Don't own Harry Potter and co., you know it, I know it and I am pretty sure JK knows it too.

Lavender Browns Complete Guide to Getting and Keeping your Man!

Chapter Nine

Nothing but Sighs and Giggles

Rule #8

Helping your man with his delicate ego

A mans ego is a delicate thing and must be handled with care and extreme caution. One wrong move and you could send him packing, only to be consoled by the next willing female. This rule is a bit difficult for me to explain, as it does not pertain to me at all. Simply put, any one of my boyfriends and or admirers would be far to busy trying desperately to compete in making me happy to be worried about a bruised ego. They are much more concerned with winning my attention. You however, are not as blessed (I really do feel sorry for you all, it must be awful, truly tragic even to be like you).

Getting back to the topic at hand, the male ego must be stroked, inflated and generally handled with kit gloves at all times. Your ultimate goal is to have him crave your compliments, he needs to desire you positive attention so much it will become an addiction. Say things like how intelligent you think he is, coo over his strong arms, his good looks, squeal with excitement over everything he does. Do no forget to laugh at his jokes, even if they are not funny. Generally be in awe of him at any given time no matter what he may be doing at the time. In short girls, lay it on think!

Also for you older girls that have moved beyond the sweet "hand holding" stage and are now into holding much more "interesting" parts of his anatomy, remember to moan and moan loudly ( if you feel something or NOT!) Calling out his name will only increase his ego and help thing to move along rather nicely in the end.

One more thing for all of you (especially those who maybe slightly more competitive then is actually attractive in the female gender) always and I do mean ALWAYS let him win AT EVERYTHING!!

Good Luck

Lavender Brown


Hermione sat very stiff in the library, her body practically vibrating with irritation while staring daggers at Harry Potter. Why, you may ask was she, the third leg of the "golden trio" glaring with the hot white intensity of the sun at one of her best and most trusted friends? The answer was simple; he was causing the most annoying distraction from her precious school work.

Well to be fair, he wasn't the actual irritant as it was much as the major female population of the library, currently ignoring their own homework responsibilities and glazing dreamily at the oblivious Gryffindor. It wasn't so much the gazing that was causing her distress as it was the loud girlish sighing that was playing through out the room, not to mention the constant giggling.

How Harry could handle this on a daily basis without going completely insane was beyond her. As for Ginny, she finally understood her need to hex as many of the witches that had been dogging their steps since the beginning of the term.

Hermione couldn't remember a time where she had been more annoyed, not even Ron could have made her this irritated and that was saying something. So there she sat glaring at her friend, huffing and puffing with indignation as her temper began to get the better of her.

"What?" Harry asked quietly taking in his obviously irritated friend with a questioning look. Her response was only to widen her eyes and glance around the room pointedly. Her lips held together firmly in a thin white line pursed in the most primly manner. You might have thought she had the unfortunate displeasure of consuming a bogie flavored bertie bott bean.

"What?" Harry whispered again frustrated with her lack of response.

As always, when he was frustrated he would run a hand absentmindedly through his already messy raven colored hair. At this, some what innocent gesture, which he had been doing with an alarming frequency as he tried to make sense of the potions essay that he had been struggling with. Several very loud sighs were heard through out the library randomly exploding like tiny little lust filled bombs scattered all over the room.

The rounds of giggling would soon follow the sighing with such regularity you could have set your watch by it. Not to mention the draft that was kicking up with all of the eye fluttering that were being directed at Harry from all corners of the room.

"Would you STOP doing that!" hissed Hermione as she demanded her request through strong white gritted teeth. He was seriously messing with her studying mojo!

Releasing his own sigh of annoyance, his hand slowly crept on its own accord towards his hair once again dragging it through his messy locks. This response to stress was so automatic, so completely ingrained in his personality; he was totally unaware of the pass it had made, once again ruffling his already messy hair. That simple action set off once again a chorus of sighing and giggles as they were heard echoing through the room once more.

"Sorry" he mumbled. Harry flashed Hermione an apologetic smile trying to charm his way out of a sticky situation. Unfortunately that only seemed to once again invite more sighing which brought about another round of giggling and eye fluttering from across the room.

Rolling her eyes she smirked at her friends' exasperated expression, if she was annoyed with the silly girls she could only imagine what he was feeling. Finally seeing the humor in the situation she tried to stifle a laugh, her shoulders shaking with the struggle to keep the laughter low out of respect for her beloved Library.

This made Harry grin even wider, the charming smile reached his eyes as they took in the amusing picture of Hermione struggling against her better judgment.

