go and find hilarious bits. Like patron saints. Did you know that there are not one, but several, patron saints of children of unmarried parents. Basically, patron saints of bastards.) But I digress, the point is this chapter is awesome. Read it, review it, love it.
Oh, and FYI:
I am done with my chapter. It will be posted on oh, say the 19th. Do not leave a review telling Indy to update faster. Because I'm the one with the next chapter, suc'KAAAS! And I don't like update!reviews. In fact, for every update!review I think I'll delay posting by… three hours. Instead of updating, I'll take that time to write the next chapter of Stuttering Towards Ecstasy (which I swear I will finish, I promise.)
Beef stroganoff is actually… edible. My mom makes it over rice. It's beef sirloin (the long chewy bits), sauce, and mushrooms. I loathe mushrooms. It's edible, but it's the awful brown-grey color. It's not my favorite dish…
Chapter by: indigo oceans
Stupid Cupid
(quit hitting on me)
Chapter Nine
When I sped away from Roy's house, I had no idea where I was going. Well, that's kind of a lie - I knew I had to eventually go to Manny's and pick up Wrath. But there was no way, and I mean no way that I would let him see me in this state. Fuck it, I was practically crying.
Let's forget about criticizing my pathetic overreaction and have a little more sympathy, okay? I mean, Roy is my best friend. I didn't meet him because I was rich, or notorious, or because Sloth introduced us to each other. And he knows I'm a guy, and he doesn't really care about my less-than-orthodox sexual orientation, and if I want chocolate he buys it and if he wants to practice guitar he can come to my house. That's what best friends are for.
And now he was friends with Ed. And I'm not a bitch - I mean, I am a bitch, but I'm not enough of a bitch to ban people from being friends with someone I don't like. Still, it would've been nice if he had told me. As for Ed... it would be nice if I could trust that he wasn't trying to steal my best friend. But Edward fucking Elric is not to be trusted with anything. Ever.
Stopping at a red light, I sighed. I was behaving like an irrational, hormonal thirteen year old girl. But the don't call me 'Envy' for nothing, you know? And, I mean, I had a right to throw a couple temper tantrums now and then, especially considering the absolute hell my week had been. Running a hand through my hair - probably making it messier than it had been before - I leaned back and relaxed as much as I could. Crying and all other emotional displays make me tired as fuck, and I was ready to crawl into my bed and die for the third time in two days.
But duty was calling and Wrath would be calling too. In fact, I was surprised my cell phone hadn't rung already. He tended to get lonely and a little freaked out if I was ever late, the clingy son of a bitch.
I sighed again and resolved to take the longest, most circuitous route to Manny's I knew. If Wrath wasn't freaking out now, he could wait a little longer. And maybe by the time I reached the ice cream parlor, I'd be calm enough that I wouldn't walk inside looking like hell.
Of course, even the best plans don't work out the way they're supposed to, and that wasn't a good plan to begin with. After I parked the Jag I took a quick look at myself in the overhead mirror, and I still looked like shit.
But I wasn't crying. I suppose that was something.
I hesitated again as I stepped through the door and the chilly, air-conditioned atmosphere of Manny's washed over me. The black and white checkered floor, red upholstered chairs with wrought iron backs, and slightly dented red counter all brought back a flood of memories. The ice cream parlor was the favorite dating site for everyone from teenagers to centenarians, and daddy-Pride had first introduced me to my crackwhore mother at one of the tables outside. And in freshman year, Ed had taken me here every other weekend.
Ah, fuck. Pushing my hair out of my eyes, I let the door shut behind me as I took a few steps forward. The worst thing to do when walking into a room is hesitate at the entrance. It draws attention to you in a bad way, shows that you're lost or nervous and makes people look at you. Today that was, for once, the last thing I wanted.
Although it was Valentine's Day, a few of the tables in the front were empty. The back, however, was practically packed. I took a few more steps and craned my neck to see over the chattering masses, in search of Wrath's distinctive mop of unruly black hair. And there it was, in the very back by the entrance to the bathrooms. What a surprise - not. He was surrounded by blondes - also not a surprise, since Wrath's big eyes attract more high school girls than a Twilight midnight release party.
Except I doubted these blondes would be found anywhere near an Edward Cullen cutout. Especially not - ah, fuck me in the ass - especially not Mr. I'm a Friggin Heterosexual, Edward fucking Elric.
