Disclaimer: See Chapter 8.

Special thanks to my beta, Lavanya Six!


The Adventures of Avatar Azula

An Avatar: The Last Airbender fanfic


Chapter 9

Relationships


The sun was hot that day.

"What did you want to talk about, Azula?"

Facing her bedroom mirror, Azula slowly and methodically trimmed her hair with a knife. Mai waited in the doorway. It was a trick Azula had learned from Father; let them think nice and long about just who held the power.

Mai had been trained well too. She held out for a long time—almost fifteen minutes—but eventually even she cracked.

"Azula?"

Azula smiled and turned to face the other girl. "I saw you with Zuko the other day."

When Azula had gathered information about Mai in the weeks after the two met, everyone told her the same thing: 'The girl shows no emotions.' After a few years, however, she learned that wasn't really the case. Mai never showed any positive signs of emotion, true, but Azula had found out it was possible to glean what she was feeling from what she wasn't doing, and there were a whole lot of things Mai wasn't doing right now that she normally did.

She had a crush on Zuzu. Azula could barely contain her excitement. With this, she could kill two birds with one stone. Or maybe 'control' would be the better verb.

"What's your point?"

"Well, first, I wanted to thank you. Zuko doesn't have very many friends, you know. Or, well, any. I'm glad he has someone to talk to."

Mai grunted.

"But more importantly, Mai, I have a request."

"What is it?"

"Would you mind seducing him?"

Mai rarely displayed emotion positively. But rarely isn't never. For the first time, Azula saw her friend flinch back in shock.

"W-What?"

Azula gave a deep and dramatic sigh and stood up. Copying something she had seen Father do once, she walked slowly toward Mai, voice as deep and threatening-sounding as she could make it. "You see, Mai, I want to be Firelord someday. Father wants me to be Firelord someday. The job doesn't suit Zuko, anyway. He'd hate it. But just in case he's unwilling to give up his position as heir, it would be useful for me to have an ally near him."

Azula frankly had no idea what kind of political negotiations Mai had witnessed. She might even have participated in a few of them. But she did know that Mai had never seen something on the level of what Azula was proposing now.

So it wasn't too much of a surprise when Mai gave positive signs of an emotion the second time that day: fear. A fear so white-hot it drained what little color her face had, one that forced her eyes as far open as they could get.

Azula's pulse raced and her heart quickened. She had seen people with greater levels of fear, such as prisoners condemned to die, but this was the first time she herself had caused it with such intensity.

It felt good.

Mai barely managed to choke out her next words. "You want me to date Zuko…and then spy on him?"

Azula smiled in a happy manner. "Exactly! I'm so lucky to have a friend as smart as you, Mai."

"But I—"

Azula glared at her.

Ty Lee didn't really understand politics. The first time she disobeyed, Azula had tried to lightly remind her of just what her family could do to Ty Lee's. The second time, she tried to explain it subtly. The third time, she finally lost her temper and laid it out for the other girl in no uncertain terms.

Mai understood politics very well. She didn't have to be told or reminded once.

"All right."

It was a very hot day.


Nobody knew quite what to say.

After Ozai's death, Azula had put herself into self-imposed exile, returning one month later for the Peace and Reconciliation Summit. After that, she had spent a month attending to a few other urgent matters. But she finally had some free time, and decided to stop putting it off.

She sent letters to Mai and Ty Lee, asking them to meet her in the Fire Nation Palace. To talk.

At least they showed up, Azula thought.

After a few minutes of awkward silence, Azula finally sucked it up and decided to say what she was going to say.

She breathed in and out, deeply. This wasn't going to be easy.

"First, I want to apologize."

They seemed shocked. Not surprising. Azula continued, not even pausing for breath. "I was a really bad friend to you both. You probably hate me. I'd hate me."

Azula was getting winded with how fast she was talking, so she had to stop. As she took another breath in, she wasn't sure whether she wanted the other two to say something or remain silent. In any event, they did the latter, so Azula had to move on. "I'd like to start things over with you two. If you want. If you don't, though, I understand. You can walk out of the room, and I promise there won't be any hard feelings. But if you stay…maybe we can work something out."

