It's a quite a long chapter this time. Anyway, I'm going on vacation for two weeks to Denmark, so I won't be uploading for a while. Luckily there are a lot of other great authors with other great stories you can read! I hope you enjoy reading this though.
Chapter 9
5.30
Ste lay on his back and stared at the ceiling. At a certain moment last night, he had found the strength to drag himself off the couch and to his bed. He had hoped for some sleep, but he was already in bed for three hours and he hadn't slept a wink. He didn't expect that that would happen anymore. His thoughts hadn't left him alone for one moment.
He turned around, so he was lying with his back to the door. In about an hour the kids would probably wake up and then he would be obliged to get out of bed, without a moment of sleep. And since it was Sunday, he would have to keep them busy all day. Usually he was always looking forward to the Sundays, he didn't have to work and he could spend the whole day with his kids. But today he was so tired and he felt so broken down, that he wondered if he would even find the strength to get out of bed. But Amy was ill, so he didn't have much choice, although a whole day with his kids would at least distract him from everything that had happened last night.
Ste turned around again, now with his face towards the door. The whole night he had been tossing and turning in the hope that he would fall asleep. Normally this was something that cost him no effort, but tonight he just didn't succeed in falling asleep. This probably had also something to do with the fact that he was still wearing his clothes and that it had cost him half the night to stop crying. His eyes were thick and red. He probably looked like a complete mess. Everything that could have gone wrong that night had gone wrong and….. he looked horrible. Somehow that thought was so funny that he started to laugh. A painful laugh that started in his throat and slowly took possession of him until his whole body shook with laughter. Ste put a hand over his mouth to mute the sound he was making. Everything was just so ridiculous. First Doug with another guy and then Brendan… Doug and Brendan. An image of Brendan and Doug together in bed popped up in his head. This image was so strange that Ste's laughter only increased. He laughed until his cheeks and stomach hurt, until the tears rolled down his face again, until he had forgotten why he had started laughing in the first place. Slowly the laughter faded and past into sobs. A painful sort of crying, the sort you only do when you know you're completely alone, knowing that no one can hear you. Ste grabbed the blanket that he had kicked to his bed ending and pushed a part in his mouth so he wouldn't wake Amy and the children. Ste pulled his legs to his chest and surrendered to his grief.
After a while the heavily sobs became less intense and his thought became more and more blurred. For a moment he fought against the sleep, knowing that he had to get out of bed soon for the kids, but it was a fight he couldn't and didn't want to win. His mind was finally empty and with one hand still placed over his mouth and his other arm protective over his knees, he finally fell asleep.
6.30
Amy felt the soft prodding of Leah in her side and moaned softly. She still was very tired. The disease had taken its toll and although she felt a little better, she would have preferred to stay in her bed for a little longer, but Leah clearly thought differently about that. She heard the soft sound of her little girl's voice:
"Mommy are you awake"?
Amy opened her eyes to look at her daughter, who was sitting next to her on the bed.
"Yeah, I'm awake, how are you feeling?" she asked yawning.
"I'm fine, mommy. Are we gonna have breakfast?"
At that moment Amy heard the door of her bedroom upon up and she saw Lucas walk in barefoot. It really was time to get out of bed. And that while it was Sunday. But that's what you got when you had two young children, but she wouldn't want to miss them for the world. She sat up straight and lifted Leah over her and on the floor beside the bed.
"Take you brother to the kitchen, Leah."
While the children walked out of her room, Amy stretched and threw the blankets off. She put on her slippers, walked in her pajamas to the kitchen and made breakfast for her and the kids, while Leah and Lucas were romping around. When she put the plates on the table, she remembered Ste. He really had looked dreadful last night, she didn't moan about it then, because he clearly had not been willing to talk about it, but something had gone terribly wrong on the party of Leanne.
Amy walked in silence to Ste's room and knocked gently on the door. When he didn't answer, she opened the door and looked around the corner, just to see Ste rolled up in his blankets, fast asleep. She saw the bags under his eyes and she knew he hadn't had much sleep last night. Slowly she closed the door. For now she would let him sleep. It appeared that he needed it.
7.30
O, no please, don't let it be morning already, not yet. But she knew that it was vain hope. Texas opened her eyes, looked at the sun that shone through a crack in her curtains, and sighed frustrated. Yesterday couldn't possibly had gotten any worse. First Dodger hadn't showed up, and then Ste had seen how Doug, Doug of all people, was dancing with a stranger. And if all of that hadn't been bad enough, a drunken Dennis had tried to kiss Leanne, Leanne had given him a slap in the face and Dennis had walked away like a hurt dog. To make matters worse, their apartment was a complete mess. And she only had had three hours of sleep. Maybe a shower would make her feel somewhat better. She kicked the blankets off, took some clean clothes out of her closet, walked in stockinged feet to the bathroom and turned on the tab. When the water was hot enough, she stepped underneath it and let the water run over her face. She still had to tell Doug that Ste had seen him yesterday. Last night he'd been unresponsive. It had cost a lot of trouble to get him into his bed. And since she was the only one that knew that Ste had seen him with that guy and someone had to enlighten him…
This really was going to be a great day…
8.30
Doug opened his eyes, and immediately closed them again when the bright sunlight shone into his eyes. Apparently he'd forgotten to close his curtains yesterday. He felt a pounding in his head and his stomach tightened. How much had he drank last night? He racked his brains, but he couldn't come up with it. He knew that it had to be much, otherwise he wouldn't be feeling so bad right now. He managed to sit up straight in his bed, without opening his eyes and a wave of nausea came over him. He tried to breathe calmly, to suppress the feeling. He threw his legs over the bedside. With his eyes still closed, he got up and he felt how the world began to turn around him.
That was not good.
He let himself collapse carefully on the bed and he pulled the covers over his head. What had happened yesterday? He could remember that he'd spent some time with Leanne and Texas, they had been talking, he had been drinking a few beers and he had been waiting for Ste to come. The longer the evening had lasted and the longer it took for Ste to come, the more Doug had been drinking. Eventually Ste hadn't come, or had he? He didn't know. Doug wished he could remember more of what had happened last night. The last thing he remembered was that he had been standing in the kitchen and that Dennis had suggested that maybe he had had enough, after that it was all a big blur. He hoped he had behaved himself, that he hadn't done something embarrassing like dancing on the table, or making a complete fool of himself in front of Ste. Doug had to laugh at the idea of Leanne and Dennis telling him the story in full detail of all the stupid things he had done. Maybe they were already awake. He opened his eyes again, trying to get out of bed, but felt a pang rushing through his mind. Leanne and Dennis could wait. He just was too tired to stand up. He pulled the blankets a little higher, first he would get some more sleep.
9.30
Brendan yawned loudly while he slowly woke up. He was lying on his back on his bed and he could see the early morning light, that shone through his window, through his closed eyes. He stretched with his eyes closed, but stiffened when his arm touched something warm and hard. Brendan turned his head lightly to the left and opened one eye.
The warm and hard thing he had just touched, seemed to be someone's naked back. Above that back there was a neck and some blond hair that was lying on a pillow. The rest of the body was covered with a blanket. His blanket. His pillow. His bed.
From who on earth was this back and what was it doing in his bed?
Brendan turned his head away from the thing in his bed and back to the ceiling.
Vaguely he remembered something about a conversation he'd had with Cheryl yesterday. It had been about something she thought he should do. She had proposed something and it had given him some kind of idea.
Aha. Distraction.
That back was the back of Distraction.
Brendan looked back at the body in his bed and shook his head in annoyance, that still didn't explain what Distraction was still doing here. Why was it that they never understood that a one night stand meant that it was a one night stand. That didn't include a morning.
He growled frustrated by the poor start of his morning and threw his legs over the bedside. It was about time that Distraction left the house.
For a moment Brendan was tempted to throw Distraction of off his bed (literally), but with some difficulty he managed to keep himself from doing that. It was better if Cheryl and Lynsey weren't woken up by a loud thump of a body falling on the ground. It would only cause unnecessary questions. Instead Brendan collected the clothes, which were lying on the floor. He threw his own dirty clothes in a hamper in the corner and put on some clean clothes. Now he only had to find a way to wake up Distraction.
Brendan stroke his mustache thoughtfully. Distraction was most certainly not his real name. Yesterday Distraction had told him what his name was, but he couldn't remember it anymore. Not that it mattered. The most important thing right now, was to get Distraction out of here before the rest of the house woke up.
Brendan clenched Distraction's clothes into a ball and threw it at him as hard as possible.
Immediately there came some movement in the mountain of clothes, blankets, hair and skin and a head popped up from it, still dazed by sleep.
"What?" the voice of Distraction mumbled, still hoarse off sleep.
"Time to go," Brendan growled.
"Don't you want to come back to bed?" Distraction asked, while looking at Brendan in a way from which he apparently thought that it was seductive.
Brendan looked back blankly.
God, had he really been sleeping with this nitwit?
Most men would have dived back into bed immediately, but Brendan kept on standing were he stood and waited. The lustful gaze that Distraction pointed at him, took off slightly when it appeared that it did not work on him.
After what seemed like a lifetime, there came some movement in Distraction and he sat up straight.
"Are you sure that...?"
Brendan lifted an eyebrow, but said nothing.
Distraction stopped moving again and Brendan wondered what took him so long.
"Get dressed!" he snapped annoyed.
Distraction turned red and mumbled: "Can't you give me some privacy?"
"There's nothing I haven't seen yesterday and you weren't embarrassed then, so move it. I want you out of here before my sister wakes up."
Within a minute Distraction was dressed and Brendan led him to the door. Brendan opened the door and looked outside to see if the streets were empty. When he was assured that this was the case, he grabbed Distraction by the collar of his jacket and dragged him outside, through the door. Distraction turned around to say something, but Brendan closed the door in the man's face.
Right at that moment he heard footsteps behind him and he turned around. Lynsey walked down the stairs, dressed in her bathrobe.
"You're early," she said sleepily.
Brendan smiled amused and said: "I thought let's make a nice breakfast for my two favorite girls in the world."
Lynsey looked at the empty table and asked: "Then where is that breakfast you're talking about?"
"I'm going to get that right now."
Brendan opened the door, Distraction was nowhere to be seen, and left the house. He could hear Lynsey calling after him: "But it's Sunday. The shops are closed."
Brendan's smile turned into a grin, but he didn't slow down his pace. He would find a way to get breakfast, but first he needed to take a walk so he could clear his mind. Somehow Distraction had managed to leave him with a strange feeling. A feeling like he knew him somehow. Even though Brendan couldn't remember ever seeing him before. Brendan shook his head. He had never seen him before. He never forgot faces. Never.
Not for the first time this week Brendan was so lost in thought that he didn't notice that someone was walking in his direction until he slammed against that person. In this case that person was Amy.
"Brendan, watch were you're going."
"I could say the same too you," Brendan said, with a smooth smile.
She rolled her eyes, but said nothing.
"So, how are you doing?" he asked her.
"Okay I guess. I was sick but I'm feeling a lot better now."
"I'm glad to hear that and how's Steven?"
She shrugged and answered: "He's..."
"Mommy you promised that we would go to the playground," Leah said as she pulled Amy's arm.
"I know sweetie, but mommy is having a conversation right now. Just go and play with you brother for a sec."
"Okay." Leah took Lucas by his hand and together they walked towards two other children, their age, who were playing with a ball while their parents were watching them. Soon the four of them were throwing the ball at each other.
Amy and Brendan watched how the children played for a while.
The silence between them continued and Brendan didn't expect Amy to answer his question anymore. He had been surprised that she had spoken to him at all, considering their past. It had been months since Amy and he had talked. He knew she hated him and he couldn't blame her, she had every right to. So he was more than a little surprised when she said: "I don't know what happened on that party yesterday, but I do know that something went terribly wrong."
He moved his gaze from the children to Amy and asked: "How do you mean?"
With her eyes still focused on the children she said: "Last night I came out of my bed to get something to drink and I found him sitting in the living room, in the dark. Staring into nothing. I just had never seen him so…"
"So what?" Brendan asked encouraging when her words trailed off.
She settled her gaze on Brendan and looked at him for the first time in months.
"So desperate," she finally answered.
Wrinkles appeared on her forehead. She clearly was very worried about Steven. That meant that he really had been in a bad state last night. Brendan's jaw tightened and he felt the guilt ran over him. It was his fault that Steven was feeling so bad.
Brendan breathed in the air deeply, trying to keep his cool.
He knew that Steven had seen him with that bloke last night. That was the only reason he had been sleeping with that man in the first place. Yes, it had been fun, but the only thing he had wanted to achieve was that Steven felt how it was to see the person he loved with somebody else. Deep inside, Brendan had to admit that he had wanted Steven to know what it had felt like when he saw him and Doug kiss, how it had felt when Steven chose Doug over him. Admittedly it was part of the plan, but yet somehow he had hoped that Steven would chose him anyway, even though so much had happened between them. And even though he would never admit it, it had hurt when Steven chose Doug. It had hurt a lot.
But it had never been his intention to hurt Steven so much. Maybe Steven cared more for him than Brendan had thought after all. For the very first time since Brendan had started his plan, he felt a little bit of doubt. He was doing the right thing, right?
The slightest bit of panic came over him and with great difficulty he managed to keep it out of his voice when he asked: "And now?"
She shrugged and said: "He was asleep when I woke up this morning, but you could see he had been crying."
Brendan imperceptibly winced together. Steven had been crying. Crying because of him.
Suddenly an incredible desire to see Steven came over him, to see if he was alright. He had to see him. He had no idea how he would get into their house, but he would find a way. He had to. Just so he could see with his own eyes that Steven was okay, nothing more.
At that moment Lucas started crying. Apparently he had tried to catch the ball, but he'd fallen and now his knee was bleeding.
"Could you look after this for a moment, please?" Amy muttered and without waiting for an answer she placed her bag into his arms and walked over to Lucas.
Brendan looked from the bag, to Amy and back to the bag.
After a minute Amy managed to get Lucas back on his feet with the promise that he would get an ice cream. She took the bag out of Brendan's arms and with Leah and Lucas both at one hand she walked away. Brendan watched them until they were out of sight. He let his hand slip into the left pocket of his jacket and took Amy's keys out…
10.30
Brendan put the key in the lock and turned it. The door opened with a light cracking and he stepped inside. He walked towards the kitchen and put the keys on the counter. Hopefully Amy wouldn't notice that her keys were missing just yet and when she did notice, she would probably just think that she had left them in the house. Well that's where they were anyway.
As quiet as he could, Brendan walked towards Steven's bedroom. Once reached, he held still in front of the door. He listened if there was any sound, but there was nothing but silence behind the door. He put his hand on the clink. What if Steven was awake?
He decided that it didn't matter and he opened the door.
Inside it was a complete mess. There were toys and clothes everywhere. There was barely any ground left to see. In the middle of the room there was a narrow bed. In that bed there lay a person.
Steven.
His slim figure was curled up into a ball, one arm protectively over his body like he was worried that it could fall apart and that was the only way to keep that from happening.
Brendan walked to the side of the bed, making sure that he didn't stand on anything that would possibly wake up Steven. Once he had reached the bed he let himself drop to Steven's eyelevel. His beautiful blue eyes were closed, he was fast asleep. He had big bags under his eyes and his eyes were red and swollen from crying. His hair was tousled by sleep and his mouth was slightly open.
One tear had escaped from Steven's eye. Brendan reached out his hand and softly wiped the tear from the boy's cheek. Even while he was asleep he hadn't stopped crying. Brendan felt a pang of guilt, knowing that he was the cause of those tears. He knew that he should take his hand away, but instead he let his hand glide up as he stroke very lightly over Steven's closed eyelids. Then he stroke with his hand over Steven's nose, his forehead, his blond hair. Making sure that he did not leave a part of Steven's face untouched. At the very last he touched Steven's lips. Steven's beautiful lips that once used to kiss him passionately. It seemed such a long time ago. He followed the shape of those beautiful lips with his fingers. Eventually he managed, after what seemed like an eternity, to take away his hand from Steven's face.
Brendan rose carefully, trying not to make a sound, and looked at the face of the boy that meant more to him then he dared to admit to himself.
He studied Steven until every part of the boy's body, was printed into his memory. He promised himself that Steven would never be hurt like this again. Not by him. Not by anyone. Then he leaned forward and pressed his lips gently on Steven's forehead.
Brendan straightened his back, turned around and walked over to the door. Once reached, he turned around for a last glimpse of the sleeping boy, what he saw made him pause for a moment. Steven smiled…
11.30
Ste blinked his eyes against the bright sunlight as he slowly woke up. He really had had such a strange dream. Ste shook his head trying to shake away the feeling of happiness that he felt in his stomach and he noticed that he was smiling. It had only been a dream, but somehow it had felt so real! In his dream Brendan had kissed him on his forehead. Ste touched that place. He could still feel Brendan's lips.