His dumbfounded stare showed beyond a doubt that he noticed me too. Oh great, now there was no chance of escaping and sitting in the car until Wrath was finished. I shot him my best 'screw you' glare, straightened up, and marched to their table. What the fuck was he doing sitting with my cousin?
Oh, I thought as I saw the other two blondes clearly. His brother was there, too.
"Come on," I told Wrath flatly, determinedly ignoring Edward fucking Elric. He could stare at me all he wanted; it didn't mean I had to acknowledge his existence.
Wrath glared at me. "No." Oh, what a fucking peachy time for the brat to grow a backbone. Normally, he followed me back to the car without any complaints. Then again, normally he wasn't surrounded by cute blondes. ...I'm referring to Ed's brother, I mean, and the other kid with the angel face and baby blue eyes. Remember, Ed does not exist right now.
"Why don't you listen to your brother?" the kid, er, Alphonse asked.
"Why don't you take your own advice?" Ed mutters darkly. Fuck, he talked. I transferred my glare to him just long enough to show I was not pleased, then trained it back on Wrath. He blinked at me innocently.
"Come on, let's get the fuck out of here," I told him, exasperated. That little shit, looking all smirky and pleased with himself. I was five seconds away from grabbing him by the hair and dragging him out of the fucking place. If it wouldn't have gotten me arrested, I'd have done it already. Instead, I clamped my hand around my other wrist, pretending it was Wrath's throat I was grabbing.
"No," Wrath said again, and I could see his true, bratty self poking through his angelic facade. Suddenly, he smiled. "Bet Sloth would love to hear about this."
I gave him a wary look. Wrath invoked Sloth's name often and loudly, usually when I had him pinned up against the wall. He seemed to think of her as a savior or something - maybe he was going to call her and complain. Or maybe... My eyes flicked to Ed involuntarily. "About what?" I asked slowly.
His smile widened. I had never noticed before that he had such sharp teeth. Must've been an inherited thing. "This. She'd just love to hear about it. About you and eh-"
I made a sharp gesture with my hand, something between a karate chop and a slap that was cut short at the last minute. "Shut up!" Me and Ed. Yeah, Sloth would just about wet herself for this juicy story. I bit my lip. With that kind of blackmail, Wrath knew he had me nailed.
"Everyone here," Wrath finished, raising a sardonic eyebrow. He had made his point, and he knew it. "Oh, and I ran out of money, so if you want ice cream you'd better buy it yourself."
Exasperated, I closed my eyes and gave a heavy sigh. "You goddamn fucking crack baby," I said, sounding more tired than angry. Daddy-Pride usually gave the kids at least twenty bucks before dropping him off. What had Wrath done, buy ice cream for everyone in the store? I looked around. There was no more room at the table - not that I wanted to sit squished up against Edward fucking Elric; I had enough of that freshman year - and I didn't have any money. Fuck it. "I'll be out in the car."
As I turned to leave, wanting nothing more than to sleep or die or just get the fuck away from this farce, I heard the sound of a chair being pushed back. Maybe it was Wrath, having made the decision to have mercy on his older cousin. Yeah, right.
Still, the truth is just as surprising. "Hey, Envy," Ed said. I jumped and turned around like a startled cat. His hand was reached out halfway, but he stopped before it landed on my arm or shoulder or whatever. It was probably for the best. If the bastard had touched me, I might've slapped him. He was probably going to babble some stupid apology for Roy or - "My treat."
Huh? I was so startled I let him touch my wrist and followed him to the counter. "I think I owe you one for all the times you paid my way." He gave me one of those dazzling smiles that had confused me so much during freshman year. I had never known what to make of them - if he meant them to be just friendly, or if... if... I was dumbstruck. I must've stood there for a couple seconds looking like a fish out of water before I realized he was still touching me. That, I knew how to deal with.
"Don't be an idiot," I said, shaking off his hand. I resisted the impulse to shudder and brush off my wrist.
"Sorry, my bad," he replied. For what? Touching me? Being an idiot? Talking to me freshman year? "But really, let me buy you ice cream. It's the least I can do."
I gave him a strange look. The least he could do for what? The only reason I hadn't cussed him out already and left was because I was too fucking exhausted, and anyway I still needed to get Wrath. I opened my mouth to ask something, but then realized I had no idea what to say and shut it. As they say, silence is golden - especially when you're confused half out of your mind.
