"So did you go?"
Meredith looked up to see Christina setting her tray down on the table next to hers. She didn't need to ask where it was Christina was talking about.
"Yea I went."
Christina tour the plastic off her sandwich and added some mayo as she continued to talk, never noticing that Meredith was lost-lost in another place, another time.
"Of course you went, I mean you guys are like bosom buddies or something, which is really weird by the way. Or well you use to be-what's up with that anyways?"
Meredith picked up her can of Diet Coke bringing it to her lips to drink, using it as an excuse to avoid the conversation. The sound of the legs of a chair sliding across the floor broke up their conversation as Izzie and George joined them at the table.
Meredith was thankful for the distraction as Christina drilled George on the new Cardio Attending.
The sounds of their voices, their crude jokes and vicious teasing all faded as her mind took her back-lost once again in a different time, she thought of him…
"Meredith wait up…"
"I'm late, what's up?" she asked stopping in the hall as she turned to face him.
"You look hot" he whispered in her ear as his eyes traveled over her.
She wore a black dress that fell at mid-thigh. The bodice of the dress was gathered emphasizing her breast and the gauzy material was thin enough to give just a glimpse of what lie beneath.
Raising her eyebrows she teased "why thank you Dr. Shepherd…if you can keep a secret I'm hoping to get laid."
She waited for his laughter but instead his eyes darkened and when he spoke his voice was gruff and held a slight edge to it "I was looking for you because you didn't' t follow up on Mr. All's chart."
Meredith stared at him curiously knowing she had checked up on her patient right before she'd finished up her shift "Derek it's in the chart. His vitals were stable and he was showing significant progress with the use of his right hand" grabbing the chart out of Derek's hand she opened and pointed to her writing that graced the bottom of the page in bold blue ink "it's right here…how could you miss it?"
His gaze grew harsh as he grabbed the chart back "well I'm sorry to bother you, as you have such important plans tonight, I overlooked something Meredith. That's no reason to jump down my throat."
"Jump down your throat? I wasn't-I didn't…what is wrong with you?"
His eyes bore into hers as he opened his mouth to speak "nothing, I'm sorry I'm just tired and not feeling so good…you should go. Have fun. Get lucky" he said the last part with a hint of sarcasm before he smiled softly and walked away.
Meredith sat remembering, knowing now it was because he was battling his own needs and desires for her just as she had for him. Closing her eyes she willed the tears away as the hurt from his rejection once he had her hit full force once again…
"Meredith, earth to Dr. Grey."
Shaking her head she turned to look at Christina once she realized she was talking "what did you say-I was…"
"Off on another planet. Yea we noticed. I asked if Derek was coming back anytime soon?" Christina asked as she started stacking her trash onto her tray.
Walking together to the trash can Meredith sighed before answering "Oh. Umm the chief said something about him taking a month leave…so I guess not."
"Are you okay? Cause you don't look okay?" Christina asked. Stopping she pulled Meredith into a corner eyeing her suspiciously.
"I'm fine" seeing the look of disbelief on her friends faces she nodded "seriously, I'm fine. Just worried about Derek."
"If your so worried you should call him. Or go see him."
"Yea. I will. Tonight. Now really I'm okay."
As they said their goodbyes and headed off in opposite directions Meredith found a hidden corner. Sinking to the floor she tucked her knees into her chest and gave into her emotions wondering all the while if the tears would ever stop, if the pain would ever go away.
