Like Siblings

"I'm grateful that Tohsaka and Sakura were able to be siblings again," Shirӧ stated to himself as the wind silently whispered as the leaves blew. "I've never seen Sakura so happy before." The auburn-haired mage thought about the change that had occurred over the past month between Tohsaka and the violet-haired girl. It had not been easy to heal the wounds over what had happened a decade past, and there were still times when Sakura would stare at something only she could see when she thought that no one was looking, and Shirӧ could hear the whispered comforting Arturia gave to Tohsaka despite being very late at night. The legacy of the Fourth Holy Grail War was still embedded in their minds, and it took time for Sakura and Tohsaka to speak to each other with dark pools of guilt in their eyes.

Eventually Sakura began spending time with Tohsaka, so much so that by the beginning of the next month Shirӧ found himself in the only company of Arturia and occasionally Ilya. The former participants in the Fifth Holy Grail would often talk until late at night, or simply soak in each other's presence until it was time to say good night. It now seemed that Sakura was at ease around the four of them during the times that she and her oneesan would have dinner with them. Shirӧ heard her laugh, a sound that he hadn't heard from her before. It sounded similar to a bird's song, and beautiful in the sky. "I even was able to convince Sakura to call me by my name, not just simply sempai." When he had told her this during her departure, Shirӧ had seen the shock on her face that melted into joy. He remembered holding her as she cried, noting of how her tears were no longer from sadness. "Arigatou gozaimasu…Shirӧ."

"I am grateful I did not have to meet Sakura's father," Shirӧ whispered to himself as his stomach clenched. "He was a terrible father."

"I have a terrible father too, Shirӧ!" The auburn-haired mage felt Ilya's small hands encircle around him. Her giggling entered his ears, but Shirӧ was not aware of her smiles and laughter. The words coming from her echoed in his mind.

"Ilya…what do you mean?" The child looked at him curiously. "What do you mean that you had a terrible father?" Shirӧ's bewildered expression increased as Ilya continued to giggle. She suddenly climbed onto his lap.

"You really are adorable, Shirӧ." Her bright smile reminded him of a time when she had kidnapped him, and had tied him up. "You're silly too. How can you not know him?" Her bright red eyes bored into his own, shining. "You see him every day, and clean the picture."

Shirӧ's breath collapsed when he realized what Ilya had meant. The picture… His wide amber eyes flashed as he remembered of how Ilya had looked at the lone framed photo of Emiya Kiritsugu with strange anger on her face before it disappeared. It had happened so quickly Shirӧ had thought he had imagined it. He cleaned the picture of his adoptive father every month so that dust and grime would not gather against the glass. Shirӧ had done this since his adoptive father had died, and now there were times when Arturia helped him with the task, a small smile on Fujimura-sensei's face. Emiya Kiritsugu…is… Shirӧ's mind remained blank even as Ilya was staring at the expression on his face in bewilderment. How could…he be her father? Then Shirӧ inwardly gasped at the memory of Ilya smiling at him. "I've waited ten years for this, Shirӧ." The auburn-haired mage took a deep breath.

"How old you are, Ilya?" He couldn't meet her gaze.

"I'm nineteen." Shirӧ visibly blanched as Ilya continued. "That's why when you and Saber were going to start school, I wanted to go too." Her expression fell. "I never experienced school before. Shirӧ, what's wrong?" she whispered as the young man looked down at his hands.

"I…don't understand, Ilya." Thick mucus was building up in Shirӧ's mouth as he spoke, desperately trying to disperse the panic that was suddenly building inside of him. "How could my father…be your father as well? And…how are you not the physical age that you are?" His voice fell into a whisper at the thought of his kind father, the one who had… Shirӧ's eyes painfully shut, remembering of how one day they had watched the fireworks over the city, and of the smile on his face as he taught Shirӧ kanji.

"I'm a homunculus, Shirӧ." The auburn-haired mage was stunned by the smile on Ilya's face as she continued to speak. "We don't age, not like humans do. That's why that's how I am." Then her smile thinned. "I'm not actually a full homunculus, though. I'm half human. My mother was able to give birth to me. I still remember of how happy she was."