That was officially the second-hardest thing she'd had to do in her life. Only learning airbending topped it. Fighting Ozai wasn't even close.

Ty Lee was the first one to speak. "Azula…"

Whatever she was about to say got interrupted by the sounds of Mai standing up and stomping toward the door.

"Wait, Mai!" Ty Lee tried to call out, but it was too late.

The fusuma sliding door closed behind Mai with a bang.

After a moment, Azula heard Ty Lee's voice again. "Don't take that the wrong way, Azula. I'm sure she just—"

Azula chuckled. "No. She wants nothing to do with me. I guess I can't blame her."

Except that was a lie.

Maybe Azula shouldn't blame her. She had entered this little meeting telling herself it was eminently possible, if not likely, for both of them to walk out on her. But deep in some irrational part of her brain, she still expected them both to forgive her and promise to put the past behind them.

Some deep irrational part of Azula thought she deserved their forgiveness. And felt betrayed.


"I must admit, little Avatar, I didn't expect to have to do this again."

"Oh, shut up. And I'm already sixteen."

"And you'll always be shorter than me."

Azula grumbled. She had thought rounding up a group of bandits would be a nice vacation from playing babysitter for the world. However, she had hit a spell of bad luck, fell down hard, and put a little too much pressure on her old wound, breaking her arm again. "If you didn't want to do this again, you should've done a better job fixing it the first time."

Kalu clicked his tongue. "I set your bones perfectly back then. If you spend your time running after every small-time crook, don't blame me when you break something."

Going to him to fix it had seemed like a good idea at the time. "I don't tell you how to live your life, you don't tell me how to live mine."

Kalu laughed. "How you live your life affects how we all live ours, little Avatar."

Azula grumbled again. Kalu was the one person in the world she hated arguing with. "Just set my damn arm."

There was only one thing that annoyed Azula more than Kalu talking: Kalu humming. "Actually, I think this would be good practice for my assistant. Would you mind?"

Kalu's 'assistant' was a twenty-five-year-old man named Uran. Of course, ordinarily, your assistant didn't live with you.

Needless to say, the true nature of their relationship was an open secret to everyone in the tribe.

In any event, Kalu was still a skillful healer. The procedure only took about a half-hour. He even shut up while doing it, although he did keep humming.

"All right, that's almost all of it. I have a house call to attend to, so could you apply the finishing touches, Uran?"

"Sure," Uran said. Azula didn't bother protesting.

The igloo developed an awkward silence after Kalu left. In an attempt to break it, and also because it had been on her mind a while, Azula decided to ask Uran a question. "You know what they say about you, right?"

"Huh?"

"What the other tribespeople say about you and Kalu, behind your backs."

He gave a short, bitter chuckle. "It's hard to miss."

"Doesn't it bother you?"

He spent a few minutes finishing the procedure before responding. "Of course it does. But not by much. I've been teased since I was a kid. Nowadays, they don't even say anything to my face, much less try to hurt me. And besides," Azula could discern a subtle shift in tone, "it's a lot easier when you're not alone."

Azula couldn't think of anything to say. Luckily, Uran changed the subject quickly so she wouldn't have to. "Anyway, keep your arm wrapped in this for a week, then come back so we can see how it's healing."

Azula nodded. "Thanks." She walked out of the igloo without another word.


"Hey, Azula!" As always, Aang was beaming, smiling a huge smile.

"Hi."

"It's been a long time, hasn't it?"

You don't think there's maybe a reason for that? "I've been kind of busy. You know, being the Avatar and all."

Aang nodded. "So could you talk about what you've done so far?"

Azula sighed. "Look, Aang. You're my mentor for spiritual matters, because that's what you're good at. Earthly matters are what I'm good at. So let's each keep to our sphere of expertise, shall we?" She knew what his answer would be before she started speaking, but it was worth at shot at least.

