Another chapter!
Got another question about Freya and she is coming, I need to match her into the story I have written far more chapters than I have posted, so I had to puzzle her in a little suddenly in a chapter further ahead. But she is coming.
This chapter is from Caroline's point of view and we have finally gotten to the reveal from Caroline to Stefan.
Chapter 9 - The Confession
Caroline practically skips beside Stefan as she eats her cotton candy.
"You know that you can walk, right?" Stefan asks her after a while.
"Don't be such a buzzkill, Stefan" Caroline laughs. She turns to him, even though she keeps walking with small jumps in her steps. She is enjoying her cotton candy, that Stefan bought for her because he remembers how much she liked it, how cute is he?!, trying not to feel something when Stefan's hand brushes her own.
"You still thinks I'm too serious?" Stefan smiles, showing his perfect teeth to her. Caroline desperately tries to not feel anything then, and yes, she is totally failing, so she laughs. She couldn't be happier nor sadder that he remembered the exact the words that she had told him on their first one on one friend date, as she had called them already before her feeling changed.
"Yes! Well not around Klaus and Rebekah but you know the rest of us are still here, wanting to be part of the fun Stefan" she complains loudly. When Stefan laughs is she both happy and sad, because she just made him laugh, even though he seems to do that a lot more than the Stefan one she met for eight months ago, but on the other side is she perfectly honest and one hundred percent serious and she doesn't like being laughed at.
She knows that she is a bubbly blond that says things that people finds funny sometimes but she doesn't like it. That's one of the reasons she fell for him in the beginning, he didn't laugh at her, he didn't laugh at anyone.
"The fun Stefan?" he gives her that look again, the side looking that he only does when he thinks she is a little crazy but is too kind to say anything.
"The one that doesn't ask stupid questions" she replays, now walking for real, without the jumping, licking the last sugar of the stick.
"You want the fun me?" Stefan asks almost teasing, Caroline's heart makes a leap, pulling her against him like he is a magnet. His hand grips hers and Caroline feel as if she can breathe in all the oxygen on earth and still be dizzy as he pulls her away, she drops the stick, not able to concentrate on anything but his warm hand.
It's not before he pulls her down into a wagon and lets go of her hand that she looks around her and realizes that she does NOT want to be here. She tries to get up but Stefan pulls her back down, laughing.
"It's the love train, Stefan" she squeals, unhappy with his choice of ride. His light green eyes look at her and they are shining in a way that makes Caroline's stupid throat goes dry.
She does NOT want to be here, not with him, or well she wants to be here, with just him but not when he is supposed to get married in a little more than a weeks time and she still is as desperately in love with him as she was two years ago and he doesn't know.
"Come on, Caroline, you have always loved the love train" Stefan says and put his arm around her shoulders. "Let the others ride their crazy deathtraps, we can have fun on our own" Caroline giggles nervously, to show that she isn't nervous, stopping herself abruptly when she realizes how stupid that is, which isn't before Stefan gives her a funny look.
"Shouldn't you be doing this with Rebekah?" she asks, trying her hardest to not sound like a jealous girlfriend, she is easily jealous, a backside with growing up with the perfect, beautiful Elena and daring, stunning Katherine.
"Already done that" he answers, not knowing how much he hurts her with these words, it's more the tender tone than the words that stab her heart. He lights up when he talks about her and it makes Carolines's heart sink in her chest.
She hasn't heard him talk like this since he was dating Elena, she hasn't been hurt like these since he still was in love with Elena. He doesn't notice how the little bit of hope that still is left in her leaves her with the tender words. It's clear that he loves this girl just as much as she loves him.
It's just not fair that she never is the one to have a guy using that tone of voice when they talked about her. Caroline wants that, to be cherished, not as a friend or a second choice but as a first choice, as a girlfriend, as someone's everything, and she wants it more than anything.
"Awesome" she says, not even trying to sound anything but sad and jealous, it's not like he will notice it anyway. She looks at him with a sad smile as the train starts going as his warm and steady arm lays around her shoulders.
Steady and secure, that was what he was for her, he was like home, the only constant thing in her life, him and Katherine, and she wanted, no she NEEDED him, to keep her life on track because if he wasn't there she would go back to be the self-conscious control-freak she was before.
Not that she isn't a control-freak still, or self-conscious, because let's face it, she still has a very bad self-image, but now she knows to use at least one of them to her benefit and she has self-respect, even though she still feels conscious about herself from time to time, she isn't the shallow girl she was at sixteen anymore.
