Iruka walked past Asuma and Kakashi as they were sitting in the staff room with some scripts.

"So, all I was saying it's all in here. What do you think?" Asuma asks.

Kakashi suddenly returns to reality. "Huh? What? Sorry Asuma, were you talking to me just then?"

"Iruka is restarting the School's Lunchtime Radio Station and I need you because you are the only one I know who is experienced in this kind of work and women."

"I don't know. I mean the last time I was working in RICKY FM, I got scared of the other Radio DJs that I had to cover the bottom half of my face."

"Look, I got this box filled with an absurd amount of money and I'm giving it to you." Asuma takes out a box filled with money. "The box, not the cash," Asuma added.

"Look, I'm not even sure that I could trust you. For some reason, you could be a radio cowboy," said Kakashi. "Why not we give away free bags and stickers to the students?"

"Ok, why not we ask the students to ring in and tell us their names in 25 or less words?" Asuma suggests.

Kakashi gave Asuma's idea a bit of thought. In less than a second, Kakashi takes the script. "Come to papa."


Konoha High: Forever Up, Sitting Down

Episode 09: Radio Show

By PikaFlash

Disclaimers: All characters, cast, crew and any ideas in this fic belong to their respective owners.


Anko walked down some stairs, only to meet Iruka.

"Anko, I've decided to restart the school's radio station and if you could turn back the clock, I need you to be my radio partner again," said Iruka.

Anko crossed her arms. "Not interested, Iruka."

"But Anko, a recent survey shows that 1 in 10 students in this school know our names," Iruka explained. "The school's lunchtime radio can boost our profiles. With Asuma and Kakashi hijacking my idea, I think we can take them on."

"Well, I think being more popular than Asuma sounds real satisfying," said Anko. She then glares at Iruka. "Ok, I'll do it. But I won't forget the last time we were in the radio booth, you dirty man..."

"As I recalled, you were the one who made a sexual gesture on me," said Iruka. "You put your hand on my thigh and I removed it."

"I can still feel your cold, grubby fingers," said Anko as she licked her lips.


Everyone is waiting for Tsunade to enter the staff room for the Staff Meeting to begin. In the meantime, Kakashi is staring at Shizune's papers on the table.

"So, Shizune, mind if I feign interest in what are you doing?" Kakashi asks.

"Oh, I'm writing speeches for my 12th Graders for the school debating finals against Suna High we are hosting," Shizune answered. "The topic is 'Old people will eventually die.'"

Kakashi smiled. "Well, I do know a few old people who are alive and in fact, some that are already dead."

Yamato looks at Kakashi. "Well, Shizune isn't the only one with students in the finals against Suna. My Senior Tennis team is in the finals against Suna High as well."

Asuma smiled. "Well Kakashi and I will be commentating on the match. They don't call us the best commentating team in the district."

"Do you plan to commentate our debate as well, Asuma?" asked Shizune.

Asuma laughed. "Well, it's just like commentating on someone yawning!" Yamato and Asuma laughed as they did a high five.

"Now, yawning and tennis," said Asuma. ""Those are two perfect strangers."

Tsunade enters the staff room carrying a box of Cell phones.

"Good news! I've just signed a sponsorship for the financial security of this school in the short term," Tsunade announced as she puts the box on the table.

Yamato looks up. "Oh, sponsorship. Who's dishing out the cash? Hey, not Big Vivi's Port-Holes. Those things he has can't be good."

Tsunade shakes her head. "Luckily, no," said Tsunade. "I signed a deal with Zenith Phone Company. With this deal, every student in the school will recieve a Cell Phone that they can use."

"Hang on," said Shizune. "Don't those phones emit 10 times the legal limit of radiation, even when it's not switched on?"

Tsunade smiled at Shizune. "The cancer scare is not proven. Until it is, its safe and we can have the students use the phones with a minimum of 10 times per day."

Asuma looked towards Kakashi. "Maybe we should get opinions from the little bastards. What do you think, Kakashi?"

Kakashi looked as though he's daydreaming when Asuma brought him back to reality. "Sorry, I wasn't listening. I was thinking of Big Vivi's Port-Holes. When I was 14, I once met a girl who is the same age as me over there." Kakashi remembers those days. "Yeah, I was getting it on with her mother."


In the radio booth, Kakashi and Asuma are preparing to start their radio show at Konoha High.

