AN: Thank you to everyone who has favorited me or this story and a special thanks to everyone who has reviewed. I LOVE YOU! :)
Song for this Chapter: Lithium by Evanescence and Hurt by Christina Aguilera
AN: I suggest you actually listen to the songs. Both Amy Lee and Christina are amazing singers.
DEFINITION OF A Jezebel: an impudent, shameless, or morally unrestrained woman
Summary: They betrayed her and abandoned her junior year. Now Gabriella is back to East High for senior year and she's ready to show them what they created.
"Ready or not, here I come."
Welcome to the Tales of a Teenage Jezebel
The girl were proving to be very allusive prey. They would show themselves, usually doing something they knew their pursuers would not like, then just as quickly disappear again. They repeated this process with each one of the hunting party. The people in question were currently meeting in the backrooms. It was 3am and they had just closed the club.
They were waiting on the troublesome duo. During one of their near captures, D taunted them, mentioning that if they really wanted to talk to them that bad, then they meet the girls in the backroom after the club closed. James sighed and opened his eyes.
"See what we mean by bringing out the worst in each other? They are a million times bolder when their together. They egg each other on and fuel the others wild actions. I don't even think they realize how bad they are together. To them, it's all about dangerous fun. They push themselves to the edge so they can forget about any hurts they've suffered. To them, it's not their activities that are wrong or harmful, its life that hurts the most. As long as they can escape, everything will be fine. They just aren't ready to face reality."
The seniors in the room took that in quietly. Kelsey posed a question.
"What do you mean by dangerous fun? We know about the drug use, but now it sounds like a whole lot more."
The sibs stared at her, before Erica answered the question. "Well, the drugs are just to start with. Sleeping with guys from school or random clubs or just met hanging around and breaking laws are just 2 of them. She assures us that she's very safe and sanitary but there's just no way we can be sure she is. We know she's safe sober but what about when she's in that drug induced haze? Anyone could take advantage of her. She won't admit to much, so we have no way of knowing. If you really want to know everything you have to ask Bree herself."
The club owner's eyes hardened as they peered at the high school group. Mike startled them with the hard tone in his voice.
"Don't ask for information if you're just curious. Bree has already been hurt and abandoned by this crew, and to get this info, you have to be in for the long haul. No backing out. Baby Bee is fragile despite how strong she seems."
"Yeah," Monique said," We know all about before and we also know that you all still have a very tight hold onto her."
Monique paused and addressed Troy directly.
"And you. The chemistry between you and Bree is like nothing I've ever seen in regards to anyone else she's been with. I can tell there are still strong feelings there. The connection you have is something special."
Erica jumped in. "Hurt her, and we will never forgive you. We all know Bree is incredibly lost right now and she's self-destructing." Her voice cracked. "She's precious to us but we don't know how to help, how to get through to her. You can. We know you can help her get into a happier stage in her life."
James finished off. "Look, we like you and all, but if you hurt Gabriella one more time, we will make your lives a living hell. Understand? "
The door swung open and two laughing figures walked in before the students could give them their consent. Gabriella smiled brightly, eyes still a bit glazed.
"What's up guys? What did you want to talk about?
Chad cleared him throat. "Umm... Bree… Gabi… Gabriella…oh shit. How do I…?"
He roughly cleared his throat, and took a deep sigh. "Okay, this is how it is. We want to help you. We want to be friends, no, a family again. You're doing the same thing Troy did after you left and we helped him. We can do the same for you. We can save you from the destruction of your own making."
Troy expressed his view. "I know that empty feeling you have. I've had it too. You don't need drugs. We can help you. We can fill in that hole."
Taylor talked next, in a gentle tone, "Face it, you need us. You won't survive by yourself without anyone else."
D stared, shocked, at them. "Are they really saying this?"
If it had been anyone else, their words would have sounded heartfelt. It probably would have caused a worn down girl to break into tears and spark a joyful reunion.
But it wasn't.
These were the people who had hurt her. Those words coming from those lips just sounded pitying and condescending.
