Zhang Bao and Guan Xng sit across from ech other holding guitars and begin singing softly.

GX: I like my toast buttered

Zb: And I'll take mine dry

GX: I have fine taste

ZB: And I like things cheap

GX: I want to stay up all night

ZB: I just want to sleep...with your sister

Guan Xing stops playing but Zhang Bao was still playing.

"I'm sorry, what did you just say?"

"What?"

"Yeah, you just said something about wanting to sleep with my-"

*static*

"Is the defendant here?" asked Cao Cao to a large courtroom. Sima Shi answers,"Yes, your honor."

"Is the plaintiff here?" The camera pans over to Lu Meng with Gan Ning sitting next to him. Lu Meng answers,"Yes, your honor." Sima Shi asks,"Where's my lawyer? My father said there would be one sent over." Sima Zhao takes a seat next to Sima Shi.

"Your honor, if it pleases the court, Sima Zhao for the defense!"

"No!" complained Sima Shi. "This man is not my lawyer!"

*static*

Zhao Yun was giving a speech to Xu Shu.

"This war may be ended, but we have new enemies. And we can't count on our friendly rebel leader, OsaMa bin Chao, to help us take them down."

"Just give me a spear, sir and I'll have at them!"

"That's my boy! Just make sure you stab them before they can stab you."

"Wait! They'll have spears tooooooo?!" Xu Shu runs out of the garrison yelling while running away as far as possible. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

*static*

Zhang Chunhua was yelling somewhat near Zhong Hui and and Sima Zhao.

"Handjobs, five dollars! Get your handjobs, five dollars!"

"Heh-heh... That's your mom." taunted a smirking Zhong Hui to Sima Zhao, who was looking down in shame.

*static*

"What are you doing? You'll get the both of us sent to jail!" said Sima Shi to Sima Zhao.

"In Shu, anyone who passes the bar exam can be a lawyer."

"You never passed the bar and this isn't Shu!"

"They don't know that!" Lu Meng says to Cao Cao,"Your honor, may I point out this man is not a lawyer and we're relatively sure this is not Shu."

*static*

Ma Chao was hitting the table as he yells out,"I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT!"

*static*

Zhen Ji and Cai Wenji are standing in front of Yue Ying.

"Are you the police?" Zhen Ji responds,"No, ma'am, we're musicians."

*static*

Cai Wenji says to Sima Shi,"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth or so help you Nu Wa?"

"I do..." Sima Zhao starts to say,"Mr. Sima, where were you on the day of February 2oth, 234?"

"Probably the store... I don't remember..."

"He doesn't remember. How convenient. Mr. Sima, in sixth grade,did you or did you not urinate all over the boy's bathroom floor?"

"That was you!"

"Yes or no?"

"No!"

"I remind you you are under oath."

"No, it was you!"

"Your honor, strike that from the record. Shi, as I may call you that, why should this jury believe everything you say?"

"Well..."

"Show us on the doll where they touched you!" Sima Zhao holds up a crude doll.

"Nobody touched me!"

"Who was it?! There is no more running from your past! WHO TOUCHED YOU?!"

"...I hate you..."

*static*

Guan Xing continues singing.

"I like the sunshine." Zhang Bao then sings,"And I want to nail your sister."

"See? You just said it again." He continues to sing.

I like Julia Roberts movies...

"I just wanna f*bleep*k the s*bleep*t outta your sister..." sung Zhang Bao. He continues, "Well, Xing, you would rule..."

"What are you talking about?"

"If you'd say it's cool..."

"It's not cool!"

"I'd go pick her up...at her junior high school..."

"Whoa! Wait-"

"I wanna f**k your sister!" Zhang Bao begins to strum his guitar fast while yelling out lyrics."I just wanna f**k her in her f***ing face *gibberish* c** all over her ****ing hair! *gibberish*...stick it in her eyeball!"

"Oh my god! You can't skullf**k my sister! Hey, hey! Whoa! Wait a minute!"

"What?"

"Goddamn it..."

"What?"

"You want to f**k my sister?"

"Yes."

"You want to f**k my sister?"

"Yes." Guan Xing stands there and eventually says,"26.50."

*static*

Sima Shi says worryingly to Sima Zhao.

"God, they are going to find me guilty!"

"Don't worry. I have one last card up my sleeve that's going to blow this case wide open." He says out,"Your honor, the defense calls for Shi's best friend and closest confident..." Sima Zhao points to Zhuge Dan wearing sunglasses and had no emotion on his face.

"...Silent Dan." Everyone gasps loudly and Gan Ning asks in confusion,"Who...?" Cai Wenji gave him the same line of dialogue from before. Everyone sits in suspense looking over at Zhuge Dan. The sunglasses simply glint when he didn't say anything. Cao Cao says,"If he won't speak, this witness is dismissed." Sima Zhao curses,"Damn. I didn't ask my case-winning question."

"Which is...?" asked Sima Shi.

"Why the hell is he called Silent Dan anyway?"

*static*

Guo Jia walks up to Wang Yi.

"Hey, how's it going?"

"Good." She turns to face him and Guo Jia looks direfctly at her chest.

"Oh, those are huge! Those are huge boobs!"

*static*

"Make this good, Zhao. You're all I got." said Sima Shi. Sima Zhao quickly moves out of that table and heads to the witness stand.

"Ahem! Ladies and gentlemen of the court, why the hell is he called Silent Dan anyway?"

Sima Shi quickly says with absolutely no hope,"I'm dead."


I just felt like putting another chapter in this fic.

The singing Guan Xing and Zhang Bao thing is the "Best Friend Song" by Stephen Lynch.

The overall court thing is from "Clerks: The Animated Series".

Some bits were from places I forgot, but somehow remembered.

"Handjobs five dollars" scene is from Robot Chicken.

That near last one is from Family Guy.