"Asuma, I have mentally structured the intro of the new show and it feels good over here. And in bed."


In Tsunade's office, Yamato enters the office with Gai sitting on a chair.

"Hurry up; I've got Tennis coaching to do."

Tsunade looks up to Yamato. "This involves the tennis team. Tomorrow, the 12th Graders are going on an excursion to the Konoha Moth enclosure."

Yamato has a very bad feeling. "Tell me, is Rock Lee going?"

Tsunade nods. "Yep. Also Jirobo, Kidomaru and the blue-haired twins."

"But that's my whole Leftie-backhand team!" screamed Yamato. "Are there any replacements for my team?"

"Nope. But I did speak with Gai and he did agree in sending his boys from the 10th Grade Modern Dance class to replace them," Tsunade answered.

Yamato could not believe it. "You're kidding."

Tsunade shakes her head slowly.

"What the hell am I suppose to do with his dance class and what the hell does Gai know about tennis? Nothing!"

"A good coach should know how to mould any group of players, Yamato," Tsunade reminded.

"Well, I hope they won't do some dancing around before serving the ball," said Yamato.

Gai looks at Yamato. "Yeah, that could be a problem. Once they start, it's hard to stop them."


At the radio console, Kakashi begins the intro.

Kakashi: "This is the actual, factual, supernatural big daddy Kakashi and brother Asuma calling from the studio live. It's 14 past the hour and the mercury is nudging my thigh with the new local group 'Lick the Lava' with their brand new single, 'Lickin' the Lava', and if any of you kids have Cell phones..."


Naruto, Hinata, Sasuke and Sakura are sitting under a tree in the school compound, listening to Kakashi & Asuma's radio show through the school speakers. Naruto and Hinata quickly pressed some numbers for their cell phones.

Kakashi: "...give us a call and ask our opinion on any reasonable topics."


Asuma presses a button and Kakashi speaks.

"You're on, kid."

Choji: "Hey, big daddy Kakashi, this is Choji, what is your stance on littering?"

Kakashi answers the question. "Well, Choji, I think littering should be decriminalized and..."

Asuma interrupts Kakashi. "Now, we will play my new song, 'Lickin' the Lava.'" Asuma pressed a button to start the song.

Kakashi catches his breath. "That felt good! Do I sound ok?"

"Well, I thought you were nervous and I hope my voice will bring back for more," Asuma replied.


In Gai's Modern Dance class, the students were preparing for class when Gai enters the classroom.

"Ok, my youthful students. Here is who we've been waiting for, Mr. Yamato.

As soon as Yamato enters the classroom, the students began a large group hug around Yamato.

"GET OFF!" Yamato yelled, causing the students to back away.

"Sorry my students," apologized Gai. "Mr. Yamato isn't used to our special hum hug greeting. Mr. Yamato, why don't you take us through the game called Tennis."

Yamato nods. "Ok, those who have played tennis, raise your hands."

No hands were raised from the students.

"Ok, anyone who at least saw people play tennis, put up your hands..."

Still no hands rose.

Yamato looks at Gai. "What kind of dungeon do you run here?"

"Now that I think about it, Tennis was a theme in the 'Prince of Tennis' musical we were studying. Isn't that right, my students?"

The students finally got the idea what Tennis is.

"Now, let's do a scene from the 'Naughty ball point pen'."

Gai and the students move their hands and began to make 'swishing' noises in front of Yamato, while Yamato tries to ward the group off with a tennis racket.


At the tennis court, Pikachu dropped a red bag, as he hammers the stands to the ground; he ties the net to the 2 poles. Then, Pikachu sets up the referee's stand. Pikachu exercises his hand signals for marking out, in and fault, with a bit of Disco added his movements.


In the hallway, Tsunade is reprimanding Sasuke and Sakura.

"You got cell phones, its rude not to use them in front of your friends. Make that call or you'll get detention."

Sasuke and Sakura walked away to use their cell phones and Shizune walks up to Tsunade.

"I can't believe you are forcing the students to use those phones," said Shizune. "I think there must be some secret deal from the profits in those phones."

Tsunade nods. "That is exactly what I have done. This school will get 10% of what is earned from these phones. That way, both of us will win."

"What about the parents?" Shizune asks. "Surely those calls must be expensive."

Tsunade smiled. "I'm sure the parents will also win." Tsunade quickly walked off before Shizune could ask more questions.


