Disclaimer: Everybody knows the drill: I don't own BTTF and never will.
This is the most entertaining fic I've ever written. ^_^ And it's official... this has become a Matrix crossover, and it looks like Star Wars is going to join too... Don't ask me how it happened. I have NO idea. *looks innocent* Really.
This shall be my last updated fic before the exams. I was actually planning to keep this for after, but I couldn't resist it...
All remote swear words shall be censored. I'm trying to keep the rating G, so... yeah.
P.S. - The 'sincere *cough* apologies' list now extends to Mark Hamill as well. And there are more to come...
Many thanks once again to all my reviewers! You're what keeps this fic going... ^_^
They've Got Mail: Chapter Nine
~-~-~
From - jules_shall_prevail(at)hotmail(.)com
To - jules_is_a_stupid_idiot(at)hotmail(.)com
Subject: nil
I suppose you found that funny, huh? If it turns out that you had some part of it, you'll be dead, just like Algernon. You can take the coconut if you want. I have no need for it.
- Jules
~-~-~
From - stoko981(at)hotmail(.)com
To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com
Subject: nil
Haha, you did your mom =P Jennifer, you don't need that little munchkin, come, fly with me, lets fly, lets fly away... Sorry, good day to you all.
- Stoko
~-~-~
From - luke_skywalker(at)
To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com
Subject: nil
Hi, whoever you are.
Someone informed me that you masqueraded as my father once. I don't know who you are, and I don't know if you're available through the Holonet but if you receive this I guess you are. Anyway, I would kinda appreciate it if you don't pretend to be my father again. Firstly, he's dead, and secondly, he has asthma. You should have pity on asthmatic guys, they can't breathe as well as normal people and it's not good to make fun of them.
- Luke
~-~-~
From - the_invisible_leprechaun_mushroom_from_the_matrix(at)reallycoolpurplehats(.)net
To - everybody(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com, founderofclaytonravine(at)hotmail(.)com, jules_is_a_stupid_idiot(at)hillvalleymail(.)com
Subject: nil
My name is Clarence, I am an invisible leprechaun mushroom from the Matrix. I am here to tell you about a certain movie known as Back to the Future. You are all being watched. It is all a conspiracy. I know everyting about you...You have no secrets...
~-~-~
From - buttercups_hunk(at)aol(.)com
To - jules_is_a_stupid_idiot(at)hotmail(.)com
Subject: nil
Verne,
So you're brother's account has been deleted, eh? Tell me. Is it gone...for good?
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
- Faolcrop, Marty's second cousin and the black sheep of his family
~-~-~
From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com
To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com, founderofclaytonravine(at)hotmail(.)com, jules_is_a_stupid_idiot(at)hotmail(.)com, the_aliens_are_coming(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, i_love_calvin_klein(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, stoko981(at)hotmail(.)com
Subject: I'm back
Fine, I'm back here. Yes, I know it's not a week yet, but I'm back so stop sending stuff to Jennifer through my account. I have a feeling Jen hasn't been telling me everything about what I've been receiving in my mail... she's been acting kinda strange recently, something about this person named Pip... Anyway, if any of you receive anything weird, delete it. It's evil, I tell you. They're all coming. The people from the Matrix. I don't know what they want with us, but just stay away.
To Stoko: Fly? Fly where?
- Marty
~-~-~
From - jules_is_a_stupid_idiot(at)hotmail(.)com
To - buttercups_hunk(at)aol(.)com
Subject: Re: nil
Yeah, his account is gone for good, but he just got another one. It won't work. And I think he suspects me for deleting his account.
- Verne
~-~-~
From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com
To - the_invisible_leprechaun_mushroom_from_the_matrix(at)reallycoolpurplehats(.)net
Subject: Re: nil
CAN'T YOU MATRIX PEOPLE LEAVE ME ALONE? There is NO such movie as Back to the Future, OKAY?