"Fine," I said finally, after giving him a sidelong glance and realizing he was still waiting for a response. "But I'll - I'll have Roy pay you back. Or something." Since they were now practically best friends. I looked away again, bitter.
Surprisingly, Ed sounded nearly as bitter when he arched an eyebrow and said, "So you'll owe Roy money, but not me?" What was wrong with that? I mean, I wanted as little contact with Ed as possible, especially in school, and I assumed he felt the same way. Why would Golden Boy want to contaminate himself with the resident homo, especially after freshman year? And since he and Roy were so damn close, bosom buddies doncha know, why shouldn't Roy be the one to hand him the money? I caught myself glaring and gave myself a mental smack, remembering that I wasn't going to get mad at Roy for his bad taste in friends.
But before I could even think of a scathing reply, an elderly woman stepped up to the cash register. "What will it be, dears?" she asked in a voice that had probably been used for scolding children and cooing endearments to the grandchildren.
"We'll have a raspberry swirl with chocolate fudge sauce and chocolate sprinkles in a bowl, three scoops," Ed rattled off before I could even make a choice. "And a... another three scoops. Mint, pistachio, and green tea please, with almonds on top. Also in a bowl."
For a minute, I thought Ed had gotten me the pistachio-whatever, as a sick sort of joke ("It's green - matches with your hair. Food fight!"), or that he was some sick sort of mind reader. He had, after all, ordered my favorite type of ice cream, word for word. But then I remembered that Manny's had been our favorite hangout, back in freshman year.
With Ed, everything came back to freshman year. Made me want to go dig a hole and bury myself out of sheer, cringe-worthy embarrassment. That, or knock out some of Ed's pretty white teeth. But no, I was going to eat ice cream with him, and we were going to be 'friends'. Ha.
Ed finished his business with the cashier and turned back to me. Great. I can't stand awkward silences. Did I have to keep him entertained? When he didn't say anything, it appeared that yes, I did. "Pistachio?" I asked him, raising an eyebrow and trying my absolute best to sound like I didn't care. Like I talked to him like this every fucking day of the week.
"I like green things," he replied quickly, almost defensively, and then blushed. "I mean, not that I like you or anything, because I don't - I mean, not that you're ugly or anything, you aren't actually and I swear, I just meant ice cream..." He shuts his mouth, and then opens it a second later - just when I thought he'd realized it was best to be quiet. "I'll shut up now."
Right. That was a good idea. I was still blinking at his flood of words. Green, and then me...?
Oh, he meant my hair. I had been planning to make a crack about vegetables or something. I had no idea that what he said could have been applied to me... and did he just call me pretty? What a backhanded way to give a compliment. I blinked again, and realized I was probably blushing. Oh, shit. "Whatever," I said, figuring that the best way to recover was to fumble out some kind of reply. "Pistachio's nasty."
"Uh, well, I like it," Ed replied, looking just about as off-balance as I felt. Good. At least that made two of us. "Raspberry and chocolate go rather well together," he continued, jumping to a tangent so effortlessly it took me a moment to catch up, and I was no amateur at wordplay. He shot me another one of his stunning smiles, and for the first time, I realized just how white his teeth were. I mean, it wasn't terribly noticeable, but in that lighting, and with that almost-panicked look in his eyes -
I swear (if I may use a theological metaphor), the three Magi could've found baby Jesus by the light of that smile.
"Yeah," I managed, trying not to imagine a giant smile in the sky on Nativity night. "They do." We were talking about raspberry and chocolate, right? Fuck, I wanted out of here.
"Here you go," the woman at the counter said, handing Ed both bowls of ice cream. Great, he had the goods - another excuse to keep me prisoner for a little while. I glanced over at Wrath, but he seemed absorbed by his new best friends. Joy.
When I turned back, Ed was holding out my ice cream. I took it reluctantly, and our fingers brushed, making me startle and jerk back so quickly I nearly dropped my ice cream. Fuck. Fuck. Whenever we went to Manny's in freshman year, Ed would do the same thing. He'd pick up the ice cream and hold it out, and I'd take it, and our fingers would -
Back then, I was a naive little freshman, but now I'm friends with Roy Mustang. I know flirting when I see it, now, and back then... Ed was flirting as much as he knew how. Son of a fucking bitch.
