The door of a house slowly creaked open as the blonde-wigged Insane Critic peeked in, checking to make sure no one was there. His head turned left, then right, then left again before he beckoned to people behind him. Mentioned people, Team A, tiptoed behind Lunatic into the house, eyes peeled for anyone inside.

The only two exceptions were Dezblade and Bindi, who were out in the front yard and engaged in conversation.

"So, lemme set this straight." Dez said, looking as though he couldn't believe what he was about to say, "I'm an anthro dragon dressing as a giant bat…and you're an anthro skunk dressed in a cat suit?"

"Yup." Bindi answered with a nod.

Dez put a palm to his forehead as he said, "ONLY in a fanfiction can you find something like this."

"Do I have to bring up that Batman and Catwoman had a thing?" Bindi asked, holding up a clawed index finger.

"I'M NOT LISTENING!" Dez said, putting his hands over his ears, "LALALALALALALALALALALALA!"

Kitten had obviously noticed the two's absence from the group, for she had gone back to look for them…and found them, obviously.

"Guys?" Kitten asked, trying to get their attention, "GUYS, we're pretty much breaking and entering, so c'mon!"

Dez, busy trying to not listen to what Bindi had to say, and Bindi, trying to get her point across to Dez, obviously didn't hear her. So, it was only natural that someone of a higher plane of existence was necessary to break it up.

(God from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail": GET ON WITH IT!)

THAT caught both of their attentions real quick. After quick and repeated apologies, whether it was to God OR to Kitten I'll let YOU decide, both followed the rest of Team A into the house.

(meanwhile…)

Lunatic slowly ascended up a staircase and called, "Hello? Anyone here?"

"Are you sure we should be doing this?" Doopliss asked, "Doesn't this count as breaking and entering?"

"Well, the map says 'Go down the Blue Ribbon, then use skill in theft and enter the structure that's the fifth on the left'." Lunatic read aloud, then reasoned, "This is Blue Ribbon Rd. and this is the fifth house on the left. Logically, this HAS to be the place."

"Dude, is this going to take long?" Cooly asked, pointing behind him, "I think Rook's starting to lose it."

Angelic Soldier was minding his own business until he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned and was met with Wildrook who held up the two coconuts that Wandrex had been using.

"Would you mind knocking these two together when we're traveling again?" he asked.

"I'm Leonidas, not a pack mule." Angelic Soldier snapped.

"But what will I be without a horse?" Rook asked in a sanity-questioning tone, "And I still fear the fate of Patsy."

Where was Wandrex since the time of his injury? Well, let's just say that his position was at Wildrook's crib, slouching on a recliner, watching TV, and eating salty snacks.

Lunatic had taken a look at Rook's desperate plea to Angelic Soldier, shrugged casually, then said, "He's fine. Let's try downstairs now."

"But we just got up-never mind." Systema said, then figured 'why bother' and went with Lunatic's plan.

Everyone had just made to go downstairs when they all halted with gasps in surprise. There at the doorway was everyone's LEAST favorite vampire novelist: Stephenie Meyer.

"Hey, guys." She greeted with a smile, "I found that perfect health PSA in my attic. It's called 'Self-Perfection: The Road to Despair'."

"How the heck does she keep finding us?" Steel asked.

Lunatic rolled his eyes, then went to confront the problem.

"According to the PSA, Cooly should believe that he is great even when others say he's not." Meyer looked at Cooly with a grin, "Small world, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess." Cooly said, nonchalantly. It seemed even the symbol of every wrong thing a fictional character can be was sick of Meyer already.

"Meyer," Lunatic said, taking Meyer by the shoulder, "Good job finding that." As Lunatic spoke, he did it through clenched teeth that he constantly tried to pass off as a toothy grin. "Good freakin', freakin', FREAKIN' job! I am SO PROUD OF YOU."

"Does that mean I can join your quest?" Meyer asked, hopefully.

"Well, who are you supposed to be dressed as?" Lunatic asked.