However, that reaction only seemed to once again release another round of sighs, giggles and eye fluttering from his many admirers and as such, a rather loud and most certainly un-lady like snort exploded from Hermione. She was now tearing up from her barley contained laughter griping her sides from the pain of holding in her mirth.

This was the peculiar scene that greeted an amused Ginny Weasley as she walked with stealth like movements until she was standing directly behind the young heart throb.

Harry felt a pair of soft delicate hands reached around him covering his eyes. The flowering sent that was so uniquely hers assaulted his senses. He felt her soft hair brush against his face and shoulders as she whispered into his ear.

"Guess who?" her voice caressed his ear in a soft whispering kiss.

"Mmmmm……….not sure, it could be anyone really" he smirked "why not give me a hint?" his hands reached out behind his back, groping her backside 'accidentally'.

"A hint huh?" she purred. A small giggle escaped her lips as he tickled her side with one hand, while the other still pleasantly rested on her backside.

"Well I have red hair, beautiful eyes, a tasteful amount of freckles scattered across my perfect nose." Then smirking she leaned in closer to his ear and whispered seductively "I just so happen to be a hell of a lot of fun in a broom closet!"

Ginny straightened up, her hands still covering his eyes as she grinned madly at Hermione who had been watching the pair in amusement.

Harry was quiet, pretending to work out the clues she had given him, lifting his head he announced over his shoulder his guess with a most serious expression "Ron?"

This wise crack earned our hero a non to pleasant smack up the side of his head as she removed her hands from his eyes. "Prat" she called out to him with a pout on her lips that betrayed the laughter in her eyes.

Harry quickly turned grabbing Ginny waist and pulling her down to settle her onto his lap. He placed sweet kisses on her neck working a trail up to her ear, slightly nipping at her earlobe with his teeth.

"Why, if it isn't the delightful Miss. Weasley" he grinned and Ginny giggled.

Hermione smiled, shifting her eyes back to her school work to give the couple some limited privacy. The rest of the room did one of three things. They, sighed and giggled with pleasure (each fantasying being the girl in his arms), growled with frustration (each fuming at the injustice of not being the girl in his arms) or ignored the scene altogether as they couldn't care less, most of the latter being the male occupants of the room.

Two occupants of the Library who were sitting at opposite sides of the room, silently taking in the loving scene in front of them both sporting icy expressions for the young couple wrapped in each others arms.

Romilda Vane sat glaring at Ginny Weasley; never before had she wanted to use an unforgivable curse on another witch or wizard in her life. Unless you counted the time she found her younger brother reading her diary out loud to a group of neighborhood boys. Gathering her things she stormed from the Library, her mind going over every failed attempt at getting HIS attention away from that cheep red head! She might have to resort to something a bit more drastic, but what?

Lavender Brown sat with an equal icy glare on her pretty face, only this time it was directed solely at Harry Potter. How dare he not return her kiss, wizards all over the school would have done anything for a kiss from her! She had actually heard a girl snickering at her rebuffed affections, now she had another problem to deal with. Things were rapidly getting out of hand. Her first problem was once again Ronald Weasley and his continued stubbornness to look at no one other then that know-it-all. Now to add to her confusion this most negative response from Harry, it was all she could do not to scream bloody murder at the boy. She could understand him not taking notice of Vane, but Ginny could not hold a candle to her, she was after all "the" Lavender Brown!

Drumming her perfect nails on the table at the same time as she unconsciously chewed the inside of her cheek, she pondered her predicament. These boys were going to be begging for her attention when she was through or her name wasn't Lavender Brown!

The weekend was finally upon them, the students wearily sighed a collective appreciation for its arrival at last. It had been a hectic week. The school work had been pilling up as the Professors seemed to have entered into a private competition with each other to see who could make the student body more miserable.

Snogging closets everywhere had become abandoned that week as couples braised themselves under their pressure of the mounting school work and O.W.L. preparations. Harry and Ginny had not been able to find time to enjoy any quality alone time all week long. In fact, if it hadn't been for the rushed meal times, Quidditch practice or the wonderful chance meetings in the majestic school hallways or the Library that week, they wouldn't have seen each other at all.

Harry and Ron wandered down the winding stair case laughing at the previously shared joke delivered by none other then Mr. Finnegan. Seamus was known as a ladies man with several useful talents, some being his never ending supply of dirty jokes and the ability to string together a brilliant party at the drop of a hat.

Neville had already descended the stairs and was awaiting the remainder of their group while sitting with the girls. Dean and the Irish comedian were just heading out of the dorm, both screaming with laughter.

