Summary: "If you don't stop talking to me, I WILL hex you," I told James. The prat shut up and stared at me. Eh, I'll hex him anyway. Do NOT annoy Lily Evans.
Disclaimer: I'm tired. I don't want to write a disclaimer. Oops. Too late.
So. Lately I've been thinking. I think I might possibly like Potter. Since that is totally unacceptable, I have come to the conclusion that he has used is evil witchcraft to make me like him. Therefore, I shall use my evil witchcraft to destroy him.
Him: Oi, Evans!
Me: Avada Kedavra!
Wow, just writing that down made me feel better. Eh, it's a little bit crude. Oh well, maybe he deserves crude—he did break my RIBS, after all!
Wait, that was Black. Oh whatever, they're practically one person! As far as most of us can tell, the only difference is that Potter eats enough food for three people, while Black eats enough for five. Those freaks.
Chip flopped down on my bed next to me, a disgusted look on her face. "You saw Potter and Black eating, didn't you?"
She made a face. "I swear, put together, they eat enough for eight!" Told you. Then she looked at me for a moment, her face shifting into a smirk.
"What?" I asked, apprehensive. It's an unsettling feeling to have Chipper Poseidon smirking at you.
"So, uh, Lily. Since when do you wear men's cloaks?" I froze as she pulled James' cloak out of my wardrobe. Remember how I said we pretty much just share all of our clothes? She musta been looking for something to wear.
"Um, well, you see, I, uh, bought one, so I'd, er, just have a big… cloak?"
Chip smirked again, then turned the cloak to face me, showing off the Hogwarts' badge. Which had 'James Potter—Marauder' magicked under it. Uh oh.
"What the hell was James Potter doing in our dorm?" I demanded innocently, thinking quickly.
"I can see the headlines now," Chip said. "Dirty Fantasies Conducted Within Hogwarts Dorms! Lily Evans' Sordid Affair With Imaginary James Potter!"
We heard a "Wow." from the doorway. Chip and I slowly turned to see the intruder. Sirius Black. Lovely.
"I don't mean to interrupt…" I glared at the Marauder. Chip tossed the cloak to him. His face brightened.
"Thank you. So, Chip, later?"
Chip shook her head. "I'm, er, otherwise engaged." Sirius made a face and left. We heard his startled exclamation as he slipped down the stairs. What an idiot.
.xXx.
So, dinner. Yummy. Well, it would be if Chip weren't smirking at me like she is. Bloody smirk.
"Oi, Poseidon, join me for a steak?" Black yelled down the table.
"I'm a vegetarian, you prat!" she called back as her hand passed over the chicken she had been reaching for and grabbed the salad. Black got the most hilarious look on his face.
"So, since when are you a veggie, my most carnivorous friend?" I asked, snorting.
"Since about fifteen seconds ago," she replied, grinning evilly.
I rolled my eyes. "Have you heard Clyde's latest song?" I asked, naming the brother of the Weird Sisters' lead singer. He has the most gorgeous voice in the world.
"Yes!" Chip squealed. We were both in love with Clyde's voice.
"Oh my god, hearing his voice makes me wanna have sex so bad!" I said. Chip giggled. I heard an uncomfortable cough behind me. Dreading what I was about to see, I slowly turned around. Yep. James Potter standing right behind me, his face as red as mine must be. Oh my god, could I have some ketchup for my foot, please?
"Well, er, McGonagallwantsyoutoknowthatyou'resupposedtotalktoherafterdinner," he blurted. Then he ran like a fool. Chip and I turned back around.
"That's not something you see every day," she mentioned in the awkward silence. I pounded my head against the table. Way to go, Lily.
.xXx.
I jumped when the note hit me in the back of the head. Then I grabbed it and, glancing at the teacher, unfolded it.
So, Evans, I have a Clyde record… Meet me at the Astronomy tower later?
-JP
I turned around to see Potter smirking. Bastard.
Potter, I never said I'd have sex with you.
-LE
The note was then passed to Sirius, who passed it to James, who gave it back to me. I clapped my hand over my mouth when I read the note.
Sirius had used his wand to erase the 'I never said'. So now my part of the note read 'Potter, I'd have sex with you'. James' response was:
That eager, Evans? Well, I can skip lunch…-JP
Furious, I wrote a response.
Cuming from you, reaaaaaaaaaal great offer.
-LE
I tossed it to Potter, then paused. Oops. I turned around to see Potter and Black looking at the note, unmoving. Way to go phonetics.
I didn't bother reading the response. I simply burned the note under the table and prayed that there was no spell that could reincarnate it.
I still can't believe that I said I wanted to have sex. In front of James Potter. Not that I want to have sex in front of James Potter. My life is so screwed up. This could only get stranger if Clyde walked in. And started singing. And we had sex. In front of James Potter. Eh, I was liking that daydream until Potter appeared in it… Damn Potter, does he have to ruin everything?
.xXx.
That was before the apocalypse came and ruined everything. Explanation? Later that night in the Common Room.
Chip was laying on the floor on her stomach, face propped up on her hands, watching me as I did my Transfiguration homework.
"You're boring, Lily," she declared, quite serious.
"Why thanks," I said dryly, making a face at her.
"Oi, Black, let's go do… stuff," she amended lamely when I coughed.
Bloody bastard looked at her coolly for a moment before saying, "Sorry, Poseidon, I'm otherwise engaged."
Chip blinked. Then blinked again. Then slowly stood and left the room. Oh. My. God. I think I might have fainted. Either way, I woke up on the couch the next morning and was late to Charms. Not that that has anything to do with Chip's humiliation.
.xXx.
Next night in the Common Room, Chip was reading 'How to Murder Your Enemy and Frame His Best Friend' when Black came bounding into the room.
"I'm going to be a star!" he shouted as he raced up the stairs to the boys' dorms.
James came tearing through the portrait opening right after, his wand raised. "Not without kneecaps!" Chip and I stared as he followed Black. Neither of us winced when we heard the blood curdling scream. Served him right.
"Bastard." We chorused.