Meyer glanced down at herself, took in what she was wearing, then looked back at Lunatic. He noticed her eyes dart back and forth before she answered, "Bella?"

It was more than fitting that each and every member of Team A to roll their eyes in the "oh, puh-leeze" fashion.

"Dude, even I'M not that predictable." Cooly said, shaking his head.

"Um…almost." Lunatic said, trying to think up a plan and thought up quick, "I need you to go on one more, tiny, little mission for us."

"Oh, c'mon!" Meyer whined like a little girl, "You always send me to run these stupid errands. Your team doesn't want me because of my hit books, is THAT IT?"

"NO!" everyone defended, then came clean and admitted, "Yes."

"Meyer, that couldn't be further from the truth!" Lunatic said, gripping her shoulders harder.

"Well, what do you WANT me to do for you?" Meyer asked, pulling free from Lunatic's grip.

"Your next mission is…" Lunatic paused, having hit a dead end for the moment. Meyer stared at him in a way that seemed to say "go on", and Lunatic finally said, "Get me a coffee."

With that, Lunatic clapped her on the shoulder and left to try and find a basement, leaving her just staring in confusion. The rest of Team A was quick to follow suit and Meyer, now alone, slowly turned and walked away.

SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW

Lunatic peered in through the doorway, then held up a hand to halt his team. There, on a couch and watching TV, was an overweight, bearded man with glasses, a t-shirt emblazoned with the Thundercats symbol, and a bored expression on his face.

"Uh-oh. This place is occupied." Lunatic said, cautiously.

"Don't worry. I can handle this." Dez said, donning his Batman persona. He reached into a small compartment of his belt and pulled out a canister.

Dez pressed a button on the canister's top, then tossed it into the room. In an instant, it released a cloud of smoke.

The smoke bomb seemed to be defective, though, because the cloud cleared up in seconds. And the guy in the couch looked over to see Team A trying to tiptoe past him.

"You're here for that quest thing, right?" he asked, not at all perplexed at the sight of several people in costumes.

Everyone looked at each other, then at the guy as Systema answered, "Yes."

"Over there." The guy said, gesturing to a hallway just around the corner from him, then returned his sight to the TV.

"Uh…thank you." Lunatic said, and with that, the group simply walked for a door at the end of the hall.

"Stupid cheap smoke bombs." Dez grumbled, "I KNEW I should've gone for the better quality, but NO, I wanted to save money. Buy cheap, get cheap…"

The door was one to the laundry room, but Lunatic's eyes fell to something that was set atop the dryer. It was a book: one with a leather cover, a blood-red gemstone in its center, and appeared to be bound shut.

Lunatic picked up the book and was in the process of unbinding it and opening it when Bindi asked, "What is it?"

Doopliss peered over Lunatic's shoulder to inspect the book's readings and, after a quick analysis, concluded, "Seems like a spellbook of some kind."

Lunatic flipped through the pages and read aloud, "Fire spells, ice spells, lightning, tracking, gravity…"

"Wait, there's a bookmark there." Kitten said, gesturing to a piece of paper that subtly, but noticeably, stuck out of the book's top.

Lunatic flipped to where the bookmark was then noticed that the bookmark seemed to cover a segment of the book. He removed the bookmark and found some kind of incantation. He guessed that whoever put it there was trying to hide something.

"Blitznak-Tohru-Higsby-Wal-Mart…" Lunatic read aloud.

The minute Lunatic finished the last word, a blinding flash of golden light began to emanate from the open book, causing everyone's eyes to widen in surprise.

Energy began to snake from the book and gather in a spot just to Lunatic's left. More and more gathered as the energy began to create a high-pitched whine as it compressed into a physical form. With yet another flash of light, a person stood where the energy had gathered.

This person was FAT. He had yellow skin, four digits on each hand, a blue T-shirt that failed to hide the lower part of his massive girth and red shorts. A thin beard-mustache combo traced around his mouth and he had brown hair tied back in a ponytail. He also appeared to be dazed, probably from being trapped in a book for so long or just the act of summoning.

