18th Day, 9th Moon, Year of the Hare (Azulon 64)

My lord husband is warming up to me again at last. I think he must have considered the outcome of our quarrel a defeat for him, and had been avoiding me in order to spare further harm to his wounded pride. But today he invited me to walk with him in the Lotus Garden, and to bring Zuko along. I almost declined out of fear that he would make an issue of my cold—how odd that he should be so protective of my health and yet so dismissive of Zuko's!—but I could not bring myself to spurn a sincere attempt at reconciliation, and so I put on extra powder to disguise my flushed cheeks, wrapped Zuko in an extra blanket to ward off the autumn chill, and went to meet my husband.

He must have noticed that I was not completely well, but he was polite enough to pretend not to hear my occasional coughs and sniffs. We talked of so many things as we walked, and when the conversation inevitably turned to Zuko, I remembered to mention the rhinos.

"Perhaps you are right," said my lord husband, but he didn't sound convinced. His own childhood, I know, was one of severe contrasts between the opulence of the Palace and the militaristic austerity of his training as a Prince and a firebender. And he was quite young when Lady Ila died. The whole concept of drawing strength from love is, I think, foreign to him. Nor is it my place to educate him against his will. If only he were not so proud and so stubborn!

He is trying, however. When he saw me admiring the lotus pods in the pond, he went at once in search of a gardener and, when he found one, ordered him to cut several of them for me. (They are drying over my hearth right now. I hope they hold their shape.) While the poor man ran to obey the command, my lord husband drew up close behind me, and I could feel his breath on my hair.

"It has been too long," he said in a voice that was like a purr, draping one hand over my shoulder so that he was almost touching my bosom.

"Remember decorum, my lord husband," I said playfully. "We are not alone out here." And I adjusted my hold on the baby, so he could see that I was not speaking of the gardener.

"You can't hide behind him forever," said my lord husband, and I could not tell whether he was being playful or not. "Tonight, then?"

"I don't want you to catch my cold," I excused myself. The truth was that I didn't feel well enough to spend a night in his bed, but I didn't wish to insult him by saying so out loud.

"I'll take my chances," he said in my ear, and I began to feel uncomfortable.

"Please, my lord husband, do not ask this of me. Not today," I said, trying to sound as tired as I could. "Tomorrow…tomorrow night I will be yours, I promise. Can you wait that long?"

He turned me around, slowly so that there would be no risk of me dropping Zuko, and looked me in the eye, saying, "Do not tease me, my wife."

"It is no tease," I replied. "It is a request." I put on a smile. "You cannot possibly want me as I am, with my nose dripping. Allow me some time to rest and improve myself for you."

He made a sound somewhere between a sigh and a growl, but as the gardener was returning to us with an armload of cut lotus pods, there was no graceful way for him to continue the debate. "As you wish," he said with a small bow. "But know this: nothing as trivial as a dripping nose could turn me away from the most beautiful woman in all my father's domain. Good day, Princess."

With a parting word like that, I cannot help but give him the benefit of my doubts. My lord husband has always been able to sway me with words, whether his aim is flattery or cruelty. Perhaps he does love me, in his fashion. I cannot imagine what it would gain him to feign fondness such as he demonstrates, if none of it was genuine. If I am a fool to hope, then so be it—better by far to be foolish in hope than wise in despair!