They leave the love train a few minutes later, Caroline's heart still beating so loud that Stefan should be able to hear it, they come to a calm place with grass, that they, okay mostly her, had made their meeting space for when the others come back from the rollercoaster. Stefan's mobile plings and he lets go of her waist, that he has been holding on to since they started walking, Caroline immediately misses his warmth and comfort.
"It's Klaus, they gonna take another go apparently" Stefan sighs "so we will just have to wait here. Or I could go trying to win you a teddy bear" Stefan halfway jokes., he did win her a teddy bear a couple of years ago, Bestie is still sleeping in her bed.
"Okay" she mumbles, too much into her own thoughts to say something more. This time is she the one who misses Stefan's funny look at her, which is ironical because she is missing it because she thinks about how blind he has to be to not see her feeling for him. It's not like she ever tried to hide it.
"What is it with you, Caroline? You have been acting strange since I told you that I am getting married. It's okay if you don't like Rebekah but you could at least say it to my face like you used to and not act like a little girl avoiding me" Stefan suddenly says with an angry voice, Caroline stares at him with big eyes for a couple of seconds.
She didn't think he noticed, he has seemed so concentrated on Rebekah and Elena that he hasn't even looked at her some days when she's talking to him, which is rude.
But apparently he has noticed and now he thinks that she doesn't like Rebekah, which isn't a complete lie, she DOES NOT like the place Rebekah has in Stefan's life because she wants it, but still, Rebekah is such a sweet girl and Stefan is way off if he thinks that is the reason why she keeps her distance
"I like Rebekah, she is a nice girl. Just like Elena but totally different, I can see why you wanna marry her, she is good for you" Caroline mumble. Stefan smiles a little at her and moves forward to grab her hand.
"She is pretty much as you, you know, I think that is one of the reasons I married her. I need someone just as bossy as you to keep my 'dark side' in check" Caroline suddenly feels angry, if he needs 'someone like her' why didn't he ever even consider her as his girlfriend? Is she still the little girl he got to know five years ago to him? because she thinks she has developed pretty much since then.
"Seriously?! Do you need someone LIKE me? Why don't just take me? What is so awful about me that you never under all these years that we have known each other, under all these years that I have been in love with YOU, thought about me as anything but your friend? You seriously think I don't like Rebekah? You think that is the problem? Well, you are wrong, I like Rebekah, but I love you! And YOU are getting MARRIED in a weeks time and you will NOT marry me. My problem is that I am in love with you, that is my problem, Stefan! So I'm sorry if I can't be beaming for you right now, okay? SORRY!?"
She takes a deep breath and pulls back, staring at the ground, not wanting to see him in the eyes. She shouldn't have done that, she promised herself NOT to tell him when she went down here.
But he had pressed her and she couldn't just sit around anymore. She needed to do something, she needed to let him know how much planning his wedding is hurting her. How much HE is hurting her and how much he has been hurting her for the past two years. stefan takes a deep breath beside her and Caroline tenses, nervous for what he is about to say.
2 years ago
"Seriously?!" Caroline says as she walks into the Salvator Maison with long, powerful steps. Looking around in the badly lighted place, which is impressing because it is bright sunshine just outside the covered windows, and sees Stefan sitting in a chair, clearly drunk with one leg over the other. "Are you just gonna hide in her for the rest of eternity just because Elena dumped you?" she complains and goes to the window and pulls aside the curtains.
"She didn't 'dumped' me" Stefan grumbles and takes another swing from a half-empty bottle, several others, empty, lying on the floor around him. Caroline glares at him.
"So you guys 'break up' and suddenly you go all dark on us. I thought that was Damon's thing" Caroline almost shouts, she dares not do it for real, not when he has that murderous look on his face. Stefan right out growls at her, Caroline chooses to ignore his animalistic behavior and sighs as she starts picking up all the bottles around the room, trying to find a garbage bag to throw it in.
"I'm grieving, Caroline, I have the right to do it" Stefan says, standing up and trying to push her away, which is rude, Caroline brushes him off with an irritated face and keeps cleaning the sitting room, which is highly needed, ignoring him as good as she can.
"Yes, Stefan, you have the right to grieve! But you do not have the right to go all dark on the world as if your world did just collapse!"
"If I remember correctly did you avoid going to places where Tyler where for half a year after your break up" That one stings more than Caroline care to admit, she and Tyler had a rough break up and Stefan, of all people, was maybe the only one that actually had supported her through it.