"Oh, I am SO glad to get out of there." The man said, "I've seen office cubicles more spacious than that book."

SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW

Miles away from the house, the man in the red coat was walking down a dirt path when suddenly, he froze in his tracks. A presence had just made itself known to him; one he had been sure was sealed away.

Hurriedly, he turned around and sprinted towards the source of the presence. He hoped with every atom of his being that what he feared had not happened.

SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW

"Wait a minute." Steel said, stepping forward, then asked the man, "Are you Jeff Albertson?"

"That IS my real name, but all my friends and acquaintances know me as 'Comic Book Guy'." The man replied in a straightforward and factual tone.

"Well, Comic Book Guy, what were you doing in that book?" Doopliss asked.

"Reading. I cannot imagine what else you would do in a book. I know now every spell from the killing curse to the shoe-tying charm." Comic Book Guy responded with snark, "Anyway, that was the Book of Disorder. A person with the oddest of hairstyles and a red coat sealed me in it."

"How long have you been in there?" Dez asked.

"That depends. What's this date?" Comic Book Guy asked.

"It's the middle of summer." Cooly responded, pulling at the collar of his coat, "The heatstroke speaks for itself."

"Then I would estimate about six months." Comic Book Guy concluded, "It was snowing when I was sealed in the book."

"Okay, that's not important. Who was this red-coated guy and why'd he seal you in the first place?" Lunatic asked, trying to get somewhere.

"He didn't give me his name. I, at first, thought he was some kind of comic/video game nerd because of some of the games I was playing seemed to interest him. Such games include Soul Calibur, Legend of Zelda, any game that involved finding a legendary blade." Comic Book Guy explained in his most epic voice, "He set a task upon me to find a sword that he claimed to be looking for, but upon further research, I found that this sword of ultimate power was very real and that I couldn't let him get it."

Comic Book Guy reached into his pocket and pulled out a single photograph before handing it to Lunatic. "This is him."

Lunatic took in the photo and, sure enough: a crazy hair color, a red coat, and a pair of sunglasses on his face. He took in the features of the guy very carefully; he wasn't sure why, though, but he felt he would need it later down the road of this journey.

"As soon as I found out just what he planned to do with the sword, I took all my research and fled Springfield. Using what I had researched, I found where the sword's location was. However, I knew that if he found it, all hell would break loose." Comic Book Guy continued, "He found out where I was and I thought I'd try a trick I saw in a movie and tried to seal him in a book. Unfortunately, I have no magic blood and he turned the tables on me, sealing ME in the book instead."

"I'm telling you all, I NEED A HORSE!" Rook said, desperately.

"SHUT UP!" everyone shouted at Rook, none of which were interested in being his "horse".

"Well, it was fortunate that I left the bookmark in the one place you read-aloud-type people would read aloud: the Reverse Incantation Spell." Comic Book Guy continued.

"What about the sword?" Lunatic asked.

"Well, I hid the sword again; in a place where red-coat wouldn't find it." Comic Book Guy answered, "I also made this map so that someone with a quote-unquote 'just' heart and 'righteous' spirit can claim it and overcome that man."

"Well, then why can't this guy find it?" Kitten asked; a very valid question, she thought.

"I believe this guy has no love of games. He seeks and craves destruction only." Comic Book Guy answered, "He thinks that he's above solving riddles, going on adventures, and pretending to be something he isn't, which he dubs 'child's play'."

"Oh, so we're children now?" Systema said with a roll of his eyes, "What new depths can we sink to than this?"

"The man seeks to destroy all that makes epic quests fun, a fun that deserves to be preserved. To make sure he wouldn't go through this 'child's play', I hired a few guys to serve as obstacles." Comic Book Guy said, proudly.

"Wait, you HIRED those guys?" Steel asked.

"Obviously." Comic Book Guy answered, then sarcastically added, "Because I am in SUCH fit condition to fight."

"Then why did he leave your prison book here?" Dezblade asked.

