Hello everybody! Thanks for bearing with me until now. Long chapter, but I really wanted to get all this off my chest. I hope you don't find it too boring.
XOXO
The Soft Storm
Elsa said nothing about the episode with Hook. The morning after Emma and Regina looked so happy that she didn't have the heart to tell them and ruin their moment. She could handle it. Conceal, don't feel.
Later that day, Regina had to go to her office to do some Mayor stuff. This gave Emma a much-wanted opportunity to discuss some things that had been burning her since last night and which only Elsa could help with. She found the girl in the kitchen and accepted her offer of a good cup of chocolate Arendelle-style.
"Anna's recipe," explained Elsa. "She spent a whole week working on it. It's marvellous."
While Elsa searched for ingredients there was a knock on the door. Emma went to answer and when she returned, she had a small package in her hands.
"Your fairy dust has arrived," she announced. "Blue says you can sprinkle it on beverages or take it directly. She says no more than a pinch a day or you'll end up flying into the sweet Storybrooke sky."
"Thank you so much. Let's hope this works. I need to be strong." Elsa proceeded to add the dust to one of the mugs. "Oh, look, it makes it all sparkly and pretty," she giggled.
Emma and Elsa sat on the sofa, and Emma watched as the girl began to drink. Sure enough, after a few sips colour was returning to her cheeks.
"You already look better."
"I do feel better. You know, I should take a barrel of this back to Arendelle, to face whatever's coming. Who knows what I'm going to find? My kingdom must be in pieces by now, queen-less and fragile. I know Anna must be doing everything she can to keep it together, but there's always so much to do..." Elsa sighed, and to Emma she looked extremely, extraordinarily, enormously tired.
"Elsa, how old are you?"
"Twenty-one."
"You're too young to have the world on your shoulders. You're like Regina. You both have a place and people to rule, you have expectations to fulfil as women and authorities, and on top of that you have magic. And you both demand even more of yourselves, more than all the others do. I mean, I know you have huge responsibilities, but don't you think you worry too much?"
A half-smile appeared on Elsa's face. "Anna says the same. But Arendelle is still fragile. When our parents died I wasn't of age yet, and a council ruled for three years. Then, when I was going to be crowned, I thought it would be easy to stabilize the situation, but all hell broke loose that night. And now… my people don't know if they can fully trust me, and some kingdoms have decided not to. In the eyes of so many I'm a threat, or a sorceress, or an evil force of some kind. And no one knows about me and Anna yet. When that is known there'll be another huge scandal, maybe even worse. I have to worry, or else everything goes down."
Elsa's fingers were twitching, and she bit her lip. Emma placed a hand on Elsa's and smiled reassuringly. Elsa looked up and smiled back, for an instant looking again like a little girl, the way she'd looked when she'd been sick.
Emma finally gathered the courage to approach the topic she needed help with.
"Hey, uh, could I ask you something kinda personal? I don't mean to pry or be nosy, but, er, I'd just like to ask."
"Go ahead."
Emma coughed and stammered before asking. "What's it like? Being with a girl?"
"Being with a girl?" Elsa looked puzzled.
"You know… doing it, having…"
"Oh, that." Elsa blushed deeply. "The frick frack."
"The what?"
"Frick frack. That's how we call it, Anna and me." Elsa began to fidget with a strand of her hair.
Emma laughed. "Wait, so you're having sex with a girl, who also happens to be your sister, and you refer to it as if you were in preschool?"
Elsa smiled, still red as Regina's apples. "What can I say? There wasn't any sex education for Arendelle's princesses. We were only taught to smile and conceal, look pretty and be courteous. The rest we had to figure out for ourselves."
"And how is it? I mean, the figuring out?"
Elsa bit her lip again. "It's, um, quite satisfying. A girl is soft, delicate, and that's how you should treat her. Sometimes she'll surprise you, though. Sometimes she'll make you bless the day you were born. With a girl, you understand each other. But be gentle at first. Test the ground. You'll find your own rhythm in due time, but it's something you have to develop together. Why do you ask?"
"Just because."
"Sure?" Elsa arched an eyebrow.
"Very sure." Emma hurriedly changed the focus back to Elsa. "So you've never had a guy? Liked a guy? You've never been attracted to guys?"
Elsa stopped to consider. "Oh, well, I'd never given it much thought, but I don't believe so. No, never. I didn't talk to anyone for a very long time, and even now that I have freedom I'm not interested in men. I see them at parties and meetings, but that's it. Some of them are nice, I'll admit that, but no one has truly caught my attention."
"So it's always been girls for you."
Elsa nodded. "It's always been girls." After a pause, she amended, "No, it's always been her. It's always been Anna. My feelings for her have developed and changed over the years, and so have hers for me, but we have always loved each other more than anything in the world. No man will ever come between us."
"But didn't she try to get married? A couple of times?"