Katherine was her best friend, but since she had never had a boyfriend herself she had a hard time to have sympathy for Caroline in that situation.
"That's different" Caroline halfways shouts, dramatically turning on her heels so that her hair flies around her, pointing at Stefan's face. "Tyler DUMPED me, hard, and went directly to the next girl in his fan club. Elena and you had a break up when you sat down and TALKED before you, TOGETHER decided that you weren't working anymore! And I didn't spend weeks at my house after that, I planned the next event for Mystic Falls Beauty Comity. You know this!"
Caroline gives him an eye that must be looking mad because he actually shuts up and sits back down, even though he is pouting petulantly, and lets her go on with her cleaning, actually without drinking anymore. She finally finds a trash bag and starts filling it with bottles, some of them not even empty but she isn't leaving them behind for Stefan to find later.
"Go clean yourself up and sleep for a little while. You will start at our new work tomorrow and you need to be in good shape" She says after a while when he has spent nearly half an hour to look at her, it starts a funny feeling in her chest that she isn't sure that she likes or not, turning to him with a little smile on her lips. Stefan and she had just gotten a job at the same event firm, she as a part-time planner and he as a publicity person. "I will pick you up at half past six, with breakfast, but I need you to look respectable" she continues, Stefan snores but does as she says anyway, she looks at his strong back as he leaves.
"Goodnight" she says lowly when he is in the doorway, he stops for a second but doesn't say it back, the pang she feels in her chest isn't something she is prepared for. She puts her hand over heart looking after him. Her thoughts are racing but she can't quite catch up. But she knows his face passes her eyes a couple of times the few seconds the pain remains.
She stays for a couple of hours, cleaning the sitting room and the kitchen, how is even more of a disaster than she thought was possible, she hears him take a shower and how he moves around on the second floor for almost an hour before it gets quiet. She leaves quietly when she is done, leaving the key in the flower pot, going home to get ready to go up early to make breakfast for two before she gets back here to pick Stefan up tomorrow.
The next day when they sit in the bar, Stefan's idea, drinking orange juice, Caroline's idea, Stefan moves forward to grab her hand, with a tight smile on his lips.
"I'm sorry, Caroline, for not being here, for 'going all dark', but mostly for saying that you did the same thing. You would never hide from anything, not when you have to do it, you should know that it's inspiring. I love you Caroline, and I want to thank you for pulling myself back to myself, again, by buying the next round orange juice" he squeezes her hand before he goes, leaving her with a racing heart and one single thought in her head.
'No'.
Stefan breaths out again, without saying a word and Caroline's heart is beating so hard against her chest she is sure it will burst, if it doesn't do that simply because of the hurt, and she turns her head away ashamed.
You do NOT say to your best friend, that is supposed to get married in a couple of days, that you have been in love with him for years. You do NOT do that. They sit like that, Stefan switching between looking sternly right forward and glancing at her with a worried look and Caroline staring at the ground, where her hand is resting in the grass next to her.
Suddenly they hear a shout and they see Kol coming rushing against them, surprisingly with Bonnie dragged behind him, Stefan turns to her and Caroline closes her eyes, ready to take what he is about to throw at her.
"I'm… I am sorry Caroline. I don't… I just don't feel that way about you. I can't do this… I'm sorry" Caroline forces herself to not cry when the others are beside them, Kol teasing Stefan and Bonnie leaning on his arm, laughing, Caroline realizes that it would surprise her at any other time but right now she has other things to concentrate on, like not crying her eyes out in front of everyone.
She fails.
Katherine takes one look at her, and her tear soaked cheeks and red eyes and walks to her standing in front of her, shielding her from the eyes of the others.
Putting her hand on Caroline's shoulder, giving her a look that looks scaringly much like pity. Caroline shakes her head at the quiet question and Katherine lifts her own chin in a meaning way, giving her a little smile and pushes her hair out of her eyes as she dries of Caroline's cheeks.
Caroline smiles a little back and then lifts her own chin, pulling back her shoulders, Katherine gives her a quick nob and then moves, standing beside her instead.
Caroline looks around, grateful when she sees that no one is watching. Except for Klaus, who catches her eyes, giving her an uninterpretable gaze before he turns away, for some reason looking just as upset that she is feeling.
So... This is it for now. Reviews? Anyone? Seriously, I am happy with everything.
Plus that I am just gonna say that Klaroline is coming as well, I know there haven't been any scene with them yet.
Thank you for reading!