- Marty
~-~-~
From - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com
To - flautist_wannabe(at)hotmail(.)com
Subject: Re: Re: Re: The Matrix
Look here, whoever you are. I don't know who Keanu Reeves is, and I don't intend to find out. There is NO such thing as a green squirrel. The squirrel Trinity found was just one who had fallen into a bucket of green paint some people left lying around the place. (It drowned yesterday after attempts to turn it back to its normal colour - we dunked it into a pail of brown paint). So just leave me alone, thank you very much.
- Neo
~-~-~
To - founderofclayytonravine(at)hotmail(.)com
From - buttercups_hunk(at)aol(.)com
Subject: nil
Mrs. Brown
I hate to break this to you, but my girlfriend, one of the Powerpuff Girls, is lusting over your Emmett. Need proof? Here it is. The EXACT e-mail.
"Scr*w my boyfriend! You're sexier. - Buttercup"
See? Now, I want you to do me a favor. Send her The Coconut Virus. The same one that your elder son got. Believe me. SHE. WILL. PAY!
- Faolcrop, Marty's second cousin and the black sheep of his family
P.S.: I'll give you a printable copy of $1,000 if you do it.
~-~-~
To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com
From - faolcrops_babe(at)ppg(.)com
Subject: nil
Scr*w my boyfriend! You're sexier.
- Buttercup
~-~-~
From - luke_skywalker(at)
To - solo_guy(at)wookieeland(.)com
Subject: nil
Hi Han.
I was just wondering... have you seen my lightsabre by any chance? I think one of your kids might have taken it. Anyway, I was surfing the Holonet for Jedi stuff that day and I found this site: (.)com. I think it's new, because I haven't seen it before... it's kind of weird. You'll know what I mean when you go there.
- Luke
P.S.: Have you heard of this person named Mark Hamill?
~-~-~
From - DocNov121955(at)aol(.)com
To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com
Subject: Re: Who are you?
That's the point Emmett baby! We want to make her angry! I mean she's not supposed to exist in the first place! Man, this is all Marty's fault for buying that stupid almanac when he should have listened to you Emmett! You hear me Martin Seamus McFly?! This is all your fault! Clara and fangflux...stay out of my way...Emmett Lathrop Brown will be mine!
- Gina
~-~-~
From - founderofclaytonravine(at)hotmail(.)com
To - faolcrops_babe(at)ppg(.)com
Subject: nil
WHAT'S WITH ALL YOU PEOPLE?
- Clara
Attachment:
~-~-~
From - admin(at)seethrough(.)com
To - bifftannenrules(at)wehatemanure(.)com
Subject: Bikini sale!
Dear Subscriber,
We will be having a bikini sale next month! (It may be winter, but hey, it's cool to be cold!)
Have you just gone on a diet and are you dying to show off your new body? Well, wait no longer and pop down to one of our stalls for the sale!
We have bikinis of all shapes and sizes! Even itsy-bitsy-teeny-weeny-yellow-polka-dot ones!
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
- Administration, See Through Pte. Ltd.
Note: If you wish to unsubscribe to our newsletter, just send an e-mail to the following address - unsubscribe(at)seethrough(.)com
~-~-~
From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com
To - luke_skywalker(at)
Subject: Re: nil
'Luke Skywalker'? Haha, very funny. All right, who's this? Doc or Jen? You're the only two who know about the Darth Vader thing. Well, my dad too, but he doesn't count.
- Marty
~-~-~
From - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com
To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com
Subject: Re: I'm back
Marty,
Good to see you're checking your mail again. By the way, have you been to the bttf(.)com message board? There are some... interesting things there. Maybe I shouldn't be doing this for the sake of the space-time continuum, but I doubt it would have much effect on it. Anyway, it's a really fascinating place. You should go and see for yourself.
- Doc
~-~-~
From - solo_guy(at)wookieeland(.)com
To - luke_skywalker(at)
Subject: Re: nil
Your lightsabre? O...kay, I guess that explains the strange number of chopped up furniture around the house lately. Don't worry, I'll get it back.
