To my reviewers -

Bellatrix Nellie Le-Lovett - Thanks for the review! Hope you stop choking! That's not good! XD

Burma - Aww thanks! Best story evar? Thank you so much! And happy late birthday!

Maxine the unknowingly admired - Haha! Your review really made my day too. Thank you!

Here we move on!

Chapter Nine


Dear Ella…

If I even have the right to call you that anymore, which I don't, truly. If you don't mind though, for the last few things I ever say to you, let me wallow in my fantasies just a bit longer. I hope it doesn't drive you to rip up this letter and send it to pieces on the floor.

I would call you by your real name if I knew it. I suppose you do, having heard so many times about how Amelia loved her little sister. Don't ever tell me…whatever happens. There's just something about losing your name after losing you…it…I'm not entirely sure…will be too hard to take, I suppose. If that even really makes any sense at all.

It's early in the morning and the sun is peaking out from over the horizon and playing it's pink and purple colors in the sky, and it reminds me of the days where I would wake up early to watch it - the days when it was all I had to watch over, before I had you.

I won't lie and say that I was nothing less then entirely relieved to see you still sleeping in the parlor when I cracked open my door to see if you had left yet tonight. There you slept, and sleep now, like nothing had ever happened. Like your world hadn't just been toppled over and thrown into an ocean of shock. As if you were going to wake up tomorrow thinking that the whole conversation we shared was just another one of your night terrors.

So I'm writing this scatter-brained letter to you, so you won't suspect that. So you'll know what I had to say to you was true.

And under this letter, I'm including eight and a half other entries.

The last eight are letters that I've written to you over the thirteen years that I've had you - year after year all the way up until tonight. They tell about all different sorts of things. I intended to give them to you when you were grown and having children of your own, but now I realize that I probably won't ever see you again, let alone my grandchildr…hm…sorry…your children.

Going on…the letters say a lot about how much I love you…here I sit now in my bed, still with you so close yet so distant…and I cry because I know you'll never love me like I loved you…love you. Always will love you.

You're not Ella. You're not mine. I have no right to love you and I have no right to expect you to love me back. I never have and I never will…but I do anyway.

Sorry…so muddled my thoughts are, just trying to write this all on paper and get it out to you before you wake up and leave to find your family.

The first half of a letter I'm including with the bunch, is about the day I took you. It tells everything I know about your real family, which I'm sure you know more about then me, of course. I just thought I'd include that for you because…well it's yours…not mine anymore. Which yet again doesn't make much sense but is entirely true.

What else can I say?

I'm crying so violently now…I'm afraid I might wake you.

My daughter was taken so quickly from me, and it seems to be playing all over again as I scribble out my good bye to you.

Please, never forget me, love.

Never forget about the one who splashed around in the ocean with you and spent hours on end building sandcastles on the beach. Never forget who always rocked you back to sleep after your nightmares, never forget who would brush your hair and tell you stories about your father. Please, oh god, never forget who loved you ever so much even though in the back of my mind, I've known for thirteen years that you're not my Ella!

Never forget me…please, I beg of you…it's all I want.

It's all I ask.

And I shouldn't be asking for anything, but I am.

Just never forget your mum…good ol' mum…who raised you and watched you grow.

My heart aches for you now…I don't know where you'll go to now that you no longer have a home. I know you don't want to stay with me, even though I wish with ever bit of my heart that you would.

I know you won't.

I can't be trusted by you anymore.

What an awful day…when you find out that the person you've looked up to all your life…when you find out that they're just a dreadful, flawed, person.

Much too flawed for my own good, I suppose.

I'm resisting the never ceasing urge to go out into the parlor and hold you while you sleep. To rock you in my arms and cry to you…to hold you one last time.

I don't deserve it…I know I keep saying that, but we both know it's true.

You're such a great person, such a great baby and child, and now a beautiful young woman, and I don't deserve you because I am such a horrible person.

I'll miss you.

Of course I will!

God, I'll miss you everyday…like you really were my baby who died.

Goodness…this is ever so hard to write out a goodbye…

It draws on and on because I don't want to say that last word.

No mother ever should have to say goodbye to their daughter…no proper mother at least.

Unfortunately, that isn't the exact spot I find myself in. I'm a repulsively improper mother, who deserves nothing less then to have to say goodbye to her only love in life.

Her brilliant, auburn haired, blue eyed, kind hearted baby girl…

What more can I say?

Please…take the cat with you…we both know it's always been more yours then mine. Take a picture of Benjamin and tell everyone that it was your handsome father who never gave in, because from what I've heard your real father was a horrendous man to be around.

Don't take anything of me, I'm obviously not any better a person then most…but take these letters.

You don't have to talk about me. You don't have to picture my face in your mind while you fall asleep at night like I will yours. You don't ever have to utter the name I gave you or sing the songs we've always sung, or think about our last thirteen years together - start completely anew, if that's what you'd like.

Just don't forget me.

Ella.

I'll never forget you.

I'll never find anyone else that will ever replace you.

I hope you never find anyone else, to replace your dear ol' mum.

Remember me in your dreams, if nothing else. See my face in the stars above your head, and in the back of your mind remember the nights we spent counting shooting stars…wishing on them.

You never knew it, but my wish was always for you. That I'd wake up one morning and you'd actually be my daughter…and I wouldn't have to lie to your face every single day and night...

With all of my heart, you hold every tiny bit of it, Love, Mum.

And since I don't really deserve that - Eleanor Lovett.


Oh my...is it stupid how I tear up every time I read this?

Haha...oh goodness…just review! See you next week!