Apparently Ed chose the high route by ignoring my reaction. "Hey, do you want to sit down somewhere?" he asked, and I blinked. I though we were supposed to go back to the children like good big brothers - or cousins, in my case. "I don't think either of our brothers would willingly go, er... There's not really room at the table, ah, and I, ah, well, would hate to intrude on their love triangle thing. It's like a soap opera and Al's sulking."
Right. Al, Wrath, and whoever that kid was. The ménage à trois from hell. Lovely. "Fine," I said, biting back several scathing comments about Ed's awkwardness - the most apt of which being something like 'If you wanted me alone, babe, all you had to do was ask.' If it were anyone but Edward fucking Elric, I'd have gone right out and said it. But no, we can't pollute the hetero's already-tarnished reputation. So I waited like a good little lamb for him to lead me to slaughter - I mean, for him to hurry up and sit somewhere.
"Here, uh, this table's free," Ed said finally, taking a seat at some random table. I trailed behind him at a distance. This was turning out to be an awkward parody of one of our... our... dates. Just because I was gay didn't mean God couldn't give me a fucking break once in a while. I placed my ice cream in front of me and sat.
Great, I was alone at a table in an ice cream shop with Edward fucking Elric. And we had nothing to say to each other. Just where I wanted to be. Exactly how I wanted to spend my Saturday. Really, fate must be able to read my mind.
The awkward silence dragged on. I took a bite of my ice cream. Even the tart-yet-sweet flavor of raspberry couldn't distract me from this hell. And, as a bonus - lucky fucking me - the chocolate sprinkles were shaped like hearts. Oh yeah, it was Valentine's day. I was spending the most romantic day of the year with my worst enemy, who, coincidentally, had happened to ask me out.
And I hated him. He could buy me all the ice cream in the world, but I still hated him.
"So what the fuck were you doing at Roy's house?" I asked, snapping the silence like overstretched taffy. Even though I had accepted that they were friends (or at least friendly, because maybe 'friends' was pushing it), I still had a right to be curious. Roy was still mine.
Ed looked up from his horrific green ice cream combination to blink at me in consternation. Heh. Apparently he's never seen the good cop, bad cop routine on TV. "We were just going over Chapter Twelve," he says. His expression is a little affronted. "AP Chem. That's all, I swear. I'm not going to steal your boyfriend, Envy."
Before I stopped to even realize what I was doing, I had smacked one hand down on the table and was half standing, the backs of my knees pressing into the seat of the chair. "He's not my boyfriend," I spat, so angry I wasn't sure what I wanted to do first - slap him or strangle him. I could have - and had - taken those kind of jibes before from lots of people. But Ed - for Edward thinks-he's-hot-shit Elric to say that... And he said my name. He had no right to say my name.
Raising his hands a little, for self defense, probably, Ed shook his head and had the nerve to laugh a little. "Geez, Envy," he said, talking to me like I was some kind of jealous child. (So what if I was? Like I said, he had no right.) "Roy chases anything with boobs. It doesn't even have to move or have legs, just boobs. It's a joke. Though you're possessive enough that one would think you two were dating." He glared.
I wasn't that possessive! I let Roy have other friends! I didn't expect to monopolize every minute of his time! But he was mine. I... I needed him. "You're a dumb piece of shit, Elric," I said, trying to distance myself from the argument and hating how I ended up just sounding exhausted and hurt. "But I already knew that." To make up for my voice, which seemed intent to betray me, I glared at him.
Ooh, that annoyed him. "You'd think you'd be a little nicer to the person who just bought you ice cream and saved you from Wrath, but no," Ed said, shrugging dramatically. Oh, because isn't he just the heart and soul of modern chivalry.
"You'd think I'd be a little nastier to the person who seems to make a habit of fucking up my fucking life," I shot back nastily, mimicking his shrug.
Ed's expression grew even angrier. Oh, good. I knew he couldn't hide behind that excruciatingly polite, smiling mask forever. Let's learn what you really think, Eddi-boy. "Come on Envy," he said, sounding exasperated. "We both know that's not true." Oh really? "Name one thing - outside of me asking you out - that I've done specifically to ruin your life. Look, Roy's done worse things to you and you still talk to him."