Kakashi and Asuma are in the radio booth.

"Next is Mr. Umino and Miss Mitarashi's show, 'Let us talk about Libraries and Physics' and we have time for one more call..."


Outside, Pikachu was listening to the radio as he cleans the tennis court.

Kakashi: "Yes, you're on."

Kiba: "Yo, big daddy Kakashi, what do you think of Mr. Umino?"

Kakashi: "Well, that would put me in the unfortunate position to comment on a fellow staff member..."

Asuma snatched the mike.

Asuma: "But I'm ready to take the challenge. I find it impossible for Mr. Umino to control his class, when he clearly can't control his wife's adulterous sexual lust."

Pikachu laughed.


Back at the booth, Asuma goes off air and smiled.

"Well, that was great, Kakashi," said Asuma. "I think people would want more of me than you."

Kakashi picks up a shoebox full of letters. "But people sent me a shoebox full of letters."

Asuma rolled his eyes. "The people don't know what they want..."


In Gai's classroom, Yamato begins basic Tennis training.

"Ok, let's see how you defend against this slow shot."

Yamato tossed a tennis ball to Udon who is holding a tennis racket, but Udon missed hitting the ball.

Yamato sighed. "Great, not another wuss. Each one more worst than the last. I don't know how you kids avoid getting beaten up during lunch."

"Well, the students do hide during lunchtime to avoid the beatings," Gai explained.

"I mean, how hard is it to do this?" Yamato slowly did a serve and Gai is impressed at the way Yamato did his serve.

"That was marvelous, Yamato." Gai turn his attention to his students. "Students, Mr. Yamato's stroke is like that time we did our opening of our school play..."

The students understood what Gai meant. "Oh."

"Let's try that again," said Gai.

Gai and the students did the serve, the same way Yamato did his.

Yamato nods, knowing that something has gone right. Then, Gai looks at Yamato. "Ok, Mr. Yamato. Show me some more of your glorious Tennis strokes..."


At the staff room, Shizune is talking to Sakura and Ino.

"And Sakura, go look for anymore old people who aren't dead yet."

Once both girls left the staff room, Shizune prepares to leave for her class, only to see Kakashi sitting at the table. "Kakashi, don't you have a class to teach?"

"I am teaching," said Kakashi. "Since the students have Cell phones in the class room, and I have a cell phone with me over here, we can call each other. Meanwhile, even as I speak to you, I'm mentally planning on our next intro of the radio show."

"But you can't teach..."

Shizune is interrupted when Kakashi receives a call and he answers it. "Yes, hi, S.H. No, the sexual tension between Brutus and Julius is what sparks the play. As in 'Et Tu Brute' means 'Come and get it, Brutus'."

Kakashi hangs up.

Shizune is shocked at Kakashi's laziness. "Kakashi, you can't teach your students on your cell phone."

Kakashi looks up at Shizune. "No, that was my dad, Sakumo."


Shizune is sitting in front of Tsunade's desk. "Tsunade, you have got to stop the students from using the Cell phones. I have treated 20 students that had nose bleeds and Kakashi is teaching with it."

Tsunade frowns. "Linking that to the phones is deceitful. I've seen a number of students walking around, sticking up foreign objects up their noses. Right up their noses they went. If they're feeling unwell, they could call their parents on the phones."

"You're obsessed with forcing the students to make as many phone calls you want," accused Shizune.

Tsunade is shocked at Shizune's accusation. "That is a spectacular lie, Shizune."

Shizune points outside the door. "Then why is there a sign outside the library saying, 'Cell phones must be switch on and talked into at all times'?"

Tsunade shakes her head. "You're asking the wrong person. I didn't put that sign there."

"Then who did it?"

"I got Pikachu to do it," answered Tsunade.


In the tennis court, Yamato served a tennis ball at Konohamaru and Konohamaru hits it back.

Yamato nods. "Good, now, that you hit it, you must try to get the ball to land inside the other side's court, making sure he misses, and then once you do, you celebrate by raising your arms and tossing your tennis racket up into the sky. Now try it."

Konohamaru tossed the tennis racket quite weakly, with the racket barely going up a couple of feet.

Yamato sighed. "No, not like that. Watch me. Do it like this!"

Yamato jumps over the net and then proceeded to throw his tennis racket towards the sky and swing his arms around. "And you stick it to them."