And, indeed: "I've heard a bit about what you're doing from some of the other spirits here. I know you're acting out of a desire to keep the peace—"

"I don't want to have this discussion."

"—but don't you think it'd be better if you were a little less heavy-handed?"

"Tell me, Aang. Just how much did you learn about politics in your twelve years with the Air Nomads?"

Despite the bitterness in her tone, Aang didn't bite. Azula was half-hoping he would, to be honest. He just got a little sad. "I'm not saying you're necessarily wrong, Azula. But do you really think I have nothing to offer you?"

Azula cursed under her breath and kicked at the ground. "Don't give me that passive-aggressive routine, Aang, it won't work."

"My what?"

"Never mind." Azula tilted her head back and took a long, deep breath. By all rights, she should've just told him to mind his own business and give her advice regarding her newest spirit problem. But… "Fine. What do you want to say?"

Aang beamed.

I suppose you have to sacrifice some things for friendship.


"Oh. Azula. I'm surprised to see you." Katara's tone made it clear she was feeling something other than 'surprise.'

Trust me, I'm no happier about this. "I want to talk about your pupils." After the War, Katara had started a tribeless waterbending school of sorts. Ever since Hama died, she was the best waterbender in the South, so she was in high demand.

"All right. Um, come inside, I'll make you something."

Azula tried not to think of anything as she sat in the igloo, waiting for Katara to boil water over a fire. After a perfunctory sip of the hot water, Azula got down to business. The two of them talked for an hour or so about her waterbending pupils and the influence they gave her over the other Southern tribes.

Needless to say, having many strong waterbenders from many different tribes indebted to her already made Katara one of the most politically powerful people on the continent. Not to mention, since Sokka had married into the Northern Water Tribe's ruling family, she was set to replace Hakoda as Chieftain of the largest Southern Tribe. She was soon going to become the single most important person in the South, by far.

Hence this somewhat lame attempt to patch up their relationship's old wounds.

"Is that all you wanted to talk about?" Azula couldn't read Katara's tone, but she figured that was as good an invitation as she was ever going to get.

She did her best to sound contrite. "In those days, all I cared about was learning airbending and killing Ozai. I didn't really have time for…friends."

A pause. Then: "So you want to be friends?"

Azula chuckled. "That's likely impossible at this point. More like 'allies.'"

This time, the pause was longer. "What do you care about now?"

"Huh?"

"You said you used to only care about mastering airbending and killing Ozai. Well, you've done both. So now what do you care about?"

The question was surprising to Azula. Her difficulty at answering it even moreso. "Keeping the world's balance," she eventually said, but it sounded like an excuse even to her ears.

Katara, naturally, wasn't fooled. "And why do you care about that?"

This was getting profoundly uncomfortable. "Look, does it really matter—"

"You say you want to be allies. But how can I ally with you if I don't know what you want?"

Azula's left hand had wandered close to her eye sockets before she forced it down. Scratching at those was a habit she had developed, tried to suppress, and only won a moderate victory. "For the past one hundred years, the Southern Water Tribes were united against the Fire Nation. Now the War's over, and inter-tribal conflicts have begun and intensified. I want to limit them as much as possible. You should want that too, correct?"

Katara didn't respond. Azula pressed on. "A civil war is in nobody's best interest. Agreed?"

Eventually, Katara sighed. "All right. I guess that's fine for now."

Inwardly, Azula breathed a sigh of relief. She could deal with the 'for now' part later.

"So what do you want to do?" Katara asked.

Now Azula was back in her element. "Nothing, for now. I don't have nearly enough leverage yet. For the time being, keep training your pupils, and keep in touch with the ones who graduate. Eventually, you'll have to call in your favors."

"Understood."

As difficult as friendships were, alliances came to Azula as easily as breathing.


Azula didn't have a set schedule for meeting with Zuko. Instead, she basically hopped onto Zenmetsu and flew over to the Palace whenever he asked for her help. However, she had impressed upon him the importance of only calling her out for important political matters, and not personal ones. And Zuko actually kept to that.