Bree stared hard at them, tears gathering her eyes, then slowly shook her head disbelievingly.
"You want to make up? You want to be family again? You want to help me, you say? Save me from destruction?" She quoted them incredulously.
They heard the mocking tone of her voice and hesitated. "Yes" Jason answered for the whole group.
She shook her head and scoffed.
"Why is that you could only see the worst in me? I swear it pushed me to be the way I am sometimes. But to keep it all real, it's hurting me. I could say I'm done with it, but it stays with me. So I just tell myself that it works for me. Take a break, ignore you, and pop a couple of them percaces. "
"I try and I try but you can never see the good in what I'm doing. Why would I want to go back to the shy happy loser that you all loved and abandoned? The easily hurt girl that cried every time you insulted her. She was WEAK, she was nothing."
"Has it even occurred to you that maybe we can't be family again. That things are too different? You don't know half the things I've done. You know nothing about the person I've become!"
"Why don't you tell us then?" Sharpay said heatedly.
"Fine. My name is Gabriella Montez. I enjoy taking drugs off all kind. Morphine, ecstasy, heroin, cocaine, adderall, lithium and oxycontin are just some of them. I drink just about anything. It's my fault my parents are dead. It's my fault D got dragged into this lifestyle."
Bree ignored D and shushed when she opened her mouth to refute Bree's statement. Meanwhile, everyone else had tucked in the parents comment away to confront later.
"I will never be satisfied. I delight in living my life the way I want to regardless of what anyone thinks or wants. I have a record deal. Once I finish this school year, I will start recording as a BGC artist. I'm promiscuous, some might say, and I enjoy having sex with random people, since you know, I'm so good at that. "
She had remembered that line in particular from their argument in the meadow. Some of the things they said there, she would never forget.
"So do you take me to be who I am? You haven't even seen me at my worst yet. Can you handle really it? Cause if not, it's just best we both part. Cause how am I supposed to finish what you start? You got me thinking twice to just breathe. I can't care about you and your judgment anymore. I won't. And then you say I won't survive if I leave, but I got a couple of tricks up my sleeve. I no longer need your attention, so please. End your pity party. I don't need to be a part of that."
She saluted them and ran away while they sat in silence.
Bree strummed on the guitar in her hands, happy to escape all the building tension in that back room. She was glad that D distracted them, yelling at them, while she ran away. Knowing Deidre, they would be there for a while.
Things like this, constant fights, all the tension and hurt, the distrust caused her to drink and do drugs. She needed an escape. She couldn't deal. She felt too strongly and too many feelings at the same time and then sometimes she didn't feel anything at all except rage and hate.
That black hole inside of her widen up and rapidly consume her until she couldn't think straight and she felt too much. She couldn't take it. She needed the numb feeling drugs and alcohol gave her.
Needed them to help find the piece of her that she was missing.
Needed them to close that hole inside of her
Needed them to forget the blood, of the innocent and not so-innocent, on her hands
Needed them to revive the shriveled filthy black thing she called her soul
But, at the same time, she didn't want them. She knew she shouldn't rely on them so much. That they would just end up failing her like everyone else, but what else could she do? They were her and D's only other escape from the things that haunted them.
Bree snorted. She was so fucking depressing and overdramatic sometimes.
Honestly though, the only thing she had beside that was music. Since she couldn't access drugs right now, she opted for music.
She turned to the piano and remembered a song she wrote when crashing after an abnormally effective high. While she familiarized herself with the piano, everyone else was looking for her. Monique caught the sound of the piano keys. "Shh... she's on stage. Let's go watch her." Even D nodded her consent, though she was still pissed at everyone. Bree needed some alone time.
Lithium, don't wanna lock me up inside
Lithium, don't wanna forget how it feels without
Lithium, I wanna stay in love with my sorrow
Oh, but God I wanna let it go
D immediately knew she could relate. They both were trapped in a vicious cycle of drug use and they couldn't escape. Something would always drive them back to their addictions one way or another. The thing was, that promise of complete ignorant bliss always seduced them until they were right back where they started. For the girls who had seen things no one should, this was something too hard to resist.