What's with this starwars(.)com thing anyway? Some kind of joke or what? If it is, someone sure spent a lot of time on it. The number of bored people in this galaxy is simply amazing.
I've got to go now. Jaina just threatened to slice Anakin up into tiny bits. I think I've found your lightsabre...
- Han
~-~-~
From - bifftannenrules(at)wehatemanure(.)com
To - unsubscribe(at)seethrough(.)com
Subject: UNSUBSCRIBE!
HELLO? Since when did I subscribe to this? It was supposed to be a world domination magazine! I demand a refund!
~-~-~
From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com
To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com
Subject: Re: Re: I'm back
You mean you still go to that site? I tell you, it's not right. There's something very wrong about that place, and sorry, but NO, I'm not going there ever again.
- Marty
~-~-~
From - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com
To - wyldstallynsrule(at)ziontouristcommission(.)com
Subject: nil
Hi you two. I just want to ask you guys a favour... if you're free, can you help check out the identity of Keanu Reeves? Thanks.
- Neo
~-~-~
From - luke_skywalker(at)jediacademy(.)com
To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com
Subject: Re: Re: nil
Huh? Um, I AM Luke Skywalker. What's so funny about that? What 'Darth Vader' thing? Did I miss something? If it's about my previous mail, someone called Anakin McFly just told me about you pretending to be my father and gave me your address.
- Luke
~-~-~
To - cool_sunglasses(at)theagents(.)com
From - MrsscapSmith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com
Subject: Possible dates.
Hello Agent Smith,
I was wondering if you were free this Saturday?
If not, why don't you do that nice little cloning thing? That way you can go out with me *and* do what ever the heck else you might be doing! ^_^
But if you arn't busy you can just clone your self anyway ^_-
How does a film sound to you? We can go Dutch if you want.
Refuse to go out with me and I shall send my evil Bill and Ted clones to annoy the h*ll out of you.
Lots of love,
Scap
~-~-~
To - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com
From - MrsscapSmith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com
Subject: I am what I am
Got a problem with that?!?
~-~-~
From - wyldstallynsrule(at)ziontouristcommission(.)com
To - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com
Subject: Re: nil
Hi Neo dude!
Ted here! Bill's in the toilet. I think he ate too much last night. Yeah, I know who Keanu Reeves is. He's a most excellent actor dude, and he looks kinda like me but smarter. So why'd you want to know?
Anyway, I gotta go now. Bill's making strange noises. I think he's out of toilet paper.
PARTY ON, DUDE!
- Ted
~-~-~
From - cool_sunglasses(at)theagents(.)com
To - everybody(at)theagents(.)com
Subject: Own up.
Own up. Now. Somebody from the Matrix sent me a letter asking for a date. Whoever gave her my e-mail address is going to be in big trouble, so you better own up quick. You have been warned...
- Smith
~-~-~
From - Fuzzy_J_Pip_Fox_McFly(at)yahoo(.)com
To - jen_parker241(at)yahoo(.)com
Subject: nil
Jennifer,
You're too tall. Marty deserves better than you! He's too sexy and too precious for your hideous face! You are an evil person with ugly feet! You must've fallen down the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. You repulse me. Your very presence makes me want to grab an armadillo and gag myself with it while simultaneously taking subnarconian nitrate in a last attempt to save myself from the toxic fumes you omit. I wish Johnny Bartlett would come and squeeze your putrid, evil heart until you are dead as a doornail. Homocidal ghosts must come to you! Your death will bring joy and happiness to the entire world. The horseman comes, and tonight he comes for you!
Watch your head,
~ Piper *Strangles*
From - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com
To - MrsscapSmith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com
Subject: Re: I am what I am
No, no problem with that at all.