Well, except for when he used politics as the pretext.

"Did you really want to talk to me about this year's rice yield?"

Zuko sighed and fidgeted, and Azula could already see what was coming.

"Are you all right?" he asked eventually.

Azula bit her lip. "Why do you ask?"

"I've just…heard that you've been acting depressed recently."

Azula clenched her left fist reflexively. "While I can understand how my behavior might have given that impression, I've just been spending a lot of time thinking."

"About what?"

Azula didn't want to tell him about her battle with that spirit, and all the matters it forced her to reconsider. But she knew she had to tell him something, if only to get him off her case. "About my own attitudes and motivations."

"What does—"

"I don't want to talk about it."

Zuko seemed upset. "Look Azula, I'm just…"

"Just what?" Even Azula was surprised at the bitterness in her tone.

Zuko sighed again, this time deep and long, and when he started speaking again he was as serious as Azula had ever heard him. "I know you're making this stuff up as you go, with the world on your shoulders. So I'm worried about you. Okay?"

Azula was taken aback at the incongruity. Little Zuzu, who'd always been worse than her at everything, whose life she had done her best to make hell for years, worried about her?

Her confusion must have been evident, because Zuko seemed to read it perfectly. "Is it that strange to be worried about my little sister?"

To be honest, Azula didn't know how to answer that question. Somewhere deep down inside, she had never really thought of Zuko as family. He had just been another enemy. Even after her multiple 'revelations,' she had still kind of assumed Zuko thought of her in the same way.

To find out she was wrong was a strange feeling.

"You're such an idiot," she grumbled.


Azula absentmindedly tapped her fingers on the table. She shifted the tea cup around before sipping it.

It was annoying to admit it, but Iroh really did make good tea.

Azula and Iroh didn't meet up much anymore. They had never really liked each other, and unlike Zuko, Iroh didn't have any political power. For a reason she still couldn't comprehend, he had abdicated his position of influence in order to open a tea shop in a small Fire Nation town; he rarely even took any visitors. As far as Azula could tell, he was mostly waiting to die, and yet seemed happier than she had ever known him to be.

He was a very strange man.

After taking a big gulp from his own tea cup, Iroh started the conversation. "How's Zuko doing?"

Even though Zuko was much closer to Iroh than Azula, his lack of a flying monster to ride made it more difficult for him to take time out to visit his uncle. "Doing about as well as you might expect," Azula said evenly. "Mai and others are helping him out, so he's somehow holding the country together."

"I see." Another gulp of tea. While pouring some more for himself, he asked, "And how about you?"

"Has another war broken out yet?"

Iroh laughed at that one. "I suppose not," he said.

Azula sipped at her tea again. "Though to be fair, that might be because they're too engaged with domestic problems right now."

"I've heard such rumors," Iroh said, surprisingly without much gravity.

Ever since Lu Ten died, Azula had always known Iroh to be mostly dour. The change in personality was somewhat startling. "I guess after the huge foreign enemy leaves, you remember how much you hate each other."

Iroh laughed again. "The story of humanity."

They drank in silence for a time, until Azula just couldn't bear it anymore. "Why are you so damn happy?"

"Huh?" Iroh sounded genuinely confused.

"You're living by yourself in a town nobody's ever heard of! When you could've been the most powerful person in the Fire Nation! So why are you so happy?"

Iroh filled his teacup again, and as near as Azula could tell drained it all before talking. "I know it was a miserable few years for you, trying to learn airbending on the South Pole. But it was for me, too. Ever since Lu Ten died…" He paused, but started talking again quickly. "Ever since then, I've only truly been interested in tea and contemplation. Now that the world's in capable hands, I'm free to do just that."

Azula was taken aback by a lot of that, but true to form, she responded to the part that was about herself. "Did you just complement me, old-timer?" she asked, only half-teasingly.

Iroh chuckled. "Even your worst enemies can't deny you're capable, my dear niece."

Azula smiled. Even now, she couldn't understand why her uncle did half the things he did. She suspected he didn't understand her much, either. Even when the other was all they had, they didn't really get along.