Gai walks up to Yamato. "How are my youthful students going?

"Pretty good, especially with Konohamaru. They might be ready tomorrow."


The next day...

Iruka: "And now we will take calls about the unification of physics and the origin and fate of the universe in "'Lets talk Libraries and Physics.'"

Pikachu is preparing the tennis court when he hears Iruka's radio show. Pikachu then decides to call Iruka.


In the radio booth, Anko is bored.

"It appears that we got a caller on the line." Iruka pressed a button Pikachu on the line "Hello, caller. Don't worry, don't be afraid to speak. Caller?"

Suddenly, Iruka feels a something on his knee. "Anko, is that your hand on my knee?

As soon as Iruka sees Anko's sexually hungry look, he quickly goes off air.

"Anko, we were on air just then."

"I was thinking maybe you're a man who could satisfy me, but you couldn't," said Anko. "That's it, our partnership is over."

As Anko leaves the room, Kakashi and Asuma enter the room...

"Guess what, Iruka, your ratings are really low all because of the 'Lets take the piss out of Iruka' segment in my show."

Iruka looks at Asuma. "This is your fault. Because of you, now even less people know me that before. The dream is over. I'm out of here."

Asuma puts a hand on Iruka's shoulder. "Hey, if you want to stay in the industry, you could be my assistant, so first, bring me a cup of coffee!"

Iruka glares at Asuma. "You just love this whole 'radio industry' thing and my ex-wife sickens me."

Iruka walks out of the radio booth, it's now Kakashi's turn to confront Asuma.

"Brother Asuma, when I heard you talk to Iruka, you referred it to 'your' show and I noticed that I'm not doing an intro anymore. Then, when I overheard you and Yamato talking about the tennis finals, that I won't even be commentating at all!"

"Well, commentating tennis is a very serious business and your voice isn't mature enough," Asuma explained.

"I knew this would happen. You are a radio cowboy!" accused Kakashi.

"And the new name for the show is now called 'Asuma and the Pig-faced man'."

Kakashi could not believe what's happening. "That's it, I quit as the Pig-faced man is now, no more."

Once Kakashi left the room, Iruka re-enters door.

"Asuma, you want sugar in that coffee?"


Shizune enters Tsunade's office. "Tsunade, you've got to pull Asuma off the air."

"I can't," said Tsunade. "He's far too popular and his show has been picked up by over 50 schools and can be heard over the in-flight radio network."

Shizune puts a radio on Tsunade's desk. "Well, listen to this." Shizune plays the tape.

Asuma's voice: "And after the break, I will announce the speeches that Konoha High will use against Suna High in the debating finals. But right now is 'Lickin' the Lava'."

Shizune stops the tape. "He announced all the speeches I made for the debate and now my team looks stupid. And I look stupid."

Tsunade rolled her eyes. "You're acting like an immature little girl. Why not rise above the clouds to get over it?"

Shizune smirked. "Well, maybe we could both rise above it as this was just on earlier..." Shizune plays the tape.

Asuma's voice: "And now, I will announce that the principal of Konoha has signed a disgraceful deal with the Zenith phone company for sponsorship and her name is Tsunade Senju but I call her 'The Velvet Cow'."

Tsunade slams her palm on her desk. "Bring Asuma Sarutobi into my office right this instant!"


In the staffroom, Anko is at the table writing some notes when Kakashi enters the staffroom.

"Hey, Anko, I heard that you broke up with your last partner, right?"

Anko nods. "Yes. What's it to you?"

"Well, I severed ties with my last partner and I need a new one...and you are the only one available."

Anko stood up. "Well, you are all man and I'm mostly...woman...ok, I'll do it."

Then Anko grabs Kakashi and kisses him in the lips. Then she stops...

"You mean you wanted me physically?" asks Anko.

Kakashi simply shrugged. "Well, why not."

Anko and Kakashi continued to make out.


Meanwhile, in Tsunade's office, Asuma walks in holding a drink.

"Hey, they're serving drinks at the court. And I'm drinking a drink," said Asuma.

"Asuma, why did you tell the world about our deal with Zenith?" asked Tsunade.

"Settle down, Tsuande." Asuma begins to explain. "You know the guy you made a deal with, Chitay Gamiya? Well, he's my wife's ex-lover and we had a sparring session last night and he told me all about the deal."