I blinked. That wasn't what I had expected. Shoving aside the comment about Roy - that could wait, because I really didn't want to think about that now - I fumbled for a comeback. "Roy didn't show up here, for one," I managed, taking an angry bite of my ice cream. It didn't provide quite the effect I had hoped for, as it was cold and made my teeth ache.
"And how has that ruined your life?" Ed snapped. I had misjudged before. Now he was getting angry. "I don't think it compares to stealing your Match-Up Gram and announcing the results to the whole class. I think Roy pretty much has me beat there." Oh, such a touching display of loyalty to your friend. No wonder I was so head-over-heels for him freshman year. He even had the gall to smirk at me as he took a bite of his ice cream.
"Oh, I'm sure you would have," I retorted, matching if not exceeding Ed's viciousness. "I recall you doing something awfully like that in freshman year. So leave Roy out of this, please." See, I'm a good boy. I never forget my manners.
I knew Ed was volatile, but never before had he gotten angry at me. That was my first full on view of his expression as it changed from astonished to hurt to furious in the blink of an eye. I wasn't sure where the hurt came from - as if anything I said could possibly permeate his dense skull. "In case it managed to slip your puny little mind," he hissed, "I also got matched up with you. So I wouldn't be likely to inform the whole class. And as I said, aside from that incident, I have done nothing to intentionally ruin your life." He looked me directly in the eyes before he spoke his next words. "It's not my fault you can't get over it." Apparently feeling that he had made his point, he looked away to take a bite of his ice cream.
No. He didn't. He did not just try to put the blame for this whole fucking situation on my shoulders. I was so mad that for a few seconds I could barely move. But once again, my temper got the better of me and before I knew it I was standing, both hands pressed flat on the table and my chair clattering to the tile behind me. "That's easy for you to say, isn't it, you fucking hypocrite?" I spat, everything I had wanted to say for the past few years leaving my mouth in a torrent of hate and anger, my voice growing progressively louder as I yelled. "It didn't make you the school's fucking fag-in-residence! Don't talk to me. You know nothing!"
Before he could even think of a reply, I had marched away to Wrath's table. I'd be damned - or rather, Wrath would be damned - if I had to sit like a nice little boy and take any more of this shit. I grabbed the kid by the neck of his shirt and he knew better than to resist. "We're leaving."
For some reason, Ed felt the need to rush after me. Always trying to patch things up after it's too late... that's him. But I was still too angry to realize that was just how he was, and yelling at him wouldn't make him stop following me like a kicked puppy. The idiot. "Look, Envy, I didn't mean for that to happen! That wasn't my intention at all!" Absurdly, he stopped to pick up the chair that had fallen when I stood to make my exit.
"I don't care whose fucking fault it was," I told him acidly, dragging Wrath down the aisle with me so quickly the brat had to scramble to find his feet and walk after me. "It happened, didn't it?"
"It was an accident!" Ed replied, sounding desperate. "I didn't think. I shouldn't have said that, but Envy, it's been two years!"
"Yeah, you think?" I was on a roll, in terms of angry sarcasm. "And apparently you still haven't gotten the message." I looked him directly in the eye. There was no way to step gingerly around this one. "Leave. Me. The. Fuck. Alone."
"I-" Ed began, and I prepared to hit him with my free hand. But he cut himself off - wisely - and looked down. "Fine. Talk to Roy. He misses you. You've really upset him."
I blinked and stared at him. In fact, everyone was staring. This was getting farcical. If the ice cream lady had her security cameras rolling, she could've taped this whole fight and sent it to a screenwriter for a brand new soap opera - FML, maybe, as an abbreviation for Fuck My Life. It needed to end, now, and like any good soap opera star I knew my cue. Without replying, I dragged Wrath out the door.
Except... why would Ed have cared about me and Roy? I thought he would be laughing, or at least apathetic, at the strife he had inadvertently caused. Why would he -
I turned back to look, and opened my mouth, but I had nothing to say. Now that the anger was leaving me and being replaced by utter exhaustion, I just felt... confused.
---
Of course, things didn't improve when I got back home, not that I was optimistic enough to expect them to. After spending the whole twenty minute car ride listening to Wrath rave about how cute Ed's little brother was (and if that wasn't just bizarre), I was ready to strangle something. Preferably him. So when he bounced over the doorstep and sing-songed something about telling Sloth everything, I needed no further provocation to jump on him and wrestle him into the ground.