But even with all that…well, they were family, after all.

Although Azula still didn't know precisely what that meant.


"Greetings, Avatar. Welcome to my humble abode."

"Um…apologies for intruding." Azula was usually able to handle court-speak, but it seemed to come to Yue totally naturally, so in her presence, Azula always started second-guessing herself. It was all the more galling because she was a Water Tribe barbarian, although to be fair the North was far more civilized than the South.

"Oh, it's no trouble at all. I am always honored to have the Avatar as my guest." Seriously, while polite speech was normally used to tell someone how much you hate them in a civil manner, when Yue used it, she sounded completely honest. It was really weird.

"And I am always…honored to be here, Princess."

Yue held Azula's arm and led her through the palace. This was necessary because going barefoot on an ice floe is definitely a Bad Idea, and Azula couldn't navigate a building through airbending alone. It was a heavy indignity, but she managed to bear it with something resembling grace.

When they arrived at Yue's room, the two of them sat down and began talking. It had been over a year, so there were many topics that demanded discussion. While she didn't hold any political power herself, she did have good insight into the state of the Northern Water Tribe, its relations with foreign countries, and the personalities of its luminaries. Arnook was a good enough leader, to be sure, but he was a worse people reader than Yue. More importantly, his daughter was also much more open with Azula.

The events during the Siege of the North hadn't made the two of them friends, exactly, but they had established some sort of working relationship.

After getting through those political matters—Yue said that, while the North's official position was still neutrality concerning foreign affairs, there were efforts underfoot to support disunity in the Earth Kingdom and Fire Nation—Azula felt justified in satisfying one of her curiosities.

"On a different subject, Princess, I've heard certain…rumors."

"Yes?"

"Rumors about you." To be specific, they were about her inviting attractive young men to her room, but Azula left that part unsaid.

Yue understood after a few seconds. "Ah." She sighed. "Those."

She sounded quite sad, so Azula rushed to try to repair any damage she might have done. "Look, I'm not trying to judge you—"

"Yes Avatar," the other woman said, engaging in a rare act of interruption. "I know you aren't." She sighed again. "Give me a small amount of time to think about how to phrase what I want to say."

Azula did so. It didn't take Yue long. "I was infatuated with Sokka from the first time we met. He was my first love. I imagine it was the same for him. But that infatuation soon faded away, and when it did, we found out that we didn't really have that much in common." She sighed for a third time—it would've been for appearance's sake if anyone else had done it, but of course it honestly seemed genuine for her. "Our parents approved our marriage for political reasons, to unite the North and the South's largest tribe. At first, Sokka and I thought of that as just a fortuitous circumstance that let us be together. Now, we'd fall apart without it.

"We're still on friendly terms, of course, but only as acquaintances. We've both agreed to let the other do what they want. And…well, we both still have needs, after all."

Azula nodded, unable to think of anything else to do. She had known Sokka and Yue's relationship was in trouble for a while, but she had had no idea it was that bad. She had assumed they were just going through a temporary rough patch. After all, when last she had seen them, they were disgustingly lovey-dovey.

Perhaps sensing her shock, Yue chuckled. "Don't make that face, Avatar. It isn't as bad as all that. We just weren't meant for each other, that's all. You should know that one doesn't have to be in love to be married."


After gaining the throne, one of Zuko's major projects had been locating his and Azula's mother. Nobody alive knew where she was, so it had taken a long time. Eventually, though, five years after the war, he had finally tracked her down to a small, remote, irrelevant Earth Kingdom village.

All that was left of Ursa was a grave.

The villagers said it was a disease. They had had no idea what it was, and lacked the means to transport her to someone who did.

Zuko had asked Azula if she wanted to visit the grave with him. She declined. Instead of moving the grave to the Palace, Zuko just renovated and expanded the one that was there. He didn't even cremate the body. Azula didn't know why and didn't really care.

She hadn't intended to ever go there. And yet, six months after it was found, Azula found herself there, by herself, in the dead of the night, wind howling outside.