Come to bed, don't make me sleep alone
Couldn't hide the emptiness, you let it show
Never wanted it to be so cold
Just didn't drink enough to say you love me
Bree felt like this sometimes. That overwhelming emptiness, and that overpowering loneliness. When that happened, she needed physical contact. She usually just went out and fucked some random guy. And yes, to her, what she was doing was fucking. Just sex. Making love implied that there was love involved when that was far from the case. There was only lust, emptiness, and that strange need to not be alone. The strange need to just be held, as if she was someone worth being protected.
Sometimes, when those needs where particularly strong, she pretended that it was Troy's arms wrapped around her and that the breathe tickling her ear was from Troy whispering "I love you."
I can't hold on to me
Wonder what's wrong with me?
She always felt this way. Every day, she got up and looked into the mirror only to see a stranger. Where had she gone?
Lithium, don't wanna lock me up inside
Lithium, don't wanna forget how it feels without
Lithium, I wanna stay in love with my sorrow
Don't wanna let it lay me down this time
Drown my will to fly
Here in the darkness I know myself
Can't break free until I let it go, let me go
Gabriella felt the heavy chains of addiction grow heavier and heavier as she grew more dependent. She wanted to let go but a small piece of her didn't want to. As long as that piece of her wanted to stay, she was trapped.
Darling, I forgive you after all
Anything is better than to be alone
And in the end I guess I had to fall
Always find my place among the ashes
Bree smiled bitterly. She always knew she would destroy everything around her. Lives, relationships, souls, there was no exception. The people she loved needed to let go of her before she dragged them down too.
Bree's honorary siblings and the gang all stood silent and let her spectacular voice wash over them. The sibs wondered, "This is how she feels? Why didn't you tell us? I would have helped you with anything. You just have to ask me."
The gang was determined. "With us here, you'll never ever be alone. We'll protect you and put you back together again. We'll never abandon you again" They vowed.
I can't hold on to me
Wonder what's wrong with me?
Lithium, don't wanna lock me up inside
Lithium, don't wanna forget how it feels without
Lithium, stay in love with mmm
I'm gonna let it go
Her voice faded out, voice slightly cracking at the end.
Bree looked up. "I wish you were here with me mom. You would know what to do. You always did. I'll admit it mom. I'm really lost. All I can see is that pitch black darkness; No sign of that bright light at the end of the tunnel you talked about. I need help. I'm hurting the people I care about and I just can't stop it. Help me, please. I miss you. This is for you, I'm so sorry."
She turned to the piano and played while singing.
Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today, ooh, ooh
A teardrop hit the piano keys and Bree took a deep, shuddering breath.
I would hold you in my arms, I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done, forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do to hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you but I know you won't be there
Everyone listening knew she was talking about her mother. The gang didn't just know the full story behind her death. They didn't know, unlike Deidre and the sibs, that Bree had witnessed her being slaughtered right in front of her.
Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this, ooh
The tears came faster and splashed harder against the keys. Bree simply ignored them and let them run down her face.
Would you tell me I was wrong? Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me? Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do to have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back
She always wondered this now. "Would my mother be disappointed in me now?" She wanted her mom to be proud of her but she couldn't get out of the trap she had fallen into.
The sibs sneaked a glance at each other. They all knew that Gabriella was left cradling her mother's body, blood all over her clothes, for who knows long. Looking into those blank eyes that used to be so full of laughter.
Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, oh
If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
Oh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time
Everyone had tears trailing down their face, even the males. There was so much emotion packed into that one song, some they just couldn't comprehend. Every heart in the building ached for the broken young girl singing out her heart for the mother who wasn't there to help piece her back together.
I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
By hurting you
Bree trailed off softly. There she sat staring into space in silence, remembering the woman who loved and supported her until the end.