"Shut the fuck up," I hissed. "I knew you were Sloth's little minion, but I thought maybe you could keep your mouth shut for once in your fucking life." I punctuated each word by squishing his face a little further into the carpet.
"Mmph!" he whined, his voice muffled by a mouthful of floor. "Envy, you - ow! Stop it!"
I grinned viciously. Wrath was the perfect scapegoat, really - smaller and in no position to complain to the parentals if I subjected him to a little sibling abuse. Whereas, if I tried something like this with the person I was actually pissed at (aka Edward fucking Elric), I'd just be spreading around those rumors even more. I might even get arrested for being an abusive fag - heaven forbid!
"Once you're done torturing my son," a deep, richly amused voice said from the kitchen entryway, "I could really use your help with the dishes, nephew."
Oh, you had got to be fucking kidding me. Not him, not now. I loosened my grip on Wrath's shaggy hair as I looked up in dread, and he took the advantage to shove me off and scamper up the stairs, sticking his tongue out at me when he reached the landing. But right now, he was the least of my problems.
I stood. "Greed. Nice to see ya, unky."
He smiled broadly, revealing his sharklike teeth in all their glory. "Likewise. Long time no see. I've missed my favorite nephew. Hug?" He held out his arms and I knew that under those annoying rounded sunglasses, he was giving me an amused smirk.
"Save it for someone who cares," I replied, flicking an imaginary speck of dust from my sleeve. "Personally, I would prefer it if you shoved your fucking head up your ass and died in the nastiest way that is fucking possible."
His smile widened, and I knew why a moment later. "Envy," someone said behind me, in an amused and very feminine voice. "It's wonderful to see that you've kept your charming gift for invective."
I jumped nearly a foot and turned around as fast as a cat that's had its tail yanked. "D-Dante!" I stammered, feeling very much off guard and extremely idiotic. "Er, um..." Greed was waiting behind me with his usual sardonic look, but I had to choose between the lesser of two evils. I hazarded a greeting. "Nice to see you?"
She gave a 'hmph' noise, stuck up her nose, and flounced - petticoats and all - into the kitchen. Greed and I traded a look.
"Family dinner, huh?" I asked him. Sure, he was the creepy pedophile uncle who lives in my garage (and really, I shit you not), but he's preferable to Grandma Dante any day of the week.
He nodded. "Welcoming the black sheep back to the fold." Greed really is the black sheep of the family, in that he doesn't stay in the house very often and, when he's away, can be found in a different state any day of the week. I don't know what he was doing, and I don't want to. But every time he returns, the family was a bit richer and Russian wife cooked us a feast. One time when he came back, he had a two year old Wrath in tow. Now that day was bizarre.
"Is Lust back too?" I asked, and it came out a bit more hopefully than I would have liked. "I mean, she said she'd be coming back sometime soon..."
"Not 'til March, dearest nephew," Greed replied with another sharp-edged grin. On second thought, following after Dante might not have been such a bad idea. "She's doing very important business right now, you know."
If Greed is the black sheep of the family, Lust is the, er, spotted one. In a very attractive way, of course. Her business is at least legitimate - she works in a high-end modeling agency and is always traveling around for various appearances and photo shoots and whatever. She sends Sloth some of her hand-me-downs, which accounts for my half-sister's high fashion.
Anyway.
"Borscht, huh?" I asked dismally, changing the subject. Ah, Russian food - or, more accurately, beet soup served with sour cream.
"And stroganov," Greed added, shrugging. Stroganov, which we Americans (because if I don't like the food and I'm only a quarter Russian, I can't really identify with that ethnic group) have anglicized to 'stroganoff'. Beef with noodles and cream sauce; joy.
"That's not too bad," I said honestly, trying to look at the bright side.
Greed looked dismal. "Not when we're drinking kvas with it."
"Oh. Oh, fuck." I made gagging motions. Kvas is described as a 'sweet, bread-based beverage', which makes it sound good but doesn't go into the reality, which has something to do with chucking flour in boiling water and waiting for something to soak in. Gag me with a fucking spoon. It was too much to hope for, I know, but... "Russian wife's not making syrniki, is she?"
Greed's expression grew even more morose.
