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Mary knocked loudly on the door as she rang the doorbell about ten times. After a few moments (not that Mary noticed, since she was totally smashed), Wilson answered the door. Corey had made him go, since it was after eleven o'clock and she thought that it would be some older Trick or Treaters at the door. As soon as he opened it and saw who she was, he ducked out of the house and outside with her. The last thing he needed was to have Corey see who it was.

"What are you doing here?" Mary just laughed loudly. "Mare." She stumbled, almost fell over, and Wilson had to catch her. "Were you drinking?"

"Just a little."

"Uh huh, sure." He looked around his driveway. "Did you drive here?"

"No. Pat got me a cab." She laughed again. "Pat, cab. That rhymes."

"No, it doesn't."

"Yes, it does."

"Look at me Mary." It took her eyes a few seconds, but she finally got them to focus. "You're really drunk right now, so I'm going to take you home, OK?"

"No. I hate home. I hate my family." Mary pulled away from Wilson and sat down on the ground.

Wilson, trying to level with her, got down with her. "Why? What did they do?"

"They don't understand me."

"What's there to understand?"

She huffed. "Wilson, Wilson, Wilson."

He laughed. "Yes?"

"You get me. They don't. Figure it out."

Wilson suddenly got a giant burst of inspiration. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything you want, bud."

"All right then. What happened with you and that husband of yours?"

"Well-"

Before Mary got a chance to answer, the front door swung open. "Wilson?" Corey asked. Sheepishly he stood up. "Oh, there you are. What were you doing on the ground?"

Mary rolled over and stood up. She almost fell face first, but then regained her balance. "Hi."

"You-" Corey stopped and dropped her jaw. "You were out here with her. On the ground."

"Corey-" Wilson said.

"What were you two doing down there anyway?"

"Nothing, just talking." She still didn't look happy. "She went down first."

"Oh, Wilson. Gah! You are so disgusting!"

Wilson closed his eyes tightly in repugnance. "What are you, fourteen? I cannot believe you just said that to me."

"All right. You can 'not believe' it out here all night."

"What? Corey, don't be ridiculous."

"Ridiculous?" she huffed. "You were out here with your old, whatever, doing God knows what."

Mary walked forward to Corey and put her hand out to her. "You have really pretty hair. Do you dye it a lot?"

Corey could smell the alcohol on Mary's breath. "Is she drunk?"

"Yes, that's why I took her out here," Wilson lied. "I'm taking her home."

"No. No, you're not!" Mary yelled.

Corey just rolled her eyes and went back inside the house. This was pretty bad. Wilson was torn between two women, one his wife and the other his friend who he felt he had an obligation to help.

"You know," Wilson said, turning to Mary, "I don't have to help you. Maybe I shouldn't."

"But you have to."

"No? I don't." He took Mary's hand and brought him over to his car. Luckily he had had his car keys in his pocket. "This is going to get me in more trouble than you're worth."

"Thank you," she said proudly.

Wilson opened the door for Mary, sat her down, buckled her in, told her not to puke in his car, and then got in the driver's seat. He started up the car and pulled out of his driveway. "So, if I'm driving you home and putting out my neck for you like this, you're going to tell me what's going on with you. I didn't want to pressure you into saying anything before, but now your life is affecting mine so out with it."

"OK, OK. I freaked out and decided that I didn't want to be a wife or a mother, so I left Carlos and I gave him complete custody over Charlie."

"Wait a second. You had a baby? You, you have a baby?"

"Yup. A year ago. I got pregnant about three months after Carlos and I got married. That was a giant mistake- not Charlie, getting pregnant."

Wilson was surprised at how much Mary sobered up to tell her story. "So, so what happened? You just left?"

"Kind of. I accused Carlos of sleeping with... whatever her name was. I knew he wasn't, though." Mary giggled a little. "I lied."

"So are you two going to stay together?"

Mary sighed. "I don't want to be with anyone else. I love him." She pointed harshly at Wilson. "So don't get any crazy ideas, mister."

"When did you leave?"

Mary thought for a bit. "I don't remember."

"OK." He thought up something else to ask her. "So, do you drink a lot?" He thought maybe drinking was her problem, or one of her problems, at least.

"Nope. I thought it would fix things."

"And what about Catwoman? Is there a reason for that?"

"It's Halloween."

"Yeah, I know."

Mary looked around, slightly unsure of where they were. "Are we close? I'm starting to feel sick."

"Another minute. Please don't throw up in my car."

"I won't, you butt."

Wilson started cracking up. "Did you just call me a butt?"

"I sure did." She smiled. "Why did we never end up together, huh? Why did we break up and then marry these crazy people?"

"Hey," he said, "don't call my wife crazy."

"It takes one to know one." Mary dry heaved. "Are we here yet?"

"Yes, yes, we're here." Wilson pulled into the Camden's driveway slowly.

"All right. Thanks for being the designated driver. I'm going to go spend the next three hours over the toilet, and then sleep this off. But, overall, I had a lovely evening."

"OK, have a nice evening Catwoman."

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A/N: This chapter was so dumb. Beyond dumb. But oh how I love it. I'm not sure if any of my jokes make sense, though. They do to me. If you didn't get them, just pretend like I was funny. Humor my humor. (Ha ha ha I crack myself up.)

Anyway, if this were an imperfectly perfect world, this is where Wilson and Mary would have gotten together. The story would have been way better if Wilson ditched Corey and the candy, went out and got trashed with Mary, and then woke up with her the next morning. See? Doesn't that sound amazing? That's what I should do for NaNoWriMo next year. Something outlandish.

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Wait wait wait. Before I leave you. Next chapter is nice. I like it. Wilson and Corey convo. Even if you hate them together (which I do, so I understand) give them a chance in this chapter. It'll be just about the last time of redemption for dear, evil Corey.

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I know you're waiting for hung over Mary. It will be a sight. Review.

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