"The first one was a terrible experience for everyone, and she realized how much she was rushing into it. And with Kristoff, I do see that they have a special relationship, but it's not that kind of love. At least not on her part, though it might be different for him. She adores him, but I can tell her affection resembles more comradeship that actual romance. Maybe she thought she could have us both, but I'm not sharing her with anyone," Elsa laughed. "What about you? You must have had a guy, you have Henry."
"Yeah… There have been a few, but… I have always regretted it. Not one was worth the time. There was the moment when I thought I'd found the one, and it turned out even worse. Henry's dad did a lot of harm to me."
"Who was he?"
"His name is Neal. He's Gold's son."
Elsa laughed again. "Seriously? Gold's son?"
"I didn't know! I honestly had no idea because he never cared to share such things with me, although he knew everything I was and did. Of course, now it all makes perfect sense: how he acted, how he ran away. Rumple's son. They're both cowards."
"Men," Elsa groaned.
"Men," Emma agreed.
When Regina arrived home, they shared the good news about the fairy dust. She was glad, but warned them about Blue's constant double-crossing and what she defined as 'backstabbing'.
Something else was in the Mayor's top-priorities list. Regina was looking for a way to get a moment of privacy with Elsa, a one-on-one talk. First chance she had, she dispatched Emma to pick apples from the garden, and went immediately to the girl.
"Hey, Elsa."
"Yes?"
"May I ask you something? Something rather personal? I don't mean to be offensive, but…" Regina couldn't even meet Elsa's eyes. But she had to ask.
The blonde smiled, seeing it coming. "Sure."
"What is it like, being with a girl?"
::::::
Belle was putting her daughter to sleep. She'd had a healthy girl, strong, beautiful, and she was immensely grateful for the blessing of motherhood. But there was one thing darkening her joy. She had been thinking over and over about what her husband was doing. He hadn't told her anything, anything at all, and she only found out when he had sent her with the message for Elsa. Who was this girl? Why was Rumple so set in hurting her?
When she had finally confronted him, Rumple had sworn that she and their baby would be safe. But what was safety, in the light of Rumple's actions? How could she stay passively to the side and just watch as someone innocent suffered? She might be safe, but she felt tied.
He wasn't home, and she instinctively knew he wasn't in the shop, either. He had been working nonstop these days. These days and many more, she realized. If she really thought about it, he'd been acting funny for weeks, maybe months. She had just been too busy carrying and birthing his child to notice. A new worry hit her. Oh no. Did he plan it all that way? Had he taken advantage of her pregnancy to do this, knowing she wouldn't be paying as much attention as she usually did? He must have surely known she'd be against this plan. He had evaded her questions, and essentially treated her like a child. How long had he been plotting this terrible idea?
Ok, Belle, think. Think like you used to. She decided to pull herself together once and for all. She wasn't some fragile porcelain doll and she couldn't believe she'd allowed to be treated as such. Where was the Belle who never sat around to wait for things to happen? When had she become this docile girl? She took her daughter and headed out the door to Regina's house.
This time it was Elsa who answered the door, and Belle felt some of her courage leave in sight of the very person her husband was trying to destroy.
"Hello," she began. "I'm Belle. I don't know if you remember me, but we met in the shop, I'm-"
"Mr. Gold's wife. Of course I remember you. Come in."
When Emma and Regina saw her, they looked at each other and got up.
"We'll leave you alone, ladies," said Emma, and both headed upstairs.
Now that she was only with Elsa, Belle could relax a little. No matter how this queen reacted, she would never scare her as much as the other. Moreover, Elsa was now smiling warmly at her and gesturing at the seat right beside her.
"So," said Elsa. "How can I help you?"
"Elsa, I just wanted to say that I'm really, really, really sorry about what's happening to you. I had no idea of what Rumple was planning, and believe me, I have no part in that. I don't know what I can do to prove you how much this situation upsets me, but I want you to know that…" What? What did she want to say? What could she say? Was there any excuse or justification?
Yet Elsa understood. "It's ok, don't you worry. I'm sure none of this is your fault. You have no idea how I appreciate your coming here and saying this. You looked so supportive of Mr. Gold that I didn't quite know what to think."
"I love him, but that doesn't blind me to what he's doing to you. I wish I could tell you what is going on, what to make of all this, but I'm just as clueless as you are, maybe even more. But believe me, if I knew how to help you, I would."
"Thank you. I assure you that neither you nor your baby are in any danger from me. In fact, I think it's better that you've stayed out of this. You're the most innocent in this problem, and shouldn't risk yourselves." Elsa placed a hand on Belle's. "We'll sort it out."
Belle's child moved, and Elsa's attention was immediately drawn to her. She leaned forward to get a better look at the little face under the blanket.
"Your daughter is beautiful. May I hold her?
"Sure."
Belle placed the baby in Elsa's arms, amazed at how kind she was. The Queen's touch was so gentle that the baby didn't notice the change.
"Hey, girlie," cooed Elsa, her face all lit up. The baby looked right back at her, little grey eyes full of curiosity and wonder. "How will you call her?"
"We haven't decided yet. We'd like something connected to the Enchanted Forest, but she'll need something more functional if she's to live in this world. Names from our land stand out here. We'll have to think about it, I guess."
Elsa touched the baby's head. "Oh, she's adorable. You know, I've always wanted one."
"Really? Are you married? Are you with anyone?"
"It's just my sister and me," Elsa preferred not to go into the details. "At the moment, it looks quite impossible that I can have a baby of my own." At least that much was true. "But I want it so badly!"
Belle smiled. "All in due time. Motherhood will come when you are ready for it, and it will be the most amazing experience you can get. I have no doubt your children will be beautiful, Elsa, and you'll make a great mom."
Elsa found herself at a loss for words. This was the sweetest girl she had ever met, someone who seemed to trust her and believe in her completely, who was freely sharing her most precious treasure with her, why did she have to be the wife of her current worst enemy? Elsa caught in Belle's eyes the same innocence that she had seen many times in Anna's, and understood what the problem was. She trusts too much. Just like she now trusts me, she trusts Gold. Once she takes a liking to someone she blindly believes in them. That can be her undoing.
Belle's daughter made a tiny sound, and Elsa went back to the wonder that little thing was. She shook her fingers and snow appeared. A tiny trail, which swirled around and formed many shapes – a star, a snowman, a bird. The baby looked delighted and enraptured by the magic.
"Your power is so beautiful," commented Belle. "It's so… you. No matter what, it's yours."
"Thank you. It really does mean a lot." To see her power accepted, understood, and even admired, meant the world to Elsa.
"Well, I guess I'll leave now. It's been a pleasure talking to you, Elsa."
"Same. Please don't forget that you and your daughter are welcome any time."
Belle walked home stronger and more alive than she'd felt in ages. She was back.
:::::::::::
At night, Elsa asked Regina to try the mirror contact again. This time they used the mirror in Elsa's room, so that she could have some privacy to talk with her sister.
"Elsie!"
To hear her sister's voice, to see her beautiful freckled face, was all Elsa needed to remind herself of why she was alive.
"Hey, princess. How are you?"
"I miss you. I miss you very much."
"I miss you too."
"How are you? When are you coming back? Have you found a way yet?"
Elsa was determined not to tell Anna about the new crisis; no need to cause her any pain. She told her a few things, loose details, and swore she was working very hard to return home, which after all was true. Then she inquired about Arendelle itself. "How's everyone? How's the kingdom?"
"It's all holding up, Elsie, don't worry. Olaf misses you, too, but I've managed to keep him entertained. I did everything you told me last time, and tomorrow I'm having a meeting about that silk trade you were negotiating."
"Oh, do you think we can close the deal?"
"Yes. They're pretty much convinced by now, tomorrow's a mere formality."
Elsa felt her love multiply and explode. Her sister the little queen. Her queen. "I'm so proud of you, little bunny. You're doing a wonderful job. Have many people noticed I'm gone?"
"Well… kind of. You're the Queen, remember? And you're so close to the people that they were bound to miss you, too. But it's under control."
"What's the official version?" Anna must have come up with something; they both knew it was too risky to admit that the Queen was currently in another realm.
"You're in bed with some awful stuff that's really catchy. Only I can visit you, because I already had it as a kid. People do ask about it, but they don't intrude too much out of respect. On the bright side, you have a lot of get-well presents. Arendelle loves you, Elsa, they've sent you many pretty things. I ate a box of chocolates, though. They were the mint-filled ones, you don't like them, anyway. I hope you don't mind." Anna looked down, sheepish and guilty.
"Of course I don't mind. Whatever makes you happy, little bunny. You love those." Elsa felt a sob rising in her chest, pure longing for Anna. She fought it, hid it deep down. She could handle it. Conceal, don't feel. "I saw a baby today!" she exclaimed, eager to make it all happy again.
"Really?"
Elsa had once shared her desire for a baby with Anna, and the princess had been just as excited. She told her sister as much as she could about Belle's little girl, and her enthusiasm was just as she expected. They had talked about it before, and discussed options. The main problem was that Elsa longed to be a mother, but would never let a man anywhere near her.
"I'll find you a volunteer," promised Anna. "One so handsome that you won't have to fear or worry about anything."
Elsa rolled her eyes. "Why don't you just get superpowers and do the job yourself?"
Anna laughed. "With all the practice we have it would be the coolest kid on Earth."
"With your freckles!"
"And your ice powers!"
They rejoiced at the idea, but it was only wishful thinking. So many things they wanted, and so very few that they could have…
The mirrors blurred much too soon. When they saw the images disappear, the Queen and Princess, synchronized like one, leaned forward and pressed their lips to the crystal, matching each other. It was only coldness they felt, but the mere idea of the proximity they ached for made up for the missing warmth.
Once her sister had vanished completely, Anna reached for another box of chocolates (she had actually claimed all the mint-filled ones) and cried, wondering how she could have ever thought anyone else could ever be the love of her life.