"The Local News is accusing us for putting the students' health at risk and Zenith has withdrawn their deal for the sake of their reputation and we now have only one option left and that is?" Tsunade looks at Shizune.

"Big Vivi's Port-Holes," Shizune answered.

Tsunade glares at Asuma. "You've just cost the school a lot of money. What are you going to do about it?"

"Well, you have to get me off the air or else I'll keep scandalizing and blackmailing this school," said Asuma. "But let me finish my commentating of the Tennis match. I think we're winning and the schools all over Japan are hearing this. I won't scandalize anyone and I'll make it crisp and clear."

Shizune looks at Tsunade. "Yes, Tsunade. This crisp victory may be the only hope we have left for the reputation of this school."

Tsunade rolled her eyes. "Well, the last hope for this school's financial future depends on a class of Modern dance students."


At the tennis court, it is Konoha's Doubles Match against Suna, with Konohamaru and Udon playing for Konoha.

Asuma is back at the commentating table, Tsunade and Shizune watched Asuma carefully. After all, this match could determine Konoha's financial future.

Asuma: "Ok, back to the match. Right now, it's still a cliffhanger tiebreaker. Konoha only needs two points for victory. And its Konohamaru's serve..."

"Ok, Konohamaru, connect with the ball," Gai instructs his student.

Asuma: "Konohamaru is doing a girly serve..."

Konohamaru served the ball and the other side missed. and Pikachu points his hand to Konohamaru's team, making it a point to Konoha. Pikachu then smell some body odor coming from his under-arms...

Asuma: "It's in! One more point and the game is ours. Konohamaru is doing another girly serve..."

Konohamaru serves, the other side failed the ball back. With Konohamaru's ace, the point should have been Konoha's. Pikachu raised his arm, only to spray deodorant on his under-arms. Unfortunately, when Pikachu made up his signals for the tennis match, raising his arm means a Fault.

Asuma: "A Fault?!"

Yamato is shocked. "Konohamaru! What are you doing?"

Thinking that he has won the Tennis Tournament for Konoha, Konohamaru jumps over the net and throws the racket up into the sky before doing Yamato's Victory Dance.

Asuma: "What is he doing? Why is he doing a boogie?"

Unfortunately, with Konohamaru distracted and jumping over the net to the opponent's side, Pikachu has no choice but to declare a forfeit to Konoha, making Suna High the victor of the Tennis finals.

Asuma: "It's all over! Konoha High lost."

The crowd of Konoha High students joined the Suna students in their celebrations, cheering with the winners, even though it is from an opposing school.

Yamato tossed his cap to the ground in frustration. "This is the worst day of my life," said Yamato. "I guess I'll never get over it."

Gai looks at his students.

"Well, maybe they will..." The students bow down as though they have finished a performance.

Asuma: "That's it, Konoha High lost. They lost pathetically, without any honor for the school. What a bunch of useless..."

Asuma looks up and sees Shizune and Tsunade. "Oh, hi Tsunade and Shizune."

Shizune pulls the plug from Asuma's radio console.

Tsunade smiled. "Thank you, Shizune."

"Radio Cowboy," said Shizune.


Back at the staffroom, Kakashi and Anko were still having their make out session. Suddenly, Iruka enters the staffroom.

"Oops, I think I'd better leave."

Iruka was about to leave, Anko calls out to Iruka.

"Iruka, stay!"

As Anko pushes Kakashi to the table, Iruka closes the door...

End of Episode 09: Radio Show


Extensive Author's Note:

This is the penultimate (second last) chapter of my Konoha High fanfic series and it's quite strange for me to time it during New Year's Day (Or New Year's Eve at the time this has been typed and posted, depending on where you are reading this from.)

This is the final list on the subjects the character teaches, here's the list again:
Tsunade - Vice-Principal
Asuma - Information Technology & Home Economics
Yamato - Sports
Gai - Drama/Performance Arts
Anko - Librarian
Shizune - Social Studies
Kakashi - English & Literature
Iruka - Science & Maths

I'd also like to say thanks to the few reviewers who took the time to read this fanfic up to this point in time:
Daenotsu
Aldi Fox
archiemouse

And to anyone else who reviewed this fanfic after this chapter has been posted.

I hope you would be patient for the final chapter of this fanfic. Have a happy 2009 and hope that you read good fanfics that are worth your time.