Zuko really did do a good job with this, she thought. And he had—what previously was a wooden stake in the ground had become a grand stone structure, a throne in the center inscribed with Ursa' epitaph. Above it hung an incense holder that even Azula could tell was a masterpiece of craftsmanship with her touch.

Of course, she was only really thinking about that stuff to distract herself.

Azula leaned against one of the walls and sighed. "Just what am I doing here?" she asked the empty air.

She felt stupid, talking to herself. But there wasn't really anything else to do there, so she decided to keep going. "So Zuko spent five years looking for you, and in the end just found an unmarked grave. Awfully anticlimactic, isn't it? And to think, I had spent so much time thinking about what to say to you if we ever met again." She laughed. "It seems the universe has a way of screwing up all my plans, huh?"

Azula stood up and walked to the stone throne. As she ran her hand along its rim, her mouth moved without her thinking about it. "You babied him so much; he was always a mama's boy. Without Mai, the Fire Nation would have fallen apart by now. But, I admit, he is doing better than I thought he would."

Azula leaned forward, crossing her arms on the top of the throne and resting her head on her arms. "I do wonder," she whispered, "what you would say if you saw me today. I've tried to imagine it myself, but each time you say something different."

She sat up from that position, stretched, and started slowly pacing around the room. "It always frustrated me, you know," she said. "Everyone always said I was better than Zuko at everything—intelligence, perception, firebending talent. But you still loved him and hated me. I couldn't figure it out until I stole a look at your journal one time." Azula smiled grimly at the memory. "'There's something seriously wrong with Azula. I often wonder where I went wrong in raising her.' You wrote that when I was six. And how long did you have suspicions you couldn't put into words? Since I was five? Four?"

Azula lay down on the cold rock, facing upwards. "Ever since then, I decided I hated you and paid attention only to my fath…Ozai. So sometimes, I wonder…how much of my personality is a result of what he made me, and how much of it is a result of me rebelling against you? Was I a monster first, or did you think I was a monster first?"

Azula sighed again. She knew this was stupid. It's not like talking about this here was any different than talking about it anywhere else. There were no answers waiting for her here.

She stood up and walked to the exit. The strong winds intruded into the structure and bit at her skin, causing her to shiver a bit.

And she stopped, for a reason she couldn't quite explain.

Without knowing why, Azula reached up and untied the bands holding her hair up. Her long black hair fell freely.

A memory floated to the surface.

"You have such beautiful hair, Azula."

Azula smiled, touching the flowing locks. "You did love this, didn't you?"

Without thinking, Azula withdrew a small knife from her tunic and hacked at her hair. Holding the freed locks with her left hand, she cut and slashed until all that remained were uneven strands that didn't even reach her shoulders.

The Palace court would've been horrified. No proper Fire Nation lady would've been caught dead with hair like that. But she was the Avatar now, so who cared what they thought?

Azula floated to the stone throne and draped the cut strands on it.

Along with a few tears.

"Rest in peace, Mother."


On her twentieth birthday, Azula received many presents. She didn't care for any of them.

At the end of the day, though, Toph shoved a small package into her hands.

"What is this?" Azula asked.

"Just open it." Toph sounded impatient.

Azula moved her nose up and down, a gesture of contempt, and tore apart the rice paper wrapping. But when her fingers touched the gift inside, she gasped.

She was feeling the purest, most high quality silk she had ever seen. Moving her hands along the cloth, she felt inlaid gems spelling out her favorite kanji—'power.'

"This is…" Azula whispered.

"You've been saying you wanted a new eye covering, right?"

Silently, Azula removed her old cloth and tied the new one around her head, making sure the kanji character was placed in the exact center.

She wasn't sure exactly what she could say to Toph. So she just said "Thanks."

She would never know whether the other woman understood the emotions Azula was feeling at that moment.


End of Chapter 9


Author's Notes: Not much to say about this one. The idea of someone giving Azula a new eye-covering cloth as a present came from my beta.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter.