Desert Avenue
St. Louis, Missouri
The group peeked out from behind a corner at the skyscraper. Two uniformed doormen stood at the doors, backs straight and eyes alert.
"Is it time for the Gunterdarmstank plan now, Lee?" Holger asked eagerly.
"No," Lee said. "I don't think it'll ever be time for the Gunterdarmstank plan."
"Especially since four is better than three for hunting vampires," Tina said. "We need you with us, Holger."
"But that is beauty of Gunterdarmstank plan!" Holger argued. "It has all of us, together, dressed as herring! Nobody can resist the herring! Ooh, except Daddy Ping. Sorry Lee!"
Lee sighed. "It's fine, Holg, he's over it. But how are we going to get in?"
"Gunt–" Holger started to say.
"No," Jenny said, cutting him off. "No 'good for arm stink.'"
"Is no good for–"
"Whatever!" Jenny said. "Point is, we need a better plan to get inside."
"Then Holger have plan, in spirit of Sven Svenson!" Holger said. "Holger will use magic powers to convince doormen to not notice us as we go inside."
"Holger, you don't have..." Tina trailed off. "Your powers don't work that way. I think."
"He has powers?" Jenny whispered to Tina. Tina shrugged.
"Holger might be on to something," Lee said. "That is how Brandy got us into a building when Biffy was acting weird."
Suddenly, Lee shivered. "Geez. I hope Biffy's okay. What if he's hurt? What if he's not being held by the vampires and we're on the wrong track? What if we never find him! What if this is some sort of crazy reptilian–"
"Lee!" Tina said loudly, grabbing his arm. Lee calmed down and looked at her. "Don't worry. Let's just take care of this vampire problem and find out where Biffy's being held."
"Yeah," Lee said, more calm. "Yeah. Vampires, then Biffy."
Desert Avenue
St. Louis, Missouri
"This is a horrible idea," Jenny grumbled.
"I dunno, I kinda like it," Tina said. "You have to admit, it's inspired."
"It's insane is what it is!" Jenny said. "I've never even heard of this show!"
Holger gasped. "Never heard of Doctor Detective Cop? But is favorite show in home country! Always solving the case, and curing the patient!"
"That still doesn't explain why you had me give Tina my jacket," Jenny said. "Or, for that matter, why she's wearing it over her head as a turban."
"Oh! Holger almost forget!" Holger said. "Lee, you and Jenny carry Tina behind me. Don't disturb her spine or neck or head, keep them steady. That is good doctoring! Everyone ready?"
"Um, Holger, I'm having second thoughts–" Lee started to say.
"Good!" Holger exclaimed. "Then it is time for Doctor Detective Cop and Friends to take down the evil vurstreldamen!"
Holger strode out from their hiding place and headed for the vampires' headquarters. With no other options, Lee and Jenny followed, carrying Tina between them. Tina pretended to be unconscious as Holger approached the doormen. They looked at him impartially.
"Step aside, civilians!" he told them confidently. "Doctor Detective Cop is on the case!"
"No entry, kid," one of the doorman said. They stepped forward to block his path.
"Oh, nonononono, you misunderstand! I am Doctor Detective Cop, and these are my assistants, Stupidhair and Mayonnaise Teeth!"
"Hey!" Lee complained. "What's wrong with my hair?"
"My teeth aren't mayonnaise!" Jenny said at the same time. "They're perfectly normal! I don't even like mayonnaise! I prefer mustard!"
Holger ignored them. "They are helping me with a patient, Miss Tina Bobina Florentina, who has hit her head." He leaned in and said, in a stage whisper, "She is the girlfriend of Stupidhair."
"Sorry, kid, no entry," the doorman said. "Go play somewhere else."
"Then you leave Holger no choice!" Holger said.
Before Holger could do something incredibly stupid that wouldn't work, Jenny spoke up.
"Please! You have to let us in! She hit her head hard, and we're afraid she's unconscious! Just let us put her on a couch or something! It's an emergency!"
The doormen looked at each other uncertainly.
"C'mon, time is everything!" Lee said. "We told the ambulance to come here, but we need a clean place to put her!"
One of the doormen shrugged and stepped aside. The other followed suit, pushing the door open for them to enter. As soon as they went past, he followed them in. Lee and Jenny put Tina down on a couch in the lobby.
"So kid, tell me something," the doorman said to Holger. "Why'd you pull that Doctor Detective Cop routine?"
"Uh, he really is Doctor Detective Cop," Jenny fibbed.
The doorman raised an eyebrow. "Really? Ain't he...ain't you a little young to be a doctor?"
Holger giggled. "Oh, why thank you! I moisturize, every day! And I am not just doctor, I am also detective, and cop! Now, please." Holger pulled a yo-yo out of his pocket. "How would you use this?"
The man paused. "Uh, what?"
"Go on!" Holger said, smiling. "Show me how you would do this! Is necessary for interrogation!"
"What are you, some kind of a nut?" the man asked angrily. "I'm not going to use your freaking yo-yo! What interrogation, anyway? You're the one who saw everything!"
"Hol–Doctor Detective Cop!" Lee hollered. "Get over here! She's breathing unevenly."
Holger pursed his lips. "Doctor Detective Cop must go now. Must see to patient."
Holger walked over to his friends, who were gathered over a prone Tina. The doorman stared at them for a few more seconds before deciding that they were essentially harmless, if insane, and headed out to resume his post. As soon as he left, Lee straightened up and glanced around the room. It was empty except for a single employee standing behind the front desk. His eyes were fixed on them.
"So, what now?" Jenny muttered quietly.
Lee thought for a second and then whispered, "Tina! Pretend to wake up!"
Tina's eyes snapped open and she looked at him with a question in her eyes.
"Trust me," Lee whispered. "Pretend you just woke up and your head hurts or something."
"Guh!" Tina yelped, sitting up. She pressed a hand to her head. "Oh, my head! What happened?"
"You tripped and hit your head," Holger said. "Luckily I, Doctor Detective Cop, was right there! We brought you in here to rest, and wait for ambulance."
"Why is my throat so dry?" Tina asked.
Jenny gasped dramatically. "We need water!"
Lee rushed over to the front desk. Holger and Jenny helped Tina to her feet and supported her body.
"Do you have any water?" he asked the desk manager.
The desk manager shook his head.
"Okay, well, do you know where we can get some?" Lee asked.
The desk manager sighed and rolled his eyes. "I have a water bottle in the office. Do you really need it?"
"Yes!" Holger called over loudly.
The desk manager grumbled and left his post. As soon as he disappeared into the back office, Jenny and Holger let Tina down and the group ran for the elevator.
"Let's just hope this works," Lee said.
The doors opened, and the group ran in and pressed the door close button. As the doors slid shut, the desk manager exited the office. He looked around, confused.
"Where'd they go?" he asked nobody in particular.
Elevator of 702 Desert Avenue
St. Louis, Missouri
"Well, we're in," Jenny said once the doors shut.
"We'd better get going," Lee said. He reached for the elevator buttons, then stopped. "Does anybody know what floor they're on?"
"Holger know!" Holger said happily. "He use vurstreldamen magic power sense to find vurstreldamen."
The other three looked at each other, shrugged, and stepped aside. Holger pressed every button on the elevator.
Lee's jaw dropped. "Dude! Are you telling me these guys are on every floor?"
"What? No!" Holger said cheerfully. "Don't be silly! Although maybe. But, Holger need to be on every floor to make sure."
Jenny groaned. "Great. This is going to take forever."