- Neo
~-~-~
From - vamps4real(at)hotmail(.)com
To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com
Subject: Flaming Trails
Dear Sir,
It has come to our attention that you have been subject to harrassment from Flaming Trails. The same misfortune has befallen us, and we offer our support and services. The group includes-
1. Myself
2. My alternate self
(deathtobiff(at)hotmail(.)com)
3. Wakko Warner
(watertower(at)warnerbros(.)com)
4. Austin T-10
(liquidmetal(at)skynet(.)com)
Please reply. Trust us, we understand.
Dr. Emmett L. Brown
~-~-~
From - jen_parker241(at)yahoo(.)com
To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com
Subject: WHO IS THIS PIPER?
Marty,
Exactly who is this person who has been sending you love letters under the name of 'Piper'? Because she has been sending me hate mail. For your own sake, you better not be seeing someone else. Remember, we are supposed to be MARRIED in the future.
- Jen
~-~-~
From - admin(at)antivirusguys(.)com
To - founderofclaytonravine(at)hotmail(.)com
Subject: Anti-Virus Software
Miss Clayton,
Here is the Anti-Virus Software you ordered. We hope it will help prevent any future virus attacks on your computer. I understand there have been many of such virus attacks, especially on your elder son.
- Administration Guy, AVS
Attachment: antivirus2000
~-~-~
To - founderofclaytonravine(at)hotmail(.)com
From - fangflux(at)hotmail(.)com
Subject: nil
REBOUND! NORTON ANTI-VIRUS AND BOOK OF E-VILLE!
Attachment:
~-~-~
From - jen_parker241(at)yahoo(.)com
To - Fuzzy_J_Pip_Fox_McFly(at)yahoo(.)com
Subject: Re: nil
So I fell down the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down, huh? Well, too bad but apparently you were standing under it. I hope you got hit. Hard. Go ahead, grab an armadillo and gag yourself with it as you simultaneously take subnarconian nitrate, whatever that is, and kill yourself. I won't miss you.
STAY AWAY FROM MARTY, CAN'T YOU? HE'S MINE!
- Jen
~-~-~
To - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com
From - fangflux(at)hotmail(.)com
Subject: nil
Hey, if "there is no spoon", you can be a piece of wood. Good for whacking agents. :)
~-~-~
From - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com
To - vamps4real(at)hotmail(.)com
Subject: Re: Flaming Trails
To my apparent counterpart from another dimension:
Yes, I have been subject to harrassment from Flaming Trails and she's not the only one. There's someone named Gina after me too... I would appreciate your supports and services, if you can render them. Thanks.
~-~-~
From - my_sunglasses_are_cooler(at)theagents(.)com
To - cool_sunglasses(at)theagents(.)com
Subject: Re: Own up.
Mr. Smith,
He did it! *points at Agent Edud*
~-~-~
TO BE CONTINUED... You know what to do. REVIEW! ^_^
Faolcrop: Okay... that was uh, weird.
Linkavitch Chomofsky: Because if Marty and Bill & Ted get along, WHERE'S THE FUN IN THAT? ^_^
docnov121955: *grins* This won't end, will it?
MiriahoftheWind: Thanks for your review! And I still haven't heard of the Mighty Ducks trilogy... oh well.
Scap: What's with all your Matrix-related mails? This is a BTTF fic! =D Thanks for reviewing!
Flaming Trails: Um, your letters got a bit mixed up... actually everyone's did, it's called review overload... sorry if some ended up not being replied to. I'll do that in the next chapter.
Nixiy Snape: Yup, I added in the Matrix... and Star Wars too.
Demon Doc: Sorry, but I don't accept mails written by the BTTF characters... if you want you can write your own. Thanks for reviewing!
Stoko: I used it. Hah. And I don't understand it. =P
Fran: Yup, only 13... I joined ff(.)net when I was 12 and had laughing fits whenever someone thought I was 17 or 18... Thanks for your review!
I think I Have Problems With Signing In, Love Pip: Your letter was so funny! ^_^ What d'you mean, 'Grease is the word'? 0.0
Stormhawk: Read more, and review!