"Oh shit, she is?" Syrniki - cottage cheese mixed with honey or jam and fried in a saucepan. It was supposed to be a dessert, I kid you not. Well, gag me with a sharp spoon and fuck me in the ass. "Then we'll do the usual, right?"
My creepy uncle gave me a thumbs up and disappeared back into the kitchen. I sighed and slumped against the wall. For the record, 'the usual' consists of poking at the food on our plates so it looks reasonably mushed and possibly eaten, then excusing ourselves for a walk after Dante left and really heading posthaste to the nearest McDonald's and pigging out on decent, human food. I mean, I hate fast food as much as the next decently sane person, but anything was preferable to fuckin' tvorag.
And so it goes. You know how family dinners are - though I doubt you have a family as dysfunctional as mine. Daddy-Pride was gruffly proud of Russian wife's cooking and gruffly deferential to Grandma Dante, who sniffed at the stroganov and made thinly veiled sniping comments about her grandchildren's parentage. Well, mostly mine - from the way she acts, you'd think I was the only bastard in the family. But there's Wrath and Greed, who acts enough of a bastard to be counted as one. He sent period smirks to Daddy-Pride and was his usual obsequious self with Dante, as if we all didn't know how much he hated her.
As for Wrath, he sent periodic glares at me while being chirpy while Russian wife and Grandma Dante pretended they liked each other and him. And Sloth smirked occasionally in my direction, letting me know without a doubt that she knew all about the Manny's fiasco. Go figure, you know?
But McDonalds afterwards was better, though I had to keep rolling my eyes whenever Greed said I was his favorite. I'd be a little more creeped out if I knew not to trust anything he said; he loves getting a rise out of people.
Later, though, my stomach stuffed full of hamburger and French fries, tucked away in my own little corner of the basement safely away from the rest of my family (thank God), my thoughts strayed back to the incident at the ice cream parlor. Sloth hadn't confronted me about it yet, but I knew for sure she would, and I needed to think of sort out my thoughts before then.
First off, I was angry. I was pissed as fuck that Ed had managed to twist up freshman year until it was somehow my fault, like I wasn't the one who had gotten totally played and then totally... totally dumped. Fuck. Fuck. The thought of it was enough to make me clench the blanket in my fists with rage.
But then, there was that thing he said about Roy. Well, both things, really. About how Roy treated me worse on a regular basis than he ever had, and how I had really upset him. Well, the latter was obvious and I was going to have to atone for it either tomorrow or at school. I had just been too chicken today to answer any of his texts, or even read them. I was afraid he might be mad.
About Roy hurting me, though... Sure, he pulled some crappy practical jokes every other month, embarrassed me in front of Ling once in a while, and there was that instance when he shouted out about me and Ed being matched up. But really, he was a friend, and friends are supposed to pull things on each other every once in a while. I mean, if he always treated me like I was made out of glass, then I'd be pissed. But I'm not a whiny girl or a fucking princess. I could take stuff like that.
Well, I mean, the match up thing was a bit overboard, but he had apologized for that. Profusely.
And Roy had never been under the impression that I was a girl. He had never flirted with me or taken me for ice cream or held my hand or hugged me after a cross-country meet. Roy had never -
"Ah, fuck it," I moaned into my pillow, and rolled over. As usual, I was just making a big deal of nothing. But every time I closed my eyes, I saw Ed's face, hurt and bewildered when I had told him to leave me alone. If I had said what I had been wanting to say for two years, if I had given him exactly what he deserved... why did I feel like such a jerk?
Fin
Go read and review If (h ttp: //ww w. fanfiction . net /s/5046951/1/If) by kittyebony13. She's in England. She's written 9 chapters in 23 days. Don't leave her update!reviews. There's no reason for it. She actually updates at the rate of 3 chapters per week. If you can put up with us (and you guys did such a good job on Chapter 7 I'm so proud of you. Except for that one girl…) and we update once a week, maybe, on average unless school and life happen, then you can put up with her. Seriously, though her story is great! It's not as complex as what I like to write (and if you've seen the family trees for the Sins, you know I mean complex). Her Envy is very, very good. It's even in the same style as Stupid Cupid, except it's not a colab so the style is the same regardless of point of view.
Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous (.net/s/3644057/13/Lifestyles_of_the_Rich_and_Famous) [link should work, it's a one... if not check the favorites of this account) is also updated, another awesome chapter by indigo oceans.