"He probably figured that no one would look for it. Not the smartest move he's ever made, is it?" Comic Book Guy retorted.

"So…who exactly is this guy?" Lunatic asked.

"Well, it's a long story and…wait, why do YOU want to know?" Comic Book Guy said, catching himself in time.

"Oh, we're Fanfiction Critics who seek the Sword of Chaos for vast riches and, if what you say is true, its awesome power." Lunatic answered.

"Fanfiction Critics? Oh, that's a REAL reliable person to entrust the Sword of Chaos to." Comic Book Guy said, sarcastically.

"From the guy who got even LESS exercise in that book if THAT IS EVEN POSSIBLE?" Steel asked with his own biting sarcasm.

"Ha! You're not one to talk, Kenshin would-be." Comic Book Guy snapped back, "I bet you know as much about swordplay as you do about modern politics."

As the two continued to bicker on and exchange remarks, Doopliss raised an eyebrow. "What the heck is this?"

"It appears to be a battle of sarcasm." Rook said, observantly.

"Wow. This is epic in its own way." Cooly said as he looked on.

The battle went on for almost three minutes, but it soon came to a surprisingly sudden end.

"The graduates of Chimpanzee university must be proud of you." Steel challenged.

"I bet they are because I have achieved the title 'King of Sarcasm'." Comic Book Guy said, proudly, "Not you. YOU are the King of Every Laughable Screw-Up and NOT Sarcasm."

Steel was at a loss for words. Eventually, he sniffled and said, "You didn't have to be so harsh." He then turned away and was met with a comforting pat on the back from Angelic Soldier.

"So, yes, I am sorry to say that you sickos are NOT pure of heart enough to claim the sword." Comic Book Guy said, in a very final tone, "I'm afraid you'll have to make like an Easter egg and die. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must choose the appropriate weapon to end your life with."

Jeff turned and began to rummage around in a case of some kind. All the while, he was muttering what he was pulling out.

"Phaser? No. Cowboys and Aliens wrist-blaster? Nah. Iron Man gauntlet? No. A-ha!" Comic Book Guy turned around to show that he had a sleek, silver pistol of sorts. He pulled the trigger once, but it didn't fire.

"Ugh. Pardon me, I have to make sure this thing is working." Comic Book Guy said, impatiently, "Safety's off, no jams…ah, no ammo."

After Comic Book Guy inserted a clip magazine into the pistol, he pointed it at them and fired a small beam of crimson energy. The blast singed Lunatic's blonde wig and right there, right then, they decided not to take their chances.

"RUN!"

All of Team A turned tail and hurried for the exit as fast as they could. It was fortunate that Comic Book Guy wasn't the best of shot, even though the blaster pistol he was using belonged to Jango Fett, one of the sharpest shots in the galaxy.

As Team A hurried for the door, blaster bolts scorching the room left-and-right, the house's inhabitant casually waved them good-bye, eyes never leaving the TV.

Lunatic was the last one to try and leave when he paused and remembered a very vital part of their quest.

"THE MAP!" he said, then turned to try and retrieve it when a blaster bolt narrowly missed his head. Deciding that his life was more valuable than a piece of paper, he growled, "Oh, scrap this!" And without another word, he made a mad dash for the door.

Comic Book Guy continued firing after them, even after they were out of his sights. And about that time, the gun jammed, earning a grouchy string of curses as he tried to un-jam it.

Elsewhere, Team A finally made it out the door, screaming their heads off (Systema excluded because he was above such fear).

Comic Book Guy made his way towards the door, but not before saying to the homeowner, "Thanks for letting me stay here for six months. I was trapped in a book."

"Whatever." The owner said, uninterested.

Comic Book Guy paused, looked at the guy, then rolled his eyes in disproval. "Worst response ever." And with that, he left the house, never to return.

(A/N: Well, we have some juicy information as to who hunts both teams, but what about Team B and their recent...betrayer, shall we say? Well, stay tuned for more and you'll find out soon enough.)