The girls and Neville turned with smiling faces toward the joville group. Ginny gave a secret smile meant only for her boyfriend and greeted him with a very passionate kiss, dragging his head down to meet hers while exploring his dark hair with her delicate fingers.

Once he was released he graced her with his trade mark sexy smirk. "Missed me?" winking playfully as his hands snaked around her small waist.

"Not really" she quipped. A small smile crept across her face as she feigned interest in studying her finger nails intently.

Harry responded by yanking her roughly against him so she was flush against his body. So close that a breeze wouldn't be able to pass through them. He growled possessively into her ear "like hell you didn't". Harry swooped down and claimed her with his mouth, leaving no doubt to her and anyone who cared to watch, that she belonged to him and him alone.

They held onto each other while they regained their legs, or rather the ability to use them once again. Hand in hand they strolled pleasantly out of the portrait towards the great hall for breakfast and to once again meet up with their friends who had abandoned them during that morning's heated reunion.

After that amazing kiss Ginny Weasley was unable to wipe off the ear to ear grin that had taken over her fine features. That was until the arrival of the owl post.

A large grey ministry of magic owl glided towards her landing with ease and grace for such a large bird. It held out its leg for her to remove the letter attached. Wiping her hands quickly on her jeans she tossed apiece of bacon to the grateful bird and ripped open the letter.

My Dearest Sister Ginevra,

It is with the greatest pleasure that I offer you my deepest congratulations. Your happy news has reached these grand halls of the Ministry of Magic, announcing your current courting status with one Mr. Harry James Potter.

What a fantastic opportunity you hold and I am sure that you will agree, that it can and must be used for the greater good for us all. My dearest baby sister, you now hold a very rare spot of influence over the "chosen one".

It is my wish and I am sure you will agree with me once more. That it would be a great benefit to Hogwarts as well as the entire wizarding community that our Harry is seen to join forces with the esteemed Minister of Magic against any rising panic that the unfortunate business of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named untimely return may have caused.

I am sure you are more then up to the challenge and look forward to your positive response on these matters.

Congratulations once again dearest sister, please send Harry my most whole hearted approval of your relationship.

Best regards,

Your loving brother

Percy Weasley

Personal Assistant

Ministry of Magic

Ginny couldn't believe her eyes, she trembled with rage staring ominously at the letter. Harry thought if she could have set it on fire with only a glance that the look that was currently playing upon her face would surly be the one to have done it.

"Something wrong Gin?" he asked his girlfriend cautiously. Both Ron and Hermione looked on with interest wondering what crap the ministry was trying to pull this time as they had all recognized the trade mark on the envelope.

Speaking through gritted teeth, Ginny handed over the letter to Harry "my GIT brother send his most humble and noble approval of our relationship" the sarcasm was dripping heavily off each word.

Harry read the letter his anger growing at Percy and the Minister with every carefully chosen word, as the latter of the pair undoubtedly was the one pulling the strings at the not so veiled undertone of the letter now in his hands.

"Bloody Minster" snapped Harry moodily as he handed over the letter quickly to Ron. Hermione and Ron read the letter together, both with matching outraged expressions their mouths hanging open at the sheer underhandedness, not even they were aware Percy could have stooped to.

"I won't do it Gin" Harry stated strongly but gently taking her hand into his "I will NOT be their poster boy!"

Ginny stroked the side of his face gently and kissed him softly touching her forehead with his. "I wouldn't ask you too" she answered simply with a determined but soft voice "Not for ANYONE" she stated firmly.

Ron snickered as Hermione, Ginny and Harry looked up into his triumphant face. "well, one good bit of news has come from this, you've got another one down" then tucking back into his breakfast he added "looks like only Bill and Charlie now."

Harry couldn't stop the panic and bile that rose in him, filling his every pore. They were the last and most frightening brothers in his opinion. The curse breaker and the dragon tamer "yeah" he spoke dryly "should be a breeze. If I survive them, then old Tommy boy should be a walk in the park".

Smirking at Harry, Ron turned laughing eyes towards Hermione and stated proudly "I'm sure glad you don't come with a house full of brothers!"

Laughing equally as merrily as her boyfriend Hermione winked slyly at Harry, tuning to Ron she said "that is true, however YOU have to face my Parents as we all know Harry is already well in on that score!"

The group of teens laughed loudly at Ron's paled features, how could he have forgotten about her Parents? Maybe Harry doesn't have it so bad after all.


Happy March break to anyone who gets to have one! Remember to review, review and review!