As Gabriella sat at the piano, already writing on stray pieces paper she left on the piano that had lyrics written on them, she heard a noise that sounded like feet shuffling. Her eyes narrowed and she knew what the sound was. Instantly, she felt an irrational anger over take her. All her pent up rage and hate wanted to unleash itself right then.
Right now, even D was going to get it. She had been hurt for so long and felt a slight betrayal that they intruded on her personal time even though logically, she knew they would since this was a public place and she was fully aware that they were still in the building. It was too soon and she didn't want to see them. Didn't matter who it was, she just wanted someone to hurt like she did. She might regret it tomorrow but she knew it would feel damn good today.
Slowly, she turned around and stood up. Her voice was as cold as her eyes. "Come on out guys, I know you're here. No point in hiding any longer."
They all filed out slowly, shuffling their feet like guilty children. Bree just stared coldly at them. Their mere presence was making her sick to her stomach. How could she look at them right now?
"I can't even look at any of you right now. You all disgust me, every one of you." Her voice wavered a little. Troy looked at softly, wanting nothing more than to hold her and make all the pain go away. Bree looked in his eyes and mistook the look for pity. Jumping to conclusions, she assumed everyone else pitied her also.
That was enough for her.
She hated herself for needing these people, the people who had hurt her so hated that she felt more like herself than she had in months just by being around them. She hated them for being some of the only people capable of making feel things she thought herself incapable of feeling anymore. She hated everyone in the room for making her love them. How dare they pity her! How dare they!
Her eyes burned dangerously. "How dare you! Do I look like someone to be pitied? A helpless little girl lost in a big bad world of drugs. "She mockingly said.
The sibs, the wildcats, and D stared at her, confused about where this came from. Bree prowled around them, making them feel like prey trapped by a hungry jungle cat.
"Is that what you think I am? A misguided soul who doesn't know what she's doing? Maybe, I'm still the slutty bitch who manipulates everyone and only cares about herself. Which one am I? Anyone want to answer me? Well, I'm waiting?"
Seeing them still in shock, she continued.
"No answer. That's cool too. I'll tell you what the answer is. I'm a young woman who seen things, done, and been a part of things nobody my age should be a part of. I don't need anyone but myself. That's all I have and that's all I'll ever need. I don't need Deidre, I don't need the sibs, and I don't need the wildcats. You can all go out and play hide and go fuck yourselves for all I care. You just need to let go."
Gabriella held up a hand to silence the words she knew were coming.
"No. You talked earlier, it's my turn now. I know what I'm doing and I don't care about the consequences of my actions. I'm going to do what I want, when I want, how I want. If my consequences is an early death from "my path of destruction", that's just the way it's going to be. I don't need any of you, and I don't want any of you."
"You can stand there and look stupid all you want, but I'm leaving and I don't want to see any of your faces right now. I'm tired of being the only one hurt by your actions. I'm done. "
She turned away from them, intending to pick up her stuff and go, and was surprised when she felt two strong arms wrap around her waist. She shivered when she felt Troy's warm breathe brush her ear and his fervent pleas floated into her ear. She could feel herself melting in his embrace. She hated the way she always reacted to his presence. Nobody should be able to make her give in so easily.
Troy, for his part, couldn't believe what he was hearing. He couldn't leave her alone. Why would he? He had to do whatever he could; he couldn't just let her walk away.
"Please stay Gabi. Please. I love you so much. Please don't walk away from me, from us. We need you. We've all made mistakes, and we've all hurt you. I understand that. Just give us a chance to make it up to you. We'd do anything."
Gabriella sighed quietly, but shook her self quickly and harshly pulled out of Troy's embrace. She would not give in!
"I'm sorry but no. I've had enough. I can't give any more chances." She picked up her purse and her car keys and walked quickly out the doors, forgetting completely about the songs still on the piano. Troy quickly ran after Bree, shouting her name. The door slammed shut behind him.
Deidre turned furious eyes on the rest of them. "You guys are all fucking idiots. What the fuck kind of help do you think you were offering? Because all I heard was bullshit. What do you have to say for yourselves you imbeciles?"
Everyone sat in shamed silence while D berated them. She glared even harder at the silence. They shivered in slight fear. Her anger was intimidating, and those gray eyes felt like they were burning into their souls, making them feel even worse about the mess they caused.
Meanwhile (outside the club)
Troy burst out the front doors and rushed to the meet Bree before she drove off. Stalking through the parking lot, he kept his eyes open for her. Catching a glimpse of her, he broke into a run and found her almost to her car door.
"Bree!" He called out. She just kept walking.
"Bree! Please!" He tried again.
She still didn't answer and kept walking. She was at her door when he went for his last tactic and started to sing, letting the words come from his heart. He noticed that she didn't open the door and just stood there, letting the lyrics wash over her. Taking it for a good sign, he walked slowly over to her. His voice was quiet but carried in the deathly silent and empty parking lot.
Tell yourself it's over now
Try to kill a broken vow
If only you could find the strength to kill the memories
These empty pages never turn
You lit the flame and let them burn
You tried to bury me so deep but what lies beneath
Will your hope die alone
Will you fade on your own
Can you just turn away and let me go
Troy's voice got louder as he tried to get through the barriers of ice around her heart. Singing has always been a way to get through their problems.
Lie to me
You can feel
That this love was never real
Walk away
You can learn to love again
Lie to me
You can leave
I'll still be here when you see
Your not alone
You don't have to run again
Leave me in denial
It was true. It didn't matter if she ran again. He would always love her and he would always be there for her, whether she wanted him to be or not.
All your secrets crawl inside
You keep them safe, you let them hide
You feel them drinking in your pain to kill the memories
So close your eyes and let it hurt
The voice inside begins to stir
Are you reminded of all you used to be
He tried to get her to remember all the good times as he walked closer. He embraced her from behind as he noticed her shaking shoulders. He put all the love and warmth he could into it. He would get through to her.
Can you just turn away and let me go
Lie to me
You can feel
That this love was never real
Walk away
You can learn to love again
Lie to me
Watch me bleed
Cause I'll still be here when you see
Your not alone
You don't have to run again
Leave me in denial
He turned around gently to face her. His eyes softened when he noticed the tears trailing down her face. He sang looking directly in her eyes. He left his soul bare for her to look into and find what she wanted.
All the pain you fed
Starts to grow inside
It lives again and you can't let it die
So believe you'll never find
A reason to love again
His voice softened into a whisper as he kissed the tears off her face between lyrics.
Lie to me
And watch me bleed
I'll be here when you see
Your not alone
You don't need to run
He hovered over her lips and dropped silent as the last word left his lips, silently giving her a way out. Turn your head away, don't kiss me, and I'll leave you alone. I'll just try to be your friend. Kiss me and I know I still have a chance. He rejoiced when Bree didn't push him away.
Closing the distance, he kissed her lightly before deepening the kiss. He licked her bottom lip and was happy when Bree allowed him entrance. When they broke away, they were both out of breath. He kept singing as the girl he loved lay her head on his shoulder. He just wrapped his arms tighter around her.
Lie to me
Watch me bleed
Cause I'll still be here when you see
Your not alone
You don't have to run again
Leave me in denial
Bree gently pushed, getting him to let her go. Looking into his eyes, she searched for something and apparently saw something she liked as she kissed him softly once again before getting in her car. Troy backed away and stared at the car as it drove away.
You can learn to love again
Leave me in denial
You can learn to love again
Leave me in denial
As the lyrics fell from his lips, he reached up and touched his lips, a silly grin stretching across his face. The grin stayed on his face even when he eventually walked back into the building.
He was jumped immediately by the anxiously awaiting occupants whose eyes brightened when they saw his grin. The grin never left his lips as he whispered, in a voice full of wonder,
"There's still a chance!"
Please review. I love feedback. Don't worry. There's a studio interlude and then next couple of chapters should be pretty plot heavy.