A jolt shook through Shirӧ. "You mean…that you're clones?"

Ilya nodded, a giggle escaping from her at the expression he used. Shirӧ stared at her, uncertain how to comprehend the fact that Ilya was smiling and laughing as she told him about the homunculi. "I have my mother's memories and of our creator's memories too, Shirӧ." Suddenly he head bowed. "Even still….I don't understand why." Before Shirӧ could open his mouth, she continued to speak quietly. "Why Kiritsugu left me. Why…he never came to say goodbye."

"Ilya…" Shirӧ murmured.

"I know that he raised you after the Fourth Holy Grail War," she stated morosely. "From the way you wash his picture, Kiritsugu raised you as a son." Red eyes met amber, and Shirӧ gulped at the sudden anger in Ilya's eyes. "I…hated him so much. He left me for you, an orphan boy when he still had family left. I hated that he left me when I needed him. After all," Ilya stated with a bright smile, "I knew him before you did, Shirӧ!"

"How is he your father though?" Shirӧ stated thinly at the thought of Ilya in the white castle, alone and lonely. How could he…? "I don't understand of how that could be. He told me he had no family left!" Shirӧ gasped when he realized what he had said. "Ilya, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way."

"Kiritsugu was a free-lancer and under the Einzbern family when my mother was born," Ilya stated solemnly, suddenly appearing her age that she was supposed to be. "He didn't think of her as very much, seeing her as useless. Then he saved her when she was thrown outside into the wilderness to test her durability." Shirӧ listened with rapt attention as Ilya continued to speak of the relationship her mother and Emiya Kiritsugu had, eventually blossoming into an ill-fated love. His mind was still numb over the fact of the first words his adoptive father had described to his future wife. "Useless…has no durability…" The words that Saber had spoken to him about his adoptive father were true. It still hurt Shirӧ to hear this, and his eyes stared sadly at Ilya, emptiness filling him.

"The only one who cared for me was Berserker," Ilya whispered. Shirӧ stared at Ilya in shock. "He saved me when I thought that the wolves would kill me." Recognizing the young man's horrified gaze, Ilya gave a soft smile and explained. "I was forced to go into the forest and make it make to the castle so that I could fight in the Fifth Holy Grail War. There was no Kiritsugu this time. …There was only Berserker." Sadness misted her red eyes. "He was my protector." Shirӧ attempted to embrace her, but Ilya pulled away.

"I hated you for such a long time, Shirӧ." Her bright red eyes echoed against his own. There was no anger. "I hated you for taking Kiritsugu away, for making him forget about me. That's why I wanted to kill you." Silence prevailed them for a moment. "Having Kiritsugu dead meant nothing to me. I wanted to kill my younger brother for taking Kiritsugu away." Suddenly Ilya cupped Shirӧ's face in her small hands. "When I did meet you though, Shirӧ…I thought you were nice. Your forgiver me when I killed Archer. You…made this place seem so warm and safe, like it was before." Uncharacteristic tears began streak from her eyes. "I suddenly didn't care that my father abandoned me, and that he left me for you. I didn't care that I didn't win the Holy Grail." She buried his face into his chest. "I only wanted to be with you…as long I have time left."

"W-what?" Shirӧ whispered.

"I will die in a year, Shirӧ." The auburn-haired mage felt as if his heart had stopped at the smile on Ilya's face. "Because of how I was born, Kiritsugu and my mother knew I wouldn't live for very long. Even compared to the other homunculi." Shirӧ's face paled as Ilya continued to calmly state the words without a hint of sadness or fear. "I knew this would happen, Shirӧ. Now…I just want to live we you until I…"

"No." The forcefulness of his tone surprised Shirӧ. His breathing was gradually becoming uneasy as he stared at Ilya. My sister… "No, you're going to live, Ilya. We'll go to Germany and find out a way to stop this."

"No!" Shirӧ felt her embrace his chest even more and felt her tears soaking his clothes as desperation clouded her voice. "No, I don't want to go there! It's cold and lonely…and you're not there, Shirӧ!" Her swollen red eyes pressed against his cheek. "Please…I want to stay with you." Ilya's growing despair as Shirӧ remained unresponsive to her cries echoed in his ears as she held onto him. "There's nothing you can do about me dying, Shirӧ…so please…" she cried, "I want to stay home until the day I die."

Shirӧ felt himself stroking Ilya's hair. As his mind remained thoughtless as Ilya's hands held his, Shirӧ became aware of how empty he felt. Ilya…is going to die. Ilya… As foolish as it sounded, the young man had thought that Ilya would be with him as long as he lived. Like Arturia. I…could have lost her…and Ilya… He thought about what Tohsaka had taught him about the magecraft Emiya Kiritsugu and his family had practiced. "The Emiya bloodline sought to stop time, in simple terms. To stop time…is futile, or otherwise impossible. The research in itself is promising, but it would take hundreds of years to complete." A pensive look had appeared on her face. "I wonder what stopped the practice. Either way, you wouldn't be considered his true heir because you're only adopted and not his blood." He must have…wanted to save her, Shirӧ thought as Ilya calmed in his arms. He must have tried…I would have. Shirӧ swallowed heavily. If this is true then…can I truly…?

"Ilya, for the Holy Grail, what did you wish?" Shirӧwatched as Ilya began to smile at his question and laughed.

"I would wish that I would die, Shirӧ." The auburn-haired mage almost choked at the smile on Ilya's face. Peaceful, as if she didn't wish for that which she spoke of. "I would be with my parents again, and…I don't deserve to live, because I failed in the Fifth Holy Grail War."

"But Ilya," Shirӧ protested, "Everyone deserves to live. How can you wish to die?" He swallowed thickly, ignoring the strange stare that Ilya was giving him. "How can you wish –"

"Isn't that how you feel, Shirӧ?" Ilya's red eyes echoed against his amber. "You never smile…and you think that everyone's life is more worthy than your own. Even a cat's life would be worth more." She giggled. "You were never happy since the Fourth Holy Grail War." Shirӧ couldn't think. He couldn't breathe. A soundless scream suddenly wanted to tear from him as Ilya continued to speak. "You…always want to help people because only then did you feel that you had a right to live. It was only when Saber appeared that you were able to be happy. You smiled because you were happy, not only because of simple pleasure." Shirӧ felt his heart beat uselessly inside of him. He felt his blood still. "You don't really want to be a hero. You just use it as an illusion to hide that in your heart, you truly want to die." She pulled his hair. "Right?"

"Ilya…" Shirӧ stated tonelessly. "Please…leave." His voice trembled. "I'm going to be a Hero of Justice!" a young Shirӧ shouted as the classroom erupted in laughter. "I'll be a hero that saves everyone!" An older Shirӧ stayed at school, washing the boards with a warm washcloth. The young boy in his early teens heaved a sigh. "No one's here…not one." His arms ached, and his stomach growled at the thought of hunger. "I have to do this though." Shirӧ pushed Saber aside from Berserker's weapon, seeing the shock in her eyes as he felt blinding agony surging through his body until he blacked out. "I thought you out of all people would understand, Shirō." He heard his broken voice as Sakura's words whispered in his mind.

His voice cracked. "Please…Ilya…I need to be alone." Soundlessly Ilya appeared to notice Shirō's cracking emotional stability, and she left him where he was still.

His face was pale as he remembered memories upon memories. He thought about the moment of truth when he had acknowledged the fact the true reason why he wanted to follow in his adoptive father's footsteps. To believe that by living for others he could….believe himself to be worthy of life. An illusion that hid the fact that he wanted to die for living when he shouldn't have. Those people…all those people… Their burning, melted faces burned into his mind. Their screams always followed him. The tears flowing from their eyes. Two pairs of eyes, wide and pleading, burning into his own as he watched them burn. The amber eyes…the red hair… All echoing in his mind as the house burned and collapsed as they died. A coward child, running away.

"Okaa…san…" A strange emotion overcame him then. Something more than grief, something more than anger and emptiness. "Otou…san…" His lungs burned. His breathing became shallow. Shirō clutched his head in his hands, feeling something inside him crack and break. His eyes widened, unseen pools of emptiness.

For the first time in ten years, Emiya